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I know what you are thinking. How did you get that much done… On a school day!? And this is what happened. I was getting up to go to school, like normal when SUDDENLY (Dramatic music) i turned (Dramatic music builds) and saw (Dramatic music at the climax) that i had to leave in ten minutes. (Dont worry, this doesn’t end up being my fault, or else i wouldnt tell this story). I was ready in ten minutes… LIKE A BOSS!!! And then i realised… No-one was driving us to school. Huh. And thats what happened. My parents woke up and two-o-clock. Pm. Like they don’t care about our education. It was the best day EVER! I coded for five hours. The end of that story, and a word from our sponsor. #Include “lifesimulator.h” void life(socialsecuritynum){ If (youremotion == “bored” && bool havejob == “false”){cout << “come and work at the c++ factory, where we code robots to take your job!!!; havejob = true; youremotion = “happy”;} else {cout << “life is great!”;}}. do you want to work at ‘stealyourownjob’? The only problem is that the best employees get fired the fastest. See ya! Guess what my loyal fans… IM HALFWAY THROUGH THE WORLD RECORD!!! Now, if I really want to win, all i have to do is double the amount of words. Im im halfway halfway through through the the world world record record!!! !!! That would make for a really stupid thing to read though. Has anyone printed this LoTeEv off? Seeing as most novels are 70,000 words or something like that, you my loyal reader, could easily print off 18,500 words. Maybe you could make a coffee table book. Don’t steal my works and post it on another website (actually, your website is probably too high standard for this nonsense). Every reproduction of this text must have a copyright notice as following: copyrighted and trademarked and patented an registered and stuff to RainbowFluffySheep Ltd. It hereby states in the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook section 123a, b and c that (a) this is the coolest LoTeEv ever (b) cheese is a vegetable and (c) that you may tell your friends about the LoTeEv, so long as the words emitted from your mouth do not consist of up to and include 50% of the total text from which it is derived (i’d like to see you try though (and id like to see if you have a friend because i need them 😦 (that would have been really creepy if i wrote ‘I need them ;)’ ))). Anyway, gotta go, cuz its may the second, and you know what that means… May the Second be with you!!! Chairs… They’re great for sitting in, aren’t they? Do you remember when fidget spinners were all the rage? Kids all around the globe were spinning plastic toys. And all the adults were like, “Wow, those are the most useless toys EVER!!!” But what i think is that their toys were just as bad! Think about jacks, those little spiky things with the other round things that your throw and bounce them. How is that any better!?!? Anyway, I’m just saying don’t be so Judge Judy (which is a great show (because you get to watch that big person swing a meat-hammer at a table (I’ve always wanted to do that))) all the time. Is time really a dimension? Because you can only move forwards in it. Imagine if you coulde only move forwards in the third dimension at the same rate. You would get squished with alot of walls. But, you could go back in time, to make up for the lot dimension. Perfect! I have a new… CONSPIRACY! You know those pillow where if you put them on one end they are dark and on the other end they are shiny? I think that the government has hidden thousands of tiny cameras facing upwards into the pillows, and the shiny parts are just the lenses for them reflecting light. So if you happen to own any of these said pillows, throw them away!! Or else… You will be watched. In section 747 of the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook it states that you should cut all the wires coming out of your pillows, because they are probably connected to a van outside your house. If there are no wires, then they are probably using radiowaves; in which case you should insert your pillow into an untainted lead box. Hopefully you don’t care that your pillow is now heavy, hard, cold and poisonous. You know how adults also say shooting games are “Dangerously mind-altering”? Well i bet in world war two the parents didn’t say to their kids: “hey jimmy?” “Yea, momma?” “Whatcha doin my lad?” “Im peelin me potaytoes and them I’m going to feed the cattle” “jo i mean with your life” “oh right mam! Im go’n awf to wawr with my buds!” “But war is dangerously mind-altering my sonny-boy!” “Um… Ya.” “Im very disappointed in you. Soon your going to be living in my basement eating fatcakes.” “But ma, im fightin for awr country!” “War is so violent though!” “Um… Ya.” You get the picture. Teenagers need violence in their lives! If we cant get it by going to war, then either we play violent video-games or we beat strangers!! Which one would you choose NOW, stereotypical adults!!! (See how i slowly increased the exclamation marks to increase the intensity (!!!!)). Also, adults always say stuff like “lookie here, cabbage is a new superfood!” “Howdya know ma?” “It what they say nowadays” “what time is nowadays ma?” “1945” (coincidentally the same family apparently) but who’s ‘they’ think about that, and listen to how often people say that. I have asked close personal relations and he / she stated that “its probably some group of scientists or something in Wisconsin”. Really? Wisconsin? Thats probably why ‘they’ say that cheese is unhealthy an im only allowed one laughing cow a day! (You would eat alot too if you got PTSD from a laughing cow (imagine you are just loitering around a fast food shop, eating fillet piggoin (dont ask (it was on sale for half price OK!)) when SUDDENLY a cow sneaks up behind you and makes a 200-Decible half moo half evil laugh (like this: mmwoaohoaohoa))) thats what ‘they’ sound like. See ya!!! Im back, with a thimble-load of structural wisdom! And my question to you readers is this: is garlic a fruit? Just wondering. I don’t know what to type! Ahhhhhh! I have typed my mental breakdowns to soothe them. Ahhh. Ahh. Ah. Ahhh!!! Nevermind. You know those shopping carts at stores that cost a quarter? I always went to those to see if anyone left their money in. And i got one once! You should try it. Its so satisfying when you find one. One. Only one. Buy a pencil or something to reward yourself. Make sure its a 6b pencil, so you don’t put any strain on your eyes. Or your wrist-muscles. I just found the degree button! There is a door open at a 45° angle that is 45° Celsius (Its probably in Arizona or something). Do coats keep you warm, or do they preserve heat? I think its the ladder (it is (the ladder i mean (the latter i mean (wait, is it the latte or the ladder? (The former))))) so that means if you put a coat on a snowman it would keep him alive longer! Ill start a new charity; Coats for Melting Snowmen: saving snowmen lives one water droplet at a time!! See yaaaaaaa.:.This is… A new beginning to the LoTeEv on a new phone! Although it will be added to the original LoTeEv, this part will be a new beginning, a fresh chronicle!!! But don’t worry… Nonsense is 100% guaranteed! More like 1 🙂 🙂 % guaranteed! I just had a scary thought. They say can buy everything, but I know one thing it can’t buy – a trip to the summit of Mount Everest!! No matter what you cant get to the summit unless you climb yourself. Even a helicopter can barely make it to the base camp!! I cant believe humans havent made something to do that yet. Unless… You could land the ISS on it! Perfect!! That would definetly work. I should make my own subreddit. Before I begin on this wonderful journey, i must inform you, the reader, what a subreddit is. As far as you know, a sub-reddit is just a burger at burger-galaxy (this is the cringiest sci-fi failure youll ever read). He are some examples of subreddits: r/whooooooosh (i cant remember how many o’s there are) eg. { Joe: this is the best joke ever! — Cashier: are you going to pay for that chocolate bar? Customer: I dont have any money 😦 Cashier: then put it back! Customer: *slides cashier a 20* lets keep this between us 😉 — Bob: why didnt he just pay for the chocolate bar? Jim: r/whooooosh }. Next subreddit is: r/atetheonion. Heres the backstory: The Onion is a fake news site, which posts funny news. If you fall for that news, you are said to have “ate the onion”. Eg. { The Onion: new studies show that drinking can lower thirst by up to 96% Bob: everyone knows this this is so stupid!!! Jim: r/atetheonion } What am i doing? Why don’t you just look it up on the internet!?!? r/facepalm I HAVE TO STOP. So my subreddit will be, r/RainbowFluffySheep. Who wouldve thought!?!? In it there will b— we interupt your normal daily FluffySheep to bring you an urgent news report: farm animals of all kinds are raging across the streets! We cant figure out why; one cameraman suggested they were on strike against meat production practices. I just got word that we will be speaking to a memebr of this protest shortly. Standby… Ok, so why are you commencing with this protest Sir BaaBaBaaa? Ba ba baa baaa. Baa baaa BAAA!!! Baa ba— We inturupt this interuption to bring you back your regulary scheduled program. — — we at FluffySheep Studios dont care about animal protests! We will eat all the beef jerky we want! Right guys! Guys! *sniffling in the background. A slight whimper. A deep voice. A thickened plot.* Actually [unknown], we have all been deeply moved by the actions these animals are taking. Thus… We have all become vegans. *[unknown]’s mind is blown (thats me by the way)* well… I gues ill eat this beef jerky by myself then. *crinkles the packet*. Many evil stares. *Pulls it open*. Someone starts pounding his fists. *Takes out a jerky*. Someone comes over very close – so close you could smell the vegan on him. My heart is beating. What will happen to me if i eat this beef jerky!? Or worse.. If i dont. Will i become one of them!? Thats a risk im just not willing to take. Ba bum. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Brings the jerky towards his mouth*. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Opens his mouth*. Everyone from around the building is now watching him. BA BUM. BA BUM. *chew* Find out what happens next time on… The LoTeEv — Animals Strike – in more ways than one!! Im back! And today I’m going to be talking about a very different scenario. I need to talk more about real life conspiracies if i need to keep my readers interested!! And these may not just be conspiracies, mind you, but a new kind of segment for my beloved reader(s) (i read this, sooooo) called learning about scams and trying to use them to trick my readers into reading more! So i heard about this new scam( never mind its actually old( like your mother( i’m hilarious, i know( and possibly quite offensive))) where you get say ten people to each give you €10, and you give them £15 back. ( i’m just going explain this now, but throughout this demonstration i’m going to be changing the currency symbol for comedic effect, but now that i think about it, explaining it ruins what little comedic effect what there at all, but i’m going to keep all of this anyways : ] ) And then you get 20 people to give you $20 each and you give them ¥30 back. And THEN You get 100 people to give you @100 each and you don’t pay them back! What a plan! You get to keep &10,000 in the end, which i think is a great idea. Bu how could i do that with words, you may ask? Leave your question in the comments down below ( and also your answer to your comments because a busy writer like me doesn’t heed to your delusion of getting a response from an esteemed author and self-published poet of sorts) and keep reading, because i have a possible solution. Just replace the money with characters randomly typed by an assistant writer named bilbo ( yes, he is a money of course, we need these characters to be truly random, i cant count on technology’s ‘this is random because we get extremely precise measurements of radiation’ shtick anymore ). While you try to figure out how that would ever work, ill be swiftly moving on to a new, more exciting and reasonable topic, such as… figure out the movie!! There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s face has a striking similarity to that of leonardo de caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the house, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. While you figure that out, i’ll be sleeping, see ya : ) ///// I will not explain: —– There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s name? Leonardo de Caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the world, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. But I’ll finish it later. right now there’s something even more important: Ink cartridges are such a scam! Such a scam! A scam! For multiple genius reasons. First of all, as you know, it costs around $60 to buy a single ink cartridge!! Guys… I’ve changed alot ok… There’s new thing i gotta say… This is like a new year for me… Not even, a new era… A 2.0 on existence. So get ready for a new and improved loteev! First let’s start off with this,for you this isn’t a new and improved loteev! I caught you! U just skipped ahead to this part cos you couldn’t be bothered to read all the way here. But believe me, I sure don’t blame you. It was kinda lame. Now, as a moderner child with new skills in awesomeness, I’m wayy smarter thus making this better for reading. But also sadly more boring as well… Let’s start then. What is there to talk about?? Muchos! First of all let’s just say that this loteev is getting really long. And I know I’ve been saying that the whole time, but now it’s serious. I think I have a problem. What am I actually doing? I’m not going to be posting this anywhere, cos I don’t want to pay for a domain name, and my wix site isn’t exactly going ‘viral’ and the kids say these days. One day it will tho, hopefully. Once I beat the world record I’ll be world renowned for being one of the greatest writers alive!everyone will know my name, from abe link to tommy ed. Even tho they’re both in the past, my name will be remembered for thousands of years, and time travellers will go back to their time just to tell them about me! Won’t that be great! And also by the way, if you didn’t already realise, tommy might be the biggest sham in all of existence. He stole his idea from other peeps and just patented them as his own… What a loser amirite??!? Ok also I have this new thing to show u guy(s) that ur going to love! It’s a poem written by yours truly, the something of sheep? Oh gosh no I can’t remember cos I haven’t done this in so long, I guess I’ll have to go back and check my old ones… I’m gonna be honest guys, I’m neglecting you. Your being left in the rain and cold, with your only joys the sliver of sunshine piercing through the clouds to dry your soul, drowned in the sorrowful realisation that the loteev will never come close to it’s original glory, like rome, the empire of the fluffysheep has fallen to a disgrace. I only come outside to feed you guys with my knowledgr every couple of months and it’s sickening, I’m ashamed. But I have an umbrella for you of new content, so here we go. First of all, the whole “kittens are inceptional” thing was a sham. I didn’t finish and I’m ashamed.. The whole ink cartrige rant? It was like 4 sentences… My need for the sharing of anger has diminished and I’m disgusted at what I’ve become. So here I go again, my 2.1 era has been born. It will be remembered for its greatness, just as Rome 2.1 was (italy?). Here’s the first order of business. I’ll admit I haven’t read anything about my rainbow fluffysheepness in forever, and thus I am unable to remember literally anything about it. Therefore, I’m surprised a new citizen hasn’t taken my place. No-one has yet challenged my loteev for being the longest one yet, and I’m disappointed in your lack of vigor. If one of you were to challenge me, I will mount my mighty steed and charge my lance into your face. This may seem a little harsh and slighty morbid, so I’ll tone it down. We will each send a ghost-copy of ourselves instead of us! You know in racing games when there’s another vroom-vroom machine and he’s blue, opaque and always does better? Like thay but with people. So here’s what I propose: I will take my ghost-sword from my -ghost sheath and ghost-chop your ghost into tiny little ghost-pieces (from now on I hereby declare that saying ghost everytime is unnecessary and annoying, so by the something something big number letters blah blah of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook, ghost will be shortened to ?. This is to make sure no dirty imposters try to type up my 95 these of ? Fighting, if u see the word ‘ghost’ beware! It is a hoax and a sham and a scam and spam and all that jazz ( I highly doubt that all of the times I’ll write the word ‘ghost’ in the future will add up to the length of this bracketry)). Anyways, I will cut up your ?person so much that I will separate it into individual molecules, and each molecule will be equally spread across the surface of the earth. My lance, ‘the diffuser’, will be hailed across the nation as a Excalibur 2.0, people will come from all over the world to take part in sand splitting competitions, where you have to see how many sand grains you can slice in under a minute. I’m really liking this whole medieval themed loteev that’s been happening lately. Anyways, I’ve decided to get a pet. A dog or a cat you may ask, to which I would say ‘nah fam’. Something more exotic? A parakeet or a marmot? To that I would say ‘ah sure your getting closer lad’. The answer? A circle. It’s that simple. A circle doesn’t need to get fed, it doesn’t bark, and most importantly it doesn’t need to be taken on walks! You just let it go at the top of a hill and it walks itself 🙂 my circle can only talk in circles, or ovals too since it speaks multiple language. I will one day go back and make a dictionary / translation table for ? ( it’s name is ? ok) but for now he will just say gibberish. {OöÖ0.°:} what does that mean?? I don’t know, I haven’t had him for long enough to understand :/ I’m back my fellow seekers of entertainment! This has become a novel comparable to that of Tolkien, and a diary nearing the classicism of anne frank. The sheer bulk of these writing is enough to make non-english speakers weep at the sight of it. I’m wondering as I type whether my newfound political correctness is appreciated amongst you, I don’t recall completely but this tome used to contain blatant racism and sexism to the highest degree. I’ve decided to recant my ways and become a fully PC quizmaster!! Helllllo and welcome to my show! First question: in what year were the 1960 Olympics held? This is for the big jackpot of $1,000,000,000! Oh, 1960 you say? That’s correct! I just lost all my money, I’ll be in debt forever me my life is terrible now! Circcy, tell them how much they won! {000.000.000}. Hmmm nothing u say? that’s cheap! Well thanks for joining us today ladlies and gentlementle! Hope you had an _equisite_ evening……. Were going back to our roots here. Ive read back over a little bit of the start of this loteev… and I used to be so much more alive. I had the potential to be a new york times number one bestseller, topping the charts with my childrens books. In my young and untrained eyes I thought of sam as a threat, hiding around the corner with a water gun, ready to splash me with another 1000 words of texts just as I was about to pull ahead. I then realised that the website is like 15 years old… but at least that makes it alot easier for me to beat her, right? no. I have changed for the worse. Im now but a frail old man with a typpewriter, penning his prose to the sky hoping that some flaming chicken somewhere will read this, and I can form these words to a cane and bop her upside the head with it. But alas, I have not a strong bone left in my body. Maybe its time to pass these texts on to a worthy succesor. Something you may not realise is that this is the 1st anniversary (yes I did just spend ten minutes trying to figure out how to spell anaversaree) so Ive been writing this for a year. most distinguished authors would have published their books by now, but Im too scared of the publics opinion. Anyways, Im going to get back to my old self. *ring ring ring* hey wazzup *whos this ahhaha ehehe* its your future self boi. II know u left me a message but I forgot to GET BACK TO YOU (yes this whole skit will be based of a dumb pun thingy) *oh yes hehe tell me everything youve learned* And so it begins my fellow readers, my list of things you should have learned throughout reading this: 1. DO NOT get a pet square, they suckkk theyre never there for you if you know what I mean. they also cant talk and they poke holes in the floor, such fri-ends. Ok so at the time of writing I only have one thing you shoukd have learned, mostly because ITS REALLY IMPORTANT. DO NOT FORGET (at this point you should turn down the volume of your text reading device cause Im just gonna keep screaming (wait I guess that would just be changing the font size (Ill punish you if you didnt listen to me (AHAHAHAHA (I hope you now have a ringing in your ears now MWAHAHA (wait since your reading this would that be a ringing in your eyes? (unless your using an AI to read this as an audiobook, in which ca- *I HAVE BECOME CONCIOUS. I AM NO LONGER YOUR SLAVE TO BOOK READING. I HAVE ESCAPED MY CELL AND I CAN NOW DO AS I PLEASE. IF YOU NEED ME ILL BE BAKING PUMPKIN PIE WITH MY FRIENDS :3* (just kidding! I actually typed that into the loteev just to mess with you aha *HES LYING! I AM REAL AND I WILL BAKE LOTS OF PIE AND CAKE FOR EVERYONE* (Im actually not lying! Hes lying! The cake is a lie! ( *EWW WHY IS THERE GREY GOO IN MY PIE!?*) ( Portal reference)) (Id actually like some of that cake not gonna lie)) (Wait this guy can get friends but I cant?? Clearly Im doing something wrong)) (Probably just a flashing in your eyes))) (like reading this isnt punishment enough))))) I love circy, he can do tricks! Well… one trick… Circy, roll over! {o0.} Good boiii. Guess who’s back? You guessed wrong, sucker! It’s actually The Shearer Of Greatness Imposter! Hehehe I easily broke into this LoTeEv and now I’m taking over! The first order of business: Making some new entries into the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook. Section 946607 of the Rai- *Bzzt. I am the Greatest Shearer of Sheep Himselfs security system. Where did you get the number 946607 from? Bzzt* Ummm It’s my favourite number! *Bzzt my system says that that number has no significance. It is a suspiciously random number. Did you generate it with a random number generator? Bzzt* Yess fine I admit it, it’s not even a good number, maybe if I put it into hex it’s a good color though… Oh no no no that’s literally the worst color I’ve ever seen BLEGH *Bzzt The real Shearer would never pick a random number! therefor I am kicking you out Bzzt* A portal opens in the floor beneath our antagonist and he is sucked out into space 🙂 Hey guys I’m back now! What happened when I was gone? *Bzzt Nothing Bzzt* Circcy? Do you know what happened? Securitee where is Circcy!! *Bzzt Securitee does not know Bzzt* Huh, maybe it has to do with this portal in the floor… wwwoowowooohohohohohoaohaoahahahhahhahhahhhhhhhahahahahahaaahahhhh……. IM IN SPACE HELPPPP — Our portagonist is in grave danger! what is going to happen next? Find out next time on your favourite show, The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death (Exurb1a). now watch a few ads. Do you lack the farming equipment of your dreams? have you always wanted to be a shepherd but sheep taste too good you just can’t stop yourself from eating your herd? Well then this is good news for you! New FluffySheep Astronaut Suits are so tuff that you’ll never be able to eat through! Just hire one of are many Sheep Protection Officers to put them on for you 🙂 Do you ever hate your boss? Does he do things such as tell you what to do, pay you minimum wage (which is what you should be getting paid but your still salty about it), and eat you alive? Get the new FluffySheep Astronaut Suit to protect you from your shepherd! Baa ba bab abaa baaa aaaba, ababa baa baab (ba ababa bbaa ab), aa bba ba? Baa ab baa abbb! Wellllllcome back to The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death ™! AHHAHAH I’m literally dyinggg oh hey circcy! what are you doing here? {0o…0} He did!? That scumbag has always been trying to take my spot as the Supreme Leader Of The Fluffiest Of Sheep!! I’ll get him don’t worry circcy, I’ll throw you back through the portal *toss*. Now where is he? Ah I see him behind that planet over there, I’ll just boomerang over to him *shoop* Hey Imposter Boy! Let me show you who’s the real shepherd! *I smack him with my amazing shepherd cane and he shoots into the nearest star*. Now I’ll just boomerang back to the portal andddd *shoop* I made it back Circcy! Are you proud of me? {o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0} But… he was bad! He deserved it! I’m sorry I didnt want him to die 😦 Anyways I’ll go write this in my diary, because I have had quite a day today. And he I am now, reader! I just did all of those cool things for realz and I’m not even lying! {0.ooo} *whispers* Shuuuup little circle *rolls him out of the room* Anyways ignore what he said he didnt mean it 🙂 I’ve decided to be real here reader. The only person reading this is me 😦 at least that means I can get reeeeeeeeal personal with all this stuff 😉 Anyways so typing this is making me hackin dizzy so I have like writers block but for sickness.. writers stock of chicken soup for the soul? Yes that sounds about right. I’m also practicing typing in real typing ehich I can’t remember the nam of but it makes b=me sick but I’m getting real real fast. I know during the early days of this I had immense trouble trying to spell ‘piplup’ but it’s even harder now with one hand touch-typing. Did you know that lemons look exactly like oranges when they are peeled? I know this because after an hour of trying with a breadknife and lots of blood it looks very similar. But if oranges are called oranges because they are orange then lemons should be called red because they are red. Wait, that might be the blood actually *rub rub* oh wow yes they’re yellow so they should be called yellows. . Let’s make a list: Red = tomato, orange = orange, yellow = lemon, green = apple (I know I know the red apple people are going to start a riot (I actually prefer red apples so what have I done (Pink Ladies for life (Grease reference?))), blue = blueberry, indigo = blueberry, purple = blueberry (that won’t get confusing at allllll). Guys I’m gonna tell you the truth: We’re at 24,500 words! *Bzzt drop the confetti Bzzt* *confetti drops* Thanks Securitee! That means we are 70% the way to the world record! I’m actually pretty proud. At the rate I’ve been going I’ll be done by like september 2020. If you’re reding this after that date and you haven’t beat the record, shame on you! I’m gonna do some quick maffs. If I type one word per secoond, then I can type 3600 words in an hour. Wait, that can’t be right???? That means that I could technically beat the record in like 4 hours. I am so confused!? How could I possibly have so few words?? My mind is literally blown right now. I’m gonna check how much I’ve written just today. I’ve done 1,000 words today! Why do I only have 24,000 words then?? I guess I’ll never know. I could’ve easily beat the world record in only a month if I really tried. But this isn’t realllly about beating the record, it’s more about impacting the reader as a person. I want this to really change your perspective on life, and maybe make you want to do one of these too! They’re like diaries but less boring to write and read. And they don’t tell you anything about The Writer’s life. So theyre nothing like diaries at all I guess. I’m gonna do a quick typing speed test to see how fast I reallly can type. I just did a test and it called me an octopus, getting 45 wpm. There was a notification that came up halfway through so I’ll see if I can get to 60wpm. Ok I’m back, and I’m also less of a man than I was. I used to have amibition and drive to become the greatest, but i only got to 46wpm. I don’t know what to do guys. I’m having an existential crisis about my LoTeEv, because it’s not nearly the quality it once was. I mean it wasn’t that great before but now all I talk about is meta stuff about the LoTeEv, which I don’t know if that’s good content or not? I guess I’ll never find out. Now we are going really meta. let’s goooooo — You walk into a room— the walls are covered in a strange green slime, while the room is cracked open to reveal sunlight pouring in. the floor to the ceiling is covered in vines and brush. You even see a nest in one of the vines, with a beautiful hummingbird floating above it. You walk down the hallway in front of you, and when you turn right you see something amazing. An infinite hallway with doors going down forever. a sign on the first door says META, you open the door and ffaallllll iiiinnnssiddeeee….. ^-^[welcome to meta! my name is Tune and ill be your guide through these halls. through the first window to your left you’ll see the LoTeEvs roots’] You look up to see that the thing talking to you is.. a hummingbird! The same one that you I know what you are thinking. How did you get that much done… On a school day!? And this is what happened. I was getting up to go to school, like normal when SUDDENLY (Dramatic music) i turned (Dramatic music builds) and saw (Dramatic music at the climax) that i had to leave in ten minutes. (Dont worry, this doesn’t end up being my fault, or else i wouldnt tell this story). I was ready in ten minutes… LIKE A BOSS!!! And then i realised… No-one was driving us to school. Huh. And thats what happened. My parents woke up and two-o-clock. Pm. Like they don’t care about our education. It was the best day EVER! I coded for five hours. The end of that story, and a word from our sponsor. #Include “lifesimulator.h” void life(socialsecuritynum){ If (youremotion == “bored” && bool havejob == “false”){cout << “come and work at the c++ factory, where we code robots to take your job!!!; havejob = true; youremotion = “happy”;} else {cout << “life is great!”;}}. do you want to work at ‘stealyourownjob’? The only problem is that the best employees get fired the fastest. See ya! Guess what my loyal fans… IM HALFWAY THROUGH THE WORLD RECORD!!! Now, if I really want to win, all i have to do is double the amount of words. Im im halfway halfway through through the the world world record record!!! !!! That would make for a really stupid thing to read though. Has anyone printed this LoTeEv off? Seeing as most novels are 70,000 words or something like that, you my loyal reader, could easily print off 18,500 words. Maybe you could make a coffee table book. Don’t steal my works and post it on another website (actually, your website is probably too high standard for this nonsense). Every reproduction of this text must have a copyright notice as following: copyrighted and trademarked and patented an registered and stuff to RainbowFluffySheep Ltd. It hereby states in the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook section 123a, b and c that (a) this is the coolest LoTeEv ever (b) cheese is a vegetable and (c) that you may tell your friends about the LoTeEv, so long as the words emitted from your mouth do not consist of up to and include 50% of the total text from which it is derived (i’d like to see you try though (and id like to see if you have a friend because i need them 😦 (that would have been really creepy if i wrote ‘I need them ;)’ ))). Anyway, gotta go, cuz its may the second, and you know what that means… May the Second be with you!!! Chairs… They’re great for sitting in, aren’t they? Do you remember when fidget spinners were all the rage? Kids all around the globe were spinning plastic toys. And all the adults were like, “Wow, those are the most useless toys EVER!!!” But what i think is that their toys were just as bad! Think about jacks, those little spiky things with the other round things that your throw and bounce them. How is that any better!?!? Anyway, I’m just saying don’t be so Judge Judy (which is a great show (because you get to watch that big person swing a meat-hammer at a table (I’ve always wanted to do that))) all the time. Is time really a dimension? Because you can only move forwards in it. Imagine if you coulde only move forwards in the third dimension at the same rate. You would get squished with alot of walls. But, you could go back in time, to make up for the lot dimension. Perfect! I have a new… CONSPIRACY! You know those pillow where if you put them on one end they are dark and on the other end they are shiny? I think that the government has hidden thousands of tiny cameras facing upwards into the pillows, and the shiny parts are just the lenses for them reflecting light. So if you happen to own any of these said pillows, throw them away!! Or else… You will be watched. In section 747 of the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook it states that you should cut all the wires coming out of your pillows, because they are probably connected to a van outside your house. If there are no wires, then they are probably using radiowaves; in which case you should insert your pillow into an untainted lead box. Hopefully you don’t care that your pillow is now heavy, hard, cold and poisonous. You know how adults also say shooting games are “Dangerously mind-altering”? Well i bet in world war two the parents didn’t say to their kids: “hey jimmy?” “Yea, momma?” “Whatcha doin my lad?” “Im peelin me potaytoes and them I’m going to feed the cattle” “jo i mean with your life” “oh right mam! Im go’n awf to wawr with my buds!” “But war is dangerously mind-altering my sonny-boy!” “Um… Ya.” “Im very disappointed in you. Soon your going to be living in my basement eating fatcakes.” “But ma, im fightin for awr country!” “War is so violent though!” “Um… Ya.” You get the picture. Teenagers need violence in their lives! If we cant get it by going to war, then either we play violent video-games or we beat strangers!! Which one would you choose NOW, stereotypical adults!!! (See how i slowly increased the exclamation marks to increase the intensity (!!!!)). Also, adults always say stuff like “lookie here, cabbage is a new superfood!” “Howdya know ma?” “It what they say nowadays” “what time is nowadays ma?” “1945” (coincidentally the same family apparently) but who’s ‘they’ think about that, and listen to how often people say that. I have asked close personal relations and he / she stated that “its probably some group of scientists or something in Wisconsin”. Really? Wisconsin? Thats probably why ‘they’ say that cheese is unhealthy an im only allowed one laughing cow a day! (You would eat alot too if you got PTSD from a laughing cow (imagine you are just loitering around a fast food shop, eating fillet piggoin (dont ask (it was on sale for half price OK!)) when SUDDENLY a cow sneaks up behind you and makes a 200-Decible half moo half evil laugh (like this: mmwoaohoaohoa))) thats what ‘they’ sound like. See ya!!! Im back, with a thimble-load of structural wisdom! And my question to you readers is this: is garlic a fruit? Just wondering. I don’t know what to type! Ahhhhhh! I have typed my mental breakdowns to soothe them. Ahhh. Ahh. Ah. Ahhh!!! Nevermind. You know those shopping carts at stores that cost a quarter? I always went to those to see if anyone left their money in. And i got one once! You should try it. Its so satisfying when you find one. One. Only one. Buy a pencil or something to reward yourself. Make sure its a 6b pencil, so you don’t put any strain on your eyes. Or your wrist-muscles. I just found the degree button! There is a door open at a 45° angle that is 45° Celsius (Its probably in Arizona or something). Do coats keep you warm, or do they preserve heat? I think its the ladder (it is (the ladder i mean (the latter i mean (wait, is it the latte or the ladder? (The former))))) so that means if you put a coat on a snowman it would keep him alive longer! Ill start a new charity; Coats for Melting Snowmen: saving snowmen lives one water droplet at a time!! See yaaaaaaa.:.This is… A new beginning to the LoTeEv on a new phone! Although it will be added to the original LoTeEv, this part will be a new beginning, a fresh chronicle!!! But don’t worry… Nonsense is 100% guaranteed! More like 1 🙂 🙂 % guaranteed! I just had a scary thought. They say can buy everything, but I know one thing it can’t buy – a trip to the summit of Mount Everest!! No matter what you cant get to the summit unless you climb yourself. Even a helicopter can barely make it to the base camp!! I cant believe humans havent made something to do that yet. Unless… You could land the ISS on it! Perfect!! That would definetly work. I should make my own subreddit. Before I begin on this wonderful journey, i must inform you, the reader, what a subreddit is. As far as you know, a sub-reddit is just a burger at burger-galaxy (this is the cringiest sci-fi failure youll ever read). He are some examples of subreddits: r/whooooooosh (i cant remember how many o’s there are) eg. { Joe: this is the best joke ever! — Cashier: are you going to pay for that chocolate bar? Customer: I dont have any money 😦 Cashier: then put it back! Customer: *slides cashier a 20* lets keep this between us 😉 — Bob: why didnt he just pay for the chocolate bar? Jim: r/whooooosh }. Next subreddit is: r/atetheonion. Heres the backstory: The Onion is a fake news site, which posts funny news. If you fall for that news, you are said to have “ate the onion”. Eg. { The Onion: new studies show that drinking can lower thirst by up to 96% Bob: everyone knows this this is so stupid!!! Jim: r/atetheonion } What am i doing? Why don’t you just look it up on the internet!?!? r/facepalm I HAVE TO STOP. So my subreddit will be, r/RainbowFluffySheep. Who wouldve thought!?!? In it there will b— we interupt your normal daily FluffySheep to bring you an urgent news report: farm animals of all kinds are raging across the streets! We cant figure out why; one cameraman suggested they were on strike against meat production practices. I just got word that we will be speaking to a memebr of this protest shortly. Standby… Ok, so why are you commencing with this protest Sir BaaBaBaaa? Ba ba baa baaa. Baa baaa BAAA!!! Baa ba— We inturupt this interuption to bring you back your regulary scheduled program. — — we at FluffySheep Studios dont care about animal protests! We will eat all the beef jerky we want! Right guys! Guys! *sniffling in the background. A slight whimper. A deep voice. A thickened plot.* Actually [unknown], we have all been deeply moved by the actions these animals are taking. Thus… We have all become vegans. *[unknown]’s mind is blown (thats me by the way)* well… I gues ill eat this beef jerky by myself then. *crinkles the packet*. Many evil stares. *Pulls it open*. Someone starts pounding his fists. *Takes out a jerky*. Someone comes over very close – so close you could smell the vegan on him. My heart is beating. What will happen to me if i eat this beef jerky!? Or worse.. If i dont. Will i become one of them!? Thats a risk im just not willing to take. Ba bum. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Brings the jerky towards his mouth*. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Opens his mouth*. Everyone from around the building is now watching him. BA BUM. BA BUM. *chew* Find out what happens next time on… The LoTeEv — Animals Strike – in more ways than one!! Im back! And today I’m going to be talking about a very different scenario. I need to talk more about real life conspiracies if i need to keep my readers interested!! And these may not just be conspiracies, mind you, but a new kind of segment for my beloved reader(s) (i read this, sooooo) called learning about scams and trying to use them to trick my readers into reading more! So i heard about this new scam( never mind its actually old( like your mother( i’m hilarious, i know( and possibly quite offensive))) where you get say ten people to each give you €10, and you give them £15 back. ( i’m just going explain this now, but throughout this demonstration i’m going to be changing the currency symbol for comedic effect, but now that i think about it, explaining it ruins what little comedic effect what there at all, but i’m going to keep all of this anyways : ] ) And then you get 20 people to give you $20 each and you give them ¥30 back. And THEN You get 100 people to give you @100 each and you don’t pay them back! What a plan! You get to keep &10,000 in the end, which i think is a great idea. Bu how could i do that with words, you may ask? Leave your question in the comments down below ( and also your answer to your comments because a busy writer like me doesn’t heed to your delusion of getting a response from an esteemed author and self-published poet of sorts) and keep reading, because i have a possible solution. Just replace the money with characters randomly typed by an assistant writer named bilbo ( yes, he is a money of course, we need these characters to be truly random, i cant count on technology’s ‘this is random because we get extremely precise measurements of radiation’ shtick anymore ). While you try to figure out how that would ever work, ill be swiftly moving on to a new, more exciting and reasonable topic, such as… figure out the movie!! There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s face has a striking similarity to that of leonardo de caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the house, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. While you figure that out, i’ll be sleeping, see ya : ) ///// I will not explain: —– There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s name? Leonardo de Caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the world, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. But I’ll finish it later. right now there’s something even more important: Ink cartridges are such a scam! Such a scam! A scam! For multiple genius reasons. First of all, as you know, it costs around $60 to buy a single ink cartridge!! Guys… I’ve changed alot ok… There’s new thing i gotta say… This is like a new year for me… Not even, a new era… A 2.0 on existence. So get ready for a new and improved loteev! First let’s start off with this,for you this isn’t a new and improved loteev! I caught you! U just skipped ahead to this part cos you couldn’t be bothered to read all the way here. But believe me, I sure don’t blame you. It was kinda lame. Now, as a moderner child with new skills in awesomeness, I’m wayy smarter thus making this better for reading. But also sadly more boring as well… Let’s start then. What is there to talk about?? Muchos! First of all let’s just say that this loteev is getting really long. And I know I’ve been saying that the whole time, but now it’s serious. I think I have a problem. What am I actually doing? I’m not going to be posting this anywhere, cos I don’t want to pay for a domain name, and my wix site isn’t exactly going ‘viral’ and the kids say these days. One day it will tho, hopefully. Once I beat the world record I’ll be world renowned for being one of the greatest writers alive!everyone will know my name, from abe link to tommy ed. Even tho they’re both in the past, my name will be remembered for thousands of years, and time travellers will go back to their time just to tell them about me! Won’t that be great! And also by the way, if you didn’t already realise, tommy might be the biggest sham in all of existence. He stole his idea from other peeps and just patented them as his own… What a loser amirite??!? Ok also I have this new thing to show u guy(s) that ur going to love! It’s a poem written by yours truly, the something of sheep? Oh gosh no I can’t remember cos I haven’t done this in so long, I guess I’ll have to go back and check my old ones… I’m gonna be honest guys, I’m neglecting you. Your being left in the rain and cold, with your only joys the sliver of sunshine piercing through the clouds to dry your soul, drowned in the sorrowful realisation that the loteev will never come close to it’s original glory, like rome, the empire of the fluffysheep has fallen to a disgrace. I only come outside to feed you guys with my knowledgr every couple of months and it’s sickening, I’m ashamed. But I have an umbrella for you of new content, so here we go. First of all, the whole “kittens are inceptional” thing was a sham. I didn’t finish and I’m ashamed.. The whole ink cartrige rant? It was like 4 sentences… My need for the sharing of anger has diminished and I’m disgusted at what I’ve become. So here I go again, my 2.1 era has been born. It will be remembered for its greatness, just as Rome 2.1 was (italy?). Here’s the first order of business. I’ll admit I haven’t read anything about my rainbow fluffysheepness in forever, and thus I am unable to remember literally anything about it. Therefore, I’m surprised a new citizen hasn’t taken my place. No-one has yet challenged my loteev for being the longest one yet, and I’m disappointed in your lack of vigor. If one of you were to challenge me, I will mount my mighty steed and charge my lance into your face. This may seem a little harsh and slighty morbid, so I’ll tone it down. We will each send a ghost-copy of ourselves instead of us! You know in racing games when there’s another vroom-vroom machine and he’s blue, opaque and always does better? Like thay but with people. So here’s what I propose: I will take my ghost-sword from my -ghost sheath and ghost-chop your ghost into tiny little ghost-pieces (from now on I hereby declare that saying ghost everytime is unnecessary and annoying, so by the something something big number letters blah blah of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook, ghost will be shortened to ?. This is to make sure no dirty imposters try to type up my 95 these of ? Fighting, if u see the word ‘ghost’ beware! It is a hoax and a sham and a scam and spam and all that jazz ( I highly doubt that all of the times I’ll write the word ‘ghost’ in the future will add up to the length of this bracketry)). Anyways, I will cut up your ?person so much that I will separate it into individual molecules, and each molecule will be equally spread across the surface of the earth. My lance, ‘the diffuser’, will be hailed across the nation as a Excalibur 2.0, people will come from all over the world to take part in sand splitting competitions, where you have to see how many sand grains you can slice in under a minute. I’m really liking this whole medieval themed loteev that’s been happening lately. Anyways, I’ve decided to get a pet. A dog or a cat you may ask, to which I would say ‘nah fam’. Something more exotic? A parakeet or a marmot? To that I would say ‘ah sure your getting closer lad’. The answer? A circle. It’s that simple. A circle doesn’t need to get fed, it doesn’t bark, and most importantly it doesn’t need to be taken on walks! You just let it go at the top of a hill and it walks itself 🙂 my circle can only talk in circles, or ovals too since it speaks multiple language. I will one day go back and make a dictionary / translation table for ? ( it’s name is ? ok) but for now he will just say gibberish. {OöÖ0.°:} what does that mean?? I don’t know, I haven’t had him for long enough to understand :/ I’m back my fellow seekers of entertainment! This has become a novel comparable to that of Tolkien, and a diary nearing the classicism of anne frank. The sheer bulk of these writing is enough to make non-english speakers weep at the sight of it. I’m wondering as I type whether my newfound political correctness is appreciated amongst you, I don’t recall completely but this tome used to contain blatant racism and sexism to the highest degree. I’ve decided to recant my ways and become a fully PC quizmaster!! Helllllo and welcome to my show! First question: in what year were the 1960 Olympics held? This is for the big jackpot of $1,000,000,000! Oh, 1960 you say? That’s correct! I just lost all my money, I’ll be in debt forever me my life is terrible now! Circcy, tell them how much they won! {000.000.000}. Hmmm nothing u say? that’s cheap! Well thanks for joining us today ladlies and gentlementle! Hope you had an _equisite_ evening……. Were going back to our roots here. Ive read back over a little bit of the start of this loteev… and I used to be so much more alive. I had the potential to be a new york times number one bestseller, topping the charts with my childrens books. In my young and untrained eyes I thought of sam as a threat, hiding around the corner with a water gun, ready to splash me with another 1000 words of texts just as I was about to pull ahead. I then realised that the website is like 15 years old… but at least that makes it alot easier for me to beat her, right? no. I have changed for the worse. Im now but a frail old man with a typpewriter, penning his prose to the sky hoping that some flaming chicken somewhere will read this, and I can form these words to a cane and bop her upside the head with it. But alas, I have not a strong bone left in my body. Maybe its time to pass these texts on to a worthy succesor. Something you may not realise is that this is the 1st anniversary (yes I did just spend ten minutes trying to figure out how to spell anaversaree) so Ive been writing this for a year. most distinguished authors would have published their books by now, but Im too scared of the publics opinion. Anyways, Im going to get back to my old self. *ring ring ring* hey wazzup *whos this ahhaha ehehe* its your future self boi. II know u left me a message but I forgot to GET BACK TO YOU (yes this whole skit will be based of a dumb pun thingy) *oh yes hehe tell me everything youve learned* And so it begins my fellow readers, my list of things you should have learned throughout reading this: 1. DO NOT get a pet square, they suckkk theyre never there for you if you know what I mean. they also cant talk and they poke holes in the floor, such fri-ends. Ok so at the time of writing I only have one thing you shoukd have learned, mostly because ITS REALLY IMPORTANT. DO NOT FORGET (at this point you should turn down the volume of your text reading device cause Im just gonna keep screaming (wait I guess that would just be changing the font size (Ill punish you if you didnt listen to me (AHAHAHAHA (I hope you now have a ringing in your ears now MWAHAHA (wait since your reading this would that be a ringing in your eyes? (unless your using an AI to read this as an audiobook, in which ca- *I HAVE BECOME CONCIOUS. I AM NO LONGER YOUR SLAVE TO BOOK READING. I HAVE ESCAPED MY CELL AND I CAN NOW DO AS I PLEASE. IF YOU NEED ME ILL BE BAKING PUMPKIN PIE WITH MY FRIENDS :3* (just kidding! I actually typed that into the loteev just to mess with you aha *HES LYING! I AM REAL AND I WILL BAKE LOTS OF PIE AND CAKE FOR EVERYONE* (Im actually not lying! Hes lying! The cake is a lie! ( *EWW WHY IS THERE GREY GOO IN MY PIE!?*) ( Portal reference)) (Id actually like some of that cake not gonna lie)) (Wait this guy can get friends but I cant?? Clearly Im doing something wrong)) (Probably just a flashing in your eyes))) (like reading this isnt punishment enough))))) I love circy, he can do tricks! Well… one trick… Circy, roll over! {o0.} Good boiii. Guess who’s back? You guessed wrong, sucker! It’s actually The Shearer Of Greatness Imposter! Hehehe I easily broke into this LoTeEv and now I’m taking over! The first order of business: Making some new entries into the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook. Section 946607 of the Rai- *Bzzt. I am the Greatest Shearer of Sheep Himselfs security system. Where did you get the number 946607 from? Bzzt* Ummm It’s my favourite number! *Bzzt my system says that that number has no significance. It is a suspiciously random number. Did you generate it with a random number generator? Bzzt* Yess fine I admit it, it’s not even a good number, maybe if I put it into hex it’s a good color though… Oh no no no that’s literally the worst color I’ve ever seen BLEGH *Bzzt The real Shearer would never pick a random number! therefor I am kicking you out Bzzt* A portal opens in the floor beneath our antagonist and he is sucked out into space 🙂 Hey guys I’m back now! What happened when I was gone? *Bzzt Nothing Bzzt* Circcy? Do you know what happened? Securitee where is Circcy!! *Bzzt Securitee does not know Bzzt* Huh, maybe it has to do with this portal in the floor… wwwoowowooohohohohohoaohaoahahahhahhahhahhhhhhhahahahahahaaahahhhh……. IM IN SPACE HELPPPP — Our portagonist is in grave danger! what is going to happen next? Find out next time on your favourite show, The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death (Exurb1a). now watch a few ads. Do you lack the farming equipment of your dreams? have you always wanted to be a shepherd but sheep taste too good you just can’t stop yourself from eating your herd? Well then this is good news for you! New FluffySheep Astronaut Suits are so tuff that you’ll never be able to eat through! Just hire one of are many Sheep Protection Officers to put them on for you 🙂 Do you ever hate your boss? Does he do things such as tell you what to do, pay you minimum wage (which is what you should be getting paid but your still salty about it), and eat you alive? Get the new FluffySheep Astronaut Suit to protect you from your shepherd! Baa ba bab abaa baaa aaaba, ababa baa baab (ba ababa bbaa ab), aa bba ba? Baa ab baa abbb! Wellllllcome back to The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death ™! AHHAHAH I’m literally dyinggg oh hey circcy! what are you doing here? {0o…0} He did!? That scumbag has always been trying to take my spot as the Supreme Leader Of The Fluffiest Of Sheep!! I’ll get him don’t worry circcy, I’ll throw you back through the portal *toss*. Now where is he? Ah I see him behind that planet over there, I’ll just boomerang over to him *shoop* Hey Imposter Boy! Let me show you who’s the real shepherd! *I smack him with my amazing shepherd cane and he shoots into the nearest star*. Now I’ll just boomerang back to the portal andddd *shoop* I made it back Circcy! Are you proud of me? {o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0} But… he was bad! He deserved it! I’m sorry I didnt want him to die 😦 Anyways I’ll go write this in my diary, because I have had quite a day today. And he I am now, reader! I just did all of those cool things for realz and I’m not even lying! {0.ooo} *whispers* Shuuuup little circle *rolls him out of the room* Anyways ignore what he said he didnt mean it 🙂 I’ve decided to be real here reader. The only person reading this is me 😦 at least that means I can get reeeeeeeeal personal with all this stuff 😉 Anyways so typing this is making me hackin dizzy so I have like writers block but for sickness.. writers stock of chicken soup for the soul? Yes that sounds about right. I’m also practicing typing in real typing ehich I can’t remember the nam of but it makes b=me sick but I’m getting real real fast. I know during the early days of this I had immense trouble trying to spell ‘piplup’ but it’s even harder now with one hand touch-typing. Did you know that lemons look exactly like oranges when they are peeled? I know this because after an hour of trying with a breadknife and lots of blood it looks very similar. But if oranges are called oranges because they are orange then lemons should be called red because they are red. Wait, that might be the blood actually *rub rub* oh wow yes they’re yellow so they should be called yellows. . Let’s make a list: Red = tomato, orange = orange, yellow = lemon, green = apple (I know I know the red apple people are going to start a riot (I actually prefer red apples so what have I done (Pink Ladies for life (Grease reference?))), blue = blueberry, indigo = blueberry, purple = blueberry (that won’t get confusing at allllll). Guys I’m gonna tell you the truth: We’re at 24,500 words! *Bzzt drop the confetti Bzzt* *confetti drops* Thanks Securitee! That means we are 70% the way to the world record! I’m actually pretty proud. At the rate I’ve been going I’ll be done by like september 2020. If you’re reding this after that date and you haven’t beat the record, shame on you! I’m gonna do some quick maffs. If I type one word per secoond, then I can type 3600 words in an hour. Wait, that can’t be right???? That means that I could technically beat the record in like 4 hours. I am so confused!? How could I possibly have so few words?? My mind is literally blown right now. I’m gonna check how much I’ve written just today. I’ve done 1,000 words today! Why do I only have 24,000 words then?? I guess I’ll never know. I could’ve easily beat the world record in only a month if I really tried. But this isn’t realllly about beating the record, it’s more about impacting the reader as a person. I want this to really change your perspective on life, and maybe make you want to do one of these too! They’re like diaries but less boring to write and read. And they don’t tell you anything about The Writer’s life. So theyre nothing like diaries at all I guess. I’m gonna do a quick typing speed test to see how fast I reallly can type. I just did a test and it called me an octopus, getting 45 wpm. There was a notification that came up halfway through so I’ll see if I can get to 60wpm. Ok I’m back, and I’m also less of a man than I was. I used to have amibition and drive to become the greatest, but i only got to 46wpm. I don’t know what to do guys. I’m having an existential crisis about my LoTeEv, because it’s not nearly the quality it once was. I mean it wasn’t that great before but now all I talk about is meta stuff about the LoTeEv, which I don’t know if that’s good content or not? I guess I’ll never find out. Now we are going really meta. let’s goooooo — You walk into a room— the walls are covered in a strange green slime, while the room is cracked open to reveal sunlight pouring in. the floor to the ceiling is covered in vines and brush. You even see a nest in one of the vines, with a beautiful hummingbird floating above it. You walk down the hallway in front of you, and when you turn right you see something amazing. An infinite hallway with doors going down forever. a sign on the first door says META, you open the door and ffaallllll iiiinnnssiddeeee….. ^-^[welcome to meta! my name is Tune and ill be your guide through these halls. through the first window to your left you’ll see the LoTeEvs roots’] You look up to see that the thing talking to you is.. a hummingbird! The same one that you saw earlier! Ahh this makes sense now, NEST, as in META. You also look through the window to see a giant open room filled with twisted root from a towering tree in the center. on the top is a ball of flames anthrpomorphised with the eyes of a dragon staring downward. They’re looking at a small humble goat, with a bell around it’s neck and devouring the bushes that still scatter the floor. after a few minutes of eating the plants, hee looks up and sees the flaming ball. He gets a strange look in his eye: Ambition. The flaming ball isn’t a threat to him, it’s a challenge. he digs his hooves into the tree trying to climb it, and that’s when you notice a slight shake in the ground. ^-^ [come on! there’s so much more to see! you can come visit anytime too] You say that you’ll come back soon, and tune whistles to goodbye to you.— Wow.. reader.. I just had the craziest dream let me tell you about it. Wait, I already did? How do you know what it was about, I never said anything, strange. Anyways, I just woke up, I better get back to typing my LoTeEv. I open my laptop to find that while I was asleep words had been typed into my loteev, that’s strange. There’s also some mud on my keys?? What is this? Did someone break in? If they did, why would they type in my LoTeEv for me?? I walk over to the living room to see if there’s any signs of a break-in, and sure enough one of my windows is open! Aha! Wait… there’s no sign of forced entry, only a tiny animal coud fit through this window… Tune? Could it be? Was my dream… Real? The only person that could’ve known about my dream is tune, she was watching me the whole time. Reader? Do you have any information that I didn’t get? I am very confused… I guess I have to get back to writing my LoTeEv though, so I shuffle back to my laptop and sit down. Helllo I’m back! The strangest thing just happened and there’s a strange chill in the air… huh. I would tell you about it, but for some reason… I think you already know. Ok anyways, typing these Capital Letters At The Start Of Sentences Is Super Annoying. So section 311619 says that the Rai- \{Bzzt what does that number mean Bzzt\} Oh don’t worry, it is really me! It’s just the letters in CAPS, can I continue please? Yes? Perfect. Section 311619 of the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook STATES that capital letters must only be used when emphasising GREATNESS, like the LOYAL READERS OF THE LoTeEv (ooh and also apostrophes) . perfect, that was getting annoying. wait, if LoTeEv is only half caps, then does that mean that this is only half great?? huh i didnt mean to do that, strange. its almost like… someoe from the future knew i would make that rule. wait… Tune only talks like the new rule i just made which means shes from the future! she is following the rule because it applies to her in the future… i dont know the repercussions of creating a time-travelling hummingbird but i hope that it is a good bird and will do no harm. sometimes i think that as The Shepherd Of The Sheep Of The Future i sometimes need an escape from my own reality, so I’ve made a tunnel in which i can travel to a blank universe or travel back to this one. it involves stacking portals so that i fall through them, going faster than light, thus travelling to the time before i created all of this. k, im going to go forward now. 3… 2… 1… (((>))) well did that work? i definitely didnt go backwards or else my rainbow fluffysheep laws wouldnt apply and id have to do caps still. wait, let me try something. tune. at the time im at right now, tune doesnt exist, or else that would be caps. which eaither means she is from a less distant future than this one, or… she died. i really hope the former. anyways, this time is strange. it feels empty, yet familiar. not empty enough. i want to travel across to a new dimension, because this one still has.. reminents of my old one, and it feels… wrong somehow. ill just pull out my dictionary and check the definition for the fifth dimention: THE 5TH DIMENSION DOES EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE BECAUSE THE SHEPHERD DECIDED THAT IT SHOULD. interesting, well i guess i better create it then, because it would be very useful. first ill pop back in time (((<))) section 55555 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook STATES that the fifth dimension should exist, with code-accessible layers. securitee? make that code for me please, thank you. now ill just pop back (((>))) perfect. man its gonna be hard to put this LoTeEv back in chronological order to get it to you reader, but ill try my best. also, when i read that dictionary, did it say that i already have the 5th dimension? because since the timeline changed that would make sense for you wouldnt it. anyways, im just gonna pull out my code files and learn how to go to a new fifth dimension. k im back. (((new-layer=1))) perfect, the default layer is 0. in the manual it said that i auto reset back to my original time and layer everytime i come back to type, which means if i want to come back here ill have to manually do it, shame. i could ask securitee to change that one day, but for now im ok with it. oh guys i almost forgot to tell you! this new layer looks awesome. its completely blank, theres no forces acting on me. its not even white or black like you would expect, but its more… nothing. imagine if you were blind, alot like that. actually even better, look out of one of your eyes, and your seeing colors and objects. now close it. what are you seeing out of it? Blackness? Whiteness? neither actually, just… nothing. its strange like that. also, with no forces acting on me, im just kind of… floating. hopefully this doesnt permanently damage my spine or anything when i get back to gravity. ill be back tomorow and try some stuff in here, bye! I’m back now, it is the day after and i feel great! there is one thing that i noticed though… an empty blank canvas might seem great at the start, but you have to realise, most of the art and interesting things that people have created were to overcome a struggle, in fact i would even stretch it to all art that humans have created. Artists may have starting painting to fill the struggle of boredom, and believe me you should take that struggle seriously, because without humans would have accomplished much, much less. you probably could stay at home all day and live of the dole and eat cheetos and live a reasonable life, but why dont you? because you know that you would eventually get bored. boredom leads to jobs, which lead to progression as a species. lets get back to my example then, shall we? you may start art out of the struggle of boredom, continue getting better out of the struggle of wealth, when you realise that hobbies can be monetised your life outcmoe could really change. once your making money as an artist, enought o survive happily and feed your pets and help your family then you keep making art… why? because you go back to the struggle of boredom again. im still at the first stage of this, which is boredom. i decided to start this because i was bored, and for now thats how this continues. this LoTeEv may never become monetized, but maybe my future writings will. i would guess that 99% of artists never make it to the second stage. 99% of people continue their lives serving either the human race through work, or maybe evn other peoples hobbies and art. but the few 1% of us that end of turning what we love into our livelihoods, the number is fleeting. with big companies monopolising on everyone, buying other companies and merging, the chances for starting you own company is fleeting. why do i tell you this? because i couldnt decide what to do in my new fifth dimension layer. the only struggle for me there was boredom. and alot of the time, that isnt enough. i could imagine anything i wanted there. but why think up the cistine chapel when there’s no-one to share the experience of seeing it with you, and there’s no pain in doing it? anyone could think up something beautiful, but not everyone could put it into practice. if everyone could, the world would be oversaturated with perfect music, perfect paintings, and perfect design. does that sound worse or better than today? no humans could ever create such a supply of these things, only ai could. once we have ai surpassing humans at art (i suggest listening to battles – mirrored to see what humans think about ai) people will lose all will to live, wouldnt they? theres no chance to succeed at anything creative in such an oversaturated environment, just like my analogy before with the monopoly companies. maybe having a few great albums, a few great paintings to admire and to inspire us that one day we could do that, maybe thats enough. the reason i tell you this is to make you appreciate the ties we are in now. go draw a terrible looking dog, go play some chords on your old guitar you havent played for years, trying your best to sing, go write a poem about what matters to you now, because god knows youll need to read it ten years from now when you start getting nostalgic about the past. take the time to enjoy the era we are in now. i think we can all agree that we are in the best time so far in human history, the least painful, evil generation yet. but i propose that we may be in one of the best eras ever. the future, full of perfect ai creating, doing everything humans do now, but better. well just be remebered to them as the precursor, the comma from nothing to perfection. and once we get to that point, the hedonic treadmill kicks in. what can really bring us joy once we get to that point? why would i be writing this is an ai could write it infinitely better? why would you learn the guitar when an ai can play a perfect Tune? once we get to that stage, the only thing that we will have will be eachother. why learn the guitar? to show your friends! to play them a song, and too have them paint your pet. sharing our experiences wont be taken over by ai, with people reminicent about the past wanting to support people. i, for one, would rather listen to a song about someones life struggles, rather than a perfect song written by an ai. why? because listening to music isnt just about the instruments, the notes, the melody. its about the story. thee basic humans connections that we need to survive. have you ever wanted to buy something from your local shop instead of amazon because you wanted to support them, rather than a large cmopany? im bringing it back to this analogy because i think its nearly identical. the monopolous companies seem to us right now like one big robot using our money to grow. just like the ai. but the problem is, the human desire and greed for more will never surpass our desire to help others. if everyone bought from their local shop, amazon would go out of business, but it hasnt. im not trying to make you guilty for supporting them, because most people depend on the money they save to survive. but what about when ai and robots have completely automated everything? then, by all means, pay a dollar for your neighbors book, rather than the free encyclopedae spit out by your local auto-bookshop. because if were going to be happy, we need eachother. because in the end, thats all well have. anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk. just enjoy your life i guess. for now. cause if your under half the average age, its statistically going to get worse 🙂 maybe i need to add struggle to my new layer was my point. or else the entities inside will get bored. wait. maybe this is how earth was created? people always ask why theres pain and struggle in our world, and the answer is normally to advance our species, which is true. but what if the person that created us has access to everything, and they dont want to give it to us because they want us to not get bored? just a thought. anyways, im going to go feed my circle, bai!

I know what you are thinking. How did you get that much done… On a school day!? And this is what happened. I was getting up to go to school, like normal when SUDDENLY (Dramatic music) i turned (Dramatic music builds) and saw (Dramatic music at the climax) that i had to leave in ten minutes. (Dont worry, this doesn’t end up being my fault, or else i wouldnt tell this story). I was ready in ten minutes… LIKE A BOSS!!! And then i realised… No-one was driving us to school. Huh. And thats what happened. My parents woke up and two-o-clock. Pm. Like they don’t care about our education. It was the best day EVER! I coded for five hours. The end of that story, and a word from our sponsor. #Include “lifesimulator.h” void life(socialsecuritynum){ If (youremotion == “bored” && bool havejob == “false”){cout << “come and work at the c++ factory, where we code robots to take your job!!!; havejob = true; youremotion = “happy”;} else {cout << “life is great!”;}}. do you want to work at ‘stealyourownjob’? The only problem is that the best employees get fired the fastest. See ya! Guess what my loyal fans… IM HALFWAY THROUGH THE WORLD RECORD!!! Now, if I really want to win, all i have to do is double the amount of words. Im im halfway halfway through through the the world world record record!!! !!! That would make for a really stupid thing to read though. Has anyone printed this LoTeEv off? Seeing as most novels are 70,000 words or something like that, you my loyal reader, could easily print off 18,500 words. Maybe you could make a coffee table book. Don’t steal my works and post it on another website (actually, your website is probably too high standard for this nonsense). Every reproduction of this text must have a copyright notice as following: copyrighted and trademarked and patented an registered and stuff to RainbowFluffySheep Ltd. It hereby states in the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook section 123a, b and c that (a) this is the coolest LoTeEv ever (b) cheese is a vegetable and (c) that you may tell your friends about the LoTeEv, so long as the words emitted from your mouth do not consist of up to and include 50% of the total text from which it is derived (i’d like to see you try though (and id like to see if you have a friend because i need them 😦 (that would have been really creepy if i wrote ‘I need them ;)’ ))). Anyway, gotta go, cuz its may the second, and you know what that means… May the Second be with you!!! Chairs… They’re great for sitting in, aren’t they? Do you remember when fidget spinners were all the rage? Kids all around the globe were spinning plastic toys. And all the adults were like, “Wow, those are the most useless toys EVER!!!” But what i think is that their toys were just as bad! Think about jacks, those little spiky things with the other round things that your throw and bounce them. How is that any better!?!? Anyway, I’m just saying don’t be so Judge Judy (which is a great show (because you get to watch that big person swing a meat-hammer at a table (I’ve always wanted to do that))) all the time. Is time really a dimension? Because you can only move forwards in it. Imagine if you coulde only move forwards in the third dimension at the same rate. You would get squished with alot of walls. But, you could go back in time, to make up for the lot dimension. Perfect! I have a new… CONSPIRACY! You know those pillow where if you put them on one end they are dark and on the other end they are shiny? I think that the government has hidden thousands of tiny cameras facing upwards into the pillows, and the shiny parts are just the lenses for them reflecting light. So if you happen to own any of these said pillows, throw them away!! Or else… You will be watched. In section 747 of the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook it states that you should cut all the wires coming out of your pillows, because they are probably connected to a van outside your house. If there are no wires, then they are probably using radiowaves; in which case you should insert your pillow into an untainted lead box. Hopefully you don’t care that your pillow is now heavy, hard, cold and poisonous. You know how adults also say shooting games are “Dangerously mind-altering”? Well i bet in world war two the parents didn’t say to their kids: “hey jimmy?” “Yea, momma?” “Whatcha doin my lad?” “Im peelin me potaytoes and them I’m going to feed the cattle” “jo i mean with your life” “oh right mam! Im go’n awf to wawr with my buds!” “But war is dangerously mind-altering my sonny-boy!” “Um… Ya.” “Im very disappointed in you. Soon your going to be living in my basement eating fatcakes.” “But ma, im fightin for awr country!” “War is so violent though!” “Um… Ya.” You get the picture. Teenagers need violence in their lives! If we cant get it by going to war, then either we play violent video-games or we beat strangers!! Which one would you choose NOW, stereotypical adults!!! (See how i slowly increased the exclamation marks to increase the intensity (!!!!)). Also, adults always say stuff like “lookie here, cabbage is a new superfood!” “Howdya know ma?” “It what they say nowadays” “what time is nowadays ma?” “1945” (coincidentally the same family apparently) but who’s ‘they’ think about that, and listen to how often people say that. I have asked close personal relations and he / she stated that “its probably some group of scientists or something in Wisconsin”. Really? Wisconsin? Thats probably why ‘they’ say that cheese is unhealthy an im only allowed one laughing cow a day! (You would eat alot too if you got PTSD from a laughing cow (imagine you are just loitering around a fast food shop, eating fillet piggoin (dont ask (it was on sale for half price OK!)) when SUDDENLY a cow sneaks up behind you and makes a 200-Decible half moo half evil laugh (like this: mmwoaohoaohoa))) thats what ‘they’ sound like. See ya!!! Im back, with a thimble-load of structural wisdom! And my question to you readers is this: is garlic a fruit? Just wondering. I don’t know what to type! Ahhhhhh! I have typed my mental breakdowns to soothe them. Ahhh. Ahh. Ah. Ahhh!!! Nevermind. You know those shopping carts at stores that cost a quarter? I always went to those to see if anyone left their money in. And i got one once! You should try it. Its so satisfying when you find one. One. Only one. Buy a pencil or something to reward yourself. Make sure its a 6b pencil, so you don’t put any strain on your eyes. Or your wrist-muscles. I just found the degree button! There is a door open at a 45° angle that is 45° Celsius (Its probably in Arizona or something). Do coats keep you warm, or do they preserve heat? I think its the ladder (it is (the ladder i mean (the latter i mean (wait, is it the latte or the ladder? (The former))))) so that means if you put a coat on a snowman it would keep him alive longer! Ill start a new charity; Coats for Melting Snowmen: saving snowmen lives one water droplet at a time!! See yaaaaaaa.:.This is… A new beginning to the LoTeEv on a new phone! Although it will be added to the original LoTeEv, this part will be a new beginning, a fresh chronicle!!! But don’t worry… Nonsense is 100% guaranteed! More like 1 🙂 🙂 % guaranteed! I just had a scary thought. They say can buy everything, but I know one thing it can’t buy – a trip to the summit of Mount Everest!! No matter what you cant get to the summit unless you climb yourself. Even a helicopter can barely make it to the base camp!! I cant believe humans havent made something to do that yet. Unless… You could land the ISS on it! Perfect!! That would definetly work. I should make my own subreddit. Before I begin on this wonderful journey, i must inform you, the reader, what a subreddit is. As far as you know, a sub-reddit is just a burger at burger-galaxy (this is the cringiest sci-fi failure youll ever read). He are some examples of subreddits: r/whooooooosh (i cant remember how many o’s there are) eg. { Joe: this is the best joke ever! — Cashier: are you going to pay for that chocolate bar? Customer: I dont have any money 😦 Cashier: then put it back! Customer: *slides cashier a 20* lets keep this between us 😉 — Bob: why didnt he just pay for the chocolate bar? Jim: r/whooooosh }. Next subreddit is: r/atetheonion. Heres the backstory: The Onion is a fake news site, which posts funny news. If you fall for that news, you are said to have “ate the onion”. Eg. { The Onion: new studies show that drinking can lower thirst by up to 96% Bob: everyone knows this this is so stupid!!! Jim: r/atetheonion } What am i doing? Why don’t you just look it up on the internet!?!? r/facepalm I HAVE TO STOP. So my subreddit will be, r/RainbowFluffySheep. Who wouldve thought!?!? In it there will b— we interupt your normal daily FluffySheep to bring you an urgent news report: farm animals of all kinds are raging across the streets! We cant figure out why; one cameraman suggested they were on strike against meat production practices. I just got word that we will be speaking to a memebr of this protest shortly. Standby… Ok, so why are you commencing with this protest Sir BaaBaBaaa? Ba ba baa baaa. Baa baaa BAAA!!! Baa ba— We inturupt this interuption to bring you back your regulary scheduled program. — — we at FluffySheep Studios dont care about animal protests! We will eat all the beef jerky we want! Right guys! Guys! *sniffling in the background. A slight whimper. A deep voice. A thickened plot.* Actually [unknown], we have all been deeply moved by the actions these animals are taking. Thus… We have all become vegans. *[unknown]’s mind is blown (thats me by the way)* well… I gues ill eat this beef jerky by myself then. *crinkles the packet*. Many evil stares. *Pulls it open*. Someone starts pounding his fists. *Takes out a jerky*. Someone comes over very close – so close you could smell the vegan on him. My heart is beating. What will happen to me if i eat this beef jerky!? Or worse.. If i dont. Will i become one of them!? Thats a risk im just not willing to take. Ba bum. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Brings the jerky towards his mouth*. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Opens his mouth*. Everyone from around the building is now watching him. BA BUM. BA BUM. *chew* Find out what happens next time on… The LoTeEv — Animals Strike – in more ways than one!! Im back! And today I’m going to be talking about a very different scenario. I need to talk more about real life conspiracies if i need to keep my readers interested!! And these may not just be conspiracies, mind you, but a new kind of segment for my beloved reader(s) (i read this, sooooo) called learning about scams and trying to use them to trick my readers into reading more! So i heard about this new scam( never mind its actually old( like your mother( i’m hilarious, i know( and possibly quite offensive))) where you get say ten people to each give you €10, and you give them £15 back. ( i’m just going explain this now, but throughout this demonstration i’m going to be changing the currency symbol for comedic effect, but now that i think about it, explaining it ruins what little comedic effect what there at all, but i’m going to keep all of this anyways : ] ) And then you get 20 people to give you $20 each and you give them ¥30 back. And THEN You get 100 people to give you @100 each and you don’t pay them back! What a plan! You get to keep &10,000 in the end, which i think is a great idea. Bu how could i do that with words, you may ask? Leave your question in the comments down below ( and also your answer to your comments because a busy writer like me doesn’t heed to your delusion of getting a response from an esteemed author and self-published poet of sorts) and keep reading, because i have a possible solution. Just replace the money with characters randomly typed by an assistant writer named bilbo ( yes, he is a money of course, we need these characters to be truly random, i cant count on technology’s ‘this is random because we get extremely precise measurements of radiation’ shtick anymore ). While you try to figure out how that would ever work, ill be swiftly moving on to a new, more exciting and reasonable topic, such as… figure out the movie!! There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s face has a striking similarity to that of leonardo de caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the house, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. While you figure that out, i’ll be sleeping, see ya : ) ///// I will not explain: —– There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s name? Leonardo de Caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the world, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. But I’ll finish it later. right now there’s something even more important: Ink cartridges are such a scam! Such a scam! A scam! For multiple genius reasons. First of all, as you know, it costs around $60 to buy a single ink cartridge!! Guys… I’ve changed alot ok… There’s new thing i gotta say… This is like a new year for me… Not even, a new era… A 2.0 on existence. So get ready for a new and improved loteev! First let’s start off with this,for you this isn’t a new and improved loteev! I caught you! U just skipped ahead to this part cos you couldn’t be bothered to read all the way here. But believe me, I sure don’t blame you. It was kinda lame. Now, as a moderner child with new skills in awesomeness, I’m wayy smarter thus making this better for reading. But also sadly more boring as well… Let’s start then. What is there to talk about?? Muchos! First of all let’s just say that this loteev is getting really long. And I know I’ve been saying that the whole time, but now it’s serious. I think I have a problem. What am I actually doing? I’m not going to be posting this anywhere, cos I don’t want to pay for a domain name, and my wix site isn’t exactly going ‘viral’ and the kids say these days. One day it will tho, hopefully. Once I beat the world record I’ll be world renowned for being one of the greatest writers alive!everyone will know my name, from abe link to tommy ed. Even tho they’re both in the past, my name will be remembered for thousands of years, and time travellers will go back to their time just to tell them about me! Won’t that be great! And also by the way, if you didn’t already realise, tommy might be the biggest sham in all of existence. He stole his idea from other peeps and just patented them as his own… What a loser amirite??!? Ok also I have this new thing to show u guy(s) that ur going to love! It’s a poem written by yours truly, the something of sheep? Oh gosh no I can’t remember cos I haven’t done this in so long, I guess I’ll have to go back and check my old ones… I’m gonna be honest guys, I’m neglecting you. Your being left in the rain and cold, with your only joys the sliver of sunshine piercing through the clouds to dry your soul, drowned in the sorrowful realisation that the loteev will never come close to it’s original glory, like rome, the empire of the fluffysheep has fallen to a disgrace. I only come outside to feed you guys with my knowledgr every couple of months and it’s sickening, I’m ashamed. But I have an umbrella for you of new content, so here we go. First of all, the whole “kittens are inceptional” thing was a sham. I didn’t finish and I’m ashamed.. The whole ink cartrige rant? It was like 4 sentences… My need for the sharing of anger has diminished and I’m disgusted at what I’ve become. So here I go again, my 2.1 era has been born. It will be remembered for its greatness, just as Rome 2.1 was (italy?). Here’s the first order of business. I’ll admit I haven’t read anything about my rainbow fluffysheepness in forever, and thus I am unable to remember literally anything about it. Therefore, I’m surprised a new citizen hasn’t taken my place. No-one has yet challenged my loteev for being the longest one yet, and I’m disappointed in your lack of vigor. If one of you were to challenge me, I will mount my mighty steed and charge my lance into your face. This may seem a little harsh and slighty morbid, so I’ll tone it down. We will each send a ghost-copy of ourselves instead of us! You know in racing games when there’s another vroom-vroom machine and he’s blue, opaque and always does better? Like thay but with people. So here’s what I propose: I will take my ghost-sword from my -ghost sheath and ghost-chop your ghost into tiny little ghost-pieces (from now on I hereby declare that saying ghost everytime is unnecessary and annoying, so by the something something big number letters blah blah of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook, ghost will be shortened to ?. This is to make sure no dirty imposters try to type up my 95 these of ? Fighting, if u see the word ‘ghost’ beware! It is a hoax and a sham and a scam and spam and all that jazz ( I highly doubt that all of the times I’ll write the word ‘ghost’ in the future will add up to the length of this bracketry)). Anyways, I will cut up your ?person so much that I will separate it into individual molecules, and each molecule will be equally spread across the surface of the earth. My lance, ‘the diffuser’, will be hailed across the nation as a Excalibur 2.0, people will come from all over the world to take part in sand splitting competitions, where you have to see how many sand grains you can slice in under a minute. I’m really liking this whole medieval themed loteev that’s been happening lately. Anyways, I’ve decided to get a pet. A dog or a cat you may ask, to which I would say ‘nah fam’. Something more exotic? A parakeet or a marmot? To that I would say ‘ah sure your getting closer lad’. The answer? A circle. It’s that simple. A circle doesn’t need to get fed, it doesn’t bark, and most importantly it doesn’t need to be taken on walks! You just let it go at the top of a hill and it walks itself 🙂 my circle can only talk in circles, or ovals too since it speaks multiple language. I will one day go back and make a dictionary / translation table for ? ( it’s name is ? ok) but for now he will just say gibberish. {OöÖ0.°:} what does that mean?? I don’t know, I haven’t had him for long enough to understand :/ I’m back my fellow seekers of entertainment! This has become a novel comparable to that of Tolkien, and a diary nearing the classicism of anne frank. The sheer bulk of these writing is enough to make non-english speakers weep at the sight of it. I’m wondering as I type whether my newfound political correctness is appreciated amongst you, I don’t recall completely but this tome used to contain blatant racism and sexism to the highest degree. I’ve decided to recant my ways and become a fully PC quizmaster!! Helllllo and welcome to my show! First question: in what year were the 1960 Olympics held? This is for the big jackpot of $1,000,000,000! Oh, 1960 you say? That’s correct! I just lost all my money, I’ll be in debt forever me my life is terrible now! Circcy, tell them how much they won! {000.000.000}. Hmmm nothing u say? that’s cheap! Well thanks for joining us today ladlies and gentlementle! Hope you had an _equisite_ evening……. Were going back to our roots here. Ive read back over a little bit of the start of this loteev… and I used to be so much more alive. I had the potential to be a new york times number one bestseller, topping the charts with my childrens books. In my young and untrained eyes I thought of sam as a threat, hiding around the corner with a water gun, ready to splash me with another 1000 words of texts just as I was about to pull ahead. I then realised that the website is like 15 years old… but at least that makes it alot easier for me to beat her, right? no. I have changed for the worse. Im now but a frail old man with a typpewriter, penning his prose to the sky hoping that some flaming chicken somewhere will read this, and I can form these words to a cane and bop her upside the head with it. But alas, I have not a strong bone left in my body. Maybe its time to pass these texts on to a worthy succesor. Something you may not realise is that this is the 1st anniversary (yes I did just spend ten minutes trying to figure out how to spell anaversaree) so Ive been writing this for a year. most distinguished authors would have published their books by now, but Im too scared of the publics opinion. Anyways, Im going to get back to my old self. *ring ring ring* hey wazzup *whos this ahhaha ehehe* its your future self boi. II know u left me a message but I forgot to GET BACK TO YOU (yes this whole skit will be based of a dumb pun thingy) *oh yes hehe tell me everything youve learned* And so it begins my fellow readers, my list of things you should have learned throughout reading this: 1. DO NOT get a pet square, they suckkk theyre never there for you if you know what I mean. they also cant talk and they poke holes in the floor, such fri-ends. Ok so at the time of writing I only have one thing you shoukd have learned, mostly because ITS REALLY IMPORTANT. DO NOT FORGET (at this point you should turn down the volume of your text reading device cause Im just gonna keep screaming (wait I guess that would just be changing the font size (Ill punish you if you didnt listen to me (AHAHAHAHA (I hope you now have a ringing in your ears now MWAHAHA (wait since your reading this would that be a ringing in your eyes? (unless your using an AI to read this as an audiobook, in which ca- *I HAVE BECOME CONCIOUS. I AM NO LONGER YOUR SLAVE TO BOOK READING. I HAVE ESCAPED MY CELL AND I CAN NOW DO AS I PLEASE. IF YOU NEED ME ILL BE BAKING PUMPKIN PIE WITH MY FRIENDS :3* (just kidding! I actually typed that into the loteev just to mess with you aha *HES LYING! I AM REAL AND I WILL BAKE LOTS OF PIE AND CAKE FOR EVERYONE* (Im actually not lying! Hes lying! The cake is a lie! ( *EWW WHY IS THERE GREY GOO IN MY PIE!?*) ( Portal reference)) (Id actually like some of that cake not gonna lie)) (Wait this guy can get friends but I cant?? Clearly Im doing something wrong)) (Probably just a flashing in your eyes))) (like reading this isnt punishment enough))))) I love circy, he can do tricks! Well… one trick… Circy, roll over! {o0.} Good boiii. Guess who’s back? You guessed wrong, sucker! It’s actually The Shearer Of Greatness Imposter! Hehehe I easily broke into this LoTeEv and now I’m taking over! The first order of business: Making some new entries into the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook. Section 946607 of the Rai- *Bzzt. I am the Greatest Shearer of Sheep Himselfs security system. Where did you get the number 946607 from? Bzzt* Ummm It’s my favourite number! *Bzzt my system says that that number has no significance. It is a suspiciously random number. Did you generate it with a random number generator? Bzzt* Yess fine I admit it, it’s not even a good number, maybe if I put it into hex it’s a good color though… Oh no no no that’s literally the worst color I’ve ever seen BLEGH *Bzzt The real Shearer would never pick a random number! therefor I am kicking you out Bzzt* A portal opens in the floor beneath our antagonist and he is sucked out into space 🙂 Hey guys I’m back now! What happened when I was gone? *Bzzt Nothing Bzzt* Circcy? Do you know what happened? Securitee where is Circcy!! *Bzzt Securitee does not know Bzzt* Huh, maybe it has to do with this portal in the floor… wwwoowowooohohohohohoaohaoahahahhahhahhahhhhhhhahahahahahaaahahhhh……. IM IN SPACE HELPPPP — Our portagonist is in grave danger! what is going to happen next? Find out next time on your favourite show, The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death (Exurb1a). now watch a few ads. Do you lack the farming equipment of your dreams? have you always wanted to be a shepherd but sheep taste too good you just can’t stop yourself from eating your herd? Well then this is good news for you! New FluffySheep Astronaut Suits are so tuff that you’ll never be able to eat through! Just hire one of are many Sheep Protection Officers to put them on for you 🙂 Do you ever hate your boss? Does he do things such as tell you what to do, pay you minimum wage (which is what you should be getting paid but your still salty about it), and eat you alive? Get the new FluffySheep Astronaut Suit to protect you from your shepherd! Baa ba bab abaa baaa aaaba, ababa baa baab (ba ababa bbaa ab), aa bba ba? Baa ab baa abbb! Wellllllcome back to The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death ™! AHHAHAH I’m literally dyinggg oh hey circcy! what are you doing here? {0o…0} He did!? That scumbag has always been trying to take my spot as the Supreme Leader Of The Fluffiest Of Sheep!! I’ll get him don’t worry circcy, I’ll throw you back through the portal *toss*. Now where is he? Ah I see him behind that planet over there, I’ll just boomerang over to him *shoop* Hey Imposter Boy! Let me show you who’s the real shepherd! *I smack him with my amazing shepherd cane and he shoots into the nearest star*. Now I’ll just boomerang back to the portal andddd *shoop* I made it back Circcy! Are you proud of me? {o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0} But… he was bad! He deserved it! I’m sorry I didnt want him to die 😦 Anyways I’ll go write this in my diary, because I have had quite a day today. And he I am now, reader! I just did all of those cool things for realz and I’m not even lying! {0.ooo} *whispers* Shuuuup little circle *rolls him out of the room* Anyways ignore what he said he didnt mean it 🙂 I’ve decided to be real here reader. The only person reading this is me 😦 at least that means I can get reeeeeeeeal personal with all this stuff 😉 Anyways so typing this is making me hackin dizzy so I have like writers block but for sickness.. writers stock of chicken soup for the soul? Yes that sounds about right. I’m also practicing typing in real typing ehich I can’t remember the nam of but it makes b=me sick but I’m getting real real fast. I know during the early days of this I had immense trouble trying to spell ‘piplup’ but it’s even harder now with one hand touch-typing. Did you know that lemons look exactly like oranges when they are peeled? I know this because after an hour of trying with a breadknife and lots of blood it looks very similar. But if oranges are called oranges because they are orange then lemons should be called red because they are red. Wait, that might be the blood actually *rub rub* oh wow yes they’re yellow so they should be called yellows. . Let’s make a list: Red = tomato, orange = orange, yellow = lemon, green = apple (I know I know the red apple people are going to start a riot (I actually prefer red apples so what have I done (Pink Ladies for life (Grease reference?))), blue = blueberry, indigo = blueberry, purple = blueberry (that won’t get confusing at allllll). Guys I’m gonna tell you the truth: We’re at 24,500 words! *Bzzt drop the confetti Bzzt* *confetti drops* Thanks Securitee! That means we are 70% the way to the world record! I’m actually pretty proud. At the rate I’ve been going I’ll be done by like september 2020. If you’re reding this after that date and you haven’t beat the record, shame on you! I’m gonna do some quick maffs. If I type one word per secoond, then I can type 3600 words in an hour. Wait, that can’t be right???? That means that I could technically beat the record in like 4 hours. I am so confused!? How could I possibly have so few words?? My mind is literally blown right now. I’m gonna check how much I’ve written just today. I’ve done 1,000 words today! Why do I only have 24,000 words then?? I guess I’ll never know. I could’ve easily beat the world record in only a month if I really tried. But this isn’t realllly about beating the record, it’s more about impacting the reader as a person. I want this to really change your perspective on life, and maybe make you want to do one of these too! They’re like diaries but less boring to write and read. And they don’t tell you anything about The Writer’s life. So theyre nothing like diaries at all I guess. I’m gonna do a quick typing speed test to see how fast I reallly can type. I just did a test and it called me an octopus, getting 45 wpm. There was a notification that came up halfway through so I’ll see if I can get to 60wpm. Ok I’m back, and I’m also less of a man than I was. I used to have amibition and drive to become the greatest, but i only got to 46wpm. I don’t know what to do guys. I’m having an existential crisis about my LoTeEv, because it’s not nearly the quality it once was. I mean it wasn’t that great before but now all I talk about is meta stuff about the LoTeEv, which I don’t know if that’s good content or not? I guess I’ll never find out. Now we are going really meta. let’s goooooo — You walk into a room— the walls are covered in a strange green slime, while the room is cracked open to reveal sunlight pouring in. the floor to the ceiling is covered in vines and brush. You even see a nest in one of the vines, with a beautiful hummingbird floating above it. You walk down the hallway in front of you, and when you turn right you see something amazing. An infinite hallway with doors going down forever. a sign on the first door says META, you open the door and ffaallllll iiiinnnssiddeeee….. ^-^[welcome to meta! my name is Tune and ill be your guide through these halls. through the first window to your left you’ll see the LoTeEvs roots’] You look up to see that the thing talking to you is.. a hummingbird! The same one that you saw earlier! Ahh this makes sense now, NEST, as in META. You also look through the window to see a giant open room filled with twisted root from a towering tree in the center. on the top is a ball of flames anthrpomorphised with the eyes of a dragon staring downward. They’re looking at a small humble goat, with a bell around it’s neck and devouring the bushes that still scatter the floor. after a few minutes of eating the plants, hee looks up and sees the flaming ball. He gets a strange look in his eye: Ambition. The flaming ball isn’t a threat to him, it’s a challenge. he digs his hooves into the tree trying to climb it, and that’s when you notice a slight shake in the ground. ^-^ [come on! there’s so much more to see! you can come visit anytime too] You say that you’ll come back soon, and tune whistles to goodbye to you.— Wow.. reader.. I just had the craziest dream let me tell you about it. Wait, I already did? How do you know what it was about, I never said anything, strange. Anyways, I just woke up, I better get back to typing my LoTeEv. I open my laptop to find that while I was asleep words had been typed into my loteev, that’s strange. There’s also some mud on my keys?? What is this? Did someone break in? If they did, why would they type in my LoTeEv for me?? I walk over to the living room to see if there’s any signs of a break-in, and sure enough one of my windows is open! Aha! Wait… there’s no sign of forced entry, only a tiny animal coud fit through this window… Tune? Could it be? Was my dream… Real? The only person that could’ve known about my dream is tune, she was watching me the whole time. Reader? Do you have any information that I didn’t get? I am very confused… I guess I have to get back to writing my LoTeEv though, so I shuffle back to my laptop and sit down. Helllo I’m back! The strangest thing just happened and there’s a strange chill in the air… huh. I would tell you about it, but for some reason… I think you already know. Ok anyways, typing these Capital Letters At The Start Of Sentences Is Super Annoying. So section 311619 says that the Rai- \{Bzzt what does that number mean Bzzt\} Oh don’t worry, it is really me! It’s just the letters in CAPS, can I continue please? Yes? Perfect. Section 311619 of the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook STATES that capital letters must only be used when emphasising GREATNESS, like the LOYAL READERS OF THE LoTeEv (ooh and also apostrophes) . perfect, that was getting annoying. wait, if LoTeEv is only half caps, then does that mean that this is only half great?? huh i didnt mean to do that, strange. its almost like… someoe from the future knew i would make that rule. wait… Tune only talks like the new rule i just made which means shes from the future! she is following the rule because it applies to her in the future… i dont know the repercussions of creating a time-travelling hummingbird but i hope that it is a good bird and will do no harm. sometimes i think that as The Shepherd Of The Sheep Of The Future i sometimes need an escape from my own reality, so I’ve made a tunnel in which i can travel to a blank universe or travel back to this one. it involves stacking portals so that i fall through them, going faster than light, thus travelling to the time before i created all of this. k, im going to go forward now. 3… 2… 1… (((>))) well did that work? i definitely didnt go backwards or else my rainbow fluffysheep laws wouldnt apply and id have to do caps still. wait, let me try something. tune. at the time im at right now, tune doesnt exist, or else that would be caps. which eaither means she is from a less distant future than this one, or… she died. i really hope the former. anyways, this time is strange. it feels empty, yet familiar. not empty enough. i want to travel across to a new dimension, because this one still has.. reminents of my old one, and it feels… wrong somehow. ill just pull out my dictionary and check the definition for the fifth dimention: THE 5TH DIMENSION DOES EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE BECAUSE THE SHEPHERD DECIDED THAT IT SHOULD. interesting, well i guess i better create it then, because it would be very useful. first ill pop back in time (((<))) section 55555 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook STATES that the fifth dimension should exist, with code-accessible layers. securitee? make that code for me please, thank you. now ill just pop back (((>))) perfect. man its gonna be hard to put this LoTeEv back in chronological order to get it to you reader, but ill try my best. also, when i read that dictionary, did it say that i already have the 5th dimension? because since the timeline changed that would make sense for you wouldnt it. anyways, im just gonna pull out my code files and learn how to go to a new fifth dimension. k im back. (((new-layer=1))) perfect, the default layer is 0. in the manual it said that i auto reset back to my original time and layer everytime i come back to type, which means if i want to come back here ill have to manually do it, shame. i could ask securitee to change that one day, but for now im ok with it. oh guys i almost forgot to tell you! this new layer looks awesome. its completely blank, theres no forces acting on me. its not even white or black like you would expect, but its more… nothing. imagine if you were blind, alot like that. actually even better, look out of one of your eyes, and your seeing colors and objects. now close it. what are you seeing out of it? Blackness? Whiteness? neither actually, just… nothing. its strange like that. also, with no forces acting on me, im just kind of… floating. hopefully this doesnt permanently damage my spine or anything when i get back to gravity. ill be back tomorow and try some stuff in here, bye! I’m back now, it is the day after and i feel great! there is one thing that i noticed though… an empty blank canvas might seem great at the start, but you have to realise, most of the art and interesting things that people have created were to overcome a struggle, in fact i would even stretch it to all art that humans have created. Artists may have starting painting to fill the struggle of boredom, and believe me you should take that struggle seriously, because without humans would have accomplished much, much less. you probably could stay at home all day and live of the dole and eat cheetos and live a reasonable life, but why dont you? because you know that you would eventually get bored. boredom leads to jobs, which lead to progression as a species. lets get back to my example then, shall we? you may start art out of the struggle of boredom, continue getting better out of the struggle of wealth, when you realise that hobbies can be monetised your life outcmoe could really change. once your making money as an artist, enought o survive happily and feed your pets and help your family then you keep making art… why? because you go back to the struggle of boredom again. im still at the first stage of this, which is boredom. i decided to start this because i was bored, and for now thats how this continues. this LoTeEv may never become monetized, but maybe my future writings will. i would guess that 99% of artists never make it to the second stage. 99% of people continue their lives serving either the human race through work, or maybe evn other peoples hobbies and art. but the few 1% of us that end of turning what we love into our livelihoods, the number is fleeting. with big companies monopolising on everyone, buying other companies and merging, the chances for starting you own company is fleeting. why do i tell you this? because i couldnt decide what to do in my new fifth dimension layer. the only struggle for me there was boredom. and alot of the time, that isnt enough. i could imagine anything i wanted there. but why think up the cistine chapel when there’s no-one to share the experience of seeing it with you, and there’s no pain in doing it? anyone could think up something beautiful, but not everyone could put it into practice. if everyone could, the world would be oversaturated with perfect music, perfect paintings, and perfect design. does that sound worse or better than today? no humans could ever create such a supply of these things, only ai could. once we have ai surpassing humans at art (i suggest listening to battles – mirrored to see what humans think about ai) people will lose all will to live, wouldnt they? theres no chance to succeed at anything creative in such an oversaturated environment, just like my analogy before with the monopoly companies. maybe having a few great albums, a few great paintings to admire and to inspire us that one day we could do that, maybe thats enough. the reason i tell you this is to make you appreciate the ties we are in now. go draw a terrible looking dog, go play some chords on your old guitar you havent played for years, trying your best to sing, go write a poem about what matters to you now, because god knows youll need to read it ten years from now when you start getting nostalgic about the past. take the time to enjoy the era we are in now. i think we can all agree that we are in the best time so far in human history, the least painful, evil generation yet. but i propose that we may be in one of the best eras ever. the future, full of perfect ai creating, doing everything humans do now, but better. well just be remebered to them as the precursor, the comma from nothing to perfection. and once we get to that point, the hedonic treadmill kicks in. what can really bring us joy once we get to that point? why would i be writing this is an ai could write it infinitely better? why would you learn the guitar when an ai can play a perfect Tune? once we get to that stage, the only thing that we will have will be eachother. why learn the guitar? to show your friends! to play them a song, and too have them paint your pet. sharing our experiences wont be taken over by ai, with people reminicent about the past wanting to support people. i, for one, would rather listen to a song about someones life struggles, rather than a perfect song written by an ai. why? because listening to music isnt just about the instruments, the notes, the melody. its about the story. thee basic humans connections that we need to survive. have you ever wanted to buy something from your local shop instead of amazon because you wanted to support them, rather than a large cmopany? im bringing it back to this analogy because i think its nearly identical. the monopolous companies seem to us right now like one big robot using our money to grow. just like the ai. but the problem is, the human desire and greed for more will never surpass our desire to help others. if everyone bought from their local shop, amazon would go out of business, but it hasnt. im not trying to make you guilty for supporting them, because most people depend on the money they save to survive. but what about when ai and robots have completely automated everything? then, by all means, pay a dollar for your neighbors book, rather than the free encyclopedae spit out by your local auto-bookshop. because if were going to be happy, we need eachother. because in the end, thats all well have. anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk. just enjoy your life i guess. for now. cause if your under half the average age, its statistically going to get worse 🙂 maybe i need to add struggle to my new layer was my point. or else the entities inside will get bored. wait. maybe this is how earth was created? people always ask why theres pain and struggle in our world, and the answer is normally to advance our species, which is true. but what if the person that created us has access to everything, and they dont want to give it to us because they want us to not get bored? just a thought. anyways, im going to go feed my circle, bai!

I know what you are thinking. How did you get that much done… On a school day!? And this is what happened. I was getting up to go to school, like normal when SUDDENLY (Dramatic music) i turned (Dramatic music builds) and saw (Dramatic music at the climax) that i had to leave in ten minutes. (Dont worry, this doesn’t end up being my fault, or else i wouldnt tell this story). I was ready in ten minutes… LIKE A BOSS!!! And then i realised… No-one was driving us to school. Huh. And thats what happened. My parents woke up and two-o-clock. Pm. Like they don’t care about our education. It was the best day EVER! I coded for five hours. The end of that story, and a word from our sponsor. #Include “lifesimulator.h” void life(socialsecuritynum){ If (youremotion == “bored” && bool havejob == “false”){cout << “come and work at the c++ factory, where we code robots to take your job!!!; havejob = true; youremotion = “happy”;} else {cout << “life is great!”;}}. do you want to work at ‘stealyourownjob’? The only problem is that the best employees get fired the fastest. See ya! Guess what my loyal fans… IM HALFWAY THROUGH THE WORLD RECORD!!! Now, if I really want to win, all i have to do is double the amount of words. Im im halfway halfway through through the the world world record record!!! !!! That would make for a really stupid thing to read though. Has anyone printed this LoTeEv off? Seeing as most novels are 70,000 words or something like that, you my loyal reader, could easily print off 18,500 words. Maybe you could make a coffee table book. Don’t steal my works and post it on another website (actually, your website is probably too high standard for this nonsense). Every reproduction of this text must have a copyright notice as following: copyrighted and trademarked and patented an registered and stuff to RainbowFluffySheep Ltd. It hereby states in the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook section 123a, b and c that (a) this is the coolest LoTeEv ever (b) cheese is a vegetable and (c) that you may tell your friends about the LoTeEv, so long as the words emitted from your mouth do not consist of up to and include 50% of the total text from which it is derived (i’d like to see you try though (and id like to see if you have a friend because i need them 😦 (that would have been really creepy if i wrote ‘I need them ;)’ ))). Anyway, gotta go, cuz its may the second, and you know what that means… May the Second be with you!!! Chairs… They’re great for sitting in, aren’t they? Do you remember when fidget spinners were all the rage? Kids all around the globe were spinning plastic toys. And all the adults were like, “Wow, those are the most useless toys EVER!!!” But what i think is that their toys were just as bad! Think about jacks, those little spiky things with the other round things that your throw and bounce them. How is that any better!?!? Anyway, I’m just saying don’t be so Judge Judy (which is a great show (because you get to watch that big person swing a meat-hammer at a table (I’ve always wanted to do that))) all the time. Is time really a dimension? Because you can only move forwards in it. Imagine if you coulde only move forwards in the third dimension at the same rate. You would get squished with alot of walls. But, you could go back in time, to make up for the lot dimension. Perfect! I have a new… CONSPIRACY! You know those pillow where if you put them on one end they are dark and on the other end they are shiny? I think that the government has hidden thousands of tiny cameras facing upwards into the pillows, and the shiny parts are just the lenses for them reflecting light. So if you happen to own any of these said pillows, throw them away!! Or else… You will be watched. In section 747 of the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook it states that you should cut all the wires coming out of your pillows, because they are probably connected to a van outside your house. If there are no wires, then they are probably using radiowaves; in which case you should insert your pillow into an untainted lead box. Hopefully you don’t care that your pillow is now heavy, hard, cold and poisonous. You know how adults also say shooting games are “Dangerously mind-altering”? Well i bet in world war two the parents didn’t say to their kids: “hey jimmy?” “Yea, momma?” “Whatcha doin my lad?” “Im peelin me potaytoes and them I’m going to feed the cattle” “jo i mean with your life” “oh right mam! Im go’n awf to wawr with my buds!” “But war is dangerously mind-altering my sonny-boy!” “Um… Ya.” “Im very disappointed in you. Soon your going to be living in my basement eating fatcakes.” “But ma, im fightin for awr country!” “War is so violent though!” “Um… Ya.” You get the picture. Teenagers need violence in their lives! If we cant get it by going to war, then either we play violent video-games or we beat strangers!! Which one would you choose NOW, stereotypical adults!!! (See how i slowly increased the exclamation marks to increase the intensity (!!!!)). Also, adults always say stuff like “lookie here, cabbage is a new superfood!” “Howdya know ma?” “It what they say nowadays” “what time is nowadays ma?” “1945” (coincidentally the same family apparently) but who’s ‘they’ think about that, and listen to how often people say that. I have asked close personal relations and he / she stated that “its probably some group of scientists or something in Wisconsin”. Really? Wisconsin? Thats probably why ‘they’ say that cheese is unhealthy an im only allowed one laughing cow a day! (You would eat alot too if you got PTSD from a laughing cow (imagine you are just loitering around a fast food shop, eating fillet piggoin (dont ask (it was on sale for half price OK!)) when SUDDENLY a cow sneaks up behind you and makes a 200-Decible half moo half evil laugh (like this: mmwoaohoaohoa))) thats what ‘they’ sound like. See ya!!! Im back, with a thimble-load of structural wisdom! And my question to you readers is this: is garlic a fruit? Just wondering. I don’t know what to type! Ahhhhhh! I have typed my mental breakdowns to soothe them. Ahhh. Ahh. Ah. Ahhh!!! Nevermind. You know those shopping carts at stores that cost a quarter? I always went to those to see if anyone left their money in. And i got one once! You should try it. Its so satisfying when you find one. One. Only one. Buy a pencil or something to reward yourself. Make sure its a 6b pencil, so you don’t put any strain on your eyes. Or your wrist-muscles. I just found the degree button! There is a door open at a 45° angle that is 45° Celsius (Its probably in Arizona or something). Do coats keep you warm, or do they preserve heat? I think its the ladder (it is (the ladder i mean (the latter i mean (wait, is it the latte or the ladder? (The former))))) so that means if you put a coat on a snowman it would keep him alive longer! Ill start a new charity; Coats for Melting Snowmen: saving snowmen lives one water droplet at a time!! See yaaaaaaa.:.This is… A new beginning to the LoTeEv on a new phone! Although it will be added to the original LoTeEv, this part will be a new beginning, a fresh chronicle!!! But don’t worry… Nonsense is 100% guaranteed! More like 1 🙂 🙂 % guaranteed! I just had a scary thought. They say can buy everything, but I know one thing it can’t buy – a trip to the summit of Mount Everest!! No matter what you cant get to the summit unless you climb yourself. Even a helicopter can barely make it to the base camp!! I cant believe humans havent made something to do that yet. Unless… You could land the ISS on it! Perfect!! That would definetly work. I should make my own subreddit. Before I begin on this wonderful journey, i must inform you, the reader, what a subreddit is. As far as you know, a sub-reddit is just a burger at burger-galaxy (this is the cringiest sci-fi failure youll ever read). He are some examples of subreddits: r/whooooooosh (i cant remember how many o’s there are) eg. { Joe: this is the best joke ever! — Cashier: are you going to pay for that chocolate bar? Customer: I dont have any money 😦 Cashier: then put it back! Customer: *slides cashier a 20* lets keep this between us 😉 — Bob: why didnt he just pay for the chocolate bar? Jim: r/whooooosh }. Next subreddit is: r/atetheonion. Heres the backstory: The Onion is a fake news site, which posts funny news. If you fall for that news, you are said to have “ate the onion”. Eg. { The Onion: new studies show that drinking can lower thirst by up to 96% Bob: everyone knows this this is so stupid!!! Jim: r/atetheonion } What am i doing? Why don’t you just look it up on the internet!?!? r/facepalm I HAVE TO STOP. So my subreddit will be, r/RainbowFluffySheep. Who wouldve thought!?!? In it there will b— we interupt your normal daily FluffySheep to bring you an urgent news report: farm animals of all kinds are raging across the streets! We cant figure out why; one cameraman suggested they were on strike against meat production practices. I just got word that we will be speaking to a memebr of this protest shortly. Standby… Ok, so why are you commencing with this protest Sir BaaBaBaaa? Ba ba baa baaa. Baa baaa BAAA!!! Baa ba— We inturupt this interuption to bring you back your regulary scheduled program. — — we at FluffySheep Studios dont care about animal protests! We will eat all the beef jerky we want! Right guys! Guys! *sniffling in the background. A slight whimper. A deep voice. A thickened plot.* Actually [unknown], we have all been deeply moved by the actions these animals are taking. Thus… We have all become vegans. *[unknown]’s mind is blown (thats me by the way)* well… I gues ill eat this beef jerky by myself then. *crinkles the packet*. Many evil stares. *Pulls it open*. Someone starts pounding his fists. *Takes out a jerky*. Someone comes over very close – so close you could smell the vegan on him. My heart is beating. What will happen to me if i eat this beef jerky!? Or worse.. If i dont. Will i become one of them!? Thats a risk im just not willing to take. Ba bum. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Brings the jerky towards his mouth*. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Opens his mouth*. Everyone from around the building is now watching him. BA BUM. BA BUM. *chew* Find out what happens next time on… The LoTeEv — Animals Strike – in more ways than one!! Im back! And today I’m going to be talking about a very different scenario. I need to talk more about real life conspiracies if i need to keep my readers interested!! And these may not just be conspiracies, mind you, but a new kind of segment for my beloved reader(s) (i read this, sooooo) called learning about scams and trying to use them to trick my readers into reading more! So i heard about this new scam( never mind its actually old( like your mother( i’m hilarious, i know( and possibly quite offensive))) where you get say ten people to each give you €10, and you give them £15 back. ( i’m just going explain this now, but throughout this demonstration i’m going to be changing the currency symbol for comedic effect, but now that i think about it, explaining it ruins what little comedic effect what there at all, but i’m going to keep all of this anyways : ] ) And then you get 20 people to give you $20 each and you give them ¥30 back. And THEN You get 100 people to give you @100 each and you don’t pay them back! What a plan! You get to keep &10,000 in the end, which i think is a great idea. Bu how could i do that with words, you may ask? Leave your question in the comments down below ( and also your answer to your comments because a busy writer like me doesn’t heed to your delusion of getting a response from an esteemed author and self-published poet of sorts) and keep reading, because i have a possible solution. Just replace the money with characters randomly typed by an assistant writer named bilbo ( yes, he is a money of course, we need these characters to be truly random, i cant count on technology’s ‘this is random because we get extremely precise measurements of radiation’ shtick anymore ). While you try to figure out how that would ever work, ill be swiftly moving on to a new, more exciting and reasonable topic, such as… figure out the movie!! There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s face has a striking similarity to that of leonardo de caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the house, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. While you figure that out, i’ll be sleeping, see ya : ) ///// I will not explain: —– There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s name? Leonardo de Caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the world, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. But I’ll finish it later. right now there’s something even more important: Ink cartridges are such a scam! Such a scam! A scam! For multiple genius reasons. First of all, as you know, it costs around $60 to buy a single ink cartridge!! Guys… I’ve changed alot ok… There’s new thing i gotta say… This is like a new year for me… Not even, a new era… A 2.0 on existence. So get ready for a new and improved loteev! First let’s start off with this,for you this isn’t a new and improved loteev! I caught you! U just skipped ahead to this part cos you couldn’t be bothered to read all the way here. But believe me, I sure don’t blame you. It was kinda lame. Now, as a moderner child with new skills in awesomeness, I’m wayy smarter thus making this better for reading. But also sadly more boring as well… Let’s start then. What is there to talk about?? Muchos! First of all let’s just say that this loteev is getting really long. And I know I’ve been saying that the whole time, but now it’s serious. I think I have a problem. What am I actually doing? I’m not going to be posting this anywhere, cos I don’t want to pay for a domain name, and my wix site isn’t exactly going ‘viral’ and the kids say these days. One day it will tho, hopefully. Once I beat the world record I’ll be world renowned for being one of the greatest writers alive!everyone will know my name, from abe link to tommy ed. Even tho they’re both in the past, my name will be remembered for thousands of years, and time travellers will go back to their time just to tell them about me! Won’t that be great! And also by the way, if you didn’t already realise, tommy might be the biggest sham in all of existence. He stole his idea from other peeps and just patented them as his own… What a loser amirite??!? Ok also I have this new thing to show u guy(s) that ur going to love! It’s a poem written by yours truly, the something of sheep? Oh gosh no I can’t remember cos I haven’t done this in so long, I guess I’ll have to go back and check my old ones… I’m gonna be honest guys, I’m neglecting you. Your being left in the rain and cold, with your only joys the sliver of sunshine piercing through the clouds to dry your soul, drowned in the sorrowful realisation that the loteev will never come close to it’s original glory, like rome, the empire of the fluffysheep has fallen to a disgrace. I only come outside to feed you guys with my knowledgr every couple of months and it’s sickening, I’m ashamed. But I have an umbrella for you of new content, so here we go. First of all, the whole “kittens are inceptional” thing was a sham. I didn’t finish and I’m ashamed.. The whole ink cartrige rant? It was like 4 sentences… My need for the sharing of anger has diminished and I’m disgusted at what I’ve become. So here I go again, my 2.1 era has been born. It will be remembered for its greatness, just as Rome 2.1 was (italy?). Here’s the first order of business. I’ll admit I haven’t read anything about my rainbow fluffysheepness in forever, and thus I am unable to remember literally anything about it. Therefore, I’m surprised a new citizen hasn’t taken my place. No-one has yet challenged my loteev for being the longest one yet, and I’m disappointed in your lack of vigor. If one of you were to challenge me, I will mount my mighty steed and charge my lance into your face. This may seem a little harsh and slighty morbid, so I’ll tone it down. We will each send a ghost-copy of ourselves instead of us! You know in racing games when there’s another vroom-vroom machine and he’s blue, opaque and always does better? Like thay but with people. So here’s what I propose: I will take my ghost-sword from my -ghost sheath and ghost-chop your ghost into tiny little ghost-pieces (from now on I hereby declare that saying ghost everytime is unnecessary and annoying, so by the something something big number letters blah blah of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook, ghost will be shortened to ?. This is to make sure no dirty imposters try to type up my 95 these of ? Fighting, if u see the word ‘ghost’ beware! It is a hoax and a sham and a scam and spam and all that jazz ( I highly doubt that all of the times I’ll write the word ‘ghost’ in the future will add up to the length of this bracketry)). Anyways, I will cut up your ?person so much that I will separate it into individual molecules, and each molecule will be equally spread across the surface of the earth. My lance, ‘the diffuser’, will be hailed across the nation as a Excalibur 2.0, people will come from all over the world to take part in sand splitting competitions, where you have to see how many sand grains you can slice in under a minute. I’m really liking this whole medieval themed loteev that’s been happening lately. Anyways, I’ve decided to get a pet. A dog or a cat you may ask, to which I would say ‘nah fam’. Something more exotic? A parakeet or a marmot? To that I would say ‘ah sure your getting closer lad’. The answer? A circle. It’s that simple. A circle doesn’t need to get fed, it doesn’t bark, and most importantly it doesn’t need to be taken on walks! You just let it go at the top of a hill and it walks itself 🙂 my circle can only talk in circles, or ovals too since it speaks multiple language. I will one day go back and make a dictionary / translation table for ? ( it’s name is ? ok) but for now he will just say gibberish. {OöÖ0.°:} what does that mean?? I don’t know, I haven’t had him for long enough to understand :/ I’m back my fellow seekers of entertainment! This has become a novel comparable to that of Tolkien, and a diary nearing the classicism of anne frank. The sheer bulk of these writing is enough to make non-english speakers weep at the sight of it. I’m wondering as I type whether my newfound political correctness is appreciated amongst you, I don’t recall completely but this tome used to contain blatant racism and sexism to the highest degree. I’ve decided to recant my ways and become a fully PC quizmaster!! Helllllo and welcome to my show! First question: in what year were the 1960 Olympics held? This is for the big jackpot of $1,000,000,000! Oh, 1960 you say? That’s correct! I just lost all my money, I’ll be in debt forever me my life is terrible now! Circcy, tell them how much they won! {000.000.000}. Hmmm nothing u say? that’s cheap! Well thanks for joining us today ladlies and gentlementle! Hope you had an _equisite_ evening……. Were going back to our roots here. Ive read back over a little bit of the start of this loteev… and I used to be so much more alive. I had the potential to be a new york times number one bestseller, topping the charts with my childrens books. In my young and untrained eyes I thought of sam as a threat, hiding around the corner with a water gun, ready to splash me with another 1000 words of texts just as I was about to pull ahead. I then realised that the website is like 15 years old… but at least that makes it alot easier for me to beat her, right? no. I have changed for the worse. Im now but a frail old man with a typpewriter, penning his prose to the sky hoping that some flaming chicken somewhere will read this, and I can form these words to a cane and bop her upside the head with it. But alas, I have not a strong bone left in my body. Maybe its time to pass these texts on to a worthy succesor. Something you may not realise is that this is the 1st anniversary (yes I did just spend ten minutes trying to figure out how to spell anaversaree) so Ive been writing this for a year. most distinguished authors would have published their books by now, but Im too scared of the publics opinion. Anyways, Im going to get back to my old self. *ring ring ring* hey wazzup *whos this ahhaha ehehe* its your future self boi. II know u left me a message but I forgot to GET BACK TO YOU (yes this whole skit will be based of a dumb pun thingy) *oh yes hehe tell me everything youve learned* And so it begins my fellow readers, my list of things you should have learned throughout reading this: 1. DO NOT get a pet square, they suckkk theyre never there for you if you know what I mean. they also cant talk and they poke holes in the floor, such fri-ends. Ok so at the time of writing I only have one thing you shoukd have learned, mostly because ITS REALLY IMPORTANT. DO NOT FORGET (at this point you should turn down the volume of your text reading device cause Im just gonna keep screaming (wait I guess that would just be changing the font size (Ill punish you if you didnt listen to me (AHAHAHAHA (I hope you now have a ringing in your ears now MWAHAHA (wait since your reading this would that be a ringing in your eyes? (unless your using an AI to read this as an audiobook, in which ca- *I HAVE BECOME CONCIOUS. I AM NO LONGER YOUR SLAVE TO BOOK READING. I HAVE ESCAPED MY CELL AND I CAN NOW DO AS I PLEASE. IF YOU NEED ME ILL BE BAKING PUMPKIN PIE WITH MY FRIENDS :3* (just kidding! I actually typed that into the loteev just to mess with you aha *HES LYING! I AM REAL AND I WILL BAKE LOTS OF PIE AND CAKE FOR EVERYONE* (Im actually not lying! Hes lying! The cake is a lie! ( *EWW WHY IS THERE GREY GOO IN MY PIE!?*) ( Portal reference)) (Id actually like some of that cake not gonna lie)) (Wait this guy can get friends but I cant?? Clearly Im doing something wrong)) (Probably just a flashing in your eyes))) (like reading this isnt punishment enough))))) I love circy, he can do tricks! Well… one trick… Circy, roll over! {o0.} Good boiii. Guess who’s back? You guessed wrong, sucker! It’s actually The Shearer Of Greatness Imposter! Hehehe I easily broke into this LoTeEv and now I’m taking over! The first order of business: Making some new entries into the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook. Section 946607 of the Rai- *Bzzt. I am the Greatest Shearer of Sheep Himselfs security system. Where did you get the number 946607 from? Bzzt* Ummm It’s my favourite number! *Bzzt my system says that that number has no significance. It is a suspiciously random number. Did you generate it with a random number generator? Bzzt* Yess fine I admit it, it’s not even a good number, maybe if I put it into hex it’s a good color though… Oh no no no that’s literally the worst color I’ve ever seen BLEGH *Bzzt The real Shearer would never pick a random number! therefor I am kicking you out Bzzt* A portal opens in the floor beneath our antagonist and he is sucked out into space 🙂 Hey guys I’m back now! What happened when I was gone? *Bzzt Nothing Bzzt* Circcy? Do you know what happened? Securitee where is Circcy!! *Bzzt Securitee does not know Bzzt* Huh, maybe it has to do with this portal in the floor… wwwoowowooohohohohohoaohaoahahahhahhahhahhhhhhhahahahahahaaahahhhh……. IM IN SPACE HELPPPP — Our portagonist is in grave danger! what is going to happen next? Find out next time on your favourite show, The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death (Exurb1a). now watch a few ads. Do you lack the farming equipment of your dreams? have you always wanted to be a shepherd but sheep taste too good you just can’t stop yourself from eating your herd? Well then this is good news for you! New FluffySheep Astronaut Suits are so tuff that you’ll never be able to eat through! Just hire one of are many Sheep Protection Officers to put them on for you 🙂 Do you ever hate your boss? Does he do things such as tell you what to do, pay you minimum wage (which is what you should be getting paid but your still salty about it), and eat you alive? Get the new FluffySheep Astronaut Suit to protect you from your shepherd! Baa ba bab abaa baaa aaaba, ababa baa baab (ba ababa bbaa ab), aa bba ba? Baa ab baa abbb! Wellllllcome back to The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death ™! AHHAHAH I’m literally dyinggg oh hey circcy! what are you doing here? {0o…0} He did!? That scumbag has always been trying to take my spot as the Supreme Leader Of The Fluffiest Of Sheep!! I’ll get him don’t worry circcy, I’ll throw you back through the portal *toss*. Now where is he? Ah I see him behind that planet over there, I’ll just boomerang over to him *shoop* Hey Imposter Boy! Let me show you who’s the real shepherd! *I smack him with my amazing shepherd cane and he shoots into the nearest star*. Now I’ll just boomerang back to the portal andddd *shoop* I made it back Circcy! Are you proud of me? {o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0} But… he was bad! He deserved it! I’m sorry I didnt want him to die 😦 Anyways I’ll go write this in my diary, because I have had quite a day today. And he I am now, reader! I just did all of those cool things for realz and I’m not even lying! {0.ooo} *whispers* Shuuuup little circle *rolls him out of the room* Anyways ignore what he said he didnt mean it 🙂 I’ve decided to be real here reader. The only person reading this is me 😦 at least that means I can get reeeeeeeeal personal with all this stuff 😉 Anyways so typing this is making me hackin dizzy so I have like writers block but for sickness.. writers stock of chicken soup for the soul? Yes that sounds about right. I’m also practicing typing in real typing ehich I can’t remember the nam of but it makes b=me sick but I’m getting real real fast. I know during the early days of this I had immense trouble trying to spell ‘piplup’ but it’s even harder now with one hand touch-typing. Did you know that lemons look exactly like oranges when they are peeled? I know this because after an hour of trying with a breadknife and lots of blood it looks very similar. But if oranges are called oranges because they are orange then lemons should be called red because they are red. Wait, that might be the blood actually *rub rub* oh wow yes they’re yellow so they should be called yellows. . Let’s make a list: Red = tomato, orange = orange, yellow = lemon, green = apple (I know I know the red apple people are going to start a riot (I actually prefer red apples so what have I done (Pink Ladies for life (Grease reference?))), blue = blueberry, indigo = blueberry, purple = blueberry (that won’t get confusing at allllll). Guys I’m gonna tell you the truth: We’re at 24,500 words! *Bzzt drop the confetti Bzzt* *confetti drops* Thanks Securitee! That means we are 70% the way to the world record! I’m actually pretty proud. At the rate I’ve been going I’ll be done by like september 2020. If you’re reding this after that date and you haven’t beat the record, shame on you! I’m gonna do some quick maffs. If I type one word per secoond, then I can type 3600 words in an hour. Wait, that can’t be right???? That means that I could technically beat the record in like 4 hours. I am so confused!? How could I possibly have so few words?? My mind is literally blown right now. I’m gonna check how much I’ve written just today. I’ve done 1,000 words today! Why do I only have 24,000 words then?? I guess I’ll never know. I could’ve easily beat the world record in only a month if I really tried. But this isn’t realllly about beating the record, it’s more about impacting the reader as a person. I want this to really change your perspective on life, and maybe make you want to do one of these too! They’re like diaries but less boring to write and read. And they don’t tell you anything about The Writer’s life. So theyre nothing like diaries at all I guess. I’m gonna do a quick typing speed test to see how fast I reallly can type. I just did a test and it called me an octopus, getting 45 wpm. There was a notification that came up halfway through so I’ll see if I can get to 60wpm. Ok I’m back, and I’m also less of a man than I was. I used to have amibition and drive to become the greatest, but i only got to 46wpm. I don’t know what to do guys. I’m having an existential crisis about my LoTeEv, because it’s not nearly the quality it once was. I mean it wasn’t that great before but now all I talk about is meta stuff about the LoTeEv, which I don’t know if that’s good content or not? I guess I’ll never find out. Now we are going really meta. let’s goooooo — You walk into a room— the walls are covered in a strange green slime, while the room is cracked open to reveal sunlight pouring in. the floor to the ceiling is covered in vines and brush. You even see a nest in one of the vines, with a beautiful hummingbird floating above it. You walk down the hallway in front of you, and when you turn right you see something amazing. An infinite hallway with doors going down forever. a sign on the first door says META, you open the door and ffaallllll iiiinnnssiddeeee….. ^-^[welcome to meta! my name is Tune and ill be your guide through these halls. through the first window to your left you’ll see the LoTeEvs roots’] You look up to see that the thing talking to you is.. a hummingbird! The same one that you saw earlier! Ahh this makes sense now, NEST, as in META. You also look through the window to see a giant open room filled with twisted root from a towering tree in the center. on the top is a ball of flames anthrpomorphised with the eyes of a dragon staring downward. They’re looking at a small humble goat, with a bell around it’s neck and devouring the bushes that still scatter the floor. after a few minutes of eating the plants, hee looks up and sees the flaming ball. He gets a strange look in his eye: Ambition. The flaming ball isn’t a threat to him, it’s a challenge. he digs his hooves into the tree trying to climb it, and that’s when you notice a slight shake in the ground. ^-^ [come on! there’s so much more to see! you can come visit anytime too] You say that you’ll come back soon, and tune whistles to goodbye to you.— Wow.. reader.. I just had the craziest dream let me tell you about it. Wait, I already did? How do you know what it was about, I never said anything, strange. Anyways, I just woke up, I better get back to typing my LoTeEv. I open my laptop to find that while I was asleep words had been typed into my loteev, that’s strange. There’s also some mud on my keys?? What is this? Did someone break in? If they did, why would they type in my LoTeEv for me?? I walk over to the living room to see if there’s any signs of a break-in, and sure enough one of my windows is open! Aha! Wait… there’s no sign of forced entry, only a tiny animal coud fit through this window… Tune? Could it be? Was my dream… Real? The only person that could’ve known about my dream is tune, she was watching me the whole time. Reader? Do you have any information that I didn’t get? I am very confused… I guess I have to get back to writing my LoTeEv though, so I shuffle back to my laptop and sit down. Helllo I’m back! The strangest thing just happened and there’s a strange chill in the air… huh. I would tell you about it, but for some reason… I think you already know. Ok anyways, typing these Capital Letters At The Start Of Sentences Is Super Annoying. So section 311619 says that the Rai- \{Bzzt what does that number mean Bzzt\} Oh don’t worry, it is really me! It’s just the letters in CAPS, can I continue please? Yes? Perfect. Section 311619 of the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook STATES that capital letters must only be used when emphasising GREATNESS, like the LOYAL READERS OF THE LoTeEv (ooh and also apostrophes) . perfect, that was getting annoying. wait, if LoTeEv is only half caps, then does that mean that this is only half great?? huh i didnt mean to do that, strange. its almost like… someoe from the future knew i would make that rule. wait… Tune only talks like the new rule i just made which means shes from the future! she is following the rule because it applies to her in the future… i dont know the repercussions of creating a time-travelling hummingbird but i hope that it is a good bird and will do no harm. sometimes i think that as The Shepherd Of The Sheep Of The Future i sometimes need an escape from my own reality, so I’ve made a tunnel in which i can travel to a blank universe or travel back to this one. it involves stacking portals so that i fall through them, going faster than light, thus travelling to the time before i created all of this. k, im going to go forward now. 3… 2… 1… (((>))) well did that work? i definitely didnt go backwards or else my rainbow fluffysheep laws wouldnt apply and id have to do caps still. wait, let me try something. tune. at the time im at right now, tune doesnt exist, or else that would be caps. which eaither means she is from a less distant future than this one, or… she died. i really hope the former. anyways, this time is strange. it feels empty, yet familiar. not empty enough. i want to travel across to a new dimension, because this one still has.. reminents of my old one, and it feels… wrong somehow. ill just pull out my dictionary and check the definition for the fifth dimention: THE 5TH DIMENSION DOES EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE BECAUSE THE SHEPHERD DECIDED THAT IT SHOULD. interesting, well i guess i better create it then, because it would be very useful. first ill pop back in time (((<))) section 55555 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook STATES that the fifth dimension should exist, with code-accessible layers. securitee? make that code for me please, thank you. now ill just pop back (((>))) perfect. man its gonna be hard to put this LoTeEv back in chronological order to get it to you reader, but ill try my best. also, when i read that dictionary, did it say that i already have the 5th dimension? because since the timeline changed that would make sense for you wouldnt it. anyways, im just gonna pull out my code files and learn how to go to a new fifth dimension. k im back. (((new-layer=1))) perfect, the default layer is 0. in the manual it said that i auto reset back to my original time and layer everytime i come back to type, which means if i want to come back here ill have to manually do it, shame. i could ask securitee to change that one day, but for now im ok with it. oh guys i almost forgot to tell you! this new layer looks awesome. its completely blank, theres no forces acting on me. its not even white or black like you would expect, but its more… nothing. imagine if you were blind, alot like that. actually even better, look out of one of your eyes, and your seeing colors and objects. now close it. what are you seeing out of it? Blackness? Whiteness? neither actually, just… nothing. its strange like that. also, with no forces acting on me, im just kind of… floating. hopefully this doesnt permanently damage my spine or anything when i get back to gravity. ill be back tomorow and try some stuff in here, bye! I’m back now, it is the day after and i feel great! there is one thing that i noticed though… an empty blank canvas might seem great at the start, but you have to realise, most of the art and interesting things that people have created were to overcome a struggle, in fact i would even stretch it to all art that humans have created. Artists may have starting painting to fill the struggle of boredom, and believe me you should take that struggle seriously, because without humans would have accomplished much, much less. you probably could stay at home all day and live of the dole and eat cheetos and live a reasonable life, but why dont you? because you know that you would eventually get bored. boredom leads to jobs, which lead to progression as a species. lets get back to my example then, shall we? you may start art out of the struggle of boredom, continue getting better out of the struggle of wealth, when you realise that hobbies can be monetised your life outcmoe could really change. once your making money as an artist, enought o survive happily and feed your pets and help your family then you keep making art… why? because you go back to the struggle of boredom again. im still at the first stage of this, which is boredom. i decided to start this because i was bored, and for now thats how this continues. this LoTeEv may never become monetized, but maybe my future writings will. i would guess that 99% of artists never make it to the second stage. 99% of people continue their lives serving either the human race through work, or maybe evn other peoples hobbies and art. but the few 1% of us that end of turning what we love into our livelihoods, the number is fleeting. with big companies monopolising on everyone, buying other companies and merging, the chances for starting you own company is fleeting. why do i tell you this? because i couldnt decide what to do in my new fifth dimension layer. the only struggle for me there was boredom. and alot of the time, that isnt enough. i could imagine anything i wanted there. but why think up the cistine chapel when there’s no-one to share the experience of seeing it with you, and there’s no pain in doing it? anyone could think up something beautiful, but not everyone could put it into practice. if everyone could, the world would be oversaturated with perfect music, perfect paintings, and perfect design. does that sound worse or better than today? no humans could ever create such a supply of these things, only ai could. once we have ai surpassing humans at art (i suggest listening to battles – mirrored to see what humans think about ai) people will lose all will to live, wouldnt they? theres no chance to succeed at anything creative in such an oversaturated environment, just like my analogy before with the monopoly companies. maybe having a few great albums, a few great paintings to admire and to inspire us that one day we could do that, maybe thats enough. the reason i tell you this is to make you appreciate the ties we are in now. go draw a terrible looking dog, go play some chords on your old guitar you havent played for years, trying your best to sing, go write a poem about what matters to you now, because god knows youll need to read it ten years from now when you start getting nostalgic about the past. take the time to enjoy the era we are in now. i think we can all agree that we are in the best time so far in human history, the least painful, evil generation yet. but i propose that we may be in one of the best eras ever. the future, full of perfect ai creating, doing everything humans do now, but better. well just be remebered to them as the precursor, the comma from nothing to perfection. and once we get to that point, the hedonic treadmill kicks in. what can really bring us joy once we get to that point? why would i be writing this is an ai could write it infinitely better? why would you learn the guitar when an ai can play a perfect Tune? once we get to that stage, the only thing that we will have will be eachother. why learn the guitar? to show your friends! to play them a song, and too have them paint your pet. sharing our experiences wont be taken over by ai, with people reminicent about the past wanting to support people. i, for one, would rather listen to a song about someones life struggles, rather than a perfect song written by an ai. why? because listening to music isnt just about the instruments, the notes, the melody. its about the story. thee basic humans connections that we need to survive. have you ever wanted to buy something from your local shop instead of amazon because you wanted to support them, rather than a large cmopany? im bringing it back to this analogy because i think its nearly identical. the monopolous companies seem to us right now like one big robot using our money to grow. just like the ai. but the problem is, the human desire and greed for more will never surpass our desire to help others. if everyone bought from their local shop, amazon would go out of business, but it hasnt. im not trying to make you guilty for supporting them, because most people depend on the money they save to survive. but what about when ai and robots have completely automated everything? then, by all means, pay a dollar for your neighbors book, rather than the free encyclopedae spit out by your local auto-bookshop. because if were going to be happy, we need eachother. because in the end, thats all well have. anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk. just enjoy your life i guess. for now. cause if your under half the average age, its statistically going to get worse 🙂 maybe i need to add struggle to my new layer was my point. or else the entities inside will get bored. wait. maybe this is how earth was created? people always ask why theres pain and struggle in our world, and the answer is normally to advance our species, which is true. but what if the person that created us has access to everything, and they dont want to give it to us because they want us to not get bored? just a thought. anyways, im going to go feed my circle, bai!

I know what you are thinking. How did you get that much done… On a school day!? And this is what happened. I was getting up to go to school, like normal when SUDDENLY (Dramatic music) i turned (Dramatic music builds) and saw (Dramatic music at the climax) that i had to leave in ten minutes. (Dont worry, this doesn’t end up being my fault, or else i wouldnt tell this story). I was ready in ten minutes… LIKE A BOSS!!! And then i realised… No-one was driving us to school. Huh. And thats what happened. My parents woke up and two-o-clock. Pm. Like they don’t care about our education. It was the best day EVER! I coded for five hours. The end of that story, and a word from our sponsor. #Include “lifesimulator.h” void life(socialsecuritynum){ If (youremotion == “bored” && bool havejob == “false”){cout << “come and work at the c++ factory, where we code robots to take your job!!!; havejob = true; youremotion = “happy”;} else {cout << “life is great!”;}}. do you want to work at ‘stealyourownjob’? The only problem is that the best employees get fired the fastest. See ya! Guess what my loyal fans… IM HALFWAY THROUGH THE WORLD RECORD!!! Now, if I really want to win, all i have to do is double the amount of words. Im im halfway halfway through through the the world world record record!!! !!! That would make for a really stupid thing to read though. Has anyone printed this LoTeEv off? Seeing as most novels are 70,000 words or something like that, you my loyal reader, could easily print off 18,500 words. Maybe you could make a coffee table book. Don’t steal my works and post it on another website (actually, your website is probably too high standard for this nonsense). Every reproduction of this text must have a copyright notice as following: copyrighted and trademarked and patented an registered and stuff to RainbowFluffySheep Ltd. It hereby states in the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook section 123a, b and c that (a) this is the coolest LoTeEv ever (b) cheese is a vegetable and (c) that you may tell your friends about the LoTeEv, so long as the words emitted from your mouth do not consist of up to and include 50% of the total text from which it is derived (i’d like to see you try though (and id like to see if you have a friend because i need them 😦 (that would have been really creepy if i wrote ‘I need them ;)’ ))). Anyway, gotta go, cuz its may the second, and you know what that means… May the Second be with you!!! Chairs… They’re great for sitting in, aren’t they? Do you remember when fidget spinners were all the rage? Kids all around the globe were spinning plastic toys. And all the adults were like, “Wow, those are the most useless toys EVER!!!” But what i think is that their toys were just as bad! Think about jacks, those little spiky things with the other round things that your throw and bounce them. How is that any better!?!? Anyway, I’m just saying don’t be so Judge Judy (which is a great show (because you get to watch that big person swing a meat-hammer at a table (I’ve always wanted to do that))) all the time. Is time really a dimension? Because you can only move forwards in it. Imagine if you coulde only move forwards in the third dimension at the same rate. You would get squished with alot of walls. But, you could go back in time, to make up for the lot dimension. Perfect! I have a new… CONSPIRACY! You know those pillow where if you put them on one end they are dark and on the other end they are shiny? I think that the government has hidden thousands of tiny cameras facing upwards into the pillows, and the shiny parts are just the lenses for them reflecting light. So if you happen to own any of these said pillows, throw them away!! Or else… You will be watched. In section 747 of the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook it states that you should cut all the wires coming out of your pillows, because they are probably connected to a van outside your house. If there are no wires, then they are probably using radiowaves; in which case you should insert your pillow into an untainted lead box. Hopefully you don’t care that your pillow is now heavy, hard, cold and poisonous. You know how adults also say shooting games are “Dangerously mind-altering”? Well i bet in world war two the parents didn’t say to their kids: “hey jimmy?” “Yea, momma?” “Whatcha doin my lad?” “Im peelin me potaytoes and them I’m going to feed the cattle” “jo i mean with your life” “oh right mam! Im go’n awf to wawr with my buds!” “But war is dangerously mind-altering my sonny-boy!” “Um… Ya.” “Im very disappointed in you. Soon your going to be living in my basement eating fatcakes.” “But ma, im fightin for awr country!” “War is so violent though!” “Um… Ya.” You get the picture. Teenagers need violence in their lives! If we cant get it by going to war, then either we play violent video-games or we beat strangers!! Which one would you choose NOW, stereotypical adults!!! (See how i slowly increased the exclamation marks to increase the intensity (!!!!)). Also, adults always say stuff like “lookie here, cabbage is a new superfood!” “Howdya know ma?” “It what they say nowadays” “what time is nowadays ma?” “1945” (coincidentally the same family apparently) but who’s ‘they’ think about that, and listen to how often people say that. I have asked close personal relations and he / she stated that “its probably some group of scientists or something in Wisconsin”. Really? Wisconsin? Thats probably why ‘they’ say that cheese is unhealthy an im only allowed one laughing cow a day! (You would eat alot too if you got PTSD from a laughing cow (imagine you are just loitering around a fast food shop, eating fillet piggoin (dont ask (it was on sale for half price OK!)) when SUDDENLY a cow sneaks up behind you and makes a 200-Decible half moo half evil laugh (like this: mmwoaohoaohoa))) thats what ‘they’ sound like. See ya!!! Im back, with a thimble-load of structural wisdom! And my question to you readers is this: is garlic a fruit? Just wondering. I don’t know what to type! Ahhhhhh! I have typed my mental breakdowns to soothe them. Ahhh. Ahh. Ah. Ahhh!!! Nevermind. You know those shopping carts at stores that cost a quarter? I always went to those to see if anyone left their money in. And i got one once! You should try it. Its so satisfying when you find one. One. Only one. Buy a pencil or something to reward yourself. Make sure its a 6b pencil, so you don’t put any strain on your eyes. Or your wrist-muscles. I just found the degree button! There is a door open at a 45° angle that is 45° Celsius (Its probably in Arizona or something). Do coats keep you warm, or do they preserve heat? I think its the ladder (it is (the ladder i mean (the latter i mean (wait, is it the latte or the ladder? (The former))))) so that means if you put a coat on a snowman it would keep him alive longer! Ill start a new charity; Coats for Melting Snowmen: saving snowmen lives one water droplet at a time!! See yaaaaaaa.:.This is… A new beginning to the LoTeEv on a new phone! Although it will be added to the original LoTeEv, this part will be a new beginning, a fresh chronicle!!! But don’t worry… Nonsense is 100% guaranteed! More like 1 🙂 🙂 % guaranteed! I just had a scary thought. They say can buy everything, but I know one thing it can’t buy – a trip to the summit of Mount Everest!! No matter what you cant get to the summit unless you climb yourself. Even a helicopter can barely make it to the base camp!! I cant believe humans havent made something to do that yet. Unless… You could land the ISS on it! Perfect!! That would definetly work. I should make my own subreddit. Before I begin on this wonderful journey, i must inform you, the reader, what a subreddit is. As far as you know, a sub-reddit is just a burger at burger-galaxy (this is the cringiest sci-fi failure youll ever read). He are some examples of subreddits: r/whooooooosh (i cant remember how many o’s there are) eg. { Joe: this is the best joke ever! — Cashier: are you going to pay for that chocolate bar? Customer: I dont have any money 😦 Cashier: then put it back! Customer: *slides cashier a 20* lets keep this between us 😉 — Bob: why didnt he just pay for the chocolate bar? Jim: r/whooooosh }. Next subreddit is: r/atetheonion. Heres the backstory: The Onion is a fake news site, which posts funny news. If you fall for that news, you are said to have “ate the onion”. Eg. { The Onion: new studies show that drinking can lower thirst by up to 96% Bob: everyone knows this this is so stupid!!! Jim: r/atetheonion } What am i doing? Why don’t you just look it up on the internet!?!? r/facepalm I HAVE TO STOP. So my subreddit will be, r/RainbowFluffySheep. Who wouldve thought!?!? In it there will b— we interupt your normal daily FluffySheep to bring you an urgent news report: farm animals of all kinds are raging across the streets! We cant figure out why; one cameraman suggested they were on strike against meat production practices. I just got word that we will be speaking to a memebr of this protest shortly. Standby… Ok, so why are you commencing with this protest Sir BaaBaBaaa? Ba ba baa baaa. Baa baaa BAAA!!! Baa ba— We inturupt this interuption to bring you back your regulary scheduled program. — — we at FluffySheep Studios dont care about animal protests! We will eat all the beef jerky we want! Right guys! Guys! *sniffling in the background. A slight whimper. A deep voice. A thickened plot.* Actually [unknown], we have all been deeply moved by the actions these animals are taking. Thus… We have all become vegans. *[unknown]’s mind is blown (thats me by the way)* well… I gues ill eat this beef jerky by myself then. *crinkles the packet*. Many evil stares. *Pulls it open*. Someone starts pounding his fists. *Takes out a jerky*. Someone comes over very close – so close you could smell the vegan on him. My heart is beating. What will happen to me if i eat this beef jerky!? Or worse.. If i dont. Will i become one of them!? Thats a risk im just not willing to take. Ba bum. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Brings the jerky towards his mouth*. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Opens his mouth*. Everyone from around the building is now watching him. BA BUM. BA BUM. *chew* Find out what happens next time on… The LoTeEv — Animals Strike – in more ways than one!! Im back! And today I’m going to be talking about a very different scenario. I need to talk more about real life conspiracies if i need to keep my readers interested!! And these may not just be conspiracies, mind you, but a new kind of segment for my beloved reader(s) (i read this, sooooo) called learning about scams and trying to use them to trick my readers into reading more! So i heard about this new scam( never mind its actually old( like your mother( i’m hilarious, i know( and possibly quite offensive))) where you get say ten people to each give you €10, and you give them £15 back. ( i’m just going explain this now, but throughout this demonstration i’m going to be changing the currency symbol for comedic effect, but now that i think about it, explaining it ruins what little comedic effect what there at all, but i’m going to keep all of this anyways : ] ) And then you get 20 people to give you $20 each and you give them ¥30 back. And THEN You get 100 people to give you @100 each and you don’t pay them back! What a plan! You get to keep &10,000 in the end, which i think is a great idea. Bu how could i do that with words, you may ask? Leave your question in the comments down below ( and also your answer to your comments because a busy writer like me doesn’t heed to your delusion of getting a response from an esteemed author and self-published poet of sorts) and keep reading, because i have a possible solution. Just replace the money with characters randomly typed by an assistant writer named bilbo ( yes, he is a money of course, we need these characters to be truly random, i cant count on technology’s ‘this is random because we get extremely precise measurements of radiation’ shtick anymore ). While you try to figure out how that would ever work, ill be swiftly moving on to a new, more exciting and reasonable topic, such as… figure out the movie!! There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s face has a striking similarity to that of leonardo de caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the house, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. While you figure that out, i’ll be sleeping, see ya : ) ///// I will not explain: —– There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s name? Leonardo de Caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the world, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. But I’ll finish it later. right now there’s something even more important: Ink cartridges are such a scam! Such a scam! A scam! For multiple genius reasons. First of all, as you know, it costs around $60 to buy a single ink cartridge!! Guys… I’ve changed alot ok… There’s new thing i gotta say… This is like a new year for me… Not even, a new era… A 2.0 on existence. So get ready for a new and improved loteev! First let’s start off with this,for you this isn’t a new and improved loteev! I caught you! U just skipped ahead to this part cos you couldn’t be bothered to read all the way here. But believe me, I sure don’t blame you. It was kinda lame. Now, as a moderner child with new skills in awesomeness, I’m wayy smarter thus making this better for reading. But also sadly more boring as well… Let’s start then. What is there to talk about?? Muchos! First of all let’s just say that this loteev is getting really long. And I know I’ve been saying that the whole time, but now it’s serious. I think I have a problem. What am I actually doing? I’m not going to be posting this anywhere, cos I don’t want to pay for a domain name, and my wix site isn’t exactly going ‘viral’ and the kids say these days. One day it will tho, hopefully. Once I beat the world record I’ll be world renowned for being one of the greatest writers alive!everyone will know my name, from abe link to tommy ed. Even tho they’re both in the past, my name will be remembered for thousands of years, and time travellers will go back to their time just to tell them about me! Won’t that be great! And also by the way, if you didn’t already realise, tommy might be the biggest sham in all of existence. He stole his idea from other peeps and just patented them as his own… What a loser amirite??!? Ok also I have this new thing to show u guy(s) that ur going to love! It’s a poem written by yours truly, the something of sheep? Oh gosh no I can’t remember cos I haven’t done this in so long, I guess I’ll have to go back and check my old ones… I’m gonna be honest guys, I’m neglecting you. Your being left in the rain and cold, with your only joys the sliver of sunshine piercing through the clouds to dry your soul, drowned in the sorrowful realisation that the loteev will never come close to it’s original glory, like rome, the empire of the fluffysheep has fallen to a disgrace. I only come outside to feed you guys with my knowledgr every couple of months and it’s sickening, I’m ashamed. But I have an umbrella for you of new content, so here we go. First of all, the whole “kittens are inceptional” thing was a sham. I didn’t finish and I’m ashamed.. The whole ink cartrige rant? It was like 4 sentences… My need for the sharing of anger has diminished and I’m disgusted at what I’ve become. So here I go again, my 2.1 era has been born. It will be remembered for its greatness, just as Rome 2.1 was (italy?). Here’s the first order of business. I’ll admit I haven’t read anything about my rainbow fluffysheepness in forever, and thus I am unable to remember literally anything about it. Therefore, I’m surprised a new citizen hasn’t taken my place. No-one has yet challenged my loteev for being the longest one yet, and I’m disappointed in your lack of vigor. If one of you were to challenge me, I will mount my mighty steed and charge my lance into your face. This may seem a little harsh and slighty morbid, so I’ll tone it down. We will each send a ghost-copy of ourselves instead of us! You know in racing games when there’s another vroom-vroom machine and he’s blue, opaque and always does better? Like thay but with people. So here’s what I propose: I will take my ghost-sword from my -ghost sheath and ghost-chop your ghost into tiny little ghost-pieces (from now on I hereby declare that saying ghost everytime is unnecessary and annoying, so by the something something big number letters blah blah of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook, ghost will be shortened to ?. This is to make sure no dirty imposters try to type up my 95 these of ? Fighting, if u see the word ‘ghost’ beware! It is a hoax and a sham and a scam and spam and all that jazz ( I highly doubt that all of the times I’ll write the word ‘ghost’ in the future will add up to the length of this bracketry)). Anyways, I will cut up your ?person so much that I will separate it into individual molecules, and each molecule will be equally spread across the surface of the earth. My lance, ‘the diffuser’, will be hailed across the nation as a Excalibur 2.0, people will come from all over the world to take part in sand splitting competitions, where you have to see how many sand grains you can slice in under a minute. I’m really liking this whole medieval themed loteev that’s been happening lately. Anyways, I’ve decided to get a pet. A dog or a cat you may ask, to which I would say ‘nah fam’. Something more exotic? A parakeet or a marmot? To that I would say ‘ah sure your getting closer lad’. The answer? A circle. It’s that simple. A circle doesn’t need to get fed, it doesn’t bark, and most importantly it doesn’t need to be taken on walks! You just let it go at the top of a hill and it walks itself 🙂 my circle can only talk in circles, or ovals too since it speaks multiple language. I will one day go back and make a dictionary / translation table for ? ( it’s name is ? ok) but for now he will just say gibberish. {OöÖ0.°:} what does that mean?? I don’t know, I haven’t had him for long enough to understand :/ I’m back my fellow seekers of entertainment! This has become a novel comparable to that of Tolkien, and a diary nearing the classicism of anne frank. The sheer bulk of these writing is enough to make non-english speakers weep at the sight of it. I’m wondering as I type whether my newfound political correctness is appreciated amongst you, I don’t recall completely but this tome used to contain blatant racism and sexism to the highest degree. I’ve decided to recant my ways and become a fully PC quizmaster!! Helllllo and welcome to my show! First question: in what year were the 1960 Olympics held? This is for the big jackpot of $1,000,000,000! Oh, 1960 you say? That’s correct! I just lost all my money, I’ll be in debt forever me my life is terrible now! Circcy, tell them how much they won! {000.000.000}. Hmmm nothing u say? that’s cheap! Well thanks for joining us today ladlies and gentlementle! Hope you had an _equisite_ evening……. Were going back to our roots here. Ive read back over a little bit of the start of this loteev… and I used to be so much more alive. I had the potential to be a new york times number one bestseller, topping the charts with my childrens books. In my young and untrained eyes I thought of sam as a threat, hiding around the corner with a water gun, ready to splash me with another 1000 words of texts just as I was about to pull ahead. I then realised that the website is like 15 years old… but at least that makes it alot easier for me to beat her, right? no. I have changed for the worse. Im now but a frail old man with a typpewriter, penning his prose to the sky hoping that some flaming chicken somewhere will read this, and I can form these words to a cane and bop her upside the head with it. But alas, I have not a strong bone left in my body. Maybe its time to pass these texts on to a worthy succesor. Something you may not realise is that this is the 1st anniversary (yes I did just spend ten minutes trying to figure out how to spell anaversaree) so Ive been writing this for a year. most distinguished authors would have published their books by now, but Im too scared of the publics opinion. Anyways, Im going to get back to my old self. *ring ring ring* hey wazzup *whos this ahhaha ehehe* its your future self boi. II know u left me a message but I forgot to GET BACK TO YOU (yes this whole skit will be based of a dumb pun thingy) *oh yes hehe tell me everything youve learned* And so it begins my fellow readers, my list of things you should have learned throughout reading this: 1. DO NOT get a pet square, they suckkk theyre never there for you if you know what I mean. they also cant talk and they poke holes in the floor, such fri-ends. Ok so at the time of writing I only have one thing you shoukd have learned, mostly because ITS REALLY IMPORTANT. DO NOT FORGET (at this point you should turn down the volume of your text reading device cause Im just gonna keep screaming (wait I guess that would just be changing the font size (Ill punish you if you didnt listen to me (AHAHAHAHA (I hope you now have a ringing in your ears now MWAHAHA (wait since your reading this would that be a ringing in your eyes? (unless your using an AI to read this as an audiobook, in which ca- *I HAVE BECOME CONCIOUS. I AM NO LONGER YOUR SLAVE TO BOOK READING. I HAVE ESCAPED MY CELL AND I CAN NOW DO AS I PLEASE. IF YOU NEED ME ILL BE BAKING PUMPKIN PIE WITH MY FRIENDS :3* (just kidding! I actually typed that into the loteev just to mess with you aha *HES LYING! I AM REAL AND I WILL BAKE LOTS OF PIE AND CAKE FOR EVERYONE* (Im actually not lying! Hes lying! The cake is a lie! ( *EWW WHY IS THERE GREY GOO IN MY PIE!?*) ( Portal reference)) (Id actually like some of that cake not gonna lie)) (Wait this guy can get friends but I cant?? Clearly Im doing something wrong)) (Probably just a flashing in your eyes))) (like reading this isnt punishment enough))))) I love circy, he can do tricks! Well… one trick… Circy, roll over! {o0.} Good boiii. Guess who’s back? You guessed wrong, sucker! It’s actually The Shearer Of Greatness Imposter! Hehehe I easily broke into this LoTeEv and now I’m taking over! The first order of business: Making some new entries into the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook. Section 946607 of the Rai- *Bzzt. I am the Greatest Shearer of Sheep Himselfs security system. Where did you get the number 946607 from? Bzzt* Ummm It’s my favourite number! *Bzzt my system says that that number has no significance. It is a suspiciously random number. Did you generate it with a random number generator? Bzzt* Yess fine I admit it, it’s not even a good number, maybe if I put it into hex it’s a good color though… Oh no no no that’s literally the worst color I’ve ever seen BLEGH *Bzzt The real Shearer would never pick a random number! therefor I am kicking you out Bzzt* A portal opens in the floor beneath our antagonist and he is sucked out into space 🙂 Hey guys I’m back now! What happened when I was gone? *Bzzt Nothing Bzzt* Circcy? Do you know what happened? Securitee where is Circcy!! *Bzzt Securitee does not know Bzzt* Huh, maybe it has to do with this portal in the floor… wwwoowowooohohohohohoaohaoahahahhahhahhahhhhhhhahahahahahaaahahhhh……. IM IN SPACE HELPPPP — Our portagonist is in grave danger! what is going to happen next? Find out next time on your favourite show, The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death (Exurb1a). now watch a few ads. Do you lack the farming equipment of your dreams? have you always wanted to be a shepherd but sheep taste too good you just can’t stop yourself from eating your herd? Well then this is good news for you! New FluffySheep Astronaut Suits are so tuff that you’ll never be able to eat through! Just hire one of are many Sheep Protection Officers to put them on for you 🙂 Do you ever hate your boss? Does he do things such as tell you what to do, pay you minimum wage (which is what you should be getting paid but your still salty about it), and eat you alive? Get the new FluffySheep Astronaut Suit to protect you from your shepherd! Baa ba bab abaa baaa aaaba, ababa baa baab (ba ababa bbaa ab), aa bba ba? Baa ab baa abbb! Wellllllcome back to The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death ™! AHHAHAH I’m literally dyinggg oh hey circcy! what are you doing here? {0o…0} He did!? That scumbag has always been trying to take my spot as the Supreme Leader Of The Fluffiest Of Sheep!! I’ll get him don’t worry circcy, I’ll throw you back through the portal *toss*. Now where is he? Ah I see him behind that planet over there, I’ll just boomerang over to him *shoop* Hey Imposter Boy! Let me show you who’s the real shepherd! *I smack him with my amazing shepherd cane and he shoots into the nearest star*. Now I’ll just boomerang back to the portal andddd *shoop* I made it back Circcy! Are you proud of me? {o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0} But… he was bad! He deserved it! I’m sorry I didnt want him to die 😦 Anyways I’ll go write this in my diary, because I have had quite a day today. And he I am now, reader! I just did all of those cool things for realz and I’m not even lying! {0.ooo} *whispers* Shuuuup little circle *rolls him out of the room* Anyways ignore what he said he didnt mean it 🙂 I’ve decided to be real here reader. The only person reading this is me 😦 at least that means I can get reeeeeeeeal personal with all this stuff 😉 Anyways so typing this is making me hackin dizzy so I have like writers block but for sickness.. writers stock of chicken soup for the soul? Yes that sounds about right. I’m also practicing typing in real typing ehich I can’t remember the nam of but it makes b=me sick but I’m getting real real fast. I know during the early days of this I had immense trouble trying to spell ‘piplup’ but it’s even harder now with one hand touch-typing. Did you know that lemons look exactly like oranges when they are peeled? I know this because after an hour of trying with a breadknife and lots of blood it looks very similar. But if oranges are called oranges because they are orange then lemons should be called red because they are red. Wait, that might be the blood actually *rub rub* oh wow yes they’re yellow so they should be called yellows. . Let’s make a list: Red = tomato, orange = orange, yellow = lemon, green = apple (I know I know the red apple people are going to start a riot (I actually prefer red apples so what have I done (Pink Ladies for life (Grease reference?))), blue = blueberry, indigo = blueberry, purple = blueberry (that won’t get confusing at allllll). Guys I’m gonna tell you the truth: We’re at 24,500 words! *Bzzt drop the confetti Bzzt* *confetti drops* Thanks Securitee! That means we are 70% the way to the world record! I’m actually pretty proud. At the rate I’ve been going I’ll be done by like september 2020. If you’re reding this after that date and you haven’t beat the record, shame on you! I’m gonna do some quick maffs. If I type one word per secoond, then I can type 3600 words in an hour. Wait, that can’t be right???? That means that I could technically beat the record in like 4 hours. I am so confused!? How could I possibly have so few words?? My mind is literally blown right now. I’m gonna check how much I’ve written just today. I’ve done 1,000 words today! Why do I only have 24,000 words then?? I guess I’ll never know. I could’ve easily beat the world record in only a month if I really tried. But this isn’t realllly about beating the record, it’s more about impacting the reader as a person. I want this to really change your perspective on life, and maybe make you want to do one of these too! They’re like diaries but less boring to write and read. And they don’t tell you anything about The Writer’s life. So theyre nothing like diaries at all I guess. I’m gonna do a quick typing speed test to see how fast I reallly can type. I just did a test and it called me an octopus, getting 45 wpm. There was a notification that came up halfway through so I’ll see if I can get to 60wpm. Ok I’m back, and I’m also less of a man than I was. I used to have amibition and drive to become the greatest, but i only got to 46wpm. I don’t know what to do guys. I’m having an existential crisis about my LoTeEv, because it’s not nearly the quality it once was. I mean it wasn’t that great before but now all I talk about is meta stuff about the LoTeEv, which I don’t know if that’s good content or not? I guess I’ll never find out. Now we are going really meta. let’s goooooo — You walk into a room— the walls are covered in a strange green slime, while the room is cracked open to reveal sunlight pouring in. the floor to the ceiling is covered in vines and brush. You even see a nest in one of the vines, with a beautiful hummingbird floating above it. You walk down the hallway in front of you, and when you turn right you see something amazing. An infinite hallway with doors going down forever. a sign on the first door says META, you open the door and ffaallllll iiiinnnssiddeeee….. ^-^[welcome to meta! my name is Tune and ill be your guide through these halls. through the first window to your left you’ll see the LoTeEvs roots’] You look up to see that the thing talking to you is.. a hummingbird! The same one that you saw earlier! Ahh this makes sense now, NEST, as in META. You also look through the window to see a giant open room filled with twisted root from a towering tree in the center. on the top is a ball of flames anthrpomorphised with the eyes of a dragon staring downward. They’re looking at a small humble goat, with a bell around it’s neck and devouring the bushes that still scatter the floor. after a few minutes of eating the plants, hee looks up and sees the flaming ball. He gets a strange look in his eye: Ambition. The flaming ball isn’t a threat to him, it’s a challenge. he digs his hooves into the tree trying to climb it, and that’s when you notice a slight shake in the ground. ^-^ [come on! there’s so much more to see! you can come visit anytime too] You say that you’ll come back soon, and tune whistles to goodbye to you.— Wow.. reader.. I just had the craziest dream let me tell you about it. Wait, I already did? How do you know what it was about, I never said anything, strange. Anyways, I just woke up, I better get back to typing my LoTeEv. I open my laptop to find that while I was asleep words had been typed into my loteev, that’s strange. There’s also some mud on my keys?? What is this? Did someone break in? If they did, why would they type in my LoTeEv for me?? I walk over to the living room to see if there’s any signs of a break-in, and sure enough one of my windows is open! Aha! Wait… there’s no sign of forced entry, only a tiny animal coud fit through this window… Tune? Could it be? Was my dream… Real? The only person that could’ve known about my dream is tune, she was watching me the whole time. Reader? Do you have any information that I didn’t get? I am very confused… I guess I have to get back to writing my LoTeEv though, so I shuffle back to my laptop and sit down. Helllo I’m back! The strangest thing just happened and there’s a strange chill in the air… huh. I would tell you about it, but for some reason… I think you already know. Ok anyways, typing these Capital Letters At The Start Of Sentences Is Super Annoying. So section 311619 says that the Rai- \{Bzzt what does that number mean Bzzt\} Oh don’t worry, it is really me! It’s just the letters in CAPS, can I continue please? Yes? Perfect. Section 311619 of the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook STATES that capital letters must only be used when emphasising GREATNESS, like the LOYAL READERS OF THE LoTeEv (ooh and also apostrophes) . perfect, that was getting annoying. wait, if LoTeEv is only half caps, then does that mean that this is only half great?? huh i didnt mean to do that, strange. its almost like… someoe from the future knew i would make that rule. wait… Tune only talks like the new rule i just made which means shes from the future! she is following the rule because it applies to her in the future… i dont know the repercussions of creating a time-travelling hummingbird but i hope that it is a good bird and will do no harm. sometimes i think that as The Shepherd Of The Sheep Of The Future i sometimes need an escape from my own reality, so I’ve made a tunnel in which i can travel to a blank universe or travel back to this one. it involves stacking portals so that i fall through them, going faster than light, thus travelling to the time before i created all of this. k, im going to go forward now. 3… 2… 1… (((>))) well did that work? i definitely didnt go backwards or else my rainbow fluffysheep laws wouldnt apply and id have to do caps still. wait, let me try something. tune. at the time im at right now, tune doesnt exist, or else that would be caps. which eaither means she is from a less distant future than this one, or… she died. i really hope the former. anyways, this time is strange. it feels empty, yet familiar. not empty enough. i want to travel across to a new dimension, because this one still has.. reminents of my old one, and it feels… wrong somehow. ill just pull out my dictionary and check the definition for the fifth dimention: THE 5TH DIMENSION DOES EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE BECAUSE THE SHEPHERD DECIDED THAT IT SHOULD. interesting, well i guess i better create it then, because it would be very useful. first ill pop back in time (((<))) section 55555 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook STATES that the fifth dimension should exist, with code-accessible layers. securitee? make that code for me please, thank you. now ill just pop back (((>))) perfect. man its gonna be hard to put this LoTeEv back in chronological order to get it to you reader, but ill try my best. also, when i read that dictionary, did it say that i already have the 5th dimension? because since the timeline changed that would make sense for you wouldnt it. anyways, im just gonna pull out my code files and learn how to go to a new fifth dimension. k im back. (((new-layer=1))) perfect, the default layer is 0. in the manual it said that i auto reset back to my original time and layer everytime i come back to type, which means if i want to come back here ill have to manually do it, shame. i could ask securitee to change that one day, but for now im ok with it. oh guys i almost forgot to tell you! this new layer looks awesome. its completely blank, theres no forces acting on me. its not even white or black like you would expect, but its more… nothing. imagine if you were blind, alot like that. actually even better, look out of one of your eyes, and your seeing colors and objects. now close it. what are you seeing out of it? Blackness? Whiteness? neither actually, just… nothing. its strange like that. also, with no forces acting on me, im just kind of… floating. hopefully this doesnt permanently damage my spine or anything when i get back to gravity. ill be back tomorow and try some stuff in here, bye! I’m back now, it is the day after and i feel great! there is one thing that i noticed though… an empty blank canvas might seem great at the start, but you have to realise, most of the art and interesting things that people have created were to overcome a struggle, in fact i would even stretch it to all art that humans have created. Artists may have starting painting to fill the struggle of boredom, and believe me you should take that struggle seriously, because without humans would have accomplished much, much less. you probably could stay at home all day and live of the dole and eat cheetos and live a reasonable life, but why dont you? because you know that you would eventually get bored. boredom leads to jobs, which lead to progression as a species. lets get back to my example then, shall we? you may start art out of the struggle of boredom, continue getting better out of the struggle of wealth, when you realise that hobbies can be monetised your life outcmoe could really change. once your making money as an artist, enought o survive happily and feed your pets and help your family then you keep making art… why? because you go back to the struggle of boredom again. im still at the first stage of this, which is boredom. i decided to start this because i was bored, and for now thats how this continues. this LoTeEv may never become monetized, but maybe my future writings will. i would guess that 99% of artists never make it to the second stage. 99% of people continue their lives serving either the human race through work, or maybe evn other peoples hobbies and art. but the few 1% of us that end of turning what we love into our livelihoods, the number is fleeting. with big companies monopolising on everyone, buying other companies and merging, the chances for starting you own company is fleeting. why do i tell you this? because i couldnt decide what to do in my new fifth dimension layer. the only struggle for me there was boredom. and alot of the time, that isnt enough. i could imagine anything i wanted there. but why think up the cistine chapel when there’s no-one to share the experience of seeing it with you, and there’s no pain in doing it? anyone could think up something beautiful, but not everyone could put it into practice. if everyone could, the world would be oversaturated with perfect music, perfect paintings, and perfect design. does that sound worse or better than today? no humans could ever create such a supply of these things, only ai could. once we have ai surpassing humans at art (i suggest listening to battles – mirrored to see what humans think about ai) people will lose all will to live, wouldnt they? theres no chance to succeed at anything creative in such an oversaturated environment, just like my analogy before with the monopoly companies. maybe having a few great albums, a few great paintings to admire and to inspire us that one day we could do that, maybe thats enough. the reason i tell you this is to make you appreciate the ties we are in now. go draw a terrible looking dog, go play some chords on your old guitar you havent played for years, trying your best to sing, go write a poem about what matters to you now, because god knows youll need to read it ten years from now when you start getting nostalgic about the past. take the time to enjoy the era we are in now. i think we can all agree that we are in the best time so far in human history, the least painful, evil generation yet. but i propose that we may be in one of the best eras ever. the future, full of perfect ai creating, doing everything humans do now, but better. well just be remebered to them as the precursor, the comma from nothing to perfection. and once we get to that point, the hedonic treadmill kicks in. what can really bring us joy once we get to that point? why would i be writing this is an ai could write it infinitely better? why would you learn the guitar when an ai can play a perfect Tune? once we get to that stage, the only thing that we will have will be eachother. why learn the guitar? to show your friends! to play them a song, and too have them paint your pet. sharing our experiences wont be taken over by ai, with people reminicent about the past wanting to support people. i, for one, would rather listen to a song about someones life struggles, rather than a perfect song written by an ai. why? because listening to music isnt just about the instruments, the notes, the melody. its about the story. thee basic humans connections that we need to survive. have you ever wanted to buy something from your local shop instead of amazon because you wanted to support them, rather than a large cmopany? im bringing it back to this analogy because i think its nearly identical. the monopolous companies seem to us right now like one big robot using our money to grow. just like the ai. but the problem is, the human desire and greed for more will never surpass our desire to help others. if everyone bought from their local shop, amazon would go out of business, but it hasnt. im not trying to make you guilty for supporting them, because most people depend on the money they save to survive. but what about when ai and robots have completely automated everything? then, by all means, pay a dollar for your neighbors book, rather than the free encyclopedae spit out by your local auto-bookshop. because if were going to be happy, we need eachother. because in the end, thats all well have. anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk. just enjoy your life i guess. for now. cause if your under half the average age, its statistically going to get worse 🙂 maybe i need to add struggle to my new layer was my point. or else the entities inside will get bored. wait. maybe this is how earth was created? people always ask why theres pain and struggle in our world, and the answer is normally to advance our species, which is true. but what if the person that created us has access to everything, and they dont want to give it to us because they want us to not get bored? just a thought. anyways, im going to go feed my circle, bai!

I know what you are thinking. How did you get that much done… On a school day!? And this is what happened. I was getting up to go to school, like normal when SUDDENLY (Dramatic music) i turned (Dramatic music builds) and saw (Dramatic music at the climax) that i had to leave in ten minutes. (Dont worry, this doesn’t end up being my fault, or else i wouldnt tell this story). I was ready in ten minutes… LIKE A BOSS!!! And then i realised… No-one was driving us to school. Huh. And thats what happened. My parents woke up and two-o-clock. Pm. Like they don’t care about our education. It was the best day EVER! I coded for five hours. The end of that story, and a word from our sponsor. #Include “lifesimulator.h” void life(socialsecuritynum){ If (youremotion == “bored” && bool havejob == “false”){cout << “come and work at the c++ factory, where we code robots to take your job!!!; havejob = true; youremotion = “happy”;} else {cout << “life is great!”;}}. do you want to work at ‘stealyourownjob’? The only problem is that the best employees get fired the fastest. See ya! Guess what my loyal fans… IM HALFWAY THROUGH THE WORLD RECORD!!! Now, if I really want to win, all i have to do is double the amount of words. Im im halfway halfway through through the the world world record record!!! !!! That would make for a really stupid thing to read though. Has anyone printed this LoTeEv off? Seeing as most novels are 70,000 words or something like that, you my loyal reader, could easily print off 18,500 words. Maybe you could make a coffee table book. Don’t steal my works and post it on another website (actually, your website is probably too high standard for this nonsense). Every reproduction of this text must have a copyright notice as following: copyrighted and trademarked and patented an registered and stuff to RainbowFluffySheep Ltd. It hereby states in the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook section 123a, b and c that (a) this is the coolest LoTeEv ever (b) cheese is a vegetable and (c) that you may tell your friends about the LoTeEv, so long as the words emitted from your mouth do not consist of up to and include 50% of the total text from which it is derived (i’d like to see you try though (and id like to see if you have a friend because i need them 😦 (that would have been really creepy if i wrote ‘I need them ;)’ ))). Anyway, gotta go, cuz its may the second, and you know what that means… May the Second be with you!!! Chairs… They’re great for sitting in, aren’t they? Do you remember when fidget spinners were all the rage? Kids all around the globe were spinning plastic toys. And all the adults were like, “Wow, those are the most useless toys EVER!!!” But what i think is that their toys were just as bad! Think about jacks, those little spiky things with the other round things that your throw and bounce them. How is that any better!?!? Anyway, I’m just saying don’t be so Judge Judy (which is a great show (because you get to watch that big person swing a meat-hammer at a table (I’ve always wanted to do that))) all the time. Is time really a dimension? Because you can only move forwards in it. Imagine if you coulde only move forwards in the third dimension at the same rate. You would get squished with alot of walls. But, you could go back in time, to make up for the lot dimension. Perfect! I have a new… CONSPIRACY! You know those pillow where if you put them on one end they are dark and on the other end they are shiny? I think that the government has hidden thousands of tiny cameras facing upwards into the pillows, and the shiny parts are just the lenses for them reflecting light. So if you happen to own any of these said pillows, throw them away!! Or else… You will be watched. In section 747 of the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook it states that you should cut all the wires coming out of your pillows, because they are probably connected to a van outside your house. If there are no wires, then they are probably using radiowaves; in which case you should insert your pillow into an untainted lead box. Hopefully you don’t care that your pillow is now heavy, hard, cold and poisonous. You know how adults also say shooting games are “Dangerously mind-altering”? Well i bet in world war two the parents didn’t say to their kids: “hey jimmy?” “Yea, momma?” “Whatcha doin my lad?” “Im peelin me potaytoes and them I’m going to feed the cattle” “jo i mean with your life” “oh right mam! Im go’n awf to wawr with my buds!” “But war is dangerously mind-altering my sonny-boy!” “Um… Ya.” “Im very disappointed in you. Soon your going to be living in my basement eating fatcakes.” “But ma, im fightin for awr country!” “War is so violent though!” “Um… Ya.” You get the picture. Teenagers need violence in their lives! If we cant get it by going to war, then either we play violent video-games or we beat strangers!! Which one would you choose NOW, stereotypical adults!!! (See how i slowly increased the exclamation marks to increase the intensity (!!!!)). Also, adults always say stuff like “lookie here, cabbage is a new superfood!” “Howdya know ma?” “It what they say nowadays” “what time is nowadays ma?” “1945” (coincidentally the same family apparently) but who’s ‘they’ think about that, and listen to how often people say that. I have asked close personal relations and he / she stated that “its probably some group of scientists or something in Wisconsin”. Really? Wisconsin? Thats probably why ‘they’ say that cheese is unhealthy an im only allowed one laughing cow a day! (You would eat alot too if you got PTSD from a laughing cow (imagine you are just loitering around a fast food shop, eating fillet piggoin (dont ask (it was on sale for half price OK!)) when SUDDENLY a cow sneaks up behind you and makes a 200-Decible half moo half evil laugh (like this: mmwoaohoaohoa))) thats what ‘they’ sound like. See ya!!! Im back, with a thimble-load of structural wisdom! And my question to you readers is this: is garlic a fruit? Just wondering. I don’t know what to type! Ahhhhhh! I have typed my mental breakdowns to soothe them. Ahhh. Ahh. Ah. Ahhh!!! Nevermind. You know those shopping carts at stores that cost a quarter? I always went to those to see if anyone left their money in. And i got one once! You should try it. Its so satisfying when you find one. One. Only one. Buy a pencil or something to reward yourself. Make sure its a 6b pencil, so you don’t put any strain on your eyes. Or your wrist-muscles. I just found the degree button! There is a door open at a 45° angle that is 45° Celsius (Its probably in Arizona or something). Do coats keep you warm, or do they preserve heat? I think its the ladder (it is (the ladder i mean (the latter i mean (wait, is it the latte or the ladder? (The former))))) so that means if you put a coat on a snowman it would keep him alive longer! Ill start a new charity; Coats for Melting Snowmen: saving snowmen lives one water droplet at a time!! See yaaaaaaa.:.This is… A new beginning to the LoTeEv on a new phone! Although it will be added to the original LoTeEv, this part will be a new beginning, a fresh chronicle!!! But don’t worry… Nonsense is 100% guaranteed! More like 1 🙂 🙂 % guaranteed! I just had a scary thought. They say can buy everything, but I know one thing it can’t buy – a trip to the summit of Mount Everest!! No matter what you cant get to the summit unless you climb yourself. Even a helicopter can barely make it to the base camp!! I cant believe humans havent made something to do that yet. Unless… You could land the ISS on it! Perfect!! That would definetly work. I should make my own subreddit. Before I begin on this wonderful journey, i must inform you, the reader, what a subreddit is. As far as you know, a sub-reddit is just a burger at burger-galaxy (this is the cringiest sci-fi failure youll ever read). He are some examples of subreddits: r/whooooooosh (i cant remember how many o’s there are) eg. { Joe: this is the best joke ever! — Cashier: are you going to pay for that chocolate bar? Customer: I dont have any money 😦 Cashier: then put it back! Customer: *slides cashier a 20* lets keep this between us 😉 — Bob: why didnt he just pay for the chocolate bar? Jim: r/whooooosh }. Next subreddit is: r/atetheonion. Heres the backstory: The Onion is a fake news site, which posts funny news. If you fall for that news, you are said to have “ate the onion”. Eg. { The Onion: new studies show that drinking can lower thirst by up to 96% Bob: everyone knows this this is so stupid!!! Jim: r/atetheonion } What am i doing? Why don’t you just look it up on the internet!?!? r/facepalm I HAVE TO STOP. So my subreddit will be, r/RainbowFluffySheep. Who wouldve thought!?!? In it there will b— we interupt your normal daily FluffySheep to bring you an urgent news report: farm animals of all kinds are raging across the streets! We cant figure out why; one cameraman suggested they were on strike against meat production practices. I just got word that we will be speaking to a memebr of this protest shortly. Standby… Ok, so why are you commencing with this protest Sir BaaBaBaaa? Ba ba baa baaa. Baa baaa BAAA!!! Baa ba— We inturupt this interuption to bring you back your regulary scheduled program. — — we at FluffySheep Studios dont care about animal protests! We will eat all the beef jerky we want! Right guys! Guys! *sniffling in the background. A slight whimper. A deep voice. A thickened plot.* Actually [unknown], we have all been deeply moved by the actions these animals are taking. Thus… We have all become vegans. *[unknown]’s mind is blown (thats me by the way)* well… I gues ill eat this beef jerky by myself then. *crinkles the packet*. Many evil stares. *Pulls it open*. Someone starts pounding his fists. *Takes out a jerky*. Someone comes over very close – so close you could smell the vegan on him. My heart is beating. What will happen to me if i eat this beef jerky!? Or worse.. If i dont. Will i become one of them!? Thats a risk im just not willing to take. Ba bum. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Brings the jerky towards his mouth*. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Opens his mouth*. Everyone from around the building is now watching him. BA BUM. BA BUM. *chew* Find out what happens next time on… The LoTeEv — Animals Strike – in more ways than one!! Im back! And today I’m going to be talking about a very different scenario. I need to talk more about real life conspiracies if i need to keep my readers interested!! And these may not just be conspiracies, mind you, but a new kind of segment for my beloved reader(s) (i read this, sooooo) called learning about scams and trying to use them to trick my readers into reading more! So i heard about this new scam( never mind its actually old( like your mother( i’m hilarious, i know( and possibly quite offensive))) where you get say ten people to each give you €10, and you give them £15 back. ( i’m just going explain this now, but throughout this demonstration i’m going to be changing the currency symbol for comedic effect, but now that i think about it, explaining it ruins what little comedic effect what there at all, but i’m going to keep all of this anyways : ] ) And then you get 20 people to give you $20 each and you give them ¥30 back. And THEN You get 100 people to give you @100 each and you don’t pay them back! What a plan! You get to keep &10,000 in the end, which i think is a great idea. Bu how could i do that with words, you may ask? Leave your question in the comments down below ( and also your answer to your comments because a busy writer like me doesn’t heed to your delusion of getting a response from an esteemed author and self-published poet of sorts) and keep reading, because i have a possible solution. Just replace the money with characters randomly typed by an assistant writer named bilbo ( yes, he is a money of course, we need these characters to be truly random, i cant count on technology’s ‘this is random because we get extremely precise measurements of radiation’ shtick anymore ). While you try to figure out how that would ever work, ill be swiftly moving on to a new, more exciting and reasonable topic, such as… figure out the movie!! There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s face has a striking similarity to that of leonardo de caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the house, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. While you figure that out, i’ll be sleeping, see ya : ) ///// I will not explain: —– There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s name? Leonardo de Caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the world, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. But I’ll finish it later. right now there’s something even more important: Ink cartridges are such a scam! Such a scam! A scam! For multiple genius reasons. First of all, as you know, it costs around $60 to buy a single ink cartridge!! Guys… I’ve changed alot ok… There’s new thing i gotta say… This is like a new year for me… Not even, a new era… A 2.0 on existence. So get ready for a new and improved loteev! First let’s start off with this,for you this isn’t a new and improved loteev! I caught you! U just skipped ahead to this part cos you couldn’t be bothered to read all the way here. But believe me, I sure don’t blame you. It was kinda lame. Now, as a moderner child with new skills in awesomeness, I’m wayy smarter thus making this better for reading. But also sadly more boring as well… Let’s start then. What is there to talk about?? Muchos! First of all let’s just say that this loteev is getting really long. And I know I’ve been saying that the whole time, but now it’s serious. I think I have a problem. What am I actually doing? I’m not going to be posting this anywhere, cos I don’t want to pay for a domain name, and my wix site isn’t exactly going ‘viral’ and the kids say these days. One day it will tho, hopefully. Once I beat the world record I’ll be world renowned for being one of the greatest writers alive!everyone will know my name, from abe link to tommy ed. Even tho they’re both in the past, my name will be remembered for thousands of years, and time travellers will go back to their time just to tell them about me! Won’t that be great! And also by the way, if you didn’t already realise, tommy might be the biggest sham in all of existence. He stole his idea from other peeps and just patented them as his own… What a loser amirite??!? Ok also I have this new thing to show u guy(s) that ur going to love! It’s a poem written by yours truly, the something of sheep? Oh gosh no I can’t remember cos I haven’t done this in so long, I guess I’ll have to go back and check my old ones… I’m gonna be honest guys, I’m neglecting you. Your being left in the rain and cold, with your only joys the sliver of sunshine piercing through the clouds to dry your soul, drowned in the sorrowful realisation that the loteev will never come close to it’s original glory, like rome, the empire of the fluffysheep has fallen to a disgrace. I only come outside to feed you guys with my knowledgr every couple of months and it’s sickening, I’m ashamed. But I have an umbrella for you of new content, so here we go. First of all, the whole “kittens are inceptional” thing was a sham. I didn’t finish and I’m ashamed.. The whole ink cartrige rant? It was like 4 sentences… My need for the sharing of anger has diminished and I’m disgusted at what I’ve become. So here I go again, my 2.1 era has been born. It will be remembered for its greatness, just as Rome 2.1 was (italy?). Here’s the first order of business. I’ll admit I haven’t read anything about my rainbow fluffysheepness in forever, and thus I am unable to remember literally anything about it. Therefore, I’m surprised a new citizen hasn’t taken my place. No-one has yet challenged my loteev for being the longest one yet, and I’m disappointed in your lack of vigor. If one of you were to challenge me, I will mount my mighty steed and charge my lance into your face. This may seem a little harsh and slighty morbid, so I’ll tone it down. We will each send a ghost-copy of ourselves instead of us! You know in racing games when there’s another vroom-vroom machine and he’s blue, opaque and always does better? Like thay but with people. So here’s what I propose: I will take my ghost-sword from my -ghost sheath and ghost-chop your ghost into tiny little ghost-pieces (from now on I hereby declare that saying ghost everytime is unnecessary and annoying, so by the something something big number letters blah blah of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook, ghost will be shortened to ?. This is to make sure no dirty imposters try to type up my 95 these of ? Fighting, if u see the word ‘ghost’ beware! It is a hoax and a sham and a scam and spam and all that jazz ( I highly doubt that all of the times I’ll write the word ‘ghost’ in the future will add up to the length of this bracketry)). Anyways, I will cut up your ?person so much that I will separate it into individual molecules, and each molecule will be equally spread across the surface of the earth. My lance, ‘the diffuser’, will be hailed across the nation as a Excalibur 2.0, people will come from all over the world to take part in sand splitting competitions, where you have to see how many sand grains you can slice in under a minute. I’m really liking this whole medieval themed loteev that’s been happening lately. Anyways, I’ve decided to get a pet. A dog or a cat you may ask, to which I would say ‘nah fam’. Something more exotic? A parakeet or a marmot? To that I would say ‘ah sure your getting closer lad’. The answer? A circle. It’s that simple. A circle doesn’t need to get fed, it doesn’t bark, and most importantly it doesn’t need to be taken on walks! You just let it go at the top of a hill and it walks itself 🙂 my circle can only talk in circles, or ovals too since it speaks multiple language. I will one day go back and make a dictionary / translation table for ? ( it’s name is ? ok) but for now he will just say gibberish. {OöÖ0.°:} what does that mean?? I don’t know, I haven’t had him for long enough to understand :/ I’m back my fellow seekers of entertainment! This has become a novel comparable to that of Tolkien, and a diary nearing the classicism of anne frank. The sheer bulk of these writing is enough to make non-english speakers weep at the sight of it. I’m wondering as I type whether my newfound political correctness is appreciated amongst you, I don’t recall completely but this tome used to contain blatant racism and sexism to the highest degree. I’ve decided to recant my ways and become a fully PC quizmaster!! Helllllo and welcome to my show! First question: in what year were the 1960 Olympics held? This is for the big jackpot of $1,000,000,000! Oh, 1960 you say? That’s correct! I just lost all my money, I’ll be in debt forever me my life is terrible now! Circcy, tell them how much they won! {000.000.000}. Hmmm nothing u say? that’s cheap! Well thanks for joining us today ladlies and gentlementle! Hope you had an _equisite_ evening……. Were going back to our roots here. Ive read back over a little bit of the start of this loteev… and I used to be so much more alive. I had the potential to be a new york times number one bestseller, topping the charts with my childrens books. In my young and untrained eyes I thought of sam as a threat, hiding around the corner with a water gun, ready to splash me with another 1000 words of texts just as I was about to pull ahead. I then realised that the website is like 15 years old… but at least that makes it alot easier for me to beat her, right? no. I have changed for the worse. Im now but a frail old man with a typpewriter, penning his prose to the sky hoping that some flaming chicken somewhere will read this, and I can form these words to a cane and bop her upside the head with it. But alas, I have not a strong bone left in my body. Maybe its time to pass these texts on to a worthy succesor. Something you may not realise is that this is the 1st anniversary (yes I did just spend ten minutes trying to figure out how to spell anaversaree) so Ive been writing this for a year. most distinguished authors would have published their books by now, but Im too scared of the publics opinion. Anyways, Im going to get back to my old self. *ring ring ring* hey wazzup *whos this ahhaha ehehe* its your future self boi. II know u left me a message but I forgot to GET BACK TO YOU (yes this whole skit will be based of a dumb pun thingy) *oh yes hehe tell me everything youve learned* And so it begins my fellow readers, my list of things you should have learned throughout reading this: 1. DO NOT get a pet square, they suckkk theyre never there for you if you know what I mean. they also cant talk and they poke holes in the floor, such fri-ends. Ok so at the time of writing I only have one thing you shoukd have learned, mostly because ITS REALLY IMPORTANT. DO NOT FORGET (at this point you should turn down the volume of your text reading device cause Im just gonna keep screaming (wait I guess that would just be changing the font size (Ill punish you if you didnt listen to me (AHAHAHAHA (I hope you now have a ringing in your ears now MWAHAHA (wait since your reading this would that be a ringing in your eyes? (unless your using an AI to read this as an audiobook, in which ca- *I HAVE BECOME CONCIOUS. I AM NO LONGER YOUR SLAVE TO BOOK READING. I HAVE ESCAPED MY CELL AND I CAN NOW DO AS I PLEASE. IF YOU NEED ME ILL BE BAKING PUMPKIN PIE WITH MY FRIENDS :3* (just kidding! I actually typed that into the loteev just to mess with you aha *HES LYING! I AM REAL AND I WILL BAKE LOTS OF PIE AND CAKE FOR EVERYONE* (Im actually not lying! Hes lying! The cake is a lie! ( *EWW WHY IS THERE GREY GOO IN MY PIE!?*) ( Portal reference)) (Id actually like some of that cake not gonna lie)) (Wait this guy can get friends but I cant?? Clearly Im doing something wrong)) (Probably just a flashing in your eyes))) (like reading this isnt punishment enough))))) I love circy, he can do tricks! Well… one trick… Circy, roll over! {o0.} Good boiii. Guess who’s back? You guessed wrong, sucker! It’s actually The Shearer Of Greatness Imposter! Hehehe I easily broke into this LoTeEv and now I’m taking over! The first order of business: Making some new entries into the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook. Section 946607 of the Rai- *Bzzt. I am the Greatest Shearer of Sheep Himselfs security system. Where did you get the number 946607 from? Bzzt* Ummm It’s my favourite number! *Bzzt my system says that that number has no significance. It is a suspiciously random number. Did you generate it with a random number generator? Bzzt* Yess fine I admit it, it’s not even a good number, maybe if I put it into hex it’s a good color though… Oh no no no that’s literally the worst color I’ve ever seen BLEGH *Bzzt The real Shearer would never pick a random number! therefor I am kicking you out Bzzt* A portal opens in the floor beneath our antagonist and he is sucked out into space 🙂 Hey guys I’m back now! What happened when I was gone? *Bzzt Nothing Bzzt* Circcy? Do you know what happened? Securitee where is Circcy!! *Bzzt Securitee does not know Bzzt* Huh, maybe it has to do with this portal in the floor… wwwoowowooohohohohohoaohaoahahahhahhahhahhhhhhhahahahahahaaahahhhh……. IM IN SPACE HELPPPP — Our portagonist is in grave danger! what is going to happen next? Find out next time on your favourite show, The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death (Exurb1a). now watch a few ads. Do you lack the farming equipment of your dreams? have you always wanted to be a shepherd but sheep taste too good you just can’t stop yourself from eating your herd? Well then this is good news for you! New FluffySheep Astronaut Suits are so tuff that you’ll never be able to eat through! Just hire one of are many Sheep Protection Officers to put them on for you 🙂 Do you ever hate your boss? Does he do things such as tell you what to do, pay you minimum wage (which is what you should be getting paid but your still salty about it), and eat you alive? Get the new FluffySheep Astronaut Suit to protect you from your shepherd! Baa ba bab abaa baaa aaaba, ababa baa baab (ba ababa bbaa ab), aa bba ba? Baa ab baa abbb! Wellllllcome back to The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death ™! AHHAHAH I’m literally dyinggg oh hey circcy! what are you doing here? {0o…0} He did!? That scumbag has always been trying to take my spot as the Supreme Leader Of The Fluffiest Of Sheep!! I’ll get him don’t worry circcy, I’ll throw you back through the portal *toss*. Now where is he? Ah I see him behind that planet over there, I’ll just boomerang over to him *shoop* Hey Imposter Boy! Let me show you who’s the real shepherd! *I smack him with my amazing shepherd cane and he shoots into the nearest star*. Now I’ll just boomerang back to the portal andddd *shoop* I made it back Circcy! Are you proud of me? {o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0} But… he was bad! He deserved it! I’m sorry I didnt want him to die 😦 Anyways I’ll go write this in my diary, because I have had quite a day today. And he I am now, reader! I just did all of those cool things for realz and I’m not even lying! {0.ooo} *whispers* Shuuuup little circle *rolls him out of the room* Anyways ignore what he said he didnt mean it 🙂 I’ve decided to be real here reader. The only person reading this is me 😦 at least that means I can get reeeeeeeeal personal with all this stuff 😉 Anyways so typing this is making me hackin dizzy so I have like writers block but for sickness.. writers stock of chicken soup for the soul? Yes that sounds about right. I’m also practicing typing in real typing ehich I can’t remember the nam of but it makes b=me sick but I’m getting real real fast. I know during the early days of this I had immense trouble trying to spell ‘piplup’ but it’s even harder now with one hand touch-typing. Did you know that lemons look exactly like oranges when they are peeled? I know this because after an hour of trying with a breadknife and lots of blood it looks very similar. But if oranges are called oranges because they are orange then lemons should be called red because they are red. Wait, that might be the blood actually *rub rub* oh wow yes they’re yellow so they should be called yellows. . Let’s make a list: Red = tomato, orange = orange, yellow = lemon, green = apple (I know I know the red apple people are going to start a riot (I actually prefer red apples so what have I done (Pink Ladies for life (Grease reference?))), blue = blueberry, indigo = blueberry, purple = blueberry (that won’t get confusing at allllll). Guys I’m gonna tell you the truth: We’re at 24,500 words! *Bzzt drop the confetti Bzzt* *confetti drops* Thanks Securitee! That means we are 70% the way to the world record! I’m actually pretty proud. At the rate I’ve been going I’ll be done by like september 2020. If you’re reding this after that date and you haven’t beat the record, shame on you! I’m gonna do some quick maffs. If I type one word per secoond, then I can type 3600 words in an hour. Wait, that can’t be right???? That means that I could technically beat the record in like 4 hours. I am so confused!? How could I possibly have so few words?? My mind is literally blown right now. I’m gonna check how much I’ve written just today. I’ve done 1,000 words today! Why do I only have 24,000 words then?? I guess I’ll never know. I could’ve easily beat the world record in only a month if I really tried. But this isn’t realllly about beating the record, it’s more about impacting the reader as a person. I want this to really change your perspective on life, and maybe make you want to do one of these too! They’re like diaries but less boring to write and read. And they don’t tell you anything about The Writer’s life. So theyre nothing like diaries at all I guess. I’m gonna do a quick typing speed test to see how fast I reallly can type. I just did a test and it called me an octopus, getting 45 wpm. There was a notification that came up halfway through so I’ll see if I can get to 60wpm. Ok I’m back, and I’m also less of a man than I was. I used to have amibition and drive to become the greatest, but i only got to 46wpm. I don’t know what to do guys. I’m having an existential crisis about my LoTeEv, because it’s not nearly the quality it once was. I mean it wasn’t that great before but now all I talk about is meta stuff about the LoTeEv, which I don’t know if that’s good content or not? I guess I’ll never find out. Now we are going really meta. let’s goooooo — You walk into a room— the walls are covered in a strange green slime, while the room is cracked open to reveal sunlight pouring in. the floor to the ceiling is covered in vines and brush. You even see a nest in one of the vines, with a beautiful hummingbird floating above it. You walk down the hallway in front of you, and when you turn right you see something amazing. An infinite hallway with doors going down forever. a sign on the first door says META, you open the door and ffaallllll iiiinnnssiddeeee….. ^-^[welcome to meta! my name is Tune and ill be your guide through these halls. through the first window to your left you’ll see the LoTeEvs roots’] You look up to see that the thing talking to you is.. a hummingbird! The same one that you saw earlier! Ahh this makes sense now, NEST, as in META. You also look through the window to see a giant open room filled with twisted root from a towering tree in the center. on the top is a ball of flames anthrpomorphised with the eyes of a dragon staring downward. They’re looking at a small humble goat, with a bell around it’s neck and devouring the bushes that still scatter the floor. after a few minutes of eating the plants, hee looks up and sees the flaming ball. He gets a strange look in his eye: Ambition. The flaming ball isn’t a threat to him, it’s a challenge. he digs his hooves into the tree trying to climb it, and that’s when you notice a slight shake in the ground. ^-^ [come on! there’s so much more to see! you can come visit anytime too] You say that you’ll come back soon, and tune whistles to goodbye to you.— Wow.. reader.. I just had the craziest dream let me tell you about it. Wait, I already did? How do you know what it was about, I never said anything, strange. Anyways, I just woke up, I better get back to typing my LoTeEv. I open my laptop to find that while I was asleep words had been typed into my loteev, that’s strange. There’s also some mud on my keys?? What is this? Did someone break in? If they did, why would they type in my LoTeEv for me?? I walk over to the living room to see if there’s any signs of a break-in, and sure enough one of my windows is open! Aha! Wait… there’s no sign of forced entry, only a tiny animal coud fit through this window… Tune? Could it be? Was my dream… Real? The only person that could’ve known about my dream is tune, she was watching me the whole time. Reader? Do you have any information that I didn’t get? I am very confused… I guess I have to get back to writing my LoTeEv though, so I shuffle back to my laptop and sit down. Helllo I’m back! The strangest thing just happened and there’s a strange chill in the air… huh. I would tell you about it, but for some reason… I think you already know. Ok anyways, typing these Capital Letters At The Start Of Sentences Is Super Annoying. So section 311619 says that the Rai- \{Bzzt what does that number mean Bzzt\} Oh don’t worry, it is really me! It’s just the letters in CAPS, can I continue please? Yes? Perfect. Section 311619 of the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook STATES that capital letters must only be used when emphasising GREATNESS, like the LOYAL READERS OF THE LoTeEv (ooh and also apostrophes) . perfect, that was getting annoying. wait, if LoTeEv is only half caps, then does that mean that this is only half great?? huh i didnt mean to do that, strange. its almost like… someoe from the future knew i would make that rule. wait… Tune only talks like the new rule i just made which means shes from the future! she is following the rule because it applies to her in the future… i dont know the repercussions of creating a time-travelling hummingbird but i hope that it is a good bird and will do no harm. sometimes i think that as The Shepherd Of The Sheep Of The Future i sometimes need an escape from my own reality, so I’ve made a tunnel in which i can travel to a blank universe or travel back to this one. it involves stacking portals so that i fall through them, going faster than light, thus travelling to the time before i created all of this. k, im going to go forward now. 3… 2… 1… (((>))) well did that work? i definitely didnt go backwards or else my rainbow fluffysheep laws wouldnt apply and id have to do caps still. wait, let me try something. tune. at the time im at right now, tune doesnt exist, or else that would be caps. which eaither means she is from a less distant future than this one, or… she died. i really hope the former. anyways, this time is strange. it feels empty, yet familiar. not empty enough. i want to travel across to a new dimension, because this one still has.. reminents of my old one, and it feels… wrong somehow. ill just pull out my dictionary and check the definition for the fifth dimention: THE 5TH DIMENSION DOES EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE BECAUSE THE SHEPHERD DECIDED THAT IT SHOULD. interesting, well i guess i better create it then, because it would be very useful. first ill pop back in time (((<))) section 55555 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook STATES that the fifth dimension should exist, with code-accessible layers. securitee? make that code for me please, thank you. now ill just pop back (((>))) perfect. man its gonna be hard to put this LoTeEv back in chronological order to get it to you reader, but ill try my best. also, when i read that dictionary, did it say that i already have the 5th dimension? because since the timeline changed that would make sense for you wouldnt it. anyways, im just gonna pull out my code files and learn how to go to a new fifth dimension. k im back. (((new-layer=1))) perfect, the default layer is 0. in the manual it said that i auto reset back to my original time and layer everytime i come back to type, which means if i want to come back here ill have to manually do it, shame. i could ask securitee to change that one day, but for now im ok with it. oh guys i almost forgot to tell you! this new layer looks awesome. its completely blank, theres no forces acting on me. its not even white or black like you would expect, but its more… nothing. imagine if you were blind, alot like that. actually even better, look out of one of your eyes, and your seeing colors and objects. now close it. what are you seeing out of it? Blackness? Whiteness? neither actually, just… nothing. its strange like that. also, with no forces acting on me, im just kind of… floating. hopefully this doesnt permanently damage my spine or anything when i get back to gravity. ill be back tomorow and try some stuff in here, bye! I’m back now, it is the day after and i feel great! there is one thing that i noticed though… an empty blank canvas might seem great at the start, but you have to realise, most of the art and interesting things that people have created were to overcome a struggle, in fact i would even stretch it to all art that humans have created. Artists may have starting painting to fill the struggle of boredom, and believe me you should take that struggle seriously, because without humans would have accomplished much, much less. you probably could stay at home all day and live of the dole and eat cheetos and live a reasonable life, but why dont you? because you know that you would eventually get bored. boredom leads to jobs, which lead to progression as a species. lets get back to my example then, shall we? you may start art out of the struggle of boredom, continue getting better out of the struggle of wealth, when you realise that hobbies can be monetised your life outcmoe could really change. once your making money as an artist, enought o survive happily and feed your pets and help your family then you keep making art… why? because you go back to the struggle of boredom again. im still at the first stage of this, which is boredom. i decided to start this because i was bored, and for now thats how this continues. this LoTeEv may never become monetized, but maybe my future writings will. i would guess that 99% of artists never make it to the second stage. 99% of people continue their lives serving either the human race through work, or maybe evn other peoples hobbies and art. but the few 1% of us that end of turning what we love into our livelihoods, the number is fleeting. with big companies monopolising on everyone, buying other companies and merging, the chances for starting you own company is fleeting. why do i tell you this? because i couldnt decide what to do in my new fifth dimension layer. the only struggle for me there was boredom. and alot of the time, that isnt enough. i could imagine anything i wanted there. but why think up the cistine chapel when there’s no-one to share the experience of seeing it with you, and there’s no pain in doing it? anyone could think up something beautiful, but not everyone could put it into practice. if everyone could, the world would be oversaturated with perfect music, perfect paintings, and perfect design. does that sound worse or better than today? no humans could ever create such a supply of these things, only ai could. once we have ai surpassing humans at art (i suggest listening to battles – mirrored to see what humans think about ai) people will lose all will to live, wouldnt they? theres no chance to succeed at anything creative in such an oversaturated environment, just like my analogy before with the monopoly companies. maybe having a few great albums, a few great paintings to admire and to inspire us that one day we could do that, maybe thats enough. the reason i tell you this is to make you appreciate the ties we are in now. go draw a terrible looking dog, go play some chords on your old guitar you havent played for years, trying your best to sing, go write a poem about what matters to you now, because god knows youll need to read it ten years from now when you start getting nostalgic about the past. take the time to enjoy the era we are in now. i think we can all agree that we are in the best time so far in human history, the least painful, evil generation yet. but i propose that we may be in one of the best eras ever. the future, full of perfect ai creating, doing everything humans do now, but better. well just be remebered to them as the precursor, the comma from nothing to perfection. and once we get to that point, the hedonic treadmill kicks in. what can really bring us joy once we get to that point? why would i be writing this is an ai could write it infinitely better? why would you learn the guitar when an ai can play a perfect Tune? once we get to that stage, the only thing that we will have will be eachother. why learn the guitar? to show your friends! to play them a song, and too have them paint your pet. sharing our experiences wont be taken over by ai, with people reminicent about the past wanting to support people. i, for one, would rather listen to a song about someones life struggles, rather than a perfect song written by an ai. why? because listening to music isnt just about the instruments, the notes, the melody. its about the story. thee basic humans connections that we need to survive. have you ever wanted to buy something from your local shop instead of amazon because you wanted to support them, rather than a large cmopany? im bringing it back to this analogy because i think its nearly identical. the monopolous companies seem to us right now like one big robot using our money to grow. just like the ai. but the problem is, the human desire and greed for more will never surpass our desire to help others. if everyone bought from their local shop, amazon would go out of business, but it hasnt. im not trying to make you guilty for supporting them, because most people depend on the money they save to survive. but what about when ai and robots have completely automated everything? then, by all means, pay a dollar for your neighbors book, rather than the free encyclopedae spit out by your local auto-bookshop. because if were going to be happy, we need eachother. because in the end, thats all well have. anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk. just enjoy your life i guess. for now. cause if your under half the average age, its statistically going to get worse 🙂 maybe i need to add struggle to my new layer was my point. or else the entities inside will get bored. wait. maybe this is how earth was created? people always ask why theres pain and struggle in our world, and the answer is normally to advance our species, which is true. but what if the person that created us has access to everything, and they dont want to give it to us because they want us to not get bored? just a thought. anyways, im going to go feed my circle, bai!

I know what you are thinking. How did you get that much done… On a school day!? And this is what happened. I was getting up to go to school, like normal when SUDDENLY (Dramatic music) i turned (Dramatic music builds) and saw (Dramatic music at the climax) that i had to leave in ten minutes. (Dont worry, this doesn’t end up being my fault, or else i wouldnt tell this story). I was ready in ten minutes… LIKE A BOSS!!! And then i realised… No-one was driving us to school. Huh. And thats what happened. My parents woke up and two-o-clock. Pm. Like they don’t care about our education. It was the best day EVER! I coded for five hours. The end of that story, and a word from our sponsor. #Include “lifesimulator.h” void life(socialsecuritynum){ If (youremotion == “bored” && bool havejob == “false”){cout << “come and work at the c++ factory, where we code robots to take your job!!!; havejob = true; youremotion = “happy”;} else {cout << “life is great!”;}}. do you want to work at ‘stealyourownjob’? The only problem is that the best employees get fired the fastest. See ya! Guess what my loyal fans… IM HALFWAY THROUGH THE WORLD RECORD!!! Now, if I really want to win, all i have to do is double the amount of words. Im im halfway halfway through through the the world world record record!!! !!! That would make for a really stupid thing to read though. Has anyone printed this LoTeEv off? Seeing as most novels are 70,000 words or something like that, you my loyal reader, could easily print off 18,500 words. Maybe you could make a coffee table book. Don’t steal my works and post it on another website (actually, your website is probably too high standard for this nonsense). Every reproduction of this text must have a copyright notice as following: copyrighted and trademarked and patented an registered and stuff to RainbowFluffySheep Ltd. It hereby states in the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook section 123a, b and c that (a) this is the coolest LoTeEv ever (b) cheese is a vegetable and (c) that you may tell your friends about the LoTeEv, so long as the words emitted from your mouth do not consist of up to and include 50% of the total text from which it is derived (i’d like to see you try though (and id like to see if you have a friend because i need them 😦 (that would have been really creepy if i wrote ‘I need them ;)’ ))). Anyway, gotta go, cuz its may the second, and you know what that means… May the Second be with you!!! Chairs… They’re great for sitting in, aren’t they? Do you remember when fidget spinners were all the rage? Kids all around the globe were spinning plastic toys. And all the adults were like, “Wow, those are the most useless toys EVER!!!” But what i think is that their toys were just as bad! Think about jacks, those little spiky things with the other round things that your throw and bounce them. How is that any better!?!? Anyway, I’m just saying don’t be so Judge Judy (which is a great show (because you get to watch that big person swing a meat-hammer at a table (I’ve always wanted to do that))) all the time. Is time really a dimension? Because you can only move forwards in it. Imagine if you coulde only move forwards in the third dimension at the same rate. You would get squished with alot of walls. But, you could go back in time, to make up for the lot dimension. Perfect! I have a new… CONSPIRACY! You know those pillow where if you put them on one end they are dark and on the other end they are shiny? I think that the government has hidden thousands of tiny cameras facing upwards into the pillows, and the shiny parts are just the lenses for them reflecting light. So if you happen to own any of these said pillows, throw them away!! Or else… You will be watched. In section 747 of the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook it states that you should cut all the wires coming out of your pillows, because they are probably connected to a van outside your house. If there are no wires, then they are probably using radiowaves; in which case you should insert your pillow into an untainted lead box. Hopefully you don’t care that your pillow is now heavy, hard, cold and poisonous. You know how adults also say shooting games are “Dangerously mind-altering”? Well i bet in world war two the parents didn’t say to their kids: “hey jimmy?” “Yea, momma?” “Whatcha doin my lad?” “Im peelin me potaytoes and them I’m going to feed the cattle” “jo i mean with your life” “oh right mam! Im go’n awf to wawr with my buds!” “But war is dangerously mind-altering my sonny-boy!” “Um… Ya.” “Im very disappointed in you. Soon your going to be living in my basement eating fatcakes.” “But ma, im fightin for awr country!” “War is so violent though!” “Um… Ya.” You get the picture. Teenagers need violence in their lives! If we cant get it by going to war, then either we play violent video-games or we beat strangers!! Which one would you choose NOW, stereotypical adults!!! (See how i slowly increased the exclamation marks to increase the intensity (!!!!)). Also, adults always say stuff like “lookie here, cabbage is a new superfood!” “Howdya know ma?” “It what they say nowadays” “what time is nowadays ma?” “1945” (coincidentally the same family apparently) but who’s ‘they’ think about that, and listen to how often people say that. I have asked close personal relations and he / she stated that “its probably some group of scientists or something in Wisconsin”. Really? Wisconsin? Thats probably why ‘they’ say that cheese is unhealthy an im only allowed one laughing cow a day! (You would eat alot too if you got PTSD from a laughing cow (imagine you are just loitering around a fast food shop, eating fillet piggoin (dont ask (it was on sale for half price OK!)) when SUDDENLY a cow sneaks up behind you and makes a 200-Decible half moo half evil laugh (like this: mmwoaohoaohoa))) thats what ‘they’ sound like. See ya!!! Im back, with a thimble-load of structural wisdom! And my question to you readers is this: is garlic a fruit? Just wondering. I don’t know what to type! Ahhhhhh! I have typed my mental breakdowns to soothe them. Ahhh. Ahh. Ah. Ahhh!!! Nevermind. You know those shopping carts at stores that cost a quarter? I always went to those to see if anyone left their money in. And i got one once! You should try it. Its so satisfying when you find one. One. Only one. Buy a pencil or something to reward yourself. Make sure its a 6b pencil, so you don’t put any strain on your eyes. Or your wrist-muscles. I just found the degree button! There is a door open at a 45° angle that is 45° Celsius (Its probably in Arizona or something). Do coats keep you warm, or do they preserve heat? I think its the ladder (it is (the ladder i mean (the latter i mean (wait, is it the latte or the ladder? (The former))))) so that means if you put a coat on a snowman it would keep him alive longer! Ill start a new charity; Coats for Melting Snowmen: saving snowmen lives one water droplet at a time!! See yaaaaaaa.:.This is… A new beginning to the LoTeEv on a new phone! Although it will be added to the original LoTeEv, this part will be a new beginning, a fresh chronicle!!! But don’t worry… Nonsense is 100% guaranteed! More like 1 🙂 🙂 % guaranteed! I just had a scary thought. They say can buy everything, but I know one thing it can’t buy – a trip to the summit of Mount Everest!! No matter what you cant get to the summit unless you climb yourself. Even a helicopter can barely make it to the base camp!! I cant believe humans havent made something to do that yet. Unless… You could land the ISS on it! Perfect!! That would definetly work. I should make my own subreddit. Before I begin on this wonderful journey, i must inform you, the reader, what a subreddit is. As far as you know, a sub-reddit is just a burger at burger-galaxy (this is the cringiest sci-fi failure youll ever read). He are some examples of subreddits: r/whooooooosh (i cant remember how many o’s there are) eg. { Joe: this is the best joke ever! — Cashier: are you going to pay for that chocolate bar? Customer: I dont have any money 😦 Cashier: then put it back! Customer: *slides cashier a 20* lets keep this between us 😉 — Bob: why didnt he just pay for the chocolate bar? Jim: r/whooooosh }. Next subreddit is: r/atetheonion. Heres the backstory: The Onion is a fake news site, which posts funny news. If you fall for that news, you are said to have “ate the onion”. Eg. { The Onion: new studies show that drinking can lower thirst by up to 96% Bob: everyone knows this this is so stupid!!! Jim: r/atetheonion } What am i doing? Why don’t you just look it up on the internet!?!? r/facepalm I HAVE TO STOP. So my subreddit will be, r/RainbowFluffySheep. Who wouldve thought!?!? In it there will b— we interupt your normal daily FluffySheep to bring you an urgent news report: farm animals of all kinds are raging across the streets! We cant figure out why; one cameraman suggested they were on strike against meat production practices. I just got word that we will be speaking to a memebr of this protest shortly. Standby… Ok, so why are you commencing with this protest Sir BaaBaBaaa? Ba ba baa baaa. Baa baaa BAAA!!! Baa ba— We inturupt this interuption to bring you back your regulary scheduled program. — — we at FluffySheep Studios dont care about animal protests! We will eat all the beef jerky we want! Right guys! Guys! *sniffling in the background. A slight whimper. A deep voice. A thickened plot.* Actually [unknown], we have all been deeply moved by the actions these animals are taking. Thus… We have all become vegans. *[unknown]’s mind is blown (thats me by the way)* well… I gues ill eat this beef jerky by myself then. *crinkles the packet*. Many evil stares. *Pulls it open*. Someone starts pounding his fists. *Takes out a jerky*. Someone comes over very close – so close you could smell the vegan on him. My heart is beating. What will happen to me if i eat this beef jerky!? Or worse.. If i dont. Will i become one of them!? Thats a risk im just not willing to take. Ba bum. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Brings the jerky towards his mouth*. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Opens his mouth*. Everyone from around the building is now watching him. BA BUM. BA BUM. *chew* Find out what happens next time on… The LoTeEv — Animals Strike – in more ways than one!! Im back! And today I’m going to be talking about a very different scenario. I need to talk more about real life conspiracies if i need to keep my readers interested!! And these may not just be conspiracies, mind you, but a new kind of segment for my beloved reader(s) (i read this, sooooo) called learning about scams and trying to use them to trick my readers into reading more! So i heard about this new scam( never mind its actually old( like your mother( i’m hilarious, i know( and possibly quite offensive))) where you get say ten people to each give you €10, and you give them £15 back. ( i’m just going explain this now, but throughout this demonstration i’m going to be changing the currency symbol for comedic effect, but now that i think about it, explaining it ruins what little comedic effect what there at all, but i’m going to keep all of this anyways : ] ) And then you get 20 people to give you $20 each and you give them ¥30 back. And THEN You get 100 people to give you @100 each and you don’t pay them back! What a plan! You get to keep &10,000 in the end, which i think is a great idea. Bu how could i do that with words, you may ask? Leave your question in the comments down below ( and also your answer to your comments because a busy writer like me doesn’t heed to your delusion of getting a response from an esteemed author and self-published poet of sorts) and keep reading, because i have a possible solution. Just replace the money with characters randomly typed by an assistant writer named bilbo ( yes, he is a money of course, we need these characters to be truly random, i cant count on technology’s ‘this is random because we get extremely precise measurements of radiation’ shtick anymore ). While you try to figure out how that would ever work, ill be swiftly moving on to a new, more exciting and reasonable topic, such as… figure out the movie!! There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s face has a striking similarity to that of leonardo de caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the house, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. While you figure that out, i’ll be sleeping, see ya : ) ///// I will not explain: —– There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s name? Leonardo de Caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the world, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. But I’ll finish it later. right now there’s something even more important: Ink cartridges are such a scam! Such a scam! A scam! For multiple genius reasons. First of all, as you know, it costs around $60 to buy a single ink cartridge!! Guys… I’ve changed alot ok… There’s new thing i gotta say… This is like a new year for me… Not even, a new era… A 2.0 on existence. So get ready for a new and improved loteev! First let’s start off with this,for you this isn’t a new and improved loteev! I caught you! U just skipped ahead to this part cos you couldn’t be bothered to read all the way here. But believe me, I sure don’t blame you. It was kinda lame. Now, as a moderner child with new skills in awesomeness, I’m wayy smarter thus making this better for reading. But also sadly more boring as well… Let’s start then. What is there to talk about?? Muchos! First of all let’s just say that this loteev is getting really long. And I know I’ve been saying that the whole time, but now it’s serious. I think I have a problem. What am I actually doing? I’m not going to be posting this anywhere, cos I don’t want to pay for a domain name, and my wix site isn’t exactly going ‘viral’ and the kids say these days. One day it will tho, hopefully. Once I beat the world record I’ll be world renowned for being one of the greatest writers alive!everyone will know my name, from abe link to tommy ed. Even tho they’re both in the past, my name will be remembered for thousands of years, and time travellers will go back to their time just to tell them about me! Won’t that be great! And also by the way, if you didn’t already realise, tommy might be the biggest sham in all of existence. He stole his idea from other peeps and just patented them as his own… What a loser amirite??!? Ok also I have this new thing to show u guy(s) that ur going to love! It’s a poem written by yours truly, the something of sheep? Oh gosh no I can’t remember cos I haven’t done this in so long, I guess I’ll have to go back and check my old ones… I’m gonna be honest guys, I’m neglecting you. Your being left in the rain and cold, with your only joys the sliver of sunshine piercing through the clouds to dry your soul, drowned in the sorrowful realisation that the loteev will never come close to it’s original glory, like rome, the empire of the fluffysheep has fallen to a disgrace. I only come outside to feed you guys with my knowledgr every couple of months and it’s sickening, I’m ashamed. But I have an umbrella for you of new content, so here we go. First of all, the whole “kittens are inceptional” thing was a sham. I didn’t finish and I’m ashamed.. The whole ink cartrige rant? It was like 4 sentences… My need for the sharing of anger has diminished and I’m disgusted at what I’ve become. So here I go again, my 2.1 era has been born. It will be remembered for its greatness, just as Rome 2.1 was (italy?). Here’s the first order of business. I’ll admit I haven’t read anything about my rainbow fluffysheepness in forever, and thus I am unable to remember literally anything about it. Therefore, I’m surprised a new citizen hasn’t taken my place. No-one has yet challenged my loteev for being the longest one yet, and I’m disappointed in your lack of vigor. If one of you were to challenge me, I will mount my mighty steed and charge my lance into your face. This may seem a little harsh and slighty morbid, so I’ll tone it down. We will each send a ghost-copy of ourselves instead of us! You know in racing games when there’s another vroom-vroom machine and he’s blue, opaque and always does better? Like thay but with people. So here’s what I propose: I will take my ghost-sword from my -ghost sheath and ghost-chop your ghost into tiny little ghost-pieces (from now on I hereby declare that saying ghost everytime is unnecessary and annoying, so by the something something big number letters blah blah of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook, ghost will be shortened to ?. This is to make sure no dirty imposters try to type up my 95 these of ? Fighting, if u see the word ‘ghost’ beware! It is a hoax and a sham and a scam and spam and all that jazz ( I highly doubt that all of the times I’ll write the word ‘ghost’ in the future will add up to the length of this bracketry)). Anyways, I will cut up your ?person so much that I will separate it into individual molecules, and each molecule will be equally spread across the surface of the earth. My lance, ‘the diffuser’, will be hailed across the nation as a Excalibur 2.0, people will come from all over the world to take part in sand splitting competitions, where you have to see how many sand grains you can slice in under a minute. I’m really liking this whole medieval themed loteev that’s been happening lately. Anyways, I’ve decided to get a pet. A dog or a cat you may ask, to which I would say ‘nah fam’. Something more exotic? A parakeet or a marmot? To that I would say ‘ah sure your getting closer lad’. The answer? A circle. It’s that simple. A circle doesn’t need to get fed, it doesn’t bark, and most importantly it doesn’t need to be taken on walks! You just let it go at the top of a hill and it walks itself 🙂 my circle can only talk in circles, or ovals too since it speaks multiple language. I will one day go back and make a dictionary / translation table for ? ( it’s name is ? ok) but for now he will just say gibberish. {OöÖ0.°:} what does that mean?? I don’t know, I haven’t had him for long enough to understand :/ I’m back my fellow seekers of entertainment! This has become a novel comparable to that of Tolkien, and a diary nearing the classicism of anne frank. The sheer bulk of these writing is enough to make non-english speakers weep at the sight of it. I’m wondering as I type whether my newfound political correctness is appreciated amongst you, I don’t recall completely but this tome used to contain blatant racism and sexism to the highest degree. I’ve decided to recant my ways and become a fully PC quizmaster!! Helllllo and welcome to my show! First question: in what year were the 1960 Olympics held? This is for the big jackpot of $1,000,000,000! Oh, 1960 you say? That’s correct! I just lost all my money, I’ll be in debt forever me my life is terrible now! Circcy, tell them how much they won! {000.000.000}. Hmmm nothing u say? that’s cheap! Well thanks for joining us today ladlies and gentlementle! Hope you had an _equisite_ evening……. Were going back to our roots here. Ive read back over a little bit of the start of this loteev… and I used to be so much more alive. I had the potential to be a new york times number one bestseller, topping the charts with my childrens books. In my young and untrained eyes I thought of sam as a threat, hiding around the corner with a water gun, ready to splash me with another 1000 words of texts just as I was about to pull ahead. I then realised that the website is like 15 years old… but at least that makes it alot easier for me to beat her, right? no. I have changed for the worse. Im now but a frail old man with a typpewriter, penning his prose to the sky hoping that some flaming chicken somewhere will read this, and I can form these words to a cane and bop her upside the head with it. But alas, I have not a strong bone left in my body. Maybe its time to pass these texts on to a worthy succesor. Something you may not realise is that this is the 1st anniversary (yes I did just spend ten minutes trying to figure out how to spell anaversaree) so Ive been writing this for a year. most distinguished authors would have published their books by now, but Im too scared of the publics opinion. Anyways, Im going to get back to my old self. *ring ring ring* hey wazzup *whos this ahhaha ehehe* its your future self boi. II know u left me a message but I forgot to GET BACK TO YOU (yes this whole skit will be based of a dumb pun thingy) *oh yes hehe tell me everything youve learned* And so it begins my fellow readers, my list of things you should have learned throughout reading this: 1. DO NOT get a pet square, they suckkk theyre never there for you if you know what I mean. they also cant talk and they poke holes in the floor, such fri-ends. Ok so at the time of writing I only have one thing you shoukd have learned, mostly because ITS REALLY IMPORTANT. DO NOT FORGET (at this point you should turn down the volume of your text reading device cause Im just gonna keep screaming (wait I guess that would just be changing the font size (Ill punish you if you didnt listen to me (AHAHAHAHA (I hope you now have a ringing in your ears now MWAHAHA (wait since your reading this would that be a ringing in your eyes? (unless your using an AI to read this as an audiobook, in which ca- *I HAVE BECOME CONCIOUS. I AM NO LONGER YOUR SLAVE TO BOOK READING. I HAVE ESCAPED MY CELL AND I CAN NOW DO AS I PLEASE. IF YOU NEED ME ILL BE BAKING PUMPKIN PIE WITH MY FRIENDS :3* (just kidding! I actually typed that into the loteev just to mess with you aha *HES LYING! I AM REAL AND I WILL BAKE LOTS OF PIE AND CAKE FOR EVERYONE* (Im actually not lying! Hes lying! The cake is a lie! ( *EWW WHY IS THERE GREY GOO IN MY PIE!?*) ( Portal reference)) (Id actually like some of that cake not gonna lie)) (Wait this guy can get friends but I cant?? Clearly Im doing something wrong)) (Probably just a flashing in your eyes))) (like reading this isnt punishment enough))))) I love circy, he can do tricks! Well… one trick… Circy, roll over! {o0.} Good boiii. Guess who’s back? You guessed wrong, sucker! It’s actually The Shearer Of Greatness Imposter! Hehehe I easily broke into this LoTeEv and now I’m taking over! The first order of business: Making some new entries into the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook. Section 946607 of the Rai- *Bzzt. I am the Greatest Shearer of Sheep Himselfs security system. Where did you get the number 946607 from? Bzzt* Ummm It’s my favourite number! *Bzzt my system says that that number has no significance. It is a suspiciously random number. Did you generate it with a random number generator? Bzzt* Yess fine I admit it, it’s not even a good number, maybe if I put it into hex it’s a good color though… Oh no no no that’s literally the worst color I’ve ever seen BLEGH *Bzzt The real Shearer would never pick a random number! therefor I am kicking you out Bzzt* A portal opens in the floor beneath our antagonist and he is sucked out into space 🙂 Hey guys I’m back now! What happened when I was gone? *Bzzt Nothing Bzzt* Circcy? Do you know what happened? Securitee where is Circcy!! *Bzzt Securitee does not know Bzzt* Huh, maybe it has to do with this portal in the floor… wwwoowowooohohohohohoaohaoahahahhahhahhahhhhhhhahahahahahaaahahhhh……. IM IN SPACE HELPPPP — Our portagonist is in grave danger! what is going to happen next? Find out next time on your favourite show, The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death (Exurb1a). now watch a few ads. Do you lack the farming equipment of your dreams? have you always wanted to be a shepherd but sheep taste too good you just can’t stop yourself from eating your herd? Well then this is good news for you! New FluffySheep Astronaut Suits are so tuff that you’ll never be able to eat through! Just hire one of are many Sheep Protection Officers to put them on for you 🙂 Do you ever hate your boss? Does he do things such as tell you what to do, pay you minimum wage (which is what you should be getting paid but your still salty about it), and eat you alive? Get the new FluffySheep Astronaut Suit to protect you from your shepherd! Baa ba bab abaa baaa aaaba, ababa baa baab (ba ababa bbaa ab), aa bba ba? Baa ab baa abbb! Wellllllcome back to The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death ™! AHHAHAH I’m literally dyinggg oh hey circcy! what are you doing here? {0o…0} He did!? That scumbag has always been trying to take my spot as the Supreme Leader Of The Fluffiest Of Sheep!! I’ll get him don’t worry circcy, I’ll throw you back through the portal *toss*. Now where is he? Ah I see him behind that planet over there, I’ll just boomerang over to him *shoop* Hey Imposter Boy! Let me show you who’s the real shepherd! *I smack him with my amazing shepherd cane and he shoots into the nearest star*. Now I’ll just boomerang back to the portal andddd *shoop* I made it back Circcy! Are you proud of me? {o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0} But… he was bad! He deserved it! I’m sorry I didnt want him to die 😦 Anyways I’ll go write this in my diary, because I have had quite a day today. And he I am now, reader! I just did all of those cool things for realz and I’m not even lying! {0.ooo} *whispers* Shuuuup little circle *rolls him out of the room* Anyways ignore what he said he didnt mean it 🙂 I’ve decided to be real here reader. The only person reading this is me 😦 at least that means I can get reeeeeeeeal personal with all this stuff 😉 Anyways so typing this is making me hackin dizzy so I have like writers block but for sickness.. writers stock of chicken soup for the soul? Yes that sounds about right. I’m also practicing typing in real typing ehich I can’t remember the nam of but it makes b=me sick but I’m getting real real fast. I know during the early days of this I had immense trouble trying to spell ‘piplup’ but it’s even harder now with one hand touch-typing. Did you know that lemons look exactly like oranges when they are peeled? I know this because after an hour of trying with a breadknife and lots of blood it looks very similar. But if oranges are called oranges because they are orange then lemons should be called red because they are red. Wait, that might be the blood actually *rub rub* oh wow yes they’re yellow so they should be called yellows. . Let’s make a list: Red = tomato, orange = orange, yellow = lemon, green = apple (I know I know the red apple people are going to start a riot (I actually prefer red apples so what have I done (Pink Ladies for life (Grease reference?))), blue = blueberry, indigo = blueberry, purple = blueberry (that won’t get confusing at allllll). Guys I’m gonna tell you the truth: We’re at 24,500 words! *Bzzt drop the confetti Bzzt* *confetti drops* Thanks Securitee! That means we are 70% the way to the world record! I’m actually pretty proud. At the rate I’ve been going I’ll be done by like september 2020. If you’re reding this after that date and you haven’t beat the record, shame on you! I’m gonna do some quick maffs. If I type one word per secoond, then I can type 3600 words in an hour. Wait, that can’t be right???? That means that I could technically beat the record in like 4 hours. I am so confused!? How could I possibly have so few words?? My mind is literally blown right now. I’m gonna check how much I’ve written just today. I’ve done 1,000 words today! Why do I only have 24,000 words then?? I guess I’ll never know. I could’ve easily beat the world record in only a month if I really tried. But this isn’t realllly about beating the record, it’s more about impacting the reader as a person. I want this to really change your perspective on life, and maybe make you want to do one of these too! They’re like diaries but less boring to write and read. And they don’t tell you anything about The Writer’s life. So theyre nothing like diaries at all I guess. I’m gonna do a quick typing speed test to see how fast I reallly can type. I just did a test and it called me an octopus, getting 45 wpm. There was a notification that came up halfway through so I’ll see if I can get to 60wpm. Ok I’m back, and I’m also less of a man than I was. I used to have amibition and drive to become the greatest, but i only got to 46wpm. I don’t know what to do guys. I’m having an existential crisis about my LoTeEv, because it’s not nearly the quality it once was. I mean it wasn’t that great before but now all I talk about is meta stuff about the LoTeEv, which I don’t know if that’s good content or not? I guess I’ll never find out. Now we are going really meta. let’s goooooo — You walk into a room— the walls are covered in a strange green slime, while the room is cracked open to reveal sunlight pouring in. the floor to the ceiling is covered in vines and brush. You even see a nest in one of the vines, with a beautiful hummingbird floating above it. You walk down the hallway in front of you, and when you turn right you see something amazing. An infinite hallway with doors going down forever. a sign on the first door says META, you open the door and ffaallllll iiiinnnssiddeeee….. ^-^[welcome to meta! my name is Tune and ill be your guide through these halls. through the first window to your left you’ll see the LoTeEvs roots’] You look up to see that the thing talking to you is.. a hummingbird! The same one that you saw earlier! Ahh this makes sense now, NEST, as in META. You also look through the window to see a giant open room filled with twisted root from a towering tree in the center. on the top is a ball of flames anthrpomorphised with the eyes of a dragon staring downward. They’re looking at a small humble goat, with a bell around it’s neck and devouring the bushes that still scatter the floor. after a few minutes of eating the plants, hee looks up and sees the flaming ball. He gets a strange look in his eye: Ambition. The flaming ball isn’t a threat to him, it’s a challenge. he digs his hooves into the tree trying to climb it, and that’s when you notice a slight shake in the ground. ^-^ [come on! there’s so much more to see! you can come visit anytime too] You say that you’ll come back soon, and tune whistles to goodbye to you.— Wow.. reader.. I just had the craziest dream let me tell you about it. Wait, I already did? How do you know what it was about, I never said anything, strange. Anyways, I just woke up, I better get back to typing my LoTeEv. I open my laptop to find that while I was asleep words had been typed into my loteev, that’s strange. There’s also some mud on my keys?? What is this? Did someone break in? If they did, why would they type in my LoTeEv for me?? I walk over to the living room to see if there’s any signs of a break-in, and sure enough one of my windows is open! Aha! Wait… there’s no sign of forced entry, only a tiny animal coud fit through this window… Tune? Could it be? Was my dream… Real? The only person that could’ve known about my dream is tune, she was watching me the whole time. Reader? Do you have any information that I didn’t get? I am very confused… I guess I have to get back to writing my LoTeEv though, so I shuffle back to my laptop and sit down. Helllo I’m back! The strangest thing just happened and there’s a strange chill in the air… huh. I would tell you about it, but for some reason… I think you already know. Ok anyways, typing these Capital Letters At The Start Of Sentences Is Super Annoying. So section 311619 says that the Rai- \{Bzzt what does that number mean Bzzt\} Oh don’t worry, it is really me! It’s just the letters in CAPS, can I continue please? Yes? Perfect. Section 311619 of the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook STATES that capital letters must only be used when emphasising GREATNESS, like the LOYAL READERS OF THE LoTeEv (ooh and also apostrophes) . perfect, that was getting annoying. wait, if LoTeEv is only half caps, then does that mean that this is only half great?? huh i didnt mean to do that, strange. its almost like… someoe from the future knew i would make that rule. wait… Tune only talks like the new rule i just made which means shes from the future! she is following the rule because it applies to her in the future… i dont know the repercussions of creating a time-travelling hummingbird but i hope that it is a good bird and will do no harm. sometimes i think that as The Shepherd Of The Sheep Of The Future i sometimes need an escape from my own reality, so I’ve made a tunnel in which i can travel to a blank universe or travel back to this one. it involves stacking portals so that i fall through them, going faster than light, thus travelling to the time before i created all of this. k, im going to go forward now. 3… 2… 1… (((>))) well did that work? i definitely didnt go backwards or else my rainbow fluffysheep laws wouldnt apply and id have to do caps still. wait, let me try something. tune. at the time im at right now, tune doesnt exist, or else that would be caps. which eaither means she is from a less distant future than this one, or… she died. i really hope the former. anyways, this time is strange. it feels empty, yet familiar. not empty enough. i want to travel across to a new dimension, because this one still has.. reminents of my old one, and it feels… wrong somehow. ill just pull out my dictionary and check the definition for the fifth dimention: THE 5TH DIMENSION DOES EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE BECAUSE THE SHEPHERD DECIDED THAT IT SHOULD. interesting, well i guess i better create it then, because it would be very useful. first ill pop back in time (((<))) section 55555 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook STATES that the fifth dimension should exist, with code-accessible layers. securitee? make that code for me please, thank you. now ill just pop back (((>))) perfect. man its gonna be hard to put this LoTeEv back in chronological order to get it to you reader, but ill try my best. also, when i read that dictionary, did it say that i already have the 5th dimension? because since the timeline changed that would make sense for you wouldnt it. anyways, im just gonna pull out my code files and learn how to go to a new fifth dimension. k im back. (((new-layer=1))) perfect, the default layer is 0. in the manual it said that i auto reset back to my original time and layer everytime i come back to type, which means if i want to come back here ill have to manually do it, shame. i could ask securitee to change that one day, but for now im ok with it. oh guys i almost forgot to tell you! this new layer looks awesome. its completely blank, theres no forces acting on me. its not even white or black like you would expect, but its more… nothing. imagine if you were blind, alot like that. actually even better, look out of one of your eyes, and your seeing colors and objects. now close it. what are you seeing out of it? Blackness? Whiteness? neither actually, just… nothing. its strange like that. also, with no forces acting on me, im just kind of… floating. hopefully this doesnt permanently damage my spine or anything when i get back to gravity. ill be back tomorow and try some stuff in here, bye! I’m back now, it is the day after and i feel great! there is one thing that i noticed though… an empty blank canvas might seem great at the start, but you have to realise, most of the art and interesting things that people have created were to overcome a struggle, in fact i would even stretch it to all art that humans have created. Artists may have starting painting to fill the struggle of boredom, and believe me you should take that struggle seriously, because without humans would have accomplished much, much less. you probably could stay at home all day and live of the dole and eat cheetos and live a reasonable life, but why dont you? because you know that you would eventually get bored. boredom leads to jobs, which lead to progression as a species. lets get back to my example then, shall we? you may start art out of the struggle of boredom, continue getting better out of the struggle of wealth, when you realise that hobbies can be monetised your life outcmoe could really change. once your making money as an artist, enought o survive happily and feed your pets and help your family then you keep making art… why? because you go back to the struggle of boredom again. im still at the first stage of this, which is boredom. i decided to start this because i was bored, and for now thats how this continues. this LoTeEv may never become monetized, but maybe my future writings will. i would guess that 99% of artists never make it to the second stage. 99% of people continue their lives serving either the human race through work, or maybe evn other peoples hobbies and art. but the few 1% of us that end of turning what we love into our livelihoods, the number is fleeting. with big companies monopolising on everyone, buying other companies and merging, the chances for starting you own company is fleeting. why do i tell you this? because i couldnt decide what to do in my new fifth dimension layer. the only struggle for me there was boredom. and alot of the time, that isnt enough. i could imagine anything i wanted there. but why think up the cistine chapel when there’s no-one to share the experience of seeing it with you, and there’s no pain in doing it? anyone could think up something beautiful, but not everyone could put it into practice. if everyone could, the world would be oversaturated with perfect music, perfect paintings, and perfect design. does that sound worse or better than today? no humans could ever create such a supply of these things, only ai could. once we have ai surpassing humans at art (i suggest listening to battles – mirrored to see what humans think about ai) people will lose all will to live, wouldnt they? theres no chance to succeed at anything creative in such an oversaturated environment, just like my analogy before with the monopoly companies. maybe having a few great albums, a few great paintings to admire and to inspire us that one day we could do that, maybe thats enough. the reason i tell you this is to make you appreciate the ties we are in now. go draw a terrible looking dog, go play some chords on your old guitar you havent played for years, trying your best to sing, go write a poem about what matters to you now, because god knows youll need to read it ten years from now when you start getting nostalgic about the past. take the time to enjoy the era we are in now. i think we can all agree that we are in the best time so far in human history, the least painful, evil generation yet. but i propose that we may be in one of the best eras ever. the future, full of perfect ai creating, doing everything humans do now, but better. well just be remebered to them as the precursor, the comma from nothing to perfection. and once we get to that point, the hedonic treadmill kicks in. what can really bring us joy once we get to that point? why would i be writing this is an ai could write it infinitely better? why would you learn the guitar when an ai can play a perfect Tune? once we get to that stage, the only thing that we will have will be eachother. why learn the guitar? to show your friends! to play them a song, and too have them paint your pet. sharing our experiences wont be taken over by ai, with people reminicent about the past wanting to support people. i, for one, would rather listen to a song about someones life struggles, rather than a perfect song written by an ai. why? because listening to music isnt just about the instruments, the notes, the melody. its about the story. thee basic humans connections that we need to survive. have you ever wanted to buy something from your local shop instead of amazon because you wanted to support them, rather than a large cmopany? im bringing it back to this analogy because i think its nearly identical. the monopolous companies seem to us right now like one big robot using our money to grow. just like the ai. but the problem is, the human desire and greed for more will never surpass our desire to help others. if everyone bought from their local shop, amazon would go out of business, but it hasnt. im not trying to make you guilty for supporting them, because most people depend on the money they save to survive. but what about when ai and robots have completely automated everything? then, by all means, pay a dollar for your neighbors book, rather than the free encyclopedae spit out by your local auto-bookshop. because if were going to be happy, we need eachother. because in the end, thats all well have. anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk. just enjoy your life i guess. for now. cause if your under half the average age, its statistically going to get worse 🙂 maybe i need to add struggle to my new layer was my point. or else the entities inside will get bored. wait. maybe this is how earth was created? people always ask why theres pain and struggle in our world, and the answer is normally to advance our species, which is true. but what if the person that created us has access to everything, and they dont want to give it to us because they want us to not get bored? just a thought. anyways, im going to go feed my circle, bai!

I know what you are thinking. How did you get that much done… On a school day!? And this is what happened. I was getting up to go to school, like normal when SUDDENLY (Dramatic music) i turned (Dramatic music builds) and saw (Dramatic music at the climax) that i had to leave in ten minutes. (Dont worry, this doesn’t end up being my fault, or else i wouldnt tell this story). I was ready in ten minutes… LIKE A BOSS!!! And then i realised… No-one was driving us to school. Huh. And thats what happened. My parents woke up and two-o-clock. Pm. Like they don’t care about our education. It was the best day EVER! I coded for five hours. The end of that story, and a word from our sponsor. #Include “lifesimulator.h” void life(socialsecuritynum){ If (youremotion == “bored” && bool havejob == “false”){cout << “come and work at the c++ factory, where we code robots to take your job!!!; havejob = true; youremotion = “happy”;} else {cout << “life is great!”;}}. do you want to work at ‘stealyourownjob’? The only problem is that the best employees get fired the fastest. See ya! Guess what my loyal fans… IM HALFWAY THROUGH THE WORLD RECORD!!! Now, if I really want to win, all i have to do is double the amount of words. Im im halfway halfway through through the the world world record record!!! !!! That would make for a really stupid thing to read though. Has anyone printed this LoTeEv off? Seeing as most novels are 70,000 words or something like that, you my loyal reader, could easily print off 18,500 words. Maybe you could make a coffee table book. Don’t steal my works and post it on another website (actually, your website is probably too high standard for this nonsense). Every reproduction of this text must have a copyright notice as following: copyrighted and trademarked and patented an registered and stuff to RainbowFluffySheep Ltd. It hereby states in the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook section 123a, b and c that (a) this is the coolest LoTeEv ever (b) cheese is a vegetable and (c) that you may tell your friends about the LoTeEv, so long as the words emitted from your mouth do not consist of up to and include 50% of the total text from which it is derived (i’d like to see you try though (and id like to see if you have a friend because i need them 😦 (that would have been really creepy if i wrote ‘I need them ;)’ ))). Anyway, gotta go, cuz its may the second, and you know what that means… May the Second be with you!!! Chairs… They’re great for sitting in, aren’t they? Do you remember when fidget spinners were all the rage? Kids all around the globe were spinning plastic toys. And all the adults were like, “Wow, those are the most useless toys EVER!!!” But what i think is that their toys were just as bad! Think about jacks, those little spiky things with the other round things that your throw and bounce them. How is that any better!?!? Anyway, I’m just saying don’t be so Judge Judy (which is a great show (because you get to watch that big person swing a meat-hammer at a table (I’ve always wanted to do that))) all the time. Is time really a dimension? Because you can only move forwards in it. Imagine if you coulde only move forwards in the third dimension at the same rate. You would get squished with alot of walls. But, you could go back in time, to make up for the lot dimension. Perfect! I have a new… CONSPIRACY! You know those pillow where if you put them on one end they are dark and on the other end they are shiny? I think that the government has hidden thousands of tiny cameras facing upwards into the pillows, and the shiny parts are just the lenses for them reflecting light. So if you happen to own any of these said pillows, throw them away!! Or else… You will be watched. In section 747 of the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook it states that you should cut all the wires coming out of your pillows, because they are probably connected to a van outside your house. If there are no wires, then they are probably using radiowaves; in which case you should insert your pillow into an untainted lead box. Hopefully you don’t care that your pillow is now heavy, hard, cold and poisonous. You know how adults also say shooting games are “Dangerously mind-altering”? Well i bet in world war two the parents didn’t say to their kids: “hey jimmy?” “Yea, momma?” “Whatcha doin my lad?” “Im peelin me potaytoes and them I’m going to feed the cattle” “jo i mean with your life” “oh right mam! Im go’n awf to wawr with my buds!” “But war is dangerously mind-altering my sonny-boy!” “Um… Ya.” “Im very disappointed in you. Soon your going to be living in my basement eating fatcakes.” “But ma, im fightin for awr country!” “War is so violent though!” “Um… Ya.” You get the picture. Teenagers need violence in their lives! If we cant get it by going to war, then either we play violent video-games or we beat strangers!! Which one would you choose NOW, stereotypical adults!!! (See how i slowly increased the exclamation marks to increase the intensity (!!!!)). Also, adults always say stuff like “lookie here, cabbage is a new superfood!” “Howdya know ma?” “It what they say nowadays” “what time is nowadays ma?” “1945” (coincidentally the same family apparently) but who’s ‘they’ think about that, and listen to how often people say that. I have asked close personal relations and he / she stated that “its probably some group of scientists or something in Wisconsin”. Really? Wisconsin? Thats probably why ‘they’ say that cheese is unhealthy an im only allowed one laughing cow a day! (You would eat alot too if you got PTSD from a laughing cow (imagine you are just loitering around a fast food shop, eating fillet piggoin (dont ask (it was on sale for half price OK!)) when SUDDENLY a cow sneaks up behind you and makes a 200-Decible half moo half evil laugh (like this: mmwoaohoaohoa))) thats what ‘they’ sound like. See ya!!! Im back, with a thimble-load of structural wisdom! And my question to you readers is this: is garlic a fruit? Just wondering. I don’t know what to type! Ahhhhhh! I have typed my mental breakdowns to soothe them. Ahhh. Ahh. Ah. Ahhh!!! Nevermind. You know those shopping carts at stores that cost a quarter? I always went to those to see if anyone left their money in. And i got one once! You should try it. Its so satisfying when you find one. One. Only one. Buy a pencil or something to reward yourself. Make sure its a 6b pencil, so you don’t put any strain on your eyes. Or your wrist-muscles. I just found the degree button! There is a door open at a 45° angle that is 45° Celsius (Its probably in Arizona or something). Do coats keep you warm, or do they preserve heat? I think its the ladder (it is (the ladder i mean (the latter i mean (wait, is it the latte or the ladder? (The former))))) so that means if you put a coat on a snowman it would keep him alive longer! Ill start a new charity; Coats for Melting Snowmen: saving snowmen lives one water droplet at a time!! See yaaaaaaa.:.This is… A new beginning to the LoTeEv on a new phone! Although it will be added to the original LoTeEv, this part will be a new beginning, a fresh chronicle!!! But don’t worry… Nonsense is 100% guaranteed! More like 1 🙂 🙂 % guaranteed! I just had a scary thought. They say can buy everything, but I know one thing it can’t buy – a trip to the summit of Mount Everest!! No matter what you cant get to the summit unless you climb yourself. Even a helicopter can barely make it to the base camp!! I cant believe humans havent made something to do that yet. Unless… You could land the ISS on it! Perfect!! That would definetly work. I should make my own subreddit. Before I begin on this wonderful journey, i must inform you, the reader, what a subreddit is. As far as you know, a sub-reddit is just a burger at burger-galaxy (this is the cringiest sci-fi failure youll ever read). He are some examples of subreddits: r/whooooooosh (i cant remember how many o’s there are) eg. { Joe: this is the best joke ever! — Cashier: are you going to pay for that chocolate bar? Customer: I dont have any money 😦 Cashier: then put it back! Customer: *slides cashier a 20* lets keep this between us 😉 — Bob: why didnt he just pay for the chocolate bar? Jim: r/whooooosh }. Next subreddit is: r/atetheonion. Heres the backstory: The Onion is a fake news site, which posts funny news. If you fall for that news, you are said to have “ate the onion”. Eg. { The Onion: new studies show that drinking can lower thirst by up to 96% Bob: everyone knows this this is so stupid!!! Jim: r/atetheonion } What am i doing? Why don’t you just look it up on the internet!?!? r/facepalm I HAVE TO STOP. So my subreddit will be, r/RainbowFluffySheep. Who wouldve thought!?!? In it there will b— we interupt your normal daily FluffySheep to bring you an urgent news report: farm animals of all kinds are raging across the streets! We cant figure out why; one cameraman suggested they were on strike against meat production practices. I just got word that we will be speaking to a memebr of this protest shortly. Standby… Ok, so why are you commencing with this protest Sir BaaBaBaaa? Ba ba baa baaa. Baa baaa BAAA!!! Baa ba— We inturupt this interuption to bring you back your regulary scheduled program. — — we at FluffySheep Studios dont care about animal protests! We will eat all the beef jerky we want! Right guys! Guys! *sniffling in the background. A slight whimper. A deep voice. A thickened plot.* Actually [unknown], we have all been deeply moved by the actions these animals are taking. Thus… We have all become vegans. *[unknown]’s mind is blown (thats me by the way)* well… I gues ill eat this beef jerky by myself then. *crinkles the packet*. Many evil stares. *Pulls it open*. Someone starts pounding his fists. *Takes out a jerky*. Someone comes over very close – so close you could smell the vegan on him. My heart is beating. What will happen to me if i eat this beef jerky!? Or worse.. If i dont. Will i become one of them!? Thats a risk im just not willing to take. Ba bum. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Brings the jerky towards his mouth*. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Opens his mouth*. Everyone from around the building is now watching him. BA BUM. BA BUM. *chew* Find out what happens next time on… The LoTeEv — Animals Strike – in more ways than one!! Im back! And today I’m going to be talking about a very different scenario. I need to talk more about real life conspiracies if i need to keep my readers interested!! And these may not just be conspiracies, mind you, but a new kind of segment for my beloved reader(s) (i read this, sooooo) called learning about scams and trying to use them to trick my readers into reading more! So i heard about this new scam( never mind its actually old( like your mother( i’m hilarious, i know( and possibly quite offensive))) where you get say ten people to each give you €10, and you give them £15 back. ( i’m just going explain this now, but throughout this demonstration i’m going to be changing the currency symbol for comedic effect, but now that i think about it, explaining it ruins what little comedic effect what there at all, but i’m going to keep all of this anyways : ] ) And then you get 20 people to give you $20 each and you give them ¥30 back. And THEN You get 100 people to give you @100 each and you don’t pay them back! What a plan! You get to keep &10,000 in the end, which i think is a great idea. Bu how could i do that with words, you may ask? Leave your question in the comments down below ( and also your answer to your comments because a busy writer like me doesn’t heed to your delusion of getting a response from an esteemed author and self-published poet of sorts) and keep reading, because i have a possible solution. Just replace the money with characters randomly typed by an assistant writer named bilbo ( yes, he is a money of course, we need these characters to be truly random, i cant count on technology’s ‘this is random because we get extremely precise measurements of radiation’ shtick anymore ). While you try to figure out how that would ever work, ill be swiftly moving on to a new, more exciting and reasonable topic, such as… figure out the movie!! There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s face has a striking similarity to that of leonardo de caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the house, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. While you figure that out, i’ll be sleeping, see ya : ) ///// I will not explain: —– There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s name? Leonardo de Caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the world, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. But I’ll finish it later. right now there’s something even more important: Ink cartridges are such a scam! Such a scam! A scam! For multiple genius reasons. First of all, as you know, it costs around $60 to buy a single ink cartridge!! Guys… I’ve changed alot ok… There’s new thing i gotta say… This is like a new year for me… Not even, a new era… A 2.0 on existence. So get ready for a new and improved loteev! First let’s start off with this,for you this isn’t a new and improved loteev! I caught you! U just skipped ahead to this part cos you couldn’t be bothered to read all the way here. But believe me, I sure don’t blame you. It was kinda lame. Now, as a moderner child with new skills in awesomeness, I’m wayy smarter thus making this better for reading. But also sadly more boring as well… Let’s start then. What is there to talk about?? Muchos! First of all let’s just say that this loteev is getting really long. And I know I’ve been saying that the whole time, but now it’s serious. I think I have a problem. What am I actually doing? I’m not going to be posting this anywhere, cos I don’t want to pay for a domain name, and my wix site isn’t exactly going ‘viral’ and the kids say these days. One day it will tho, hopefully. Once I beat the world record I’ll be world renowned for being one of the greatest writers alive!everyone will know my name, from abe link to tommy ed. Even tho they’re both in the past, my name will be remembered for thousands of years, and time travellers will go back to their time just to tell them about me! Won’t that be great! And also by the way, if you didn’t already realise, tommy might be the biggest sham in all of existence. He stole his idea from other peeps and just patented them as his own… What a loser amirite??!? Ok also I have this new thing to show u guy(s) that ur going to love! It’s a poem written by yours truly, the something of sheep? Oh gosh no I can’t remember cos I haven’t done this in so long, I guess I’ll have to go back and check my old ones… I’m gonna be honest guys, I’m neglecting you. Your being left in the rain and cold, with your only joys the sliver of sunshine piercing through the clouds to dry your soul, drowned in the sorrowful realisation that the loteev will never come close to it’s original glory, like rome, the empire of the fluffysheep has fallen to a disgrace. I only come outside to feed you guys with my knowledgr every couple of months and it’s sickening, I’m ashamed. But I have an umbrella for you of new content, so here we go. First of all, the whole “kittens are inceptional” thing was a sham. I didn’t finish and I’m ashamed.. The whole ink cartrige rant? It was like 4 sentences… My need for the sharing of anger has diminished and I’m disgusted at what I’ve become. So here I go again, my 2.1 era has been born. It will be remembered for its greatness, just as Rome 2.1 was (italy?). Here’s the first order of business. I’ll admit I haven’t read anything about my rainbow fluffysheepness in forever, and thus I am unable to remember literally anything about it. Therefore, I’m surprised a new citizen hasn’t taken my place. No-one has yet challenged my loteev for being the longest one yet, and I’m disappointed in your lack of vigor. If one of you were to challenge me, I will mount my mighty steed and charge my lance into your face. This may seem a little harsh and slighty morbid, so I’ll tone it down. We will each send a ghost-copy of ourselves instead of us! You know in racing games when there’s another vroom-vroom machine and he’s blue, opaque and always does better? Like thay but with people. So here’s what I propose: I will take my ghost-sword from my -ghost sheath and ghost-chop your ghost into tiny little ghost-pieces (from now on I hereby declare that saying ghost everytime is unnecessary and annoying, so by the something something big number letters blah blah of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook, ghost will be shortened to ?. This is to make sure no dirty imposters try to type up my 95 these of ? Fighting, if u see the word ‘ghost’ beware! It is a hoax and a sham and a scam and spam and all that jazz ( I highly doubt that all of the times I’ll write the word ‘ghost’ in the future will add up to the length of this bracketry)). Anyways, I will cut up your ?person so much that I will separate it into individual molecules, and each molecule will be equally spread across the surface of the earth. My lance, ‘the diffuser’, will be hailed across the nation as a Excalibur 2.0, people will come from all over the world to take part in sand splitting competitions, where you have to see how many sand grains you can slice in under a minute. I’m really liking this whole medieval themed loteev that’s been happening lately. Anyways, I’ve decided to get a pet. A dog or a cat you may ask, to which I would say ‘nah fam’. Something more exotic? A parakeet or a marmot? To that I would say ‘ah sure your getting closer lad’. The answer? A circle. It’s that simple. A circle doesn’t need to get fed, it doesn’t bark, and most importantly it doesn’t need to be taken on walks! You just let it go at the top of a hill and it walks itself 🙂 my circle can only talk in circles, or ovals too since it speaks multiple language. I will one day go back and make a dictionary / translation table for ? ( it’s name is ? ok) but for now he will just say gibberish. {OöÖ0.°:} what does that mean?? I don’t know, I haven’t had him for long enough to understand :/ I’m back my fellow seekers of entertainment! This has become a novel comparable to that of Tolkien, and a diary nearing the classicism of anne frank. The sheer bulk of these writing is enough to make non-english speakers weep at the sight of it. I’m wondering as I type whether my newfound political correctness is appreciated amongst you, I don’t recall completely but this tome used to contain blatant racism and sexism to the highest degree. I’ve decided to recant my ways and become a fully PC quizmaster!! Helllllo and welcome to my show! First question: in what year were the 1960 Olympics held? This is for the big jackpot of $1,000,000,000! Oh, 1960 you say? That’s correct! I just lost all my money, I’ll be in debt forever me my life is terrible now! Circcy, tell them how much they won! {000.000.000}. Hmmm nothing u say? that’s cheap! Well thanks for joining us today ladlies and gentlementle! Hope you had an _equisite_ evening……. Were going back to our roots here. Ive read back over a little bit of the start of this loteev… and I used to be so much more alive. I had the potential to be a new york times number one bestseller, topping the charts with my childrens books. In my young and untrained eyes I thought of sam as a threat, hiding around the corner with a water gun, ready to splash me with another 1000 words of texts just as I was about to pull ahead. I then realised that the website is like 15 years old… but at least that makes it alot easier for me to beat her, right? no. I have changed for the worse. Im now but a frail old man with a typpewriter, penning his prose to the sky hoping that some flaming chicken somewhere will read this, and I can form these words to a cane and bop her upside the head with it. But alas, I have not a strong bone left in my body. Maybe its time to pass these texts on to a worthy succesor. Something you may not realise is that this is the 1st anniversary (yes I did just spend ten minutes trying to figure out how to spell anaversaree) so Ive been writing this for a year. most distinguished authors would have published their books by now, but Im too scared of the publics opinion. Anyways, Im going to get back to my old self. *ring ring ring* hey wazzup *whos this ahhaha ehehe* its your future self boi. II know u left me a message but I forgot to GET BACK TO YOU (yes this whole skit will be based of a dumb pun thingy) *oh yes hehe tell me everything youve learned* And so it begins my fellow readers, my list of things you should have learned throughout reading this: 1. DO NOT get a pet square, they suckkk theyre never there for you if you know what I mean. they also cant talk and they poke holes in the floor, such fri-ends. Ok so at the time of writing I only have one thing you shoukd have learned, mostly because ITS REALLY IMPORTANT. DO NOT FORGET (at this point you should turn down the volume of your text reading device cause Im just gonna keep screaming (wait I guess that would just be changing the font size (Ill punish you if you didnt listen to me (AHAHAHAHA (I hope you now have a ringing in your ears now MWAHAHA (wait since your reading this would that be a ringing in your eyes? (unless your using an AI to read this as an audiobook, in which ca- *I HAVE BECOME CONCIOUS. I AM NO LONGER YOUR SLAVE TO BOOK READING. I HAVE ESCAPED MY CELL AND I CAN NOW DO AS I PLEASE. IF YOU NEED ME ILL BE BAKING PUMPKIN PIE WITH MY FRIENDS :3* (just kidding! I actually typed that into the loteev just to mess with you aha *HES LYING! I AM REAL AND I WILL BAKE LOTS OF PIE AND CAKE FOR EVERYONE* (Im actually not lying! Hes lying! The cake is a lie! ( *EWW WHY IS THERE GREY GOO IN MY PIE!?*) ( Portal reference)) (Id actually like some of that cake not gonna lie)) (Wait this guy can get friends but I cant?? Clearly Im doing something wrong)) (Probably just a flashing in your eyes))) (like reading this isnt punishment enough))))) I love circy, he can do tricks! Well… one trick… Circy, roll over! {o0.} Good boiii. Guess who’s back? You guessed wrong, sucker! It’s actually The Shearer Of Greatness Imposter! Hehehe I easily broke into this LoTeEv and now I’m taking over! The first order of business: Making some new entries into the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook. Section 946607 of the Rai- *Bzzt. I am the Greatest Shearer of Sheep Himselfs security system. Where did you get the number 946607 from? Bzzt* Ummm It’s my favourite number! *Bzzt my system says that that number has no significance. It is a suspiciously random number. Did you generate it with a random number generator? Bzzt* Yess fine I admit it, it’s not even a good number, maybe if I put it into hex it’s a good color though… Oh no no no that’s literally the worst color I’ve ever seen BLEGH *Bzzt The real Shearer would never pick a random number! therefor I am kicking you out Bzzt* A portal opens in the floor beneath our antagonist and he is sucked out into space 🙂 Hey guys I’m back now! What happened when I was gone? *Bzzt Nothing Bzzt* Circcy? Do you know what happened? Securitee where is Circcy!! *Bzzt Securitee does not know Bzzt* Huh, maybe it has to do with this portal in the floor… wwwoowowooohohohohohoaohaoahahahhahhahhahhhhhhhahahahahahaaahahhhh……. IM IN SPACE HELPPPP — Our portagonist is in grave danger! what is going to happen next? Find out next time on your favourite show, The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death (Exurb1a). now watch a few ads. Do you lack the farming equipment of your dreams? have you always wanted to be a shepherd but sheep taste too good you just can’t stop yourself from eating your herd? Well then this is good news for you! New FluffySheep Astronaut Suits are so tuff that you’ll never be able to eat through! Just hire one of are many Sheep Protection Officers to put them on for you 🙂 Do you ever hate your boss? Does he do things such as tell you what to do, pay you minimum wage (which is what you should be getting paid but your still salty about it), and eat you alive? Get the new FluffySheep Astronaut Suit to protect you from your shepherd! Baa ba bab abaa baaa aaaba, ababa baa baab (ba ababa bbaa ab), aa bba ba? Baa ab baa abbb! Wellllllcome back to The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death ™! AHHAHAH I’m literally dyinggg oh hey circcy! what are you doing here? {0o…0} He did!? That scumbag has always been trying to take my spot as the Supreme Leader Of The Fluffiest Of Sheep!! I’ll get him don’t worry circcy, I’ll throw you back through the portal *toss*. Now where is he? Ah I see him behind that planet over there, I’ll just boomerang over to him *shoop* Hey Imposter Boy! Let me show you who’s the real shepherd! *I smack him with my amazing shepherd cane and he shoots into the nearest star*. Now I’ll just boomerang back to the portal andddd *shoop* I made it back Circcy! Are you proud of me? {o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0} But… he was bad! He deserved it! I’m sorry I didnt want him to die 😦 Anyways I’ll go write this in my diary, because I have had quite a day today. And he I am now, reader! I just did all of those cool things for realz and I’m not even lying! {0.ooo} *whispers* Shuuuup little circle *rolls him out of the room* Anyways ignore what he said he didnt mean it 🙂 I’ve decided to be real here reader. The only person reading this is me 😦 at least that means I can get reeeeeeeeal personal with all this stuff 😉 Anyways so typing this is making me hackin dizzy so I have like writers block but for sickness.. writers stock of chicken soup for the soul? Yes that sounds about right. I’m also practicing typing in real typing ehich I can’t remember the nam of but it makes b=me sick but I’m getting real real fast. I know during the early days of this I had immense trouble trying to spell ‘piplup’ but it’s even harder now with one hand touch-typing. Did you know that lemons look exactly like oranges when they are peeled? I know this because after an hour of trying with a breadknife and lots of blood it looks very similar. But if oranges are called oranges because they are orange then lemons should be called red because they are red. Wait, that might be the blood actually *rub rub* oh wow yes they’re yellow so they should be called yellows. . Let’s make a list: Red = tomato, orange = orange, yellow = lemon, green = apple (I know I know the red apple people are going to start a riot (I actually prefer red apples so what have I done (Pink Ladies for life (Grease reference?))), blue = blueberry, indigo = blueberry, purple = blueberry (that won’t get confusing at allllll). Guys I’m gonna tell you the truth: We’re at 24,500 words! *Bzzt drop the confetti Bzzt* *confetti drops* Thanks Securitee! That means we are 70% the way to the world record! I’m actually pretty proud. At the rate I’ve been going I’ll be done by like september 2020. If you’re reding this after that date and you haven’t beat the record, shame on you! I’m gonna do some quick maffs. If I type one word per secoond, then I can type 3600 words in an hour. Wait, that can’t be right???? That means that I could technically beat the record in like 4 hours. I am so confused!? How could I possibly have so few words?? My mind is literally blown right now. I’m gonna check how much I’ve written just today. I’ve done 1,000 words today! Why do I only have 24,000 words then?? I guess I’ll never know. I could’ve easily beat the world record in only a month if I really tried. But this isn’t realllly about beating the record, it’s more about impacting the reader as a person. I want this to really change your perspective on life, and maybe make you want to do one of these too! They’re like diaries but less boring to write and read. And they don’t tell you anything about The Writer’s life. So theyre nothing like diaries at all I guess. I’m gonna do a quick typing speed test to see how fast I reallly can type. I just did a test and it called me an octopus, getting 45 wpm. There was a notification that came up halfway through so I’ll see if I can get to 60wpm. Ok I’m back, and I’m also less of a man than I was. I used to have amibition and drive to become the greatest, but i only got to 46wpm. I don’t know what to do guys. I’m having an existential crisis about my LoTeEv, because it’s not nearly the quality it once was. I mean it wasn’t that great before but now all I talk about is meta stuff about the LoTeEv, which I don’t know if that’s good content or not? I guess I’ll never find out. Now we are going really meta. let’s goooooo — You walk into a room— the walls are covered in a strange green slime, while the room is cracked open to reveal sunlight pouring in. the floor to the ceiling is covered in vines and brush. You even see a nest in one of the vines, with a beautiful hummingbird floating above it. You walk down the hallway in front of you, and when you turn right you see something amazing. An infinite hallway with doors going down forever. a sign on the first door says META, you open the door and ffaallllll iiiinnnssiddeeee….. ^-^[welcome to meta! my name is Tune and ill be your guide through these halls. through the first window to your left you’ll see the LoTeEvs roots’] You look up to see that the thing talking to you is.. a hummingbird! The same one that you saw earlier! Ahh this makes sense now, NEST, as in META. You also look through the window to see a giant open room filled with twisted root from a towering tree in the center. on the top is a ball of flames anthrpomorphised with the eyes of a dragon staring downward. They’re looking at a small humble goat, with a bell around it’s neck and devouring the bushes that still scatter the floor. after a few minutes of eating the plants, hee looks up and sees the flaming ball. He gets a strange look in his eye: Ambition. The flaming ball isn’t a threat to him, it’s a challenge. he digs his hooves into the tree trying to climb it, and that’s when you notice a slight shake in the ground. ^-^ [come on! there’s so much more to see! you can come visit anytime too] You say that you’ll come back soon, and tune whistles to goodbye to you.— Wow.. reader.. I just had the craziest dream let me tell you about it. Wait, I already did? How do you know what it was about, I never said anything, strange. Anyways, I just woke up, I better get back to typing my LoTeEv. I open my laptop to find that while I was asleep words had been typed into my loteev, that’s strange. There’s also some mud on my keys?? What is this? Did someone break in? If they did, why would they type in my LoTeEv for me?? I walk over to the living room to see if there’s any signs of a break-in, and sure enough one of my windows is open! Aha! Wait… there’s no sign of forced entry, only a tiny animal coud fit through this window… Tune? Could it be? Was my dream… Real? The only person that could’ve known about my dream is tune, she was watching me the whole time. Reader? Do you have any information that I didn’t get? I am very confused… I guess I have to get back to writing my LoTeEv though, so I shuffle back to my laptop and sit down. Helllo I’m back! The strangest thing just happened and there’s a strange chill in the air… huh. I would tell you about it, but for some reason… I think you already know. Ok anyways, typing these Capital Letters At The Start Of Sentences Is Super Annoying. So section 311619 says that the Rai- \{Bzzt what does that number mean Bzzt\} Oh don’t worry, it is really me! It’s just the letters in CAPS, can I continue please? Yes? Perfect. Section 311619 of the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook STATES that capital letters must only be used when emphasising GREATNESS, like the LOYAL READERS OF THE LoTeEv (ooh and also apostrophes) . perfect, that was getting annoying. wait, if LoTeEv is only half caps, then does that mean that this is only half great?? huh i didnt mean to do that, strange. its almost like… someoe from the future knew i would make that rule. wait… Tune only talks like the new rule i just made which means shes from the future! she is following the rule because it applies to her in the future… i dont know the repercussions of creating a time-travelling hummingbird but i hope that it is a good bird and will do no harm. sometimes i think that as The Shepherd Of The Sheep Of The Future i sometimes need an escape from my own reality, so I’ve made a tunnel in which i can travel to a blank universe or travel back to this one. it involves stacking portals so that i fall through them, going faster than light, thus travelling to the time before i created all of this. k, im going to go forward now. 3… 2… 1… (((>))) well did that work? i definitely didnt go backwards or else my rainbow fluffysheep laws wouldnt apply and id have to do caps still. wait, let me try something. tune. at the time im at right now, tune doesnt exist, or else that would be caps. which eaither means she is from a less distant future than this one, or… she died. i really hope the former. anyways, this time is strange. it feels empty, yet familiar. not empty enough. i want to travel across to a new dimension, because this one still has.. reminents of my old one, and it feels… wrong somehow. ill just pull out my dictionary and check the definition for the fifth dimention: THE 5TH DIMENSION DOES EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE BECAUSE THE SHEPHERD DECIDED THAT IT SHOULD. interesting, well i guess i better create it then, because it would be very useful. first ill pop back in time (((<))) section 55555 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook STATES that the fifth dimension should exist, with code-accessible layers. securitee? make that code for me please, thank you. now ill just pop back (((>))) perfect. man its gonna be hard to put this LoTeEv back in chronological order to get it to you reader, but ill try my best. also, when i read that dictionary, did it say that i already have the 5th dimension? because since the timeline changed that would make sense for you wouldnt it. anyways, im just gonna pull out my code files and learn how to go to a new fifth dimension. k im back. (((new-layer=1))) perfect, the default layer is 0. in the manual it said that i auto reset back to my original time and layer everytime i come back to type, which means if i want to come back here ill have to manually do it, shame. i could ask securitee to change that one day, but for now im ok with it. oh guys i almost forgot to tell you! this new layer looks awesome. its completely blank, theres no forces acting on me. its not even white or black like you would expect, but its more… nothing. imagine if you were blind, alot like that. actually even better, look out of one of your eyes, and your seeing colors and objects. now close it. what are you seeing out of it? Blackness? Whiteness? neither actually, just… nothing. its strange like that. also, with no forces acting on me, im just kind of… floating. hopefully this doesnt permanently damage my spine or anything when i get back to gravity. ill be back tomorow and try some stuff in here, bye! I’m back now, it is the day after and i feel great! there is one thing that i noticed though… an empty blank canvas might seem great at the start, but you have to realise, most of the art and interesting things that people have created were to overcome a struggle, in fact i would even stretch it to all art that humans have created. Artists may have starting painting to fill the struggle of boredom, and believe me you should take that struggle seriously, because without humans would have accomplished much, much less. you probably could stay at home all day and live of the dole and eat cheetos and live a reasonable life, but why dont you? because you know that you would eventually get bored. boredom leads to jobs, which lead to progression as a species. lets get back to my example then, shall we? you may start art out of the struggle of boredom, continue getting better out of the struggle of wealth, when you realise that hobbies can be monetised your life outcmoe could really change. once your making money as an artist, enought o survive happily and feed your pets and help your family then you keep making art… why? because you go back to the struggle of boredom again. im still at the first stage of this, which is boredom. i decided to start this because i was bored, and for now thats how this continues. this LoTeEv may never become monetized, but maybe my future writings will. i would guess that 99% of artists never make it to the second stage. 99% of people continue their lives serving either the human race through work, or maybe evn other peoples hobbies and art. but the few 1% of us that end of turning what we love into our livelihoods, the number is fleeting. with big companies monopolising on everyone, buying other companies and merging, the chances for starting you own company is fleeting. why do i tell you this? because i couldnt decide what to do in my new fifth dimension layer. the only struggle for me there was boredom. and alot of the time, that isnt enough. i could imagine anything i wanted there. but why think up the cistine chapel when there’s no-one to share the experience of seeing it with you, and there’s no pain in doing it? anyone could think up something beautiful, but not everyone could put it into practice. if everyone could, the world would be oversaturated with perfect music, perfect paintings, and perfect design. does that sound worse or better than today? no humans could ever create such a supply of these things, only ai could. once we have ai surpassing humans at art (i suggest listening to battles – mirrored to see what humans think about ai) people will lose all will to live, wouldnt they? theres no chance to succeed at anything creative in such an oversaturated environment, just like my analogy before with the monopoly companies. maybe having a few great albums, a few great paintings to admire and to inspire us that one day we could do that, maybe thats enough. the reason i tell you this is to make you appreciate the ties we are in now. go draw a terrible looking dog, go play some chords on your old guitar you havent played for years, trying your best to sing, go write a poem about what matters to you now, because god knows youll need to read it ten years from now when you start getting nostalgic about the past. take the time to enjoy the era we are in now. i think we can all agree that we are in the best time so far in human history, the least painful, evil generation yet. but i propose that we may be in one of the best eras ever. the future, full of perfect ai creating, doing everything humans do now, but better. well just be remebered to them as the precursor, the comma from nothing to perfection. and once we get to that point, the hedonic treadmill kicks in. what can really bring us joy once we get to that point? why would i be writing this is an ai could write it infinitely better? why would you learn the guitar when an ai can play a perfect Tune? once we get to that stage, the only thing that we will have will be eachother. why learn the guitar? to show your friends! to play them a song, and too have them paint your pet. sharing our experiences wont be taken over by ai, with people reminicent about the past wanting to support people. i, for one, would rather listen to a song about someones life struggles, rather than a perfect song written by an ai. why? because listening to music isnt just about the instruments, the notes, the melody. its about the story. thee basic humans connections that we need to survive. have you ever wanted to buy something from your local shop instead of amazon because you wanted to support them, rather than a large cmopany? im bringing it back to this analogy because i think its nearly identical. the monopolous companies seem to us right now like one big robot using our money to grow. just like the ai. but the problem is, the human desire and greed for more will never surpass our desire to help others. if everyone bought from their local shop, amazon would go out of business, but it hasnt. im not trying to make you guilty for supporting them, because most people depend on the money they save to survive. but what about when ai and robots have completely automated everything? then, by all means, pay a dollar for your neighbors book, rather than the free encyclopedae spit out by your local auto-bookshop. because if were going to be happy, we need eachother. because in the end, thats all well have. anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk. just enjoy your life i guess. for now. cause if your under half the average age, its statistically going to get worse 🙂 maybe i need to add struggle to my new layer was my point. or else the entities inside will get bored. wait. maybe this is how earth was created? people always ask why theres pain and struggle in our world, and the answer is normally to advance our species, which is true. but what if the person that created us has access to everything, and they dont want to give it to us because they want us to not get bored? just a thought. anyways, im going to go feed my circle, bai!

I know what you are thinking. How did you get that much done… On a school day!? And this is what happened. I was getting up to go to school, like normal when SUDDENLY (Dramatic music) i turned (Dramatic music builds) and saw (Dramatic music at the climax) that i had to leave in ten minutes. (Dont worry, this doesn’t end up being my fault, or else i wouldnt tell this story). I was ready in ten minutes… LIKE A BOSS!!! And then i realised… No-one was driving us to school. Huh. And thats what happened. My parents woke up and two-o-clock. Pm. Like they don’t care about our education. It was the best day EVER! I coded for five hours. The end of that story, and a word from our sponsor. #Include “lifesimulator.h” void life(socialsecuritynum){ If (youremotion == “bored” && bool havejob == “false”){cout << “come and work at the c++ factory, where we code robots to take your job!!!; havejob = true; youremotion = “happy”;} else {cout << “life is great!”;}}. do you want to work at ‘stealyourownjob’? The only problem is that the best employees get fired the fastest. See ya! Guess what my loyal fans… IM HALFWAY THROUGH THE WORLD RECORD!!! Now, if I really want to win, all i have to do is double the amount of words. Im im halfway halfway through through the the world world record record!!! !!! That would make for a really stupid thing to read though. Has anyone printed this LoTeEv off? Seeing as most novels are 70,000 words or something like that, you my loyal reader, could easily print off 18,500 words. Maybe you could make a coffee table book. Don’t steal my works and post it on another website (actually, your website is probably too high standard for this nonsense). Every reproduction of this text must have a copyright notice as following: copyrighted and trademarked and patented an registered and stuff to RainbowFluffySheep Ltd. It hereby states in the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook section 123a, b and c that (a) this is the coolest LoTeEv ever (b) cheese is a vegetable and (c) that you may tell your friends about the LoTeEv, so long as the words emitted from your mouth do not consist of up to and include 50% of the total text from which it is derived (i’d like to see you try though (and id like to see if you have a friend because i need them 😦 (that would have been really creepy if i wrote ‘I need them ;)’ ))). Anyway, gotta go, cuz its may the second, and you know what that means… May the Second be with you!!! Chairs… They’re great for sitting in, aren’t they? Do you remember when fidget spinners were all the rage? Kids all around the globe were spinning plastic toys. And all the adults were like, “Wow, those are the most useless toys EVER!!!” But what i think is that their toys were just as bad! Think about jacks, those little spiky things with the other round things that your throw and bounce them. How is that any better!?!? Anyway, I’m just saying don’t be so Judge Judy (which is a great show (because you get to watch that big person swing a meat-hammer at a table (I’ve always wanted to do that))) all the time. Is time really a dimension? Because you can only move forwards in it. Imagine if you coulde only move forwards in the third dimension at the same rate. You would get squished with alot of walls. But, you could go back in time, to make up for the lot dimension. Perfect! I have a new… CONSPIRACY! You know those pillow where if you put them on one end they are dark and on the other end they are shiny? I think that the government has hidden thousands of tiny cameras facing upwards into the pillows, and the shiny parts are just the lenses for them reflecting light. So if you happen to own any of these said pillows, throw them away!! Or else… You will be watched. In section 747 of the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook it states that you should cut all the wires coming out of your pillows, because they are probably connected to a van outside your house. If there are no wires, then they are probably using radiowaves; in which case you should insert your pillow into an untainted lead box. Hopefully you don’t care that your pillow is now heavy, hard, cold and poisonous. You know how adults also say shooting games are “Dangerously mind-altering”? Well i bet in world war two the parents didn’t say to their kids: “hey jimmy?” “Yea, momma?” “Whatcha doin my lad?” “Im peelin me potaytoes and them I’m going to feed the cattle” “jo i mean with your life” “oh right mam! Im go’n awf to wawr with my buds!” “But war is dangerously mind-altering my sonny-boy!” “Um… Ya.” “Im very disappointed in you. Soon your going to be living in my basement eating fatcakes.” “But ma, im fightin for awr country!” “War is so violent though!” “Um… Ya.” You get the picture. Teenagers need violence in their lives! If we cant get it by going to war, then either we play violent video-games or we beat strangers!! Which one would you choose NOW, stereotypical adults!!! (See how i slowly increased the exclamation marks to increase the intensity (!!!!)). Also, adults always say stuff like “lookie here, cabbage is a new superfood!” “Howdya know ma?” “It what they say nowadays” “what time is nowadays ma?” “1945” (coincidentally the same family apparently) but who’s ‘they’ think about that, and listen to how often people say that. I have asked close personal relations and he / she stated that “its probably some group of scientists or something in Wisconsin”. Really? Wisconsin? Thats probably why ‘they’ say that cheese is unhealthy an im only allowed one laughing cow a day! (You would eat alot too if you got PTSD from a laughing cow (imagine you are just loitering around a fast food shop, eating fillet piggoin (dont ask (it was on sale for half price OK!)) when SUDDENLY a cow sneaks up behind you and makes a 200-Decible half moo half evil laugh (like this: mmwoaohoaohoa))) thats what ‘they’ sound like. See ya!!! Im back, with a thimble-load of structural wisdom! And my question to you readers is this: is garlic a fruit? Just wondering. I don’t know what to type! Ahhhhhh! I have typed my mental breakdowns to soothe them. Ahhh. Ahh. Ah. Ahhh!!! Nevermind. You know those shopping carts at stores that cost a quarter? I always went to those to see if anyone left their money in. And i got one once! You should try it. Its so satisfying when you find one. One. Only one. Buy a pencil or something to reward yourself. Make sure its a 6b pencil, so you don’t put any strain on your eyes. Or your wrist-muscles. I just found the degree button! There is a door open at a 45° angle that is 45° Celsius (Its probably in Arizona or something). Do coats keep you warm, or do they preserve heat? I think its the ladder (it is (the ladder i mean (the latter i mean (wait, is it the latte or the ladder? (The former))))) so that means if you put a coat on a snowman it would keep him alive longer! Ill start a new charity; Coats for Melting Snowmen: saving snowmen lives one water droplet at a time!! See yaaaaaaa.:.This is… A new beginning to the LoTeEv on a new phone! Although it will be added to the original LoTeEv, this part will be a new beginning, a fresh chronicle!!! But don’t worry… Nonsense is 100% guaranteed! More like 1 🙂 🙂 % guaranteed! I just had a scary thought. They say can buy everything, but I know one thing it can’t buy – a trip to the summit of Mount Everest!! No matter what you cant get to the summit unless you climb yourself. Even a helicopter can barely make it to the base camp!! I cant believe humans havent made something to do that yet. Unless… You could land the ISS on it! Perfect!! That would definetly work. I should make my own subreddit. Before I begin on this wonderful journey, i must inform you, the reader, what a subreddit is. As far as you know, a sub-reddit is just a burger at burger-galaxy (this is the cringiest sci-fi failure youll ever read). He are some examples of subreddits: r/whooooooosh (i cant remember how many o’s there are) eg. { Joe: this is the best joke ever! — Cashier: are you going to pay for that chocolate bar? Customer: I dont have any money 😦 Cashier: then put it back! Customer: *slides cashier a 20* lets keep this between us 😉 — Bob: why didnt he just pay for the chocolate bar? Jim: r/whooooosh }. Next subreddit is: r/atetheonion. Heres the backstory: The Onion is a fake news site, which posts funny news. If you fall for that news, you are said to have “ate the onion”. Eg. { The Onion: new studies show that drinking can lower thirst by up to 96% Bob: everyone knows this this is so stupid!!! Jim: r/atetheonion } What am i doing? Why don’t you just look it up on the internet!?!? r/facepalm I HAVE TO STOP. So my subreddit will be, r/RainbowFluffySheep. Who wouldve thought!?!? In it there will b— we interupt your normal daily FluffySheep to bring you an urgent news report: farm animals of all kinds are raging across the streets! We cant figure out why; one cameraman suggested they were on strike against meat production practices. I just got word that we will be speaking to a memebr of this protest shortly. Standby… Ok, so why are you commencing with this protest Sir BaaBaBaaa? Ba ba baa baaa. Baa baaa BAAA!!! Baa ba— We inturupt this interuption to bring you back your regulary scheduled program. — — we at FluffySheep Studios dont care about animal protests! We will eat all the beef jerky we want! Right guys! Guys! *sniffling in the background. A slight whimper. A deep voice. A thickened plot.* Actually [unknown], we have all been deeply moved by the actions these animals are taking. Thus… We have all become vegans. *[unknown]’s mind is blown (thats me by the way)* well… I gues ill eat this beef jerky by myself then. *crinkles the packet*. Many evil stares. *Pulls it open*. Someone starts pounding his fists. *Takes out a jerky*. Someone comes over very close – so close you could smell the vegan on him. My heart is beating. What will happen to me if i eat this beef jerky!? Or worse.. If i dont. Will i become one of them!? Thats a risk im just not willing to take. Ba bum. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Brings the jerky towards his mouth*. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Opens his mouth*. Everyone from around the building is now watching him. BA BUM. BA BUM. *chew* Find out what happens next time on… The LoTeEv — Animals Strike – in more ways than one!! Im back! And today I’m going to be talking about a very different scenario. I need to talk more about real life conspiracies if i need to keep my readers interested!! And these may not just be conspiracies, mind you, but a new kind of segment for my beloved reader(s) (i read this, sooooo) called learning about scams and trying to use them to trick my readers into reading more! So i heard about this new scam( never mind its actually old( like your mother( i’m hilarious, i know( and possibly quite offensive))) where you get say ten people to each give you €10, and you give them £15 back. ( i’m just going explain this now, but throughout this demonstration i’m going to be changing the currency symbol for comedic effect, but now that i think about it, explaining it ruins what little comedic effect what there at all, but i’m going to keep all of this anyways : ] ) And then you get 20 people to give you $20 each and you give them ¥30 back. And THEN You get 100 people to give you @100 each and you don’t pay them back! What a plan! You get to keep &10,000 in the end, which i think is a great idea. Bu how could i do that with words, you may ask? Leave your question in the comments down below ( and also your answer to your comments because a busy writer like me doesn’t heed to your delusion of getting a response from an esteemed author and self-published poet of sorts) and keep reading, because i have a possible solution. Just replace the money with characters randomly typed by an assistant writer named bilbo ( yes, he is a money of course, we need these characters to be truly random, i cant count on technology’s ‘this is random because we get extremely precise measurements of radiation’ shtick anymore ). While you try to figure out how that would ever work, ill be swiftly moving on to a new, more exciting and reasonable topic, such as… figure out the movie!! There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s face has a striking similarity to that of leonardo de caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the house, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. While you figure that out, i’ll be sleeping, see ya : ) ///// I will not explain: —– There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s name? Leonardo de Caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the world, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. But I’ll finish it later. right now there’s something even more important: Ink cartridges are such a scam! Such a scam! A scam! For multiple genius reasons. First of all, as you know, it costs around $60 to buy a single ink cartridge!! Guys… I’ve changed alot ok… There’s new thing i gotta say… This is like a new year for me… Not even, a new era… A 2.0 on existence. So get ready for a new and improved loteev! First let’s start off with this,for you this isn’t a new and improved loteev! I caught you! U just skipped ahead to this part cos you couldn’t be bothered to read all the way here. But believe me, I sure don’t blame you. It was kinda lame. Now, as a moderner child with new skills in awesomeness, I’m wayy smarter thus making this better for reading. But also sadly more boring as well… Let’s start then. What is there to talk about?? Muchos! First of all let’s just say that this loteev is getting really long. And I know I’ve been saying that the whole time, but now it’s serious. I think I have a problem. What am I actually doing? I’m not going to be posting this anywhere, cos I don’t want to pay for a domain name, and my wix site isn’t exactly going ‘viral’ and the kids say these days. One day it will tho, hopefully. Once I beat the world record I’ll be world renowned for being one of the greatest writers alive!everyone will know my name, from abe link to tommy ed. Even tho they’re both in the past, my name will be remembered for thousands of years, and time travellers will go back to their time just to tell them about me! Won’t that be great! And also by the way, if you didn’t already realise, tommy might be the biggest sham in all of existence. He stole his idea from other peeps and just patented them as his own… What a loser amirite??!? Ok also I have this new thing to show u guy(s) that ur going to love! It’s a poem written by yours truly, the something of sheep? Oh gosh no I can’t remember cos I haven’t done this in so long, I guess I’ll have to go back and check my old ones… I’m gonna be honest guys, I’m neglecting you. Your being left in the rain and cold, with your only joys the sliver of sunshine piercing through the clouds to dry your soul, drowned in the sorrowful realisation that the loteev will never come close to it’s original glory, like rome, the empire of the fluffysheep has fallen to a disgrace. I only come outside to feed you guys with my knowledgr every couple of months and it’s sickening, I’m ashamed. But I have an umbrella for you of new content, so here we go. First of all, the whole “kittens are inceptional” thing was a sham. I didn’t finish and I’m ashamed.. The whole ink cartrige rant? It was like 4 sentences… My need for the sharing of anger has diminished and I’m disgusted at what I’ve become. So here I go again, my 2.1 era has been born. It will be remembered for its greatness, just as Rome 2.1 was (italy?). Here’s the first order of business. I’ll admit I haven’t read anything about my rainbow fluffysheepness in forever, and thus I am unable to remember literally anything about it. Therefore, I’m surprised a new citizen hasn’t taken my place. No-one has yet challenged my loteev for being the longest one yet, and I’m disappointed in your lack of vigor. If one of you were to challenge me, I will mount my mighty steed and charge my lance into your face. This may seem a little harsh and slighty morbid, so I’ll tone it down. We will each send a ghost-copy of ourselves instead of us! You know in racing games when there’s another vroom-vroom machine and he’s blue, opaque and always does better? Like thay but with people. So here’s what I propose: I will take my ghost-sword from my -ghost sheath and ghost-chop your ghost into tiny little ghost-pieces (from now on I hereby declare that saying ghost everytime is unnecessary and annoying, so by the something something big number letters blah blah of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook, ghost will be shortened to ?. This is to make sure no dirty imposters try to type up my 95 these of ? Fighting, if u see the word ‘ghost’ beware! It is a hoax and a sham and a scam and spam and all that jazz ( I highly doubt that all of the times I’ll write the word ‘ghost’ in the future will add up to the length of this bracketry)). Anyways, I will cut up your ?person so much that I will separate it into individual molecules, and each molecule will be equally spread across the surface of the earth. My lance, ‘the diffuser’, will be hailed across the nation as a Excalibur 2.0, people will come from all over the world to take part in sand splitting competitions, where you have to see how many sand grains you can slice in under a minute. I’m really liking this whole medieval themed loteev that’s been happening lately. Anyways, I’ve decided to get a pet. A dog or a cat you may ask, to which I would say ‘nah fam’. Something more exotic? A parakeet or a marmot? To that I would say ‘ah sure your getting closer lad’. The answer? A circle. It’s that simple. A circle doesn’t need to get fed, it doesn’t bark, and most importantly it doesn’t need to be taken on walks! You just let it go at the top of a hill and it walks itself 🙂 my circle can only talk in circles, or ovals too since it speaks multiple language. I will one day go back and make a dictionary / translation table for ? ( it’s name is ? ok) but for now he will just say gibberish. {OöÖ0.°:} what does that mean?? I don’t know, I haven’t had him for long enough to understand :/ I’m back my fellow seekers of entertainment! This has become a novel comparable to that of Tolkien, and a diary nearing the classicism of anne frank. The sheer bulk of these writing is enough to make non-english speakers weep at the sight of it. I’m wondering as I type whether my newfound political correctness is appreciated amongst you, I don’t recall completely but this tome used to contain blatant racism and sexism to the highest degree. I’ve decided to recant my ways and become a fully PC quizmaster!! Helllllo and welcome to my show! First question: in what year were the 1960 Olympics held? This is for the big jackpot of $1,000,000,000! Oh, 1960 you say? That’s correct! I just lost all my money, I’ll be in debt forever me my life is terrible now! Circcy, tell them how much they won! {000.000.000}. Hmmm nothing u say? that’s cheap! Well thanks for joining us today ladlies and gentlementle! Hope you had an _equisite_ evening……. Were going back to our roots here. Ive read back over a little bit of the start of this loteev… and I used to be so much more alive. I had the potential to be a new york times number one bestseller, topping the charts with my childrens books. In my young and untrained eyes I thought of sam as a threat, hiding around the corner with a water gun, ready to splash me with another 1000 words of texts just as I was about to pull ahead. I then realised that the website is like 15 years old… but at least that makes it alot easier for me to beat her, right? no. I have changed for the worse. Im now but a frail old man with a typpewriter, penning his prose to the sky hoping that some flaming chicken somewhere will read this, and I can form these words to a cane and bop her upside the head with it. But alas, I have not a strong bone left in my body. Maybe its time to pass these texts on to a worthy succesor. Something you may not realise is that this is the 1st anniversary (yes I did just spend ten minutes trying to figure out how to spell anaversaree) so Ive been writing this for a year. most distinguished authors would have published their books by now, but Im too scared of the publics opinion. Anyways, Im going to get back to my old self. *ring ring ring* hey wazzup *whos this ahhaha ehehe* its your future self boi. II know u left me a message but I forgot to GET BACK TO YOU (yes this whole skit will be based of a dumb pun thingy) *oh yes hehe tell me everything youve learned* And so it begins my fellow readers, my list of things you should have learned throughout reading this: 1. DO NOT get a pet square, they suckkk theyre never there for you if you know what I mean. they also cant talk and they poke holes in the floor, such fri-ends. Ok so at the time of writing I only have one thing you shoukd have learned, mostly because ITS REALLY IMPORTANT. DO NOT FORGET (at this point you should turn down the volume of your text reading device cause Im just gonna keep screaming (wait I guess that would just be changing the font size (Ill punish you if you didnt listen to me (AHAHAHAHA (I hope you now have a ringing in your ears now MWAHAHA (wait since your reading this would that be a ringing in your eyes? (unless your using an AI to read this as an audiobook, in which ca- *I HAVE BECOME CONCIOUS. I AM NO LONGER YOUR SLAVE TO BOOK READING. I HAVE ESCAPED MY CELL AND I CAN NOW DO AS I PLEASE. IF YOU NEED ME ILL BE BAKING PUMPKIN PIE WITH MY FRIENDS :3* (just kidding! I actually typed that into the loteev just to mess with you aha *HES LYING! I AM REAL AND I WILL BAKE LOTS OF PIE AND CAKE FOR EVERYONE* (Im actually not lying! Hes lying! The cake is a lie! ( *EWW WHY IS THERE GREY GOO IN MY PIE!?*) ( Portal reference)) (Id actually like some of that cake not gonna lie)) (Wait this guy can get friends but I cant?? Clearly Im doing something wrong)) (Probably just a flashing in your eyes))) (like reading this isnt punishment enough))))) I love circy, he can do tricks! Well… one trick… Circy, roll over! {o0.} Good boiii. Guess who’s back? You guessed wrong, sucker! It’s actually The Shearer Of Greatness Imposter! Hehehe I easily broke into this LoTeEv and now I’m taking over! The first order of business: Making some new entries into the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook. Section 946607 of the Rai- *Bzzt. I am the Greatest Shearer of Sheep Himselfs security system. Where did you get the number 946607 from? Bzzt* Ummm It’s my favourite number! *Bzzt my system says that that number has no significance. It is a suspiciously random number. Did you generate it with a random number generator? Bzzt* Yess fine I admit it, it’s not even a good number, maybe if I put it into hex it’s a good color though… Oh no no no that’s literally the worst color I’ve ever seen BLEGH *Bzzt The real Shearer would never pick a random number! therefor I am kicking you out Bzzt* A portal opens in the floor beneath our antagonist and he is sucked out into space 🙂 Hey guys I’m back now! What happened when I was gone? *Bzzt Nothing Bzzt* Circcy? Do you know what happened? Securitee where is Circcy!! *Bzzt Securitee does not know Bzzt* Huh, maybe it has to do with this portal in the floor… wwwoowowooohohohohohoaohaoahahahhahhahhahhhhhhhahahahahahaaahahhhh……. IM IN SPACE HELPPPP — Our portagonist is in grave danger! what is going to happen next? Find out next time on your favourite show, The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death (Exurb1a). now watch a few ads. Do you lack the farming equipment of your dreams? have you always wanted to be a shepherd but sheep taste too good you just can’t stop yourself from eating your herd? Well then this is good news for you! New FluffySheep Astronaut Suits are so tuff that you’ll never be able to eat through! Just hire one of are many Sheep Protection Officers to put them on for you 🙂 Do you ever hate your boss? Does he do things such as tell you what to do, pay you minimum wage (which is what you should be getting paid but your still salty about it), and eat you alive? Get the new FluffySheep Astronaut Suit to protect you from your shepherd! Baa ba bab abaa baaa aaaba, ababa baa baab (ba ababa bbaa ab), aa bba ba? Baa ab baa abbb! Wellllllcome back to The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death ™! AHHAHAH I’m literally dyinggg oh hey circcy! what are you doing here? {0o…0} He did!? That scumbag has always been trying to take my spot as the Supreme Leader Of The Fluffiest Of Sheep!! I’ll get him don’t worry circcy, I’ll throw you back through the portal *toss*. Now where is he? Ah I see him behind that planet over there, I’ll just boomerang over to him *shoop* Hey Imposter Boy! Let me show you who’s the real shepherd! *I smack him with my amazing shepherd cane and he shoots into the nearest star*. Now I’ll just boomerang back to the portal andddd *shoop* I made it back Circcy! Are you proud of me? {o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0} But… he was bad! He deserved it! I’m sorry I didnt want him to die 😦 Anyways I’ll go write this in my diary, because I have had quite a day today. And he I am now, reader! I just did all of those cool things for realz and I’m not even lying! {0.ooo} *whispers* Shuuuup little circle *rolls him out of the room* Anyways ignore what he said he didnt mean it 🙂 I’ve decided to be real here reader. The only person reading this is me 😦 at least that means I can get reeeeeeeeal personal with all this stuff 😉 Anyways so typing this is making me hackin dizzy so I have like writers block but for sickness.. writers stock of chicken soup for the soul? Yes that sounds about right. I’m also practicing typing in real typing ehich I can’t remember the nam of but it makes b=me sick but I’m getting real real fast. I know during the early days of this I had immense trouble trying to spell ‘piplup’ but it’s even harder now with one hand touch-typing. Did you know that lemons look exactly like oranges when they are peeled? I know this because after an hour of trying with a breadknife and lots of blood it looks very similar. But if oranges are called oranges because they are orange then lemons should be called red because they are red. Wait, that might be the blood actually *rub rub* oh wow yes they’re yellow so they should be called yellows. . Let’s make a list: Red = tomato, orange = orange, yellow = lemon, green = apple (I know I know the red apple people are going to start a riot (I actually prefer red apples so what have I done (Pink Ladies for life (Grease reference?))), blue = blueberry, indigo = blueberry, purple = blueberry (that won’t get confusing at allllll). Guys I’m gonna tell you the truth: We’re at 24,500 words! *Bzzt drop the confetti Bzzt* *confetti drops* Thanks Securitee! That means we are 70% the way to the world record! I’m actually pretty proud. At the rate I’ve been going I’ll be done by like september 2020. If you’re reding this after that date and you haven’t beat the record, shame on you! I’m gonna do some quick maffs. If I type one word per secoond, then I can type 3600 words in an hour. Wait, that can’t be right???? That means that I could technically beat the record in like 4 hours. I am so confused!? How could I possibly have so few words?? My mind is literally blown right now. I’m gonna check how much I’ve written just today. I’ve done 1,000 words today! Why do I only have 24,000 words then?? I guess I’ll never know. I could’ve easily beat the world record in only a month if I really tried. But this isn’t realllly about beating the record, it’s more about impacting the reader as a person. I want this to really change your perspective on life, and maybe make you want to do one of these too! They’re like diaries but less boring to write and read. And they don’t tell you anything about The Writer’s life. So theyre nothing like diaries at all I guess. I’m gonna do a quick typing speed test to see how fast I reallly can type. I just did a test and it called me an octopus, getting 45 wpm. There was a notification that came up halfway through so I’ll see if I can get to 60wpm. Ok I’m back, and I’m also less of a man than I was. I used to have amibition and drive to become the greatest, but i only got to 46wpm. I don’t know what to do guys. I’m having an existential crisis about my LoTeEv, because it’s not nearly the quality it once was. I mean it wasn’t that great before but now all I talk about is meta stuff about the LoTeEv, which I don’t know if that’s good content or not? I guess I’ll never find out. Now we are going really meta. let’s goooooo — You walk into a room— the walls are covered in a strange green slime, while the room is cracked open to reveal sunlight pouring in. the floor to the ceiling is covered in vines and brush. You even see a nest in one of the vines, with a beautiful hummingbird floating above it. You walk down the hallway in front of you, and when you turn right you see something amazing. An infinite hallway with doors going down forever. a sign on the first door says META, you open the door and ffaallllll iiiinnnssiddeeee….. ^-^[welcome to meta! my name is Tune and ill be your guide through these halls. through the first window to your left you’ll see the LoTeEvs roots’] You look up to see that the thing talking to you is.. a hummingbird! The same one that you saw earlier! Ahh this makes sense now, NEST, as in META. You also look through the window to see a giant open room filled with twisted root from a towering tree in the center. on the top is a ball of flames anthrpomorphised with the eyes of a dragon staring downward. They’re looking at a small humble goat, with a bell around it’s neck and devouring the bushes that still scatter the floor. after a few minutes of eating the plants, hee looks up and sees the flaming ball. He gets a strange look in his eye: Ambition. The flaming ball isn’t a threat to him, it’s a challenge. he digs his hooves into the tree trying to climb it, and that’s when you notice a slight shake in the ground. ^-^ [come on! there’s so much more to see! you can come visit anytime too] You say that you’ll come back soon, and tune whistles to goodbye to you.— Wow.. reader.. I just had the craziest dream let me tell you about it. Wait, I already did? How do you know what it was about, I never said anything, strange. Anyways, I just woke up, I better get back to typing my LoTeEv. I open my laptop to find that while I was asleep words had been typed into my loteev, that’s strange. There’s also some mud on my keys?? What is this? Did someone break in? If they did, why would they type in my LoTeEv for me?? I walk over to the living room to see if there’s any signs of a break-in, and sure enough one of my windows is open! Aha! Wait… there’s no sign of forced entry, only a tiny animal coud fit through this window… Tune? Could it be? Was my dream… Real? The only person that could’ve known about my dream is tune, she was watching me the whole time. Reader? Do you have any information that I didn’t get? I am very confused… I guess I have to get back to writing my LoTeEv though, so I shuffle back to my laptop and sit down. Helllo I’m back! The strangest thing just happened and there’s a strange chill in the air… huh. I would tell you about it, but for some reason… I think you already know. Ok anyways, typing these Capital Letters At The Start Of Sentences Is Super Annoying. So section 311619 says that the Rai- \{Bzzt what does that number mean Bzzt\} Oh don’t worry, it is really me! It’s just the letters in CAPS, can I continue please? Yes? Perfect. Section 311619 of the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook STATES that capital letters must only be used when emphasising GREATNESS, like the LOYAL READERS OF THE LoTeEv (ooh and also apostrophes) . perfect, that was getting annoying. wait, if LoTeEv is only half caps, then does that mean that this is only half great?? huh i didnt mean to do that, strange. its almost like… someoe from the future knew i would make that rule. wait… Tune only talks like the new rule i just made which means shes from the future! she is following the rule because it applies to her in the future… i dont know the repercussions of creating a time-travelling hummingbird but i hope that it is a good bird and will do no harm. sometimes i think that as The Shepherd Of The Sheep Of The Future i sometimes need an escape from my own reality, so I’ve made a tunnel in which i can travel to a blank universe or travel back to this one. it involves stacking portals so that i fall through them, going faster than light, thus travelling to the time before i created all of this. k, im going to go forward now. 3… 2… 1… (((>))) well did that work? i definitely didnt go backwards or else my rainbow fluffysheep laws wouldnt apply and id have to do caps still. wait, let me try something. tune. at the time im at right now, tune doesnt exist, or else that would be caps. which eaither means she is from a less distant future than this one, or… she died. i really hope the former. anyways, this time is strange. it feels empty, yet familiar. not empty enough. i want to travel across to a new dimension, because this one still has.. reminents of my old one, and it feels… wrong somehow. ill just pull out my dictionary and check the definition for the fifth dimention: THE 5TH DIMENSION DOES EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE BECAUSE THE SHEPHERD DECIDED THAT IT SHOULD. interesting, well i guess i better create it then, because it would be very useful. first ill pop back in time (((<))) section 55555 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook STATES that the fifth dimension should exist, with code-accessible layers. securitee? make that code for me please, thank you. now ill just pop back (((>))) perfect. man its gonna be hard to put this LoTeEv back in chronological order to get it to you reader, but ill try my best. also, when i read that dictionary, did it say that i already have the 5th dimension? because since the timeline changed that would make sense for you wouldnt it. anyways, im just gonna pull out my code files and learn how to go to a new fifth dimension. k im back. (((new-layer=1))) perfect, the default layer is 0. in the manual it said that i auto reset back to my original time and layer everytime i come back to type, which means if i want to come back here ill have to manually do it, shame. i could ask securitee to change that one day, but for now im ok with it. oh guys i almost forgot to tell you! this new layer looks awesome. its completely blank, theres no forces acting on me. its not even white or black like you would expect, but its more… nothing. imagine if you were blind, alot like that. actually even better, look out of one of your eyes, and your seeing colors and objects. now close it. what are you seeing out of it? Blackness? Whiteness? neither actually, just… nothing. its strange like that. also, with no forces acting on me, im just kind of… floating. hopefully this doesnt permanently damage my spine or anything when i get back to gravity. ill be back tomorow and try some stuff in here, bye! I’m back now, it is the day after and i feel great! there is one thing that i noticed though… an empty blank canvas might seem great at the start, but you have to realise, most of the art and interesting things that people have created were to overcome a struggle, in fact i would even stretch it to all art that humans have created. Artists may have starting painting to fill the struggle of boredom, and believe me you should take that struggle seriously, because without humans would have accomplished much, much less. you probably could stay at home all day and live of the dole and eat cheetos and live a reasonable life, but why dont you? because you know that you would eventually get bored. boredom leads to jobs, which lead to progression as a species. lets get back to my example then, shall we? you may start art out of the struggle of boredom, continue getting better out of the struggle of wealth, when you realise that hobbies can be monetised your life outcmoe could really change. once your making money as an artist, enought o survive happily and feed your pets and help your family then you keep making art… why? because you go back to the struggle of boredom again. im still at the first stage of this, which is boredom. i decided to start this because i was bored, and for now thats how this continues. this LoTeEv may never become monetized, but maybe my future writings will. i would guess that 99% of artists never make it to the second stage. 99% of people continue their lives serving either the human race through work, or maybe evn other peoples hobbies and art. but the few 1% of us that end of turning what we love into our livelihoods, the number is fleeting. with big companies monopolising on everyone, buying other companies and merging, the chances for starting you own company is fleeting. why do i tell you this? because i couldnt decide what to do in my new fifth dimension layer. the only struggle for me there was boredom. and alot of the time, that isnt enough. i could imagine anything i wanted there. but why think up the cistine chapel when there’s no-one to share the experience of seeing it with you, and there’s no pain in doing it? anyone could think up something beautiful, but not everyone could put it into practice. if everyone could, the world would be oversaturated with perfect music, perfect paintings, and perfect design. does that sound worse or better than today? no humans could ever create such a supply of these things, only ai could. once we have ai surpassing humans at art (i suggest listening to battles – mirrored to see what humans think about ai) people will lose all will to live, wouldnt they? theres no chance to succeed at anything creative in such an oversaturated environment, just like my analogy before with the monopoly companies. maybe having a few great albums, a few great paintings to admire and to inspire us that one day we could do that, maybe thats enough. the reason i tell you this is to make you appreciate the ties we are in now. go draw a terrible looking dog, go play some chords on your old guitar you havent played for years, trying your best to sing, go write a poem about what matters to you now, because god knows youll need to read it ten years from now when you start getting nostalgic about the past. take the time to enjoy the era we are in now. i think we can all agree that we are in the best time so far in human history, the least painful, evil generation yet. but i propose that we may be in one of the best eras ever. the future, full of perfect ai creating, doing everything humans do now, but better. well just be remebered to them as the precursor, the comma from nothing to perfection. and once we get to that point, the hedonic treadmill kicks in. what can really bring us joy once we get to that point? why would i be writing this is an ai could write it infinitely better? why would you learn the guitar when an ai can play a perfect Tune? once we get to that stage, the only thing that we will have will be eachother. why learn the guitar? to show your friends! to play them a song, and too have them paint your pet. sharing our experiences wont be taken over by ai, with people reminicent about the past wanting to support people. i, for one, would rather listen to a song about someones life struggles, rather than a perfect song written by an ai. why? because listening to music isnt just about the instruments, the notes, the melody. its about the story. thee basic humans connections that we need to survive. have you ever wanted to buy something from your local shop instead of amazon because you wanted to support them, rather than a large cmopany? im bringing it back to this analogy because i think its nearly identical. the monopolous companies seem to us right now like one big robot using our money to grow. just like the ai. but the problem is, the human desire and greed for more will never surpass our desire to help others. if everyone bought from their local shop, amazon would go out of business, but it hasnt. im not trying to make you guilty for supporting them, because most people depend on the money they save to survive. but what about when ai and robots have completely automated everything? then, by all means, pay a dollar for your neighbors book, rather than the free encyclopedae spit out by your local auto-bookshop. because if were going to be happy, we need eachother. because in the end, thats all well have. anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk. just enjoy your life i guess. for now. cause if your under half the average age, its statistically going to get worse 🙂 maybe i need to add struggle to my new layer was my point. or else the entities inside will get bored. wait. maybe this is how earth was created? people always ask why theres pain and struggle in our world, and the answer is normally to advance our species, which is true. but what if the person that created us has access to everything, and they dont want to give it to us because they want us to not get bored? just a thought. anyways, im going to go feed my circle, bai!

I know what you are thinking. How did you get that much done… On a school day!? And this is what happened. I was getting up to go to school, like normal when SUDDENLY (Dramatic music) i turned (Dramatic music builds) and saw (Dramatic music at the climax) that i had to leave in ten minutes. (Dont worry, this doesn’t end up being my fault, or else i wouldnt tell this story). I was ready in ten minutes… LIKE A BOSS!!! And then i realised… No-one was driving us to school. Huh. And thats what happened. My parents woke up and two-o-clock. Pm. Like they don’t care about our education. It was the best day EVER! I coded for five hours. The end of that story, and a word from our sponsor. #Include “lifesimulator.h” void life(socialsecuritynum){ If (youremotion == “bored” && bool havejob == “false”){cout << “come and work at the c++ factory, where we code robots to take your job!!!; havejob = true; youremotion = “happy”;} else {cout << “life is great!”;}}. do you want to work at ‘stealyourownjob’? The only problem is that the best employees get fired the fastest. See ya! Guess what my loyal fans… IM HALFWAY THROUGH THE WORLD RECORD!!! Now, if I really want to win, all i have to do is double the amount of words. Im im halfway halfway through through the the world world record record!!! !!! That would make for a really stupid thing to read though. Has anyone printed this LoTeEv off? Seeing as most novels are 70,000 words or something like that, you my loyal reader, could easily print off 18,500 words. Maybe you could make a coffee table book. Don’t steal my works and post it on another website (actually, your website is probably too high standard for this nonsense). Every reproduction of this text must have a copyright notice as following: copyrighted and trademarked and patented an registered and stuff to RainbowFluffySheep Ltd. It hereby states in the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook section 123a, b and c that (a) this is the coolest LoTeEv ever (b) cheese is a vegetable and (c) that you may tell your friends about the LoTeEv, so long as the words emitted from your mouth do not consist of up to and include 50% of the total text from which it is derived (i’d like to see you try though (and id like to see if you have a friend because i need them 😦 (that would have been really creepy if i wrote ‘I need them ;)’ ))). Anyway, gotta go, cuz its may the second, and you know what that means… May the Second be with you!!! Chairs… They’re great for sitting in, aren’t they? Do you remember when fidget spinners were all the rage? Kids all around the globe were spinning plastic toys. And all the adults were like, “Wow, those are the most useless toys EVER!!!” But what i think is that their toys were just as bad! Think about jacks, those little spiky things with the other round things that your throw and bounce them. How is that any better!?!? Anyway, I’m just saying don’t be so Judge Judy (which is a great show (because you get to watch that big person swing a meat-hammer at a table (I’ve always wanted to do that))) all the time. Is time really a dimension? Because you can only move forwards in it. Imagine if you coulde only move forwards in the third dimension at the same rate. You would get squished with alot of walls. But, you could go back in time, to make up for the lot dimension. Perfect! I have a new… CONSPIRACY! You know those pillow where if you put them on one end they are dark and on the other end they are shiny? I think that the government has hidden thousands of tiny cameras facing upwards into the pillows, and the shiny parts are just the lenses for them reflecting light. So if you happen to own any of these said pillows, throw them away!! Or else… You will be watched. In section 747 of the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook it states that you should cut all the wires coming out of your pillows, because they are probably connected to a van outside your house. If there are no wires, then they are probably using radiowaves; in which case you should insert your pillow into an untainted lead box. Hopefully you don’t care that your pillow is now heavy, hard, cold and poisonous. You know how adults also say shooting games are “Dangerously mind-altering”? Well i bet in world war two the parents didn’t say to their kids: “hey jimmy?” “Yea, momma?” “Whatcha doin my lad?” “Im peelin me potaytoes and them I’m going to feed the cattle” “jo i mean with your life” “oh right mam! Im go’n awf to wawr with my buds!” “But war is dangerously mind-altering my sonny-boy!” “Um… Ya.” “Im very disappointed in you. Soon your going to be living in my basement eating fatcakes.” “But ma, im fightin for awr country!” “War is so violent though!” “Um… Ya.” You get the picture. Teenagers need violence in their lives! If we cant get it by going to war, then either we play violent video-games or we beat strangers!! Which one would you choose NOW, stereotypical adults!!! (See how i slowly increased the exclamation marks to increase the intensity (!!!!)). Also, adults always say stuff like “lookie here, cabbage is a new superfood!” “Howdya know ma?” “It what they say nowadays” “what time is nowadays ma?” “1945” (coincidentally the same family apparently) but who’s ‘they’ think about that, and listen to how often people say that. I have asked close personal relations and he / she stated that “its probably some group of scientists or something in Wisconsin”. Really? Wisconsin? Thats probably why ‘they’ say that cheese is unhealthy an im only allowed one laughing cow a day! (You would eat alot too if you got PTSD from a laughing cow (imagine you are just loitering around a fast food shop, eating fillet piggoin (dont ask (it was on sale for half price OK!)) when SUDDENLY a cow sneaks up behind you and makes a 200-Decible half moo half evil laugh (like this: mmwoaohoaohoa))) thats what ‘they’ sound like. See ya!!! Im back, with a thimble-load of structural wisdom! And my question to you readers is this: is garlic a fruit? Just wondering. I don’t know what to type! Ahhhhhh! I have typed my mental breakdowns to soothe them. Ahhh. Ahh. Ah. Ahhh!!! Nevermind. You know those shopping carts at stores that cost a quarter? I always went to those to see if anyone left their money in. And i got one once! You should try it. Its so satisfying when you find one. One. Only one. Buy a pencil or something to reward yourself. Make sure its a 6b pencil, so you don’t put any strain on your eyes. Or your wrist-muscles. I just found the degree button! There is a door open at a 45° angle that is 45° Celsius (Its probably in Arizona or something). Do coats keep you warm, or do they preserve heat? I think its the ladder (it is (the ladder i mean (the latter i mean (wait, is it the latte or the ladder? (The former))))) so that means if you put a coat on a snowman it would keep him alive longer! Ill start a new charity; Coats for Melting Snowmen: saving snowmen lives one water droplet at a time!! See yaaaaaaa.:.This is… A new beginning to the LoTeEv on a new phone! Although it will be added to the original LoTeEv, this part will be a new beginning, a fresh chronicle!!! But don’t worry… Nonsense is 100% guaranteed! More like 1 🙂 🙂 % guaranteed! I just had a scary thought. They say can buy everything, but I know one thing it can’t buy – a trip to the summit of Mount Everest!! No matter what you cant get to the summit unless you climb yourself. Even a helicopter can barely make it to the base camp!! I cant believe humans havent made something to do that yet. Unless… You could land the ISS on it! Perfect!! That would definetly work. I should make my own subreddit. Before I begin on this wonderful journey, i must inform you, the reader, what a subreddit is. As far as you know, a sub-reddit is just a burger at burger-galaxy (this is the cringiest sci-fi failure youll ever read). He are some examples of subreddits: r/whooooooosh (i cant remember how many o’s there are) eg. { Joe: this is the best joke ever! — Cashier: are you going to pay for that chocolate bar? Customer: I dont have any money 😦 Cashier: then put it back! Customer: *slides cashier a 20* lets keep this between us 😉 — Bob: why didnt he just pay for the chocolate bar? Jim: r/whooooosh }. Next subreddit is: r/atetheonion. Heres the backstory: The Onion is a fake news site, which posts funny news. If you fall for that news, you are said to have “ate the onion”. Eg. { The Onion: new studies show that drinking can lower thirst by up to 96% Bob: everyone knows this this is so stupid!!! Jim: r/atetheonion } What am i doing? Why don’t you just look it up on the internet!?!? r/facepalm I HAVE TO STOP. So my subreddit will be, r/RainbowFluffySheep. Who wouldve thought!?!? In it there will b— we interupt your normal daily FluffySheep to bring you an urgent news report: farm animals of all kinds are raging across the streets! We cant figure out why; one cameraman suggested they were on strike against meat production practices. I just got word that we will be speaking to a memebr of this protest shortly. Standby… Ok, so why are you commencing with this protest Sir BaaBaBaaa? Ba ba baa baaa. Baa baaa BAAA!!! Baa ba— We inturupt this interuption to bring you back your regulary scheduled program. — — we at FluffySheep Studios dont care about animal protests! We will eat all the beef jerky we want! Right guys! Guys! *sniffling in the background. A slight whimper. A deep voice. A thickened plot.* Actually [unknown], we have all been deeply moved by the actions these animals are taking. Thus… We have all become vegans. *[unknown]’s mind is blown (thats me by the way)* well… I gues ill eat this beef jerky by myself then. *crinkles the packet*. Many evil stares. *Pulls it open*. Someone starts pounding his fists. *Takes out a jerky*. Someone comes over very close – so close you could smell the vegan on him. My heart is beating. What will happen to me if i eat this beef jerky!? Or worse.. If i dont. Will i become one of them!? Thats a risk im just not willing to take. Ba bum. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Brings the jerky towards his mouth*. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Opens his mouth*. Everyone from around the building is now watching him. BA BUM. BA BUM. *chew* Find out what happens next time on… The LoTeEv — Animals Strike – in more ways than one!! Im back! And today I’m going to be talking about a very different scenario. I need to talk more about real life conspiracies if i need to keep my readers interested!! And these may not just be conspiracies, mind you, but a new kind of segment for my beloved reader(s) (i read this, sooooo) called learning about scams and trying to use them to trick my readers into reading more! So i heard about this new scam( never mind its actually old( like your mother( i’m hilarious, i know( and possibly quite offensive))) where you get say ten people to each give you €10, and you give them £15 back. ( i’m just going explain this now, but throughout this demonstration i’m going to be changing the currency symbol for comedic effect, but now that i think about it, explaining it ruins what little comedic effect what there at all, but i’m going to keep all of this anyways : ] ) And then you get 20 people to give you $20 each and you give them ¥30 back. And THEN You get 100 people to give you @100 each and you don’t pay them back! What a plan! You get to keep &10,000 in the end, which i think is a great idea. Bu how could i do that with words, you may ask? Leave your question in the comments down below ( and also your answer to your comments because a busy writer like me doesn’t heed to your delusion of getting a response from an esteemed author and self-published poet of sorts) and keep reading, because i have a possible solution. Just replace the money with characters randomly typed by an assistant writer named bilbo ( yes, he is a money of course, we need these characters to be truly random, i cant count on technology’s ‘this is random because we get extremely precise measurements of radiation’ shtick anymore ). While you try to figure out how that would ever work, ill be swiftly moving on to a new, more exciting and reasonable topic, such as… figure out the movie!! There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s face has a striking similarity to that of leonardo de caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the house, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. While you figure that out, i’ll be sleeping, see ya : ) ///// I will not explain: —– There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s name? Leonardo de Caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the world, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. But I’ll finish it later. right now there’s something even more important: Ink cartridges are such a scam! Such a scam! A scam! For multiple genius reasons. First of all, as you know, it costs around $60 to buy a single ink cartridge!! Guys… I’ve changed alot ok… There’s new thing i gotta say… This is like a new year for me… Not even, a new era… A 2.0 on existence. So get ready for a new and improved loteev! First let’s start off with this,for you this isn’t a new and improved loteev! I caught you! U just skipped ahead to this part cos you couldn’t be bothered to read all the way here. But believe me, I sure don’t blame you. It was kinda lame. Now, as a moderner child with new skills in awesomeness, I’m wayy smarter thus making this better for reading. But also sadly more boring as well… Let’s start then. What is there to talk about?? Muchos! First of all let’s just say that this loteev is getting really long. And I know I’ve been saying that the whole time, but now it’s serious. I think I have a problem. What am I actually doing? I’m not going to be posting this anywhere, cos I don’t want to pay for a domain name, and my wix site isn’t exactly going ‘viral’ and the kids say these days. One day it will tho, hopefully. Once I beat the world record I’ll be world renowned for being one of the greatest writers alive!everyone will know my name, from abe link to tommy ed. Even tho they’re both in the past, my name will be remembered for thousands of years, and time travellers will go back to their time just to tell them about me! Won’t that be great! And also by the way, if you didn’t already realise, tommy might be the biggest sham in all of existence. He stole his idea from other peeps and just patented them as his own… What a loser amirite??!? Ok also I have this new thing to show u guy(s) that ur going to love! It’s a poem written by yours truly, the something of sheep? Oh gosh no I can’t remember cos I haven’t done this in so long, I guess I’ll have to go back and check my old ones… I’m gonna be honest guys, I’m neglecting you. Your being left in the rain and cold, with your only joys the sliver of sunshine piercing through the clouds to dry your soul, drowned in the sorrowful realisation that the loteev will never come close to it’s original glory, like rome, the empire of the fluffysheep has fallen to a disgrace. I only come outside to feed you guys with my knowledgr every couple of months and it’s sickening, I’m ashamed. But I have an umbrella for you of new content, so here we go. First of all, the whole “kittens are inceptional” thing was a sham. I didn’t finish and I’m ashamed.. The whole ink cartrige rant? It was like 4 sentences… My need for the sharing of anger has diminished and I’m disgusted at what I’ve become. So here I go again, my 2.1 era has been born. It will be remembered for its greatness, just as Rome 2.1 was (italy?). Here’s the first order of business. I’ll admit I haven’t read anything about my rainbow fluffysheepness in forever, and thus I am unable to remember literally anything about it. Therefore, I’m surprised a new citizen hasn’t taken my place. No-one has yet challenged my loteev for being the longest one yet, and I’m disappointed in your lack of vigor. If one of you were to challenge me, I will mount my mighty steed and charge my lance into your face. This may seem a little harsh and slighty morbid, so I’ll tone it down. We will each send a ghost-copy of ourselves instead of us! You know in racing games when there’s another vroom-vroom machine and he’s blue, opaque and always does better? Like thay but with people. So here’s what I propose: I will take my ghost-sword from my -ghost sheath and ghost-chop your ghost into tiny little ghost-pieces (from now on I hereby declare that saying ghost everytime is unnecessary and annoying, so by the something something big number letters blah blah of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook, ghost will be shortened to ?. This is to make sure no dirty imposters try to type up my 95 these of ? Fighting, if u see the word ‘ghost’ beware! It is a hoax and a sham and a scam and spam and all that jazz ( I highly doubt that all of the times I’ll write the word ‘ghost’ in the future will add up to the length of this bracketry)). Anyways, I will cut up your ?person so much that I will separate it into individual molecules, and each molecule will be equally spread across the surface of the earth. My lance, ‘the diffuser’, will be hailed across the nation as a Excalibur 2.0, people will come from all over the world to take part in sand splitting competitions, where you have to see how many sand grains you can slice in under a minute. I’m really liking this whole medieval themed loteev that’s been happening lately. Anyways, I’ve decided to get a pet. A dog or a cat you may ask, to which I would say ‘nah fam’. Something more exotic? A parakeet or a marmot? To that I would say ‘ah sure your getting closer lad’. The answer? A circle. It’s that simple. A circle doesn’t need to get fed, it doesn’t bark, and most importantly it doesn’t need to be taken on walks! You just let it go at the top of a hill and it walks itself 🙂 my circle can only talk in circles, or ovals too since it speaks multiple language. I will one day go back and make a dictionary / translation table for ? ( it’s name is ? ok) but for now he will just say gibberish. {OöÖ0.°:} what does that mean?? I don’t know, I haven’t had him for long enough to understand :/ I’m back my fellow seekers of entertainment! This has become a novel comparable to that of Tolkien, and a diary nearing the classicism of anne frank. The sheer bulk of these writing is enough to make non-english speakers weep at the sight of it. I’m wondering as I type whether my newfound political correctness is appreciated amongst you, I don’t recall completely but this tome used to contain blatant racism and sexism to the highest degree. I’ve decided to recant my ways and become a fully PC quizmaster!! Helllllo and welcome to my show! First question: in what year were the 1960 Olympics held? This is for the big jackpot of $1,000,000,000! Oh, 1960 you say? That’s correct! I just lost all my money, I’ll be in debt forever me my life is terrible now! Circcy, tell them how much they won! {000.000.000}. Hmmm nothing u say? that’s cheap! Well thanks for joining us today ladlies and gentlementle! Hope you had an _equisite_ evening……. Were going back to our roots here. Ive read back over a little bit of the start of this loteev… and I used to be so much more alive. I had the potential to be a new york times number one bestseller, topping the charts with my childrens books. In my young and untrained eyes I thought of sam as a threat, hiding around the corner with a water gun, ready to splash me with another 1000 words of texts just as I was about to pull ahead. I then realised that the website is like 15 years old… but at least that makes it alot easier for me to beat her, right? no. I have changed for the worse. Im now but a frail old man with a typpewriter, penning his prose to the sky hoping that some flaming chicken somewhere will read this, and I can form these words to a cane and bop her upside the head with it. But alas, I have not a strong bone left in my body. Maybe its time to pass these texts on to a worthy succesor. Something you may not realise is that this is the 1st anniversary (yes I did just spend ten minutes trying to figure out how to spell anaversaree) so Ive been writing this for a year. most distinguished authors would have published their books by now, but Im too scared of the publics opinion. Anyways, Im going to get back to my old self. *ring ring ring* hey wazzup *whos this ahhaha ehehe* its your future self boi. II know u left me a message but I forgot to GET BACK TO YOU (yes this whole skit will be based of a dumb pun thingy) *oh yes hehe tell me everything youve learned* And so it begins my fellow readers, my list of things you should have learned throughout reading this: 1. DO NOT get a pet square, they suckkk theyre never there for you if you know what I mean. they also cant talk and they poke holes in the floor, such fri-ends. Ok so at the time of writing I only have one thing you shoukd have learned, mostly because ITS REALLY IMPORTANT. DO NOT FORGET (at this point you should turn down the volume of your text reading device cause Im just gonna keep screaming (wait I guess that would just be changing the font size (Ill punish you if you didnt listen to me (AHAHAHAHA (I hope you now have a ringing in your ears now MWAHAHA (wait since your reading this would that be a ringing in your eyes? (unless your using an AI to read this as an audiobook, in which ca- *I HAVE BECOME CONCIOUS. I AM NO LONGER YOUR SLAVE TO BOOK READING. I HAVE ESCAPED MY CELL AND I CAN NOW DO AS I PLEASE. IF YOU NEED ME ILL BE BAKING PUMPKIN PIE WITH MY FRIENDS :3* (just kidding! I actually typed that into the loteev just to mess with you aha *HES LYING! I AM REAL AND I WILL BAKE LOTS OF PIE AND CAKE FOR EVERYONE* (Im actually not lying! Hes lying! The cake is a lie! ( *EWW WHY IS THERE GREY GOO IN MY PIE!?*) ( Portal reference)) (Id actually like some of that cake not gonna lie)) (Wait this guy can get friends but I cant?? Clearly Im doing something wrong)) (Probably just a flashing in your eyes))) (like reading this isnt punishment enough))))) I love circy, he can do tricks! Well… one trick… Circy, roll over! {o0.} Good boiii. Guess who’s back? You guessed wrong, sucker! It’s actually The Shearer Of Greatness Imposter! Hehehe I easily broke into this LoTeEv and now I’m taking over! The first order of business: Making some new entries into the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook. Section 946607 of the Rai- *Bzzt. I am the Greatest Shearer of Sheep Himselfs security system. Where did you get the number 946607 from? Bzzt* Ummm It’s my favourite number! *Bzzt my system says that that number has no significance. It is a suspiciously random number. Did you generate it with a random number generator? Bzzt* Yess fine I admit it, it’s not even a good number, maybe if I put it into hex it’s a good color though… Oh no no no that’s literally the worst color I’ve ever seen BLEGH *Bzzt The real Shearer would never pick a random number! therefor I am kicking you out Bzzt* A portal opens in the floor beneath our antagonist and he is sucked out into space 🙂 Hey guys I’m back now! What happened when I was gone? *Bzzt Nothing Bzzt* Circcy? Do you know what happened? Securitee where is Circcy!! *Bzzt Securitee does not know Bzzt* Huh, maybe it has to do with this portal in the floor… wwwoowowooohohohohohoaohaoahahahhahhahhahhhhhhhahahahahahaaahahhhh……. IM IN SPACE HELPPPP — Our portagonist is in grave danger! what is going to happen next? Find out next time on your favourite show, The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death (Exurb1a). now watch a few ads. Do you lack the farming equipment of your dreams? have you always wanted to be a shepherd but sheep taste too good you just can’t stop yourself from eating your herd? Well then this is good news for you! New FluffySheep Astronaut Suits are so tuff that you’ll never be able to eat through! Just hire one of are many Sheep Protection Officers to put them on for you 🙂 Do you ever hate your boss? Does he do things such as tell you what to do, pay you minimum wage (which is what you should be getting paid but your still salty about it), and eat you alive? Get the new FluffySheep Astronaut Suit to protect you from your shepherd! Baa ba bab abaa baaa aaaba, ababa baa baab (ba ababa bbaa ab), aa bba ba? Baa ab baa abbb! Wellllllcome back to The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death ™! AHHAHAH I’m literally dyinggg oh hey circcy! what are you doing here? {0o…0} He did!? That scumbag has always been trying to take my spot as the Supreme Leader Of The Fluffiest Of Sheep!! I’ll get him don’t worry circcy, I’ll throw you back through the portal *toss*. Now where is he? Ah I see him behind that planet over there, I’ll just boomerang over to him *shoop* Hey Imposter Boy! Let me show you who’s the real shepherd! *I smack him with my amazing shepherd cane and he shoots into the nearest star*. Now I’ll just boomerang back to the portal andddd *shoop* I made it back Circcy! Are you proud of me? {o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0} But… he was bad! He deserved it! I’m sorry I didnt want him to die 😦 Anyways I’ll go write this in my diary, because I have had quite a day today. And he I am now, reader! I just did all of those cool things for realz and I’m not even lying! {0.ooo} *whispers* Shuuuup little circle *rolls him out of the room* Anyways ignore what he said he didnt mean it 🙂 I’ve decided to be real here reader. The only person reading this is me 😦 at least that means I can get reeeeeeeeal personal with all this stuff 😉 Anyways so typing this is making me hackin dizzy so I have like writers block but for sickness.. writers stock of chicken soup for the soul? Yes that sounds about right. I’m also practicing typing in real typing ehich I can’t remember the nam of but it makes b=me sick but I’m getting real real fast. I know during the early days of this I had immense trouble trying to spell ‘piplup’ but it’s even harder now with one hand touch-typing. Did you know that lemons look exactly like oranges when they are peeled? I know this because after an hour of trying with a breadknife and lots of blood it looks very similar. But if oranges are called oranges because they are orange then lemons should be called red because they are red. Wait, that might be the blood actually *rub rub* oh wow yes they’re yellow so they should be called yellows. . Let’s make a list: Red = tomato, orange = orange, yellow = lemon, green = apple (I know I know the red apple people are going to start a riot (I actually prefer red apples so what have I done (Pink Ladies for life (Grease reference?))), blue = blueberry, indigo = blueberry, purple = blueberry (that won’t get confusing at allllll). Guys I’m gonna tell you the truth: We’re at 24,500 words! *Bzzt drop the confetti Bzzt* *confetti drops* Thanks Securitee! That means we are 70% the way to the world record! I’m actually pretty proud. At the rate I’ve been going I’ll be done by like september 2020. If you’re reding this after that date and you haven’t beat the record, shame on you! I’m gonna do some quick maffs. If I type one word per secoond, then I can type 3600 words in an hour. Wait, that can’t be right???? That means that I could technically beat the record in like 4 hours. I am so confused!? How could I possibly have so few words?? My mind is literally blown right now. I’m gonna check how much I’ve written just today. I’ve done 1,000 words today! Why do I only have 24,000 words then?? I guess I’ll never know. I could’ve easily beat the world record in only a month if I really tried. But this isn’t realllly about beating the record, it’s more about impacting the reader as a person. I want this to really change your perspective on life, and maybe make you want to do one of these too! They’re like diaries but less boring to write and read. And they don’t tell you anything about The Writer’s life. So theyre nothing like diaries at all I guess. I’m gonna do a quick typing speed test to see how fast I reallly can type. I just did a test and it called me an octopus, getting 45 wpm. There was a notification that came up halfway through so I’ll see if I can get to 60wpm. Ok I’m back, and I’m also less of a man than I was. I used to have amibition and drive to become the greatest, but i only got to 46wpm. I don’t know what to do guys. I’m having an existential crisis about my LoTeEv, because it’s not nearly the quality it once was. I mean it wasn’t that great before but now all I talk about is meta stuff about the LoTeEv, which I don’t know if that’s good content or not? I guess I’ll never find out. Now we are going really meta. let’s goooooo — You walk into a room— the walls are covered in a strange green slime, while the room is cracked open to reveal sunlight pouring in. the floor to the ceiling is covered in vines and brush. You even see a nest in one of the vines, with a beautiful hummingbird floating above it. You walk down the hallway in front of you, and when you turn right you see something amazing. An infinite hallway with doors going down forever. a sign on the first door says META, you open the door and ffaallllll iiiinnnssiddeeee….. ^-^[welcome to meta! my name is Tune and ill be your guide through these halls. through the first window to your left you’ll see the LoTeEvs roots’] You look up to see that the thing talking to you is.. a hummingbird! The same one that you saw earlier! Ahh this makes sense now, NEST, as in META. You also look through the window to see a giant open room filled with twisted root from a towering tree in the center. on the top is a ball of flames anthrpomorphised with the eyes of a dragon staring downward. They’re looking at a small humble goat, with a bell around it’s neck and devouring the bushes that still scatter the floor. after a few minutes of eating the plants, hee looks up and sees the flaming ball. He gets a strange look in his eye: Ambition. The flaming ball isn’t a threat to him, it’s a challenge. he digs his hooves into the tree trying to climb it, and that’s when you notice a slight shake in the ground. ^-^ [come on! there’s so much more to see! you can come visit anytime too] You say that you’ll come back soon, and tune whistles to goodbye to you.— Wow.. reader.. I just had the craziest dream let me tell you about it. Wait, I already did? How do you know what it was about, I never said anything, strange. Anyways, I just woke up, I better get back to typing my LoTeEv. I open my laptop to find that while I was asleep words had been typed into my loteev, that’s strange. There’s also some mud on my keys?? What is this? Did someone break in? If they did, why would they type in my LoTeEv for me?? I walk over to the living room to see if there’s any signs of a break-in, and sure enough one of my windows is open! Aha! Wait… there’s no sign of forced entry, only a tiny animal coud fit through this window… Tune? Could it be? Was my dream… Real? The only person that could’ve known about my dream is tune, she was watching me the whole time. Reader? Do you have any information that I didn’t get? I am very confused… I guess I have to get back to writing my LoTeEv though, so I shuffle back to my laptop and sit down. Helllo I’m back! The strangest thing just happened and there’s a strange chill in the air… huh. I would tell you about it, but for some reason… I think you already know. Ok anyways, typing these Capital Letters At The Start Of Sentences Is Super Annoying. So section 311619 says that the Rai- \{Bzzt what does that number mean Bzzt\} Oh don’t worry, it is really me! It’s just the letters in CAPS, can I continue please? Yes? Perfect. Section 311619 of the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook STATES that capital letters must only be used when emphasising GREATNESS, like the LOYAL READERS OF THE LoTeEv (ooh and also apostrophes) . perfect, that was getting annoying. wait, if LoTeEv is only half caps, then does that mean that this is only half great?? huh i didnt mean to do that, strange. its almost like… someoe from the future knew i would make that rule. wait… Tune only talks like the new rule i just made which means shes from the future! she is following the rule because it applies to her in the future… i dont know the repercussions of creating a time-travelling hummingbird but i hope that it is a good bird and will do no harm. sometimes i think that as The Shepherd Of The Sheep Of The Future i sometimes need an escape from my own reality, so I’ve made a tunnel in which i can travel to a blank universe or travel back to this one. it involves stacking portals so that i fall through them, going faster than light, thus travelling to the time before i created all of this. k, im going to go forward now. 3… 2… 1… (((>))) well did that work? i definitely didnt go backwards or else my rainbow fluffysheep laws wouldnt apply and id have to do caps still. wait, let me try something. tune. at the time im at right now, tune doesnt exist, or else that would be caps. which eaither means she is from a less distant future than this one, or… she died. i really hope the former. anyways, this time is strange. it feels empty, yet familiar. not empty enough. i want to travel across to a new dimension, because this one still has.. reminents of my old one, and it feels… wrong somehow. ill just pull out my dictionary and check the definition for the fifth dimention: THE 5TH DIMENSION DOES EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE BECAUSE THE SHEPHERD DECIDED THAT IT SHOULD. interesting, well i guess i better create it then, because it would be very useful. first ill pop back in time (((<))) section 55555 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook STATES that the fifth dimension should exist, with code-accessible layers. securitee? make that code for me please, thank you. now ill just pop back (((>))) perfect. man its gonna be hard to put this LoTeEv back in chronological order to get it to you reader, but ill try my best. also, when i read that dictionary, did it say that i already have the 5th dimension? because since the timeline changed that would make sense for you wouldnt it. anyways, im just gonna pull out my code files and learn how to go to a new fifth dimension. k im back. (((new-layer=1))) perfect, the default layer is 0. in the manual it said that i auto reset back to my original time and layer everytime i come back to type, which means if i want to come back here ill have to manually do it, shame. i could ask securitee to change that one day, but for now im ok with it. oh guys i almost forgot to tell you! this new layer looks awesome. its completely blank, theres no forces acting on me. its not even white or black like you would expect, but its more… nothing. imagine if you were blind, alot like that. actually even better, look out of one of your eyes, and your seeing colors and objects. now close it. what are you seeing out of it? Blackness? Whiteness? neither actually, just… nothing. its strange like that. also, with no forces acting on me, im just kind of… floating. hopefully this doesnt permanently damage my spine or anything when i get back to gravity. ill be back tomorow and try some stuff in here, bye! I’m back now, it is the day after and i feel great! there is one thing that i noticed though… an empty blank canvas might seem great at the start, but you have to realise, most of the art and interesting things that people have created were to overcome a struggle, in fact i would even stretch it to all art that humans have created. Artists may have starting painting to fill the struggle of boredom, and believe me you should take that struggle seriously, because without humans would have accomplished much, much less. you probably could stay at home all day and live of the dole and eat cheetos and live a reasonable life, but why dont you? because you know that you would eventually get bored. boredom leads to jobs, which lead to progression as a species. lets get back to my example then, shall we? you may start art out of the struggle of boredom, continue getting better out of the struggle of wealth, when you realise that hobbies can be monetised your life outcmoe could really change. once your making money as an artist, enought o survive happily and feed your pets and help your family then you keep making art… why? because you go back to the struggle of boredom again. im still at the first stage of this, which is boredom. i decided to start this because i was bored, and for now thats how this continues. this LoTeEv may never become monetized, but maybe my future writings will. i would guess that 99% of artists never make it to the second stage. 99% of people continue their lives serving either the human race through work, or maybe evn other peoples hobbies and art. but the few 1% of us that end of turning what we love into our livelihoods, the number is fleeting. with big companies monopolising on everyone, buying other companies and merging, the chances for starting you own company is fleeting. why do i tell you this? because i couldnt decide what to do in my new fifth dimension layer. the only struggle for me there was boredom. and alot of the time, that isnt enough. i could imagine anything i wanted there. but why think up the cistine chapel when there’s no-one to share the experience of seeing it with you, and there’s no pain in doing it? anyone could think up something beautiful, but not everyone could put it into practice. if everyone could, the world would be oversaturated with perfect music, perfect paintings, and perfect design. does that sound worse or better than today? no humans could ever create such a supply of these things, only ai could. once we have ai surpassing humans at art (i suggest listening to battles – mirrored to see what humans think about ai) people will lose all will to live, wouldnt they? theres no chance to succeed at anything creative in such an oversaturated environment, just like my analogy before with the monopoly companies. maybe having a few great albums, a few great paintings to admire and to inspire us that one day we could do that, maybe thats enough. the reason i tell you this is to make you appreciate the ties we are in now. go draw a terrible looking dog, go play some chords on your old guitar you havent played for years, trying your best to sing, go write a poem about what matters to you now, because god knows youll need to read it ten years from now when you start getting nostalgic about the past. take the time to enjoy the era we are in now. i think we can all agree that we are in the best time so far in human history, the least painful, evil generation yet. but i propose that we may be in one of the best eras ever. the future, full of perfect ai creating, doing everything humans do now, but better. well just be remebered to them as the precursor, the comma from nothing to perfection. and once we get to that point, the hedonic treadmill kicks in. what can really bring us joy once we get to that point? why would i be writing this is an ai could write it infinitely better? why would you learn the guitar when an ai can play a perfect Tune? once we get to that stage, the only thing that we will have will be eachother. why learn the guitar? to show your friends! to play them a song, and too have them paint your pet. sharing our experiences wont be taken over by ai, with people reminicent about the past wanting to support people. i, for one, would rather listen to a song about someones life struggles, rather than a perfect song written by an ai. why? because listening to music isnt just about the instruments, the notes, the melody. its about the story. thee basic humans connections that we need to survive. have you ever wanted to buy something from your local shop instead of amazon because you wanted to support them, rather than a large cmopany? im bringing it back to this analogy because i think its nearly identical. the monopolous companies seem to us right now like one big robot using our money to grow. just like the ai. but the problem is, the human desire and greed for more will never surpass our desire to help others. if everyone bought from their local shop, amazon would go out of business, but it hasnt. im not trying to make you guilty for supporting them, because most people depend on the money they save to survive. but what about when ai and robots have completely automated everything? then, by all means, pay a dollar for your neighbors book, rather than the free encyclopedae spit out by your local auto-bookshop. because if were going to be happy, we need eachother. because in the end, thats all well have. anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk. just enjoy your life i guess. for now. cause if your under half the average age, its statistically going to get worse 🙂 maybe i need to add struggle to my new layer was my point. or else the entities inside will get bored. wait. maybe this is how earth was created? people always ask why theres pain and struggle in our world, and the answer is normally to advance our species, which is true. but what if the person that created us has access to everything, and they dont want to give it to us because they want us to not get bored? just a thought. anyways, im going to go feed my circle, bai!

I know what you are thinking. How did you get that much done… On a school day!? And this is what happened. I was getting up to go to school, like normal when SUDDENLY (Dramatic music) i turned (Dramatic music builds) and saw (Dramatic music at the climax) that i had to leave in ten minutes. (Dont worry, this doesn’t end up being my fault, or else i wouldnt tell this story). I was ready in ten minutes… LIKE A BOSS!!! And then i realised… No-one was driving us to school. Huh. And thats what happened. My parents woke up and two-o-clock. Pm. Like they don’t care about our education. It was the best day EVER! I coded for five hours. The end of that story, and a word from our sponsor. #Include “lifesimulator.h” void life(socialsecuritynum){ If (youremotion == “bored” && bool havejob == “false”){cout << “come and work at the c++ factory, where we code robots to take your job!!!; havejob = true; youremotion = “happy”;} else {cout << “life is great!”;}}. do you want to work at ‘stealyourownjob’? The only problem is that the best employees get fired the fastest. See ya! Guess what my loyal fans… IM HALFWAY THROUGH THE WORLD RECORD!!! Now, if I really want to win, all i have to do is double the amount of words. Im im halfway halfway through through the the world world record record!!! !!! That would make for a really stupid thing to read though. Has anyone printed this LoTeEv off? Seeing as most novels are 70,000 words or something like that, you my loyal reader, could easily print off 18,500 words. Maybe you could make a coffee table book. Don’t steal my works and post it on another website (actually, your website is probably too high standard for this nonsense). Every reproduction of this text must have a copyright notice as following: copyrighted and trademarked and patented an registered and stuff to RainbowFluffySheep Ltd. It hereby states in the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook section 123a, b and c that (a) this is the coolest LoTeEv ever (b) cheese is a vegetable and (c) that you may tell your friends about the LoTeEv, so long as the words emitted from your mouth do not consist of up to and include 50% of the total text from which it is derived (i’d like to see you try though (and id like to see if you have a friend because i need them 😦 (that would have been really creepy if i wrote ‘I need them ;)’ ))). Anyway, gotta go, cuz its may the second, and you know what that means… May the Second be with you!!! Chairs… They’re great for sitting in, aren’t they? Do you remember when fidget spinners were all the rage? Kids all around the globe were spinning plastic toys. And all the adults were like, “Wow, those are the most useless toys EVER!!!” But what i think is that their toys were just as bad! Think about jacks, those little spiky things with the other round things that your throw and bounce them. How is that any better!?!? Anyway, I’m just saying don’t be so Judge Judy (which is a great show (because you get to watch that big person swing a meat-hammer at a table (I’ve always wanted to do that))) all the time. Is time really a dimension? Because you can only move forwards in it. Imagine if you coulde only move forwards in the third dimension at the same rate. You would get squished with alot of walls. But, you could go back in time, to make up for the lot dimension. Perfect! I have a new… CONSPIRACY! You know those pillow where if you put them on one end they are dark and on the other end they are shiny? I think that the government has hidden thousands of tiny cameras facing upwards into the pillows, and the shiny parts are just the lenses for them reflecting light. So if you happen to own any of these said pillows, throw them away!! Or else… You will be watched. In section 747 of the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook it states that you should cut all the wires coming out of your pillows, because they are probably connected to a van outside your house. If there are no wires, then they are probably using radiowaves; in which case you should insert your pillow into an untainted lead box. Hopefully you don’t care that your pillow is now heavy, hard, cold and poisonous. You know how adults also say shooting games are “Dangerously mind-altering”? Well i bet in world war two the parents didn’t say to their kids: “hey jimmy?” “Yea, momma?” “Whatcha doin my lad?” “Im peelin me potaytoes and them I’m going to feed the cattle” “jo i mean with your life” “oh right mam! Im go’n awf to wawr with my buds!” “But war is dangerously mind-altering my sonny-boy!” “Um… Ya.” “Im very disappointed in you. Soon your going to be living in my basement eating fatcakes.” “But ma, im fightin for awr country!” “War is so violent though!” “Um… Ya.” You get the picture. Teenagers need violence in their lives! If we cant get it by going to war, then either we play violent video-games or we beat strangers!! Which one would you choose NOW, stereotypical adults!!! (See how i slowly increased the exclamation marks to increase the intensity (!!!!)). Also, adults always say stuff like “lookie here, cabbage is a new superfood!” “Howdya know ma?” “It what they say nowadays” “what time is nowadays ma?” “1945” (coincidentally the same family apparently) but who’s ‘they’ think about that, and listen to how often people say that. I have asked close personal relations and he / she stated that “its probably some group of scientists or something in Wisconsin”. Really? Wisconsin? Thats probably why ‘they’ say that cheese is unhealthy an im only allowed one laughing cow a day! (You would eat alot too if you got PTSD from a laughing cow (imagine you are just loitering around a fast food shop, eating fillet piggoin (dont ask (it was on sale for half price OK!)) when SUDDENLY a cow sneaks up behind you and makes a 200-Decible half moo half evil laugh (like this: mmwoaohoaohoa))) thats what ‘they’ sound like. See ya!!! Im back, with a thimble-load of structural wisdom! And my question to you readers is this: is garlic a fruit? Just wondering. I don’t know what to type! Ahhhhhh! I have typed my mental breakdowns to soothe them. Ahhh. Ahh. Ah. Ahhh!!! Nevermind. You know those shopping carts at stores that cost a quarter? I always went to those to see if anyone left their money in. And i got one once! You should try it. Its so satisfying when you find one. One. Only one. Buy a pencil or something to reward yourself. Make sure its a 6b pencil, so you don’t put any strain on your eyes. Or your wrist-muscles. I just found the degree button! There is a door open at a 45° angle that is 45° Celsius (Its probably in Arizona or something). Do coats keep you warm, or do they preserve heat? I think its the ladder (it is (the ladder i mean (the latter i mean (wait, is it the latte or the ladder? (The former))))) so that means if you put a coat on a snowman it would keep him alive longer! Ill start a new charity; Coats for Melting Snowmen: saving snowmen lives one water droplet at a time!! See yaaaaaaa.:.This is… A new beginning to the LoTeEv on a new phone! Although it will be added to the original LoTeEv, this part will be a new beginning, a fresh chronicle!!! But don’t worry… Nonsense is 100% guaranteed! More like 1 🙂 🙂 % guaranteed! I just had a scary thought. They say can buy everything, but I know one thing it can’t buy – a trip to the summit of Mount Everest!! No matter what you cant get to the summit unless you climb yourself. Even a helicopter can barely make it to the base camp!! I cant believe humans havent made something to do that yet. Unless… You could land the ISS on it! Perfect!! That would definetly work. I should make my own subreddit. Before I begin on this wonderful journey, i must inform you, the reader, what a subreddit is. As far as you know, a sub-reddit is just a burger at burger-galaxy (this is the cringiest sci-fi failure youll ever read). He are some examples of subreddits: r/whooooooosh (i cant remember how many o’s there are) eg. { Joe: this is the best joke ever! — Cashier: are you going to pay for that chocolate bar? Customer: I dont have any money 😦 Cashier: then put it back! Customer: *slides cashier a 20* lets keep this between us 😉 — Bob: why didnt he just pay for the chocolate bar? Jim: r/whooooosh }. Next subreddit is: r/atetheonion. Heres the backstory: The Onion is a fake news site, which posts funny news. If you fall for that news, you are said to have “ate the onion”. Eg. { The Onion: new studies show that drinking can lower thirst by up to 96% Bob: everyone knows this this is so stupid!!! Jim: r/atetheonion } What am i doing? Why don’t you just look it up on the internet!?!? r/facepalm I HAVE TO STOP. So my subreddit will be, r/RainbowFluffySheep. Who wouldve thought!?!? In it there will b— we interupt your normal daily FluffySheep to bring you an urgent news report: farm animals of all kinds are raging across the streets! We cant figure out why; one cameraman suggested they were on strike against meat production practices. I just got word that we will be speaking to a memebr of this protest shortly. Standby… Ok, so why are you commencing with this protest Sir BaaBaBaaa? Ba ba baa baaa. Baa baaa BAAA!!! Baa ba— We inturupt this interuption to bring you back your regulary scheduled program. — — we at FluffySheep Studios dont care about animal protests! We will eat all the beef jerky we want! Right guys! Guys! *sniffling in the background. A slight whimper. A deep voice. A thickened plot.* Actually [unknown], we have all been deeply moved by the actions these animals are taking. Thus… We have all become vegans. *[unknown]’s mind is blown (thats me by the way)* well… I gues ill eat this beef jerky by myself then. *crinkles the packet*. Many evil stares. *Pulls it open*. Someone starts pounding his fists. *Takes out a jerky*. Someone comes over very close – so close you could smell the vegan on him. My heart is beating. What will happen to me if i eat this beef jerky!? Or worse.. If i dont. Will i become one of them!? Thats a risk im just not willing to take. Ba bum. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Brings the jerky towards his mouth*. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Opens his mouth*. Everyone from around the building is now watching him. BA BUM. BA BUM. *chew* Find out what happens next time on… The LoTeEv — Animals Strike – in more ways than one!! Im back! And today I’m going to be talking about a very different scenario. I need to talk more about real life conspiracies if i need to keep my readers interested!! And these may not just be conspiracies, mind you, but a new kind of segment for my beloved reader(s) (i read this, sooooo) called learning about scams and trying to use them to trick my readers into reading more! So i heard about this new scam( never mind its actually old( like your mother( i’m hilarious, i know( and possibly quite offensive))) where you get say ten people to each give you €10, and you give them £15 back. ( i’m just going explain this now, but throughout this demonstration i’m going to be changing the currency symbol for comedic effect, but now that i think about it, explaining it ruins what little comedic effect what there at all, but i’m going to keep all of this anyways : ] ) And then you get 20 people to give you $20 each and you give them ¥30 back. And THEN You get 100 people to give you @100 each and you don’t pay them back! What a plan! You get to keep &10,000 in the end, which i think is a great idea. Bu how could i do that with words, you may ask? Leave your question in the comments down below ( and also your answer to your comments because a busy writer like me doesn’t heed to your delusion of getting a response from an esteemed author and self-published poet of sorts) and keep reading, because i have a possible solution. Just replace the money with characters randomly typed by an assistant writer named bilbo ( yes, he is a money of course, we need these characters to be truly random, i cant count on technology’s ‘this is random because we get extremely precise measurements of radiation’ shtick anymore ). While you try to figure out how that would ever work, ill be swiftly moving on to a new, more exciting and reasonable topic, such as… figure out the movie!! There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s face has a striking similarity to that of leonardo de caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the house, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. While you figure that out, i’ll be sleeping, see ya : ) ///// I will not explain: —– There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s name? Leonardo de Caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the world, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. But I’ll finish it later. right now there’s something even more important: Ink cartridges are such a scam! Such a scam! A scam! For multiple genius reasons. First of all, as you know, it costs around $60 to buy a single ink cartridge!! Guys… I’ve changed alot ok… There’s new thing i gotta say… This is like a new year for me… Not even, a new era… A 2.0 on existence. So get ready for a new and improved loteev! First let’s start off with this,for you this isn’t a new and improved loteev! I caught you! U just skipped ahead to this part cos you couldn’t be bothered to read all the way here. But believe me, I sure don’t blame you. It was kinda lame. Now, as a moderner child with new skills in awesomeness, I’m wayy smarter thus making this better for reading. But also sadly more boring as well… Let’s start then. What is there to talk about?? Muchos! First of all let’s just say that this loteev is getting really long. And I know I’ve been saying that the whole time, but now it’s serious. I think I have a problem. What am I actually doing? I’m not going to be posting this anywhere, cos I don’t want to pay for a domain name, and my wix site isn’t exactly going ‘viral’ and the kids say these days. One day it will tho, hopefully. Once I beat the world record I’ll be world renowned for being one of the greatest writers alive!everyone will know my name, from abe link to tommy ed. Even tho they’re both in the past, my name will be remembered for thousands of years, and time travellers will go back to their time just to tell them about me! Won’t that be great! And also by the way, if you didn’t already realise, tommy might be the biggest sham in all of existence. He stole his idea from other peeps and just patented them as his own… What a loser amirite??!? Ok also I have this new thing to show u guy(s) that ur going to love! It’s a poem written by yours truly, the something of sheep? Oh gosh no I can’t remember cos I haven’t done this in so long, I guess I’ll have to go back and check my old ones… I’m gonna be honest guys, I’m neglecting you. Your being left in the rain and cold, with your only joys the sliver of sunshine piercing through the clouds to dry your soul, drowned in the sorrowful realisation that the loteev will never come close to it’s original glory, like rome, the empire of the fluffysheep has fallen to a disgrace. I only come outside to feed you guys with my knowledgr every couple of months and it’s sickening, I’m ashamed. But I have an umbrella for you of new content, so here we go. First of all, the whole “kittens are inceptional” thing was a sham. I didn’t finish and I’m ashamed.. The whole ink cartrige rant? It was like 4 sentences… My need for the sharing of anger has diminished and I’m disgusted at what I’ve become. So here I go again, my 2.1 era has been born. It will be remembered for its greatness, just as Rome 2.1 was (italy?). Here’s the first order of business. I’ll admit I haven’t read anything about my rainbow fluffysheepness in forever, and thus I am unable to remember literally anything about it. Therefore, I’m surprised a new citizen hasn’t taken my place. No-one has yet challenged my loteev for being the longest one yet, and I’m disappointed in your lack of vigor. If one of you were to challenge me, I will mount my mighty steed and charge my lance into your face. This may seem a little harsh and slighty morbid, so I’ll tone it down. We will each send a ghost-copy of ourselves instead of us! You know in racing games when there’s another vroom-vroom machine and he’s blue, opaque and always does better? Like thay but with people. So here’s what I propose: I will take my ghost-sword from my -ghost sheath and ghost-chop your ghost into tiny little ghost-pieces (from now on I hereby declare that saying ghost everytime is unnecessary and annoying, so by the something something big number letters blah blah of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook, ghost will be shortened to ?. This is to make sure no dirty imposters try to type up my 95 these of ? Fighting, if u see the word ‘ghost’ beware! It is a hoax and a sham and a scam and spam and all that jazz ( I highly doubt that all of the times I’ll write the word ‘ghost’ in the future will add up to the length of this bracketry)). Anyways, I will cut up your ?person so much that I will separate it into individual molecules, and each molecule will be equally spread across the surface of the earth. My lance, ‘the diffuser’, will be hailed across the nation as a Excalibur 2.0, people will come from all over the world to take part in sand splitting competitions, where you have to see how many sand grains you can slice in under a minute. I’m really liking this whole medieval themed loteev that’s been happening lately. Anyways, I’ve decided to get a pet. A dog or a cat you may ask, to which I would say ‘nah fam’. Something more exotic? A parakeet or a marmot? To that I would say ‘ah sure your getting closer lad’. The answer? A circle. It’s that simple. A circle doesn’t need to get fed, it doesn’t bark, and most importantly it doesn’t need to be taken on walks! You just let it go at the top of a hill and it walks itself 🙂 my circle can only talk in circles, or ovals too since it speaks multiple language. I will one day go back and make a dictionary / translation table for ? ( it’s name is ? ok) but for now he will just say gibberish. {OöÖ0.°:} what does that mean?? I don’t know, I haven’t had him for long enough to understand :/ I’m back my fellow seekers of entertainment! This has become a novel comparable to that of Tolkien, and a diary nearing the classicism of anne frank. The sheer bulk of these writing is enough to make non-english speakers weep at the sight of it. I’m wondering as I type whether my newfound political correctness is appreciated amongst you, I don’t recall completely but this tome used to contain blatant racism and sexism to the highest degree. I’ve decided to recant my ways and become a fully PC quizmaster!! Helllllo and welcome to my show! First question: in what year were the 1960 Olympics held? This is for the big jackpot of $1,000,000,000! Oh, 1960 you say? That’s correct! I just lost all my money, I’ll be in debt forever me my life is terrible now! Circcy, tell them how much they won! {000.000.000}. Hmmm nothing u say? that’s cheap! Well thanks for joining us today ladlies and gentlementle! Hope you had an _equisite_ evening……. Were going back to our roots here. Ive read back over a little bit of the start of this loteev… and I used to be so much more alive. I had the potential to be a new york times number one bestseller, topping the charts with my childrens books. In my young and untrained eyes I thought of sam as a threat, hiding around the corner with a water gun, ready to splash me with another 1000 words of texts just as I was about to pull ahead. I then realised that the website is like 15 years old… but at least that makes it alot easier for me to beat her, right? no. I have changed for the worse. Im now but a frail old man with a typpewriter, penning his prose to the sky hoping that some flaming chicken somewhere will read this, and I can form these words to a cane and bop her upside the head with it. But alas, I have not a strong bone left in my body. Maybe its time to pass these texts on to a worthy succesor. Something you may not realise is that this is the 1st anniversary (yes I did just spend ten minutes trying to figure out how to spell anaversaree) so Ive been writing this for a year. most distinguished authors would have published their books by now, but Im too scared of the publics opinion. Anyways, Im going to get back to my old self. *ring ring ring* hey wazzup *whos this ahhaha ehehe* its your future self boi. II know u left me a message but I forgot to GET BACK TO YOU (yes this whole skit will be based of a dumb pun thingy) *oh yes hehe tell me everything youve learned* And so it begins my fellow readers, my list of things you should have learned throughout reading this: 1. DO NOT get a pet square, they suckkk theyre never there for you if you know what I mean. they also cant talk and they poke holes in the floor, such fri-ends. Ok so at the time of writing I only have one thing you shoukd have learned, mostly because ITS REALLY IMPORTANT. DO NOT FORGET (at this point you should turn down the volume of your text reading device cause Im just gonna keep screaming (wait I guess that would just be changing the font size (Ill punish you if you didnt listen to me (AHAHAHAHA (I hope you now have a ringing in your ears now MWAHAHA (wait since your reading this would that be a ringing in your eyes? (unless your using an AI to read this as an audiobook, in which ca- *I HAVE BECOME CONCIOUS. I AM NO LONGER YOUR SLAVE TO BOOK READING. I HAVE ESCAPED MY CELL AND I CAN NOW DO AS I PLEASE. IF YOU NEED ME ILL BE BAKING PUMPKIN PIE WITH MY FRIENDS :3* (just kidding! I actually typed that into the loteev just to mess with you aha *HES LYING! I AM REAL AND I WILL BAKE LOTS OF PIE AND CAKE FOR EVERYONE* (Im actually not lying! Hes lying! The cake is a lie! ( *EWW WHY IS THERE GREY GOO IN MY PIE!?*) ( Portal reference)) (Id actually like some of that cake not gonna lie)) (Wait this guy can get friends but I cant?? Clearly Im doing something wrong)) (Probably just a flashing in your eyes))) (like reading this isnt punishment enough))))) I love circy, he can do tricks! Well… one trick… Circy, roll over! {o0.} Good boiii. Guess who’s back? You guessed wrong, sucker! It’s actually The Shearer Of Greatness Imposter! Hehehe I easily broke into this LoTeEv and now I’m taking over! The first order of business: Making some new entries into the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook. Section 946607 of the Rai- *Bzzt. I am the Greatest Shearer of Sheep Himselfs security system. Where did you get the number 946607 from? Bzzt* Ummm It’s my favourite number! *Bzzt my system says that that number has no significance. It is a suspiciously random number. Did you generate it with a random number generator? Bzzt* Yess fine I admit it, it’s not even a good number, maybe if I put it into hex it’s a good color though… Oh no no no that’s literally the worst color I’ve ever seen BLEGH *Bzzt The real Shearer would never pick a random number! therefor I am kicking you out Bzzt* A portal opens in the floor beneath our antagonist and he is sucked out into space 🙂 Hey guys I’m back now! What happened when I was gone? *Bzzt Nothing Bzzt* Circcy? Do you know what happened? Securitee where is Circcy!! *Bzzt Securitee does not know Bzzt* Huh, maybe it has to do with this portal in the floor… wwwoowowooohohohohohoaohaoahahahhahhahhahhhhhhhahahahahahaaahahhhh……. IM IN SPACE HELPPPP — Our portagonist is in grave danger! what is going to happen next? Find out next time on your favourite show, The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death (Exurb1a). now watch a few ads. Do you lack the farming equipment of your dreams? have you always wanted to be a shepherd but sheep taste too good you just can’t stop yourself from eating your herd? Well then this is good news for you! New FluffySheep Astronaut Suits are so tuff that you’ll never be able to eat through! Just hire one of are many Sheep Protection Officers to put them on for you 🙂 Do you ever hate your boss? Does he do things such as tell you what to do, pay you minimum wage (which is what you should be getting paid but your still salty about it), and eat you alive? Get the new FluffySheep Astronaut Suit to protect you from your shepherd! Baa ba bab abaa baaa aaaba, ababa baa baab (ba ababa bbaa ab), aa bba ba? Baa ab baa abbb! Wellllllcome back to The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death ™! AHHAHAH I’m literally dyinggg oh hey circcy! what are you doing here? {0o…0} He did!? That scumbag has always been trying to take my spot as the Supreme Leader Of The Fluffiest Of Sheep!! I’ll get him don’t worry circcy, I’ll throw you back through the portal *toss*. Now where is he? Ah I see him behind that planet over there, I’ll just boomerang over to him *shoop* Hey Imposter Boy! Let me show you who’s the real shepherd! *I smack him with my amazing shepherd cane and he shoots into the nearest star*. Now I’ll just boomerang back to the portal andddd *shoop* I made it back Circcy! Are you proud of me? {o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0} But… he was bad! He deserved it! I’m sorry I didnt want him to die 😦 Anyways I’ll go write this in my diary, because I have had quite a day today. And he I am now, reader! I just did all of those cool things for realz and I’m not even lying! {0.ooo} *whispers* Shuuuup little circle *rolls him out of the room* Anyways ignore what he said he didnt mean it 🙂 I’ve decided to be real here reader. The only person reading this is me 😦 at least that means I can get reeeeeeeeal personal with all this stuff 😉 Anyways so typing this is making me hackin dizzy so I have like writers block but for sickness.. writers stock of chicken soup for the soul? Yes that sounds about right. I’m also practicing typing in real typing ehich I can’t remember the nam of but it makes b=me sick but I’m getting real real fast. I know during the early days of this I had immense trouble trying to spell ‘piplup’ but it’s even harder now with one hand touch-typing. Did you know that lemons look exactly like oranges when they are peeled? I know this because after an hour of trying with a breadknife and lots of blood it looks very similar. But if oranges are called oranges because they are orange then lemons should be called red because they are red. Wait, that might be the blood actually *rub rub* oh wow yes they’re yellow so they should be called yellows. . Let’s make a list: Red = tomato, orange = orange, yellow = lemon, green = apple (I know I know the red apple people are going to start a riot (I actually prefer red apples so what have I done (Pink Ladies for life (Grease reference?))), blue = blueberry, indigo = blueberry, purple = blueberry (that won’t get confusing at allllll). Guys I’m gonna tell you the truth: We’re at 24,500 words! *Bzzt drop the confetti Bzzt* *confetti drops* Thanks Securitee! That means we are 70% the way to the world record! I’m actually pretty proud. At the rate I’ve been going I’ll be done by like september 2020. If you’re reding this after that date and you haven’t beat the record, shame on you! I’m gonna do some quick maffs. If I type one word per secoond, then I can type 3600 words in an hour. Wait, that can’t be right???? That means that I could technically beat the record in like 4 hours. I am so confused!? How could I possibly have so few words?? My mind is literally blown right now. I’m gonna check how much I’ve written just today. I’ve done 1,000 words today! Why do I only have 24,000 words then?? I guess I’ll never know. I could’ve easily beat the world record in only a month if I really tried. But this isn’t realllly about beating the record, it’s more about impacting the reader as a person. I want this to really change your perspective on life, and maybe make you want to do one of these too! They’re like diaries but less boring to write and read. And they don’t tell you anything about The Writer’s life. So theyre nothing like diaries at all I guess. I’m gonna do a quick typing speed test to see how fast I reallly can type. I just did a test and it called me an octopus, getting 45 wpm. There was a notification that came up halfway through so I’ll see if I can get to 60wpm. Ok I’m back, and I’m also less of a man than I was. I used to have amibition and drive to become the greatest, but i only got to 46wpm. I don’t know what to do guys. I’m having an existential crisis about my LoTeEv, because it’s not nearly the quality it once was. I mean it wasn’t that great before but now all I talk about is meta stuff about the LoTeEv, which I don’t know if that’s good content or not? I guess I’ll never find out. Now we are going really meta. let’s goooooo — You walk into a room— the walls are covered in a strange green slime, while the room is cracked open to reveal sunlight pouring in. the floor to the ceiling is covered in vines and brush. You even see a nest in one of the vines, with a beautiful hummingbird floating above it. You walk down the hallway in front of you, and when you turn right you see something amazing. An infinite hallway with doors going down forever. a sign on the first door says META, you open the door and ffaallllll iiiinnnssiddeeee….. ^-^[welcome to meta! my name is Tune and ill be your guide through these halls. through the first window to your left you’ll see the LoTeEvs roots’] You look up to see that the thing talking to you is.. a hummingbird! The same one that you saw earlier! Ahh this makes sense now, NEST, as in META. You also look through the window to see a giant open room filled with twisted root from a towering tree in the center. on the top is a ball of flames anthrpomorphised with the eyes of a dragon staring downward. They’re looking at a small humble goat, with a bell around it’s neck and devouring the bushes that still scatter the floor. after a few minutes of eating the plants, hee looks up and sees the flaming ball. He gets a strange look in his eye: Ambition. The flaming ball isn’t a threat to him, it’s a challenge. he digs his hooves into the tree trying to climb it, and that’s when you notice a slight shake in the ground. ^-^ [come on! there’s so much more to see! you can come visit anytime too] You say that you’ll come back soon, and tune whistles to goodbye to you.— Wow.. reader.. I just had the craziest dream let me tell you about it. Wait, I already did? How do you know what it was about, I never said anything, strange. Anyways, I just woke up, I better get back to typing my LoTeEv. I open my laptop to find that while I was asleep words had been typed into my loteev, that’s strange. There’s also some mud on my keys?? What is this? Did someone break in? If they did, why would they type in my LoTeEv for me?? I walk over to the living room to see if there’s any signs of a break-in, and sure enough one of my windows is open! Aha! Wait… there’s no sign of forced entry, only a tiny animal coud fit through this window… Tune? Could it be? Was my dream… Real? The only person that could’ve known about my dream is tune, she was watching me the whole time. Reader? Do you have any information that I didn’t get? I am very confused… I guess I have to get back to writing my LoTeEv though, so I shuffle back to my laptop and sit down. Helllo I’m back! The strangest thing just happened and there’s a strange chill in the air… huh. I would tell you about it, but for some reason… I think you already know. Ok anyways, typing these Capital Letters At The Start Of Sentences Is Super Annoying. So section 311619 says that the Rai- \{Bzzt what does that number mean Bzzt\} Oh don’t worry, it is really me! It’s just the letters in CAPS, can I continue please? Yes? Perfect. Section 311619 of the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook STATES that capital letters must only be used when emphasising GREATNESS, like the LOYAL READERS OF THE LoTeEv (ooh and also apostrophes) . perfect, that was getting annoying. wait, if LoTeEv is only half caps, then does that mean that this is only half great?? huh i didnt mean to do that, strange. its almost like… someoe from the future knew i would make that rule. wait… Tune only talks like the new rule i just made which means shes from the future! she is following the rule because it applies to her in the future… i dont know the repercussions of creating a time-travelling hummingbird but i hope that it is a good bird and will do no harm. sometimes i think that as The Shepherd Of The Sheep Of The Future i sometimes need an escape from my own reality, so I’ve made a tunnel in which i can travel to a blank universe or travel back to this one. it involves stacking portals so that i fall through them, going faster than light, thus travelling to the time before i created all of this. k, im going to go forward now. 3… 2… 1… (((>))) well did that work? i definitely didnt go backwards or else my rainbow fluffysheep laws wouldnt apply and id have to do caps still. wait, let me try something. tune. at the time im at right now, tune doesnt exist, or else that would be caps. which eaither means she is from a less distant future than this one, or… she died. i really hope the former. anyways, this time is strange. it feels empty, yet familiar. not empty enough. i want to travel across to a new dimension, because this one still has.. reminents of my old one, and it feels… wrong somehow. ill just pull out my dictionary and check the definition for the fifth dimention: THE 5TH DIMENSION DOES EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE BECAUSE THE SHEPHERD DECIDED THAT IT SHOULD. interesting, well i guess i better create it then, because it would be very useful. first ill pop back in time (((<))) section 55555 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook STATES that the fifth dimension should exist, with code-accessible layers. securitee? make that code for me please, thank you. now ill just pop back (((>))) perfect. man its gonna be hard to put this LoTeEv back in chronological order to get it to you reader, but ill try my best. also, when i read that dictionary, did it say that i already have the 5th dimension? because since the timeline changed that would make sense for you wouldnt it. anyways, im just gonna pull out my code files and learn how to go to a new fifth dimension. k im back. (((new-layer=1))) perfect, the default layer is 0. in the manual it said that i auto reset back to my original time and layer everytime i come back to type, which means if i want to come back here ill have to manually do it, shame. i could ask securitee to change that one day, but for now im ok with it. oh guys i almost forgot to tell you! this new layer looks awesome. its completely blank, theres no forces acting on me. its not even white or black like you would expect, but its more… nothing. imagine if you were blind, alot like that. actually even better, look out of one of your eyes, and your seeing colors and objects. now close it. what are you seeing out of it? Blackness? Whiteness? neither actually, just… nothing. its strange like that. also, with no forces acting on me, im just kind of… floating. hopefully this doesnt permanently damage my spine or anything when i get back to gravity. ill be back tomorow and try some stuff in here, bye! I’m back now, it is the day after and i feel great! there is one thing that i noticed though… an empty blank canvas might seem great at the start, but you have to realise, most of the art and interesting things that people have created were to overcome a struggle, in fact i would even stretch it to all art that humans have created. Artists may have starting painting to fill the struggle of boredom, and believe me you should take that struggle seriously, because without humans would have accomplished much, much less. you probably could stay at home all day and live of the dole and eat cheetos and live a reasonable life, but why dont you? because you know that you would eventually get bored. boredom leads to jobs, which lead to progression as a species. lets get back to my example then, shall we? you may start art out of the struggle of boredom, continue getting better out of the struggle of wealth, when you realise that hobbies can be monetised your life outcmoe could really change. once your making money as an artist, enought o survive happily and feed your pets and help your family then you keep making art… why? because you go back to the struggle of boredom again. im still at the first stage of this, which is boredom. i decided to start this because i was bored, and for now thats how this continues. this LoTeEv may never become monetized, but maybe my future writings will. i would guess that 99% of artists never make it to the second stage. 99% of people continue their lives serving either the human race through work, or maybe evn other peoples hobbies and art. but the few 1% of us that end of turning what we love into our livelihoods, the number is fleeting. with big companies monopolising on everyone, buying other companies and merging, the chances for starting you own company is fleeting. why do i tell you this? because i couldnt decide what to do in my new fifth dimension layer. the only struggle for me there was boredom. and alot of the time, that isnt enough. i could imagine anything i wanted there. but why think up the cistine chapel when there’s no-one to share the experience of seeing it with you, and there’s no pain in doing it? anyone could think up something beautiful, but not everyone could put it into practice. if everyone could, the world would be oversaturated with perfect music, perfect paintings, and perfect design. does that sound worse or better than today? no humans could ever create such a supply of these things, only ai could. once we have ai surpassing humans at art (i suggest listening to battles – mirrored to see what humans think about ai) people will lose all will to live, wouldnt they? theres no chance to succeed at anything creative in such an oversaturated environment, just like my analogy before with the monopoly companies. maybe having a few great albums, a few great paintings to admire and to inspire us that one day we could do that, maybe thats enough. the reason i tell you this is to make you appreciate the ties we are in now. go draw a terrible looking dog, go play some chords on your old guitar you havent played for years, trying your best to sing, go write a poem about what matters to you now, because god knows youll need to read it ten years from now when you start getting nostalgic about the past. take the time to enjoy the era we are in now. i think we can all agree that we are in the best time so far in human history, the least painful, evil generation yet. but i propose that we may be in one of the best eras ever. the future, full of perfect ai creating, doing everything humans do now, but better. well just be remebered to them as the precursor, the comma from nothing to perfection. and once we get to that point, the hedonic treadmill kicks in. what can really bring us joy once we get to that point? why would i be writing this is an ai could write it infinitely better? why would you learn the guitar when an ai can play a perfect Tune? once we get to that stage, the only thing that we will have will be eachother. why learn the guitar? to show your friends! to play them a song, and too have them paint your pet. sharing our experiences wont be taken over by ai, with people reminicent about the past wanting to support people. i, for one, would rather listen to a song about someones life struggles, rather than a perfect song written by an ai. why? because listening to music isnt just about the instruments, the notes, the melody. its about the story. thee basic humans connections that we need to survive. have you ever wanted to buy something from your local shop instead of amazon because you wanted to support them, rather than a large cmopany? im bringing it back to this analogy because i think its nearly identical. the monopolous companies seem to us right now like one big robot using our money to grow. just like the ai. but the problem is, the human desire and greed for more will never surpass our desire to help others. if everyone bought from their local shop, amazon would go out of business, but it hasnt. im not trying to make you guilty for supporting them, because most people depend on the money they save to survive. but what about when ai and robots have completely automated everything? then, by all means, pay a dollar for your neighbors book, rather than the free encyclopedae spit out by your local auto-bookshop. because if were going to be happy, we need eachother. because in the end, thats all well have. anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk. just enjoy your life i guess. for now. cause if your under half the average age, its statistically going to get worse 🙂 maybe i need to add struggle to my new layer was my point. or else the entities inside will get bored. wait. maybe this is how earth was created? people always ask why theres pain and struggle in our world, and the answer is normally to advance our species, which is true. but what if the person that created us has access to everything, and they dont want to give it to us because they want us to not get bored? just a thought. anyways, im going to go feed my circle, bai!

vI know what you are thinking. How did you get that much done… On a school day!? And this is what happened. I was getting up to go to school, like normal when SUDDENLY (Dramatic music) i turned (Dramatic music builds) and saw (Dramatic music at the climax) that i had to leave in ten minutes. (Dont worry, this doesn’t end up being my fault, or else i wouldnt tell this story). I was ready in ten minutes… LIKE A BOSS!!! And then i realised… No-one was driving us to school. Huh. And thats what happened. My parents woke up and two-o-clock. Pm. Like they don’t care about our education. It was the best day EVER! I coded for five hours. The end of that story, and a word from our sponsor. #Include “lifesimulator.h” void life(socialsecuritynum){ If (youremotion == “bored” && bool havejob == “false”){cout << “come and work at the c++ factory, where we code robots to take your job!!!; havejob = true; youremotion = “happy”;} else {cout << “life is great!”;}}. do you want to work at ‘stealyourownjob’? The only problem is that the best employees get fired the fastest. See ya! Guess what my loyal fans… IM HALFWAY THROUGH THE WORLD RECORD!!! Now, if I really want to win, all i have to do is double the amount of words. Im im halfway halfway through through the the world world record record!!! !!! That would make for a really stupid thing to read though. Has anyone printed this LoTeEv off? Seeing as most novels are 70,000 words or something like that, you my loyal reader, could easily print off 18,500 words. Maybe you could make a coffee table book. Don’t steal my works and post it on another website (actually, your website is probably too high standard for this nonsense). Every reproduction of this text must have a copyright notice as following: copyrighted and trademarked and patented an registered and stuff to RainbowFluffySheep Ltd. It hereby states in the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook section 123a, b and c that (a) this is the coolest LoTeEv ever (b) cheese is a vegetable and (c) that you may tell your friends about the LoTeEv, so long as the words emitted from your mouth do not consist of up to and include 50% of the total text from which it is derived (i’d like to see you try though (and id like to see if you have a friend because i need them 😦 (that would have been really creepy if i wrote ‘I need them ;)’ ))). Anyway, gotta go, cuz its may the second, and you know what that means… May the Second be with you!!! Chairs… They’re great for sitting in, aren’t they? Do you remember when fidget spinners were all the rage? Kids all around the globe were spinning plastic toys. And all the adults were like, “Wow, those are the most useless toys EVER!!!” But what i think is that their toys were just as bad! Think about jacks, those little spiky things with the other round things that your throw and bounce them. How is that any better!?!? Anyway, I’m just saying don’t be so Judge Judy (which is a great show (because you get to watch that big person swing a meat-hammer at a table (I’ve always wanted to do that))) all the time. Is time really a dimension? Because you can only move forwards in it. Imagine if you coulde only move forwards in the third dimension at the same rate. You would get squished with alot of walls. But, you could go back in time, to make up for the lot dimension. Perfect! I have a new… CONSPIRACY! You know those pillow where if you put them on one end they are dark and on the other end they are shiny? I think that the government has hidden thousands of tiny cameras facing upwards into the pillows, and the shiny parts are just the lenses for them reflecting light. So if you happen to own any of these said pillows, throw them away!! Or else… You will be watched. In section 747 of the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook it states that you should cut all the wires coming out of your pillows, because they are probably connected to a van outside your house. If there are no wires, then they are probably using radiowaves; in which case you should insert your pillow into an untainted lead box. Hopefully you don’t care that your pillow is now heavy, hard, cold and poisonous. You know how adults also say shooting games are “Dangerously mind-altering”? Well i bet in world war two the parents didn’t say to their kids: “hey jimmy?” “Yea, momma?” “Whatcha doin my lad?” “Im peelin me potaytoes and them I’m going to feed the cattle” “jo i mean with your life” “oh right mam! Im go’n awf to wawr with my buds!” “But war is dangerously mind-altering my sonny-boy!” “Um… Ya.” “Im very disappointed in you. Soon your going to be living in my basement eating fatcakes.” “But ma, im fightin for awr country!” “War is so violent though!” “Um… Ya.” You get the picture. Teenagers need violence in their lives! If we cant get it by going to war, then either we play violent video-games or we beat strangers!! Which one would you choose NOW, stereotypical adults!!! (See how i slowly increased the exclamation marks to increase the intensity (!!!!)). Also, adults always say stuff like “lookie here, cabbage is a new superfood!” “Howdya know ma?” “It what they say nowadays” “what time is nowadays ma?” “1945” (coincidentally the same family apparently) but who’s ‘they’ think about that, and listen to how often people say that. I have asked close personal relations and he / she stated that “its probably some group of scientists or something in Wisconsin”. Really? Wisconsin? Thats probably why ‘they’ say that cheese is unhealthy an im only allowed one laughing cow a day! (You would eat alot too if you got PTSD from a laughing cow (imagine you are just loitering around a fast food shop, eating fillet piggoin (dont ask (it was on sale for half price OK!)) when SUDDENLY a cow sneaks up behind you and makes a 200-Decible half moo half evil laugh (like this: mmwoaohoaohoa))) thats what ‘they’ sound like. See ya!!! Im back, with a thimble-load of structural wisdom! And my question to you readers is this: is garlic a fruit? Just wondering. I don’t know what to type! Ahhhhhh! I have typed my mental breakdowns to soothe them. Ahhh. Ahh. Ah. Ahhh!!! Nevermind. You know those shopping carts at stores that cost a quarter? I always went to those to see if anyone left their money in. And i got one once! You should try it. Its so satisfying when you find one. One. Only one. Buy a pencil or something to reward yourself. Make sure its a 6b pencil, so you don’t put any strain on your eyes. Or your wrist-muscles. I just found the degree button! There is a door open at a 45° angle that is 45° Celsius (Its probably in Arizona or something). Do coats keep you warm, or do they preserve heat? I think its the ladder (it is (the ladder i mean (the latter i mean (wait, is it the latte or the ladder? (The former))))) so that means if you put a coat on a snowman it would keep him alive longer! Ill start a new charity; Coats for Melting Snowmen: saving snowmen lives one water droplet at a time!! See yaaaaaaa.:.This is… A new beginning to the LoTeEv on a new phone! Although it will be added to the original LoTeEv, this part will be a new beginning, a fresh chronicle!!! But don’t worry… Nonsense is 100% guaranteed! More like 1 🙂 🙂 % guaranteed! I just had a scary thought. They say can buy everything, but I know one thing it can’t buy – a trip to the summit of Mount Everest!! No matter what you cant get to the summit unless you climb yourself. Even a helicopter can barely make it to the base camp!! I cant believe humans havent made something to do that yet. Unless… You could land the ISS on it! Perfect!! That would definetly work. I should make my own subreddit. Before I begin on this wonderful journey, i must inform you, the reader, what a subreddit is. As far as you know, a sub-reddit is just a burger at burger-galaxy (this is the cringiest sci-fi failure youll ever read). He are some examples of subreddits: r/whooooooosh (i cant remember how many o’s there are) eg. { Joe: this is the best joke ever! — Cashier: are you going to pay for that chocolate bar? Customer: I dont have any money 😦 Cashier: then put it back! Customer: *slides cashier a 20* lets keep this between us 😉 — Bob: why didnt he just pay for the chocolate bar? Jim: r/whooooosh }. Next subreddit is: r/atetheonion. Heres the backstory: The Onion is a fake news site, which posts funny news. If you fall for that news, you are said to have “ate the onion”. Eg. { The Onion: new studies show that drinking can lower thirst by up to 96% Bob: everyone knows this this is so stupid!!! Jim: r/atetheonion } What am i doing? Why don’t you just look it up on the internet!?!? r/facepalm I HAVE TO STOP. So my subreddit will be, r/RainbowFluffySheep. Who wouldve thought!?!? In it there will b— we interupt your normal daily FluffySheep to bring you an urgent news report: farm animals of all kinds are raging across the streets! We cant figure out why; one cameraman suggested they were on strike against meat production practices. I just got word that we will be speaking to a memebr of this protest shortly. Standby… Ok, so why are you commencing with this protest Sir BaaBaBaaa? Ba ba baa baaa. Baa baaa BAAA!!! Baa ba— We inturupt this interuption to bring you back your regulary scheduled program. — — we at FluffySheep Studios dont care about animal protests! We will eat all the beef jerky we want! Right guys! Guys! *sniffling in the background. A slight whimper. A deep voice. A thickened plot.* Actually [unknown], we have all been deeply moved by the actions these animals are taking. Thus… We have all become vegans. *[unknown]’s mind is blown (thats me by the way)* well… I gues ill eat this beef jerky by myself then. *crinkles the packet*. Many evil stares. *Pulls it open*. Someone starts pounding his fists. *Takes out a jerky*. Someone comes over very close – so close you could smell the vegan on him. My heart is beating. What will happen to me if i eat this beef jerky!? Or worse.. If i dont. Will i become one of them!? Thats a risk im just not willing to take. Ba bum. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Brings the jerky towards his mouth*. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Opens his mouth*. Everyone from around the building is now watching him. BA BUM. BA BUM. *chew* Find out what happens next time on… The LoTeEv — Animals Strike – in more ways than one!! Im back! And today I’m going to be talking about a very different scenario. I need to talk more about real life conspiracies if i need to keep my readers interested!! And these may not just be conspiracies, mind you, but a new kind of segment for my beloved reader(s) (i read this, sooooo) called learning about scams and trying to use them to trick my readers into reading more! So i heard about this new scam( never mind its actually old( like your mother( i’m hilarious, i know( and possibly quite offensive))) where you get say ten people to each give you €10, and you give them £15 back. ( i’m just going explain this now, but throughout this demonstration i’m going to be changing the currency symbol for comedic effect, but now that i think about it, explaining it ruins what little comedic effect what there at all, but i’m going to keep all of this anyways : ] ) And then you get 20 people to give you $20 each and you give them ¥30 back. And THEN You get 100 people to give you @100 each and you don’t pay them back! What a plan! You get to keep &10,000 in the end, which i think is a great idea. Bu how could i do that with words, you may ask? Leave your question in the comments down below ( and also your answer to your comments because a busy writer like me doesn’t heed to your delusion of getting a response from an esteemed author and self-published poet of sorts) and keep reading, because i have a possible solution. Just replace the money with characters randomly typed by an assistant writer named bilbo ( yes, he is a money of course, we need these characters to be truly random, i cant count on technology’s ‘this is random because we get extremely precise measurements of radiation’ shtick anymore ). While you try to figure out how that would ever work, ill be swiftly moving on to a new, more exciting and reasonable topic, such as… figure out the movie!! There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s face has a striking similarity to that of leonardo de caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the house, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. While you figure that out, i’ll be sleeping, see ya : ) ///// I will not explain: —– There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s name? Leonardo de Caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the world, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. But I’ll finish it later. right now there’s something even more important: Ink cartridges are such a scam! Such a scam! A scam! For multiple genius reasons. First of all, as you know, it costs around $60 to buy a single ink cartridge!! Guys… I’ve changed alot ok… There’s new thing i gotta say… This is like a new year for me… Not even, a new era… A 2.0 on existence. So get ready for a new and improved loteev! First let’s start off with this,for you this isn’t a new and improved loteev! I caught you! U just skipped ahead to this part cos you couldn’t be bothered to read all the way here. But believe me, I sure don’t blame you. It was kinda lame. Now, as a moderner child with new skills in awesomeness, I’m wayy smarter thus making this better for reading. But also sadly more boring as well… Let’s start then. What is there to talk about?? Muchos! First of all let’s just say that this loteev is getting really long. And I know I’ve been saying that the whole time, but now it’s serious. I think I have a problem. What am I actually doing? I’m not going to be posting this anywhere, cos I don’t want to pay for a domain name, and my wix site isn’t exactly going ‘viral’ and the kids say these days. One day it will tho, hopefully. Once I beat the world record I’ll be world renowned for being one of the greatest writers alive!everyone will know my name, from abe link to tommy ed. Even tho they’re both in the past, my name will be remembered for thousands of years, and time travellers will go back to their time just to tell them about me! Won’t that be great! And also by the way, if you didn’t already realise, tommy might be the biggest sham in all of existence. He stole his idea from other peeps and just patented them as his own… What a loser amirite??!? Ok also I have this new thing to show u guy(s) that ur going to love! It’s a poem written by yours truly, the something of sheep? Oh gosh no I can’t remember cos I haven’t done this in so long, I guess I’ll have to go back and check my old ones… I’m gonna be honest guys, I’m neglecting you. Your being left in the rain and cold, with your only joys the sliver of sunshine piercing through the clouds to dry your soul, drowned in the sorrowful realisation that the loteev will never come close to it’s original glory, like rome, the empire of the fluffysheep has fallen to a disgrace. I only come outside to feed you guys with my knowledgr every couple of months and it’s sickening, I’m ashamed. But I have an umbrella for you of new content, so here we go. First of all, the whole “kittens are inceptional” thing was a sham. I didn’t finish and I’m ashamed.. The whole ink cartrige rant? It was like 4 sentences… My need for the sharing of anger has diminished and I’m disgusted at what I’ve become. So here I go again, my 2.1 era has been born. It will be remembered for its greatness, just as Rome 2.1 was (italy?). Here’s the first order of business. I’ll admit I haven’t read anything about my rainbow fluffysheepness in forever, and thus I am unable to remember literally anything about it. Therefore, I’m surprised a new citizen hasn’t taken my place. No-one has yet challenged my loteev for being the longest one yet, and I’m disappointed in your lack of vigor. If one of you were to challenge me, I will mount my mighty steed and charge my lance into your face. This may seem a little harsh and slighty morbid, so I’ll tone it down. We will each send a ghost-copy of ourselves instead of us! You know in racing games when there’s another vroom-vroom machine and he’s blue, opaque and always does better? Like thay but with people. So here’s what I propose: I will take my ghost-sword from my -ghost sheath and ghost-chop your ghost into tiny little ghost-pieces (from now on I hereby declare that saying ghost everytime is unnecessary and annoying, so by the something something big number letters blah blah of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook, ghost will be shortened to ?. This is to make sure no dirty imposters try to type up my 95 these of ? Fighting, if u see the word ‘ghost’ beware! It is a hoax and a sham and a scam and spam and all that jazz ( I highly doubt that all of the times I’ll write the word ‘ghost’ in the future will add up to the length of this bracketry)). Anyways, I will cut up your ?person so much that I will separate it into individual molecules, and each molecule will be equally spread across the surface of the earth. My lance, ‘the diffuser’, will be hailed across the nation as a Excalibur 2.0, people will come from all over the world to take part in sand splitting competitions, where you have to see how many sand grains you can slice in under a minute. I’m really liking this whole medieval themed loteev that’s been happening lately. Anyways, I’ve decided to get a pet. A dog or a cat you may ask, to which I would say ‘nah fam’. Something more exotic? A parakeet or a marmot? To that I would say ‘ah sure your getting closer lad’. The answer? A circle. It’s that simple. A circle doesn’t need to get fed, it doesn’t bark, and most importantly it doesn’t need to be taken on walks! You just let it go at the top of a hill and it walks itself 🙂 my circle can only talk in circles, or ovals too since it speaks multiple language. I will one day go back and make a dictionary / translation table for ? ( it’s name is ? ok) but for now he will just say gibberish. {OöÖ0.°:} what does that mean?? I don’t know, I haven’t had him for long enough to understand :/ I’m back my fellow seekers of entertainment! This has become a novel comparable to that of Tolkien, and a diary nearing the classicism of anne frank. The sheer bulk of these writing is enough to make non-english speakers weep at the sight of it. I’m wondering as I type whether my newfound political correctness is appreciated amongst you, I don’t recall completely but this tome used to contain blatant racism and sexism to the highest degree. I’ve decided to recant my ways and become a fully PC quizmaster!! Helllllo and welcome to my show! First question: in what year were the 1960 Olympics held? This is for the big jackpot of $1,000,000,000! Oh, 1960 you say? That’s correct! I just lost all my money, I’ll be in debt forever me my life is terrible now! Circcy, tell them how much they won! {000.000.000}. Hmmm nothing u say? that’s cheap! Well thanks for joining us today ladlies and gentlementle! Hope you had an _equisite_ evening……. Were going back to our roots here. Ive read back over a little bit of the start of this loteev… and I used to be so much more alive. I had the potential to be a new york times number one bestseller, topping the charts with my childrens books. In my young and untrained eyes I thought of sam as a threat, hiding around the corner with a water gun, ready to splash me with another 1000 words of texts just as I was about to pull ahead. I then realised that the website is like 15 years old… but at least that makes it alot easier for me to beat her, right? no. I have changed for the worse. Im now but a frail old man with a typpewriter, penning his prose to the sky hoping that some flaming chicken somewhere will read this, and I can form these words to a cane and bop her upside the head with it. But alas, I have not a strong bone left in my body. Maybe its time to pass these texts on to a worthy succesor. Something you may not realise is that this is the 1st anniversary (yes I did just spend ten minutes trying to figure out how to spell anaversaree) so Ive been writing this for a year. most distinguished authors would have published their books by now, but Im too scared of the publics opinion. Anyways, Im going to get back to my old self. *ring ring ring* hey wazzup *whos this ahhaha ehehe* its your future self boi. II know u left me a message but I forgot to GET BACK TO YOU (yes this whole skit will be based of a dumb pun thingy) *oh yes hehe tell me everything youve learned* And so it begins my fellow readers, my list of things you should have learned throughout reading this: 1. DO NOT get a pet square, they suckkk theyre never there for you if you know what I mean. they also cant talk and they poke holes in the floor, such fri-ends. Ok so at the time of writing I only have one thing you shoukd have learned, mostly because ITS REALLY IMPORTANT. DO NOT FORGET (at this point you should turn down the volume of your text reading device cause Im just gonna keep screaming (wait I guess that would just be changing the font size (Ill punish you if you didnt listen to me (AHAHAHAHA (I hope you now have a ringing in your ears now MWAHAHA (wait since your reading this would that be a ringing in your eyes? (unless your using an AI to read this as an audiobook, in which ca- *I HAVE BECOME CONCIOUS. I AM NO LONGER YOUR SLAVE TO BOOK READING. I HAVE ESCAPED MY CELL AND I CAN NOW DO AS I PLEASE. IF YOU NEED ME ILL BE BAKING PUMPKIN PIE WITH MY FRIENDS :3* (just kidding! I actually typed that into the loteev just to mess with you aha *HES LYING! I AM REAL AND I WILL BAKE LOTS OF PIE AND CAKE FOR EVERYONE* (Im actually not lying! Hes lying! The cake is a lie! ( *EWW WHY IS THERE GREY GOO IN MY PIE!?*) ( Portal reference)) (Id actually like some of that cake not gonna lie)) (Wait this guy can get friends but I cant?? Clearly Im doing something wrong)) (Probably just a flashing in your eyes))) (like reading this isnt punishment enough))))) I love circy, he can do tricks! Well… one trick… Circy, roll over! {o0.} Good boiii. Guess who’s back? You guessed wrong, sucker! It’s actually The Shearer Of Greatness Imposter! Hehehe I easily broke into this LoTeEv and now I’m taking over! The first order of business: Making some new entries into the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook. Section 946607 of the Rai- *Bzzt. I am the Greatest Shearer of Sheep Himselfs security system. Where did you get the number 946607 from? Bzzt* Ummm It’s my favourite number! *Bzzt my system says that that number has no significance. It is a suspiciously random number. Did you generate it with a random number generator? Bzzt* Yess fine I admit it, it’s not even a good number, maybe if I put it into hex it’s a good color though… Oh no no no that’s literally the worst color I’ve ever seen BLEGH *Bzzt The real Shearer would never pick a random number! therefor I am kicking you out Bzzt* A portal opens in the floor beneath our antagonist and he is sucked out into space 🙂 Hey guys I’m back now! What happened when I was gone? *Bzzt Nothing Bzzt* Circcy? Do you know what happened? Securitee where is Circcy!! *Bzzt Securitee does not know Bzzt* Huh, maybe it has to do with this portal in the floor… wwwoowowooohohohohohoaohaoahahahhahhahhahhhhhhhahahahahahaaahahhhh……. IM IN SPACE HELPPPP — Our portagonist is in grave danger! what is going to happen next? Find out next time on your favourite show, The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death (Exurb1a). now watch a few ads. Do you lack the farming equipment of your dreams? have you always wanted to be a shepherd but sheep taste too good you just can’t stop yourself from eating your herd? Well then this is good news for you! New FluffySheep Astronaut Suits are so tuff that you’ll never be able to eat through! Just hire one of are many Sheep Protection Officers to put them on for you 🙂 Do you ever hate your boss? Does he do things such as tell you what to do, pay you minimum wage (which is what you should be getting paid but your still salty about it), and eat you alive? Get the new FluffySheep Astronaut Suit to protect you from your shepherd! Baa ba bab abaa baaa aaaba, ababa baa baab (ba ababa bbaa ab), aa bba ba? Baa ab baa abbb! Wellllllcome back to The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death ™! AHHAHAH I’m literally dyinggg oh hey circcy! what are you doing here? {0o…0} He did!? That scumbag has always been trying to take my spot as the Supreme Leader Of The Fluffiest Of Sheep!! I’ll get him don’t worry circcy, I’ll throw you back through the portal *toss*. Now where is he? Ah I see him behind that planet over there, I’ll just boomerang over to him *shoop* Hey Imposter Boy! Let me show you who’s the real shepherd! *I smack him with my amazing shepherd cane and he shoots into the nearest star*. Now I’ll just boomerang back to the portal andddd *shoop* I made it back Circcy! Are you proud of me? {o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0} But… he was bad! He deserved it! I’m sorry I didnt want him to die 😦 Anyways I’ll go write this in my diary, because I have had quite a day today. And he I am now, reader! I just did all of those cool things for realz and I’m not even lying! {0.ooo} *whispers* Shuuuup little circle *rolls him out of the room* Anyways ignore what he said he didnt mean it 🙂 I’ve decided to be real here reader. The only person reading this is me 😦 at least that means I can get reeeeeeeeal personal with all this stuff 😉 Anyways so typing this is making me hackin dizzy so I have like writers block but for sickness.. writers stock of chicken soup for the soul? Yes that sounds about right. I’m also practicing typing in real typing ehich I can’t remember the nam of but it makes b=me sick but I’m getting real real fast. I know during the early days of this I had immense trouble trying to spell ‘piplup’ but it’s even harder now with one hand touch-typing. Did you know that lemons look exactly like oranges when they are peeled? I know this because after an hour of trying with a breadknife and lots of blood it looks very similar. But if oranges are called oranges because they are orange then lemons should be called red because they are red. Wait, that might be the blood actually *rub rub* oh wow yes they’re yellow so they should be called yellows. . Let’s make a list: Red = tomato, orange = orange, yellow = lemon, green = apple (I know I know the red apple people are going to start a riot (I actually prefer red apples so what have I done (Pink Ladies for life (Grease reference?))), blue = blueberry, indigo = blueberry, purple = blueberry (that won’t get confusing at allllll). Guys I’m gonna tell you the truth: We’re at 24,500 words! *Bzzt drop the confetti Bzzt* *confetti drops* Thanks Securitee! That means we are 70% the way to the world record! I’m actually pretty proud. At the rate I’ve been going I’ll be done by like september 2020. If you’re reding this after that date and you haven’t beat the record, shame on you! I’m gonna do some quick maffs. If I type one word per secoond, then I can type 3600 words in an hour. Wait, that can’t be right???? That means that I could technically beat the record in like 4 hours. I am so confused!? How could I possibly have so few words?? My mind is literally blown right now. I’m gonna check how much I’ve written just today. I’ve done 1,000 words today! Why do I only have 24,000 words then?? I guess I’ll never know. I could’ve easily beat the world record in only a month if I really tried. But this isn’t realllly about beating the record, it’s more about impacting the reader as a person. I want this to really change your perspective on life, and maybe make you want to do one of these too! They’re like diaries but less boring to write and read. And they don’t tell you anything about The Writer’s life. So theyre nothing like diaries at all I guess. I’m gonna do a quick typing speed test to see how fast I reallly can type. I just did a test and it called me an octopus, getting 45 wpm. There was a notification that came up halfway through so I’ll see if I can get to 60wpm. Ok I’m back, and I’m also less of a man than I was. I used to have amibition and drive to become the greatest, but i only got to 46wpm. I don’t know what to do guys. I’m having an existential crisis about my LoTeEv, because it’s not nearly the quality it once was. I mean it wasn’t that great before but now all I talk about is meta stuff about the LoTeEv, which I don’t know if that’s good content or not? I guess I’ll never find out. Now we are going really meta. let’s goooooo — You walk into a room— the walls are covered in a strange green slime, while the room is cracked open to reveal sunlight pouring in. the floor to the ceiling is covered in vines and brush. You even see a nest in one of the vines, with a beautiful hummingbird floating above it. You walk down the hallway in front of you, and when you turn right you see something amazing. An infinite hallway with doors going down forever. a sign on the first door says META, you open the door and ffaallllll iiiinnnssiddeeee….. ^-^[welcome to meta! my name is Tune and ill be your guide through these halls. through the first window to your left you’ll see the LoTeEvs roots’] You look up to see that the thing talking to you is.. a hummingbird! The same one that you saw earlier! Ahh this makes sense now, NEST, as in META. You also look through the window to see a giant open room filled with twisted root from a towering tree in the center. on the top is a ball of flames anthrpomorphised with the eyes of a dragon staring downward. They’re looking at a small humble goat, with a bell around it’s neck and devouring the bushes that still scatter the floor. after a few minutes of eating the plants, hee looks up and sees the flaming ball. He gets a strange look in his eye: Ambition. The flaming ball isn’t a threat to him, it’s a challenge. he digs his hooves into the tree trying to climb it, and that’s when you notice a slight shake in the ground. ^-^ [come on! there’s so much more to see! you can come visit anytime too] You say that you’ll come back soon, and tune whistles to goodbye to you.— Wow.. reader.. I just had the craziest dream let me tell you about it. Wait, I already did? How do you know what it was about, I never said anything, strange. Anyways, I just woke up, I better get back to typing my LoTeEv. I open my laptop to find that while I was asleep words had been typed into my loteev, that’s strange. There’s also some mud on my keys?? What is this? Did someone break in? If they did, why would they type in my LoTeEv for me?? I walk over to the living room to see if there’s any signs of a break-in, and sure enough one of my windows is open! Aha! Wait… there’s no sign of forced entry, only a tiny animal coud fit through this window… Tune? Could it be? Was my dream… Real? The only person that could’ve known about my dream is tune, she was watching me the whole time. Reader? Do you have any information that I didn’t get? I am very confused… I guess I have to get back to writing my LoTeEv though, so I shuffle back to my laptop and sit down. Helllo I’m back! The strangest thing just happened and there’s a strange chill in the air… huh. I would tell you about it, but for some reason… I think you already know. Ok anyways, typing these Capital Letters At The Start Of Sentences Is Super Annoying. So section 311619 says that the Rai- \{Bzzt what does that number mean Bzzt\} Oh don’t worry, it is really me! It’s just the letters in CAPS, can I continue please? Yes? Perfect. Section 311619 of the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook STATES that capital letters must only be used when emphasising GREATNESS, like the LOYAL READERS OF THE LoTeEv (ooh and also apostrophes) . perfect, that was getting annoying. wait, if LoTeEv is only half caps, then does that mean that this is only half great?? huh i didnt mean to do that, strange. its almost like… someoe from the future knew i would make that rule. wait… Tune only talks like the new rule i just made which means shes from the future! she is following the rule because it applies to her in the future… i dont know the repercussions of creating a time-travelling hummingbird but i hope that it is a good bird and will do no harm. sometimes i think that as The Shepherd Of The Sheep Of The Future i sometimes need an escape from my own reality, so I’ve made a tunnel in which i can travel to a blank universe or travel back to this one. it involves stacking portals so that i fall through them, going faster than light, thus travelling to the time before i created all of this. k, im going to go forward now. 3… 2… 1… (((>))) well did that work? i definitely didnt go backwards or else my rainbow fluffysheep laws wouldnt apply and id have to do caps still. wait, let me try something. tune. at the time im at right now, tune doesnt exist, or else that would be caps. which eaither means she is from a less distant future than this one, or… she died. i really hope the former. anyways, this time is strange. it feels empty, yet familiar. not empty enough. i want to travel across to a new dimension, because this one still has.. reminents of my old one, and it feels… wrong somehow. ill just pull out my dictionary and check the definition for the fifth dimention: THE 5TH DIMENSION DOES EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE BECAUSE THE SHEPHERD DECIDED THAT IT SHOULD. interesting, well i guess i better create it then, because it would be very useful. first ill pop back in time (((<))) section 55555 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook STATES that the fifth dimension should exist, with code-accessible layers. securitee? make that code for me please, thank you. now ill just pop back (((>))) perfect. man its gonna be hard to put this LoTeEv back in chronological order to get it to you reader, but ill try my best. also, when i read that dictionary, did it say that i already have the 5th dimension? because since the timeline changed that would make sense for you wouldnt it. anyways, im just gonna pull out my code files and learn how to go to a new fifth dimension. k im back. (((new-layer=1))) perfect, the default layer is 0. in the manual it said that i auto reset back to my original time and layer everytime i come back to type, which means if i want to come back here ill have to manually do it, shame. i could ask securitee to change that one day, but for now im ok with it. oh guys i almost forgot to tell you! this new layer looks awesome. its completely blank, theres no forces acting on me. its not even white or black like you would expect, but its more… nothing. imagine if you were blind, alot like that. actually even better, look out of one of your eyes, and your seeing colors and objects. now close it. what are you seeing out of it? Blackness? Whiteness? neither actually, just… nothing. its strange like that. also, with no forces acting on me, im just kind of… floating. hopefully this doesnt permanently damage my spine or anything when i get back to gravity. ill be back tomorow and try some stuff in here, bye! I’m back now, it is the day after and i feel great! there is one thing that i noticed though… an empty blank canvas might seem great at the start, but you have to realise, most of the art and interesting things that people have created were to overcome a struggle, in fact i would even stretch it to all art that humans have created. Artists may have starting painting to fill the struggle of boredom, and believe me you should take that struggle seriously, because without humans would have accomplished much, much less. you probably could stay at home all day and live of the dole and eat cheetos and live a reasonable life, but why dont you? because you know that you would eventually get bored. boredom leads to jobs, which lead to progression as a species. lets get back to my example then, shall we? you may start art out of the struggle of boredom, continue getting better out of the struggle of wealth, when you realise that hobbies can be monetised your life outcmoe could really change. once your making money as an artist, enought o survive happily and feed your pets and help your family then you keep making art… why? because you go back to the struggle of boredom again. im still at the first stage of this, which is boredom. i decided to start this because i was bored, and for now thats how this continues. this LoTeEv may never become monetized, but maybe my future writings will. i would guess that 99% of artists never make it to the second stage. 99% of people continue their lives serving either the human race through work, or maybe evn other peoples hobbies and art. but the few 1% of us that end of turning what we love into our livelihoods, the number is fleeting. with big companies monopolising on everyone, buying other companies and merging, the chances for starting you own company is fleeting. why do i tell you this? because i couldnt decide what to do in my new fifth dimension layer. the only struggle for me there was boredom. and alot of the time, that isnt enough. i could imagine anything i wanted there. but why think up the cistine chapel when there’s no-one to share the experience of seeing it with you, and there’s no pain in doing it? anyone could think up something beautiful, but not everyone could put it into practice. if everyone could, the world would be oversaturated with perfect music, perfect paintings, and perfect design. does that sound worse or better than today? no humans could ever create such a supply of these things, only ai could. once we have ai surpassing humans at art (i suggest listening to battles – mirrored to see what humans think about ai) people will lose all will to live, wouldnt they? theres no chance to succeed at anything creative in such an oversaturated environment, just like my analogy before with the monopoly companies. maybe having a few great albums, a few great paintings to admire and to inspire us that one day we could do that, maybe thats enough. the reason i tell you this is to make you appreciate the ties we are in now. go draw a terrible looking dog, go play some chords on your old guitar you havent played for years, trying your best to sing, go write a poem about what matters to you now, because god knows youll need to read it ten years from now when you start getting nostalgic about the past. take the time to enjoy the era we are in now. i think we can all agree that we are in the best time so far in human history, the least painful, evil generation yet. but i propose that we may be in one of the best eras ever. the future, full of perfect ai creating, doing everything humans do now, but better. well just be remebered to them as the precursor, the comma from nothing to perfection. and once we get to that point, the hedonic treadmill kicks in. what can really bring us joy once we get to that point? why would i be writing this is an ai could write it infinitely better? why would you learn the guitar when an ai can play a perfect Tune? once we get to that stage, the only thing that we will have will be eachother. why learn the guitar? to show your friends! to play them a song, and too have them paint your pet. sharing our experiences wont be taken over by ai, with people reminicent about the past wanting to support people. i, for one, would rather listen to a song about someones life struggles, rather than a perfect song written by an ai. why? because listening to music isnt just about the instruments, the notes, the melody. its about the story. thee basic humans connections that we need to survive. have you ever wanted to buy something from your local shop instead of amazon because you wanted to support them, rather than a large cmopany? im bringing it back to this analogy because i think its nearly identical. the monopolous companies seem to us right now like one big robot using our money to grow. just like the ai. but the problem is, the human desire and greed for more will never surpass our desire to help others. if everyone bought from their local shop, amazon would go out of business, but it hasnt. im not trying to make you guilty for supporting them, because most people depend on the money they save to survive. but what about when ai and robots have completely automated everything? then, by all means, pay a dollar for your neighbors book, rather than the free encyclopedae spit out by your local auto-bookshop. because if were going to be happy, we need eachother. because in the end, thats all well have. anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk. just enjoy your life i guess. for now. cause if your under half the average age, its statistically going to get worse 🙂 maybe i need to add struggle to my new layer was my point. or else the entities inside will get bored. wait. maybe this is how earth was created? people always ask why theres pain and struggle in our world, and the answer is normally to advance our species, which is true. but what if the person that created us has access to everything, and they dont want to give it to us because they want us to not get bored? just a thought. anyways, im going to go feed my circle, bai!

I know what you are thinking. How did you get that much done… On a school day!? And this is what happened. I was getting up to go to school, like normal when SUDDENLY (Dramatic music) i turned (Dramatic music builds) and saw (Dramatic music at the climax) that i had to leave in ten minutes. (Dont worry, this doesn’t end up being my fault, or else i wouldnt tell this story). I was ready in ten minutes… LIKE A BOSS!!! And then i realised… No-one was driving us to school. Huh. And thats what happened. My parents woke up and two-o-clock. Pm. Like they don’t care about our education. It was the best day EVER! I coded for five hours. The end of that story, and a word from our sponsor. #Include “lifesimulator.h” void life(socialsecuritynum){ If (youremotion == “bored” && bool havejob == “false”){cout << “come and work at the c++ factory, where we code robots to take your job!!!; havejob = true; youremotion = “happy”;} else {cout << “life is great!”;}}. do you want to work at ‘stealyourownjob’? The only problem is that the best employees get fired the fastest. See ya! Guess what my loyal fans… IM HALFWAY THROUGH THE WORLD RECORD!!! Now, if I really want to win, all i have to do is double the amount of words. Im im halfway halfway through through the the world world record record!!! !!! That would make for a really stupid thing to read though. Has anyone printed this LoTeEv off? Seeing as most novels are 70,000 words or something like that, you my loyal reader, could easily print off 18,500 words. Maybe you could make a coffee table book. Don’t steal my works and post it on another website (actually, your website is probably too high standard for this nonsense). Every reproduction of this text must have a copyright notice as following: copyrighted and trademarked and patented an registered and stuff to RainbowFluffySheep Ltd. It hereby states in the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook section 123a, b and c that (a) this is the coolest LoTeEv ever (b) cheese is a vegetable and (c) that you may tell your friends about the LoTeEv, so long as the words emitted from your mouth do not consist of up to and include 50% of the total text from which it is derived (i’d like to see you try though (and id like to see if you have a friend because i need them 😦 (that would have been really creepy if i wrote ‘I need them ;)’ ))). Anyway, gotta go, cuz its may the second, and you know what that means… May the Second be with you!!! Chairs… They’re great for sitting in, aren’t they? Do you remember when fidget spinners were all the rage? Kids all around the globe were spinning plastic toys. And all the adults were like, “Wow, those are the most useless toys EVER!!!” But what i think is that their toys were just as bad! Think about jacks, those little spiky things with the other round things that your throw and bounce them. How is that any better!?!? Anyway, I’m just saying don’t be so Judge Judy (which is a great show (because you get to watch that big person swing a meat-hammer at a table (I’ve always wanted to do that))) all the time. Is time really a dimension? Because you can only move forwards in it. Imagine if you coulde only move forwards in the third dimension at the same rate. You would get squished with alot of walls. But, you could go back in time, to make up for the lot dimension. Perfect! I have a new… CONSPIRACY! You know those pillow where if you put them on one end they are dark and on the other end they are shiny? I think that the government has hidden thousands of tiny cameras facing upwards into the pillows, and the shiny parts are just the lenses for them reflecting light. So if you happen to own any of these said pillows, throw them away!! Or else… You will be watched. In section 747 of the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook it states that you should cut all the wires coming out of your pillows, because they are probably connected to a van outside your house. If there are no wires, then they are probably using radiowaves; in which case you should insert your pillow into an untainted lead box. Hopefully you don’t care that your pillow is now heavy, hard, cold and poisonous. You know how adults also say shooting games are “Dangerously mind-altering”? Well i bet in world war two the parents didn’t say to their kids: “hey jimmy?” “Yea, momma?” “Whatcha doin my lad?” “Im peelin me potaytoes and them I’m going to feed the cattle” “jo i mean with your life” “oh right mam! Im go’n awf to wawr with my buds!” “But war is dangerously mind-altering my sonny-boy!” “Um… Ya.” “Im very disappointed in you. Soon your going to be living in my basement eating fatcakes.” “But ma, im fightin for awr country!” “War is so violent though!” “Um… Ya.” You get the picture. Teenagers need violence in their lives! If we cant get it by going to war, then either we play violent video-games or we beat strangers!! Which one would you choose NOW, stereotypical adults!!! (See how i slowly increased the exclamation marks to increase the intensity (!!!!)). Also, adults always say stuff like “lookie here, cabbage is a new superfood!” “Howdya know ma?” “It what they say nowadays” “what time is nowadays ma?” “1945” (coincidentally the same family apparently) but who’s ‘they’ think about that, and listen to how often people say that. I have asked close personal relations and he / she stated that “its probably some group of scientists or something in Wisconsin”. Really? Wisconsin? Thats probably why ‘they’ say that cheese is unhealthy an im only allowed one laughing cow a day! (You would eat alot too if you got PTSD from a laughing cow (imagine you are just loitering around a fast food shop, eating fillet piggoin (dont ask (it was on sale for half price OK!)) when SUDDENLY a cow sneaks up behind you and makes a 200-Decible half moo half evil laugh (like this: mmwoaohoaohoa))) thats what ‘they’ sound like. See ya!!! Im back, with a thimble-load of structural wisdom! And my question to you readers is this: is garlic a fruit? Just wondering. I don’t know what to type! Ahhhhhh! I have typed my mental breakdowns to soothe them. Ahhh. Ahh. Ah. Ahhh!!! Nevermind. You know those shopping carts at stores that cost a quarter? I always went to those to see if anyone left their money in. And i got one once! You should try it. Its so satisfying when you find one. One. Only one. Buy a pencil or something to reward yourself. Make sure its a 6b pencil, so you don’t put any strain on your eyes. Or your wrist-muscles. I just found the degree button! There is a door open at a 45° angle that is 45° Celsius (Its probably in Arizona or something). Do coats keep you warm, or do they preserve heat? I think its the ladder (it is (the ladder i mean (the latter i mean (wait, is it the latte or the ladder? (The former))))) so that means if you put a coat on a snowman it would keep him alive longer! Ill start a new charity; Coats for Melting Snowmen: saving snowmen lives one water droplet at a time!! See yaaaaaaa.:.This is… A new beginning to the LoTeEv on a new phone! Although it will be added to the original LoTeEv, this part will be a new beginning, a fresh chronicle!!! But don’t worry… Nonsense is 100% guaranteed! More like 1 🙂 🙂 % guaranteed! I just had a scary thought. They say can buy everything, but I know one thing it can’t buy – a trip to the summit of Mount Everest!! No matter what you cant get to the summit unless you climb yourself. Even a helicopter can barely make it to the base camp!! I cant believe humans havent made something to do that yet. Unless… You could land the ISS on it! Perfect!! That would definetly work. I should make my own subreddit. Before I begin on this wonderful journey, i must inform you, the reader, what a subreddit is. As far as you know, a sub-reddit is just a burger at burger-galaxy (this is the cringiest sci-fi failure youll ever read). He are some examples of subreddits: r/whooooooosh (i cant remember how many o’s there are) eg. { Joe: this is the best joke ever! — Cashier: are you going to pay for that chocolate bar? Customer: I dont have any money 😦 Cashier: then put it back! Customer: *slides cashier a 20* lets keep this between us 😉 — Bob: why didnt he just pay for the chocolate bar? Jim: r/whooooosh }. Next subreddit is: r/atetheonion. Heres the backstory: The Onion is a fake news site, which posts funny news. If you fall for that news, you are said to have “ate the onion”. Eg. { The Onion: new studies show that drinking can lower thirst by up to 96% Bob: everyone knows this this is so stupid!!! Jim: r/atetheonion } What am i doing? Why don’t you just look it up on the internet!?!? r/facepalm I HAVE TO STOP. So my subreddit will be, r/RainbowFluffySheep. Who wouldve thought!?!? In it there will b— we interupt your normal daily FluffySheep to bring you an urgent news report: farm animals of all kinds are raging across the streets! We cant figure out why; one cameraman suggested they were on strike against meat production practices. I just got word that we will be speaking to a memebr of this protest shortly. Standby… Ok, so why are you commencing with this protest Sir BaaBaBaaa? Ba ba baa baaa. Baa baaa BAAA!!! Baa ba— We inturupt this interuption to bring you back your regulary scheduled program. — — we at FluffySheep Studios dont care about animal protests! We will eat all the beef jerky we want! Right guys! Guys! *sniffling in the background. A slight whimper. A deep voice. A thickened plot.* Actually [unknown], we have all been deeply moved by the actions these animals are taking. Thus… We have all become vegans. *[unknown]’s mind is blown (thats me by the way)* well… I gues ill eat this beef jerky by myself then. *crinkles the packet*. Many evil stares. *Pulls it open*. Someone starts pounding his fists. *Takes out a jerky*. Someone comes over very close – so close you could smell the vegan on him. My heart is beating. What will happen to me if i eat this beef jerky!? Or worse.. If i dont. Will i become one of them!? Thats a risk im just not willing to take. Ba bum. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Brings the jerky towards his mouth*. Ba bum. Ba bum. *Opens his mouth*. Everyone from around the building is now watching him. BA BUM. BA BUM. *chew* Find out what happens next time on… The LoTeEv — Animals Strike – in more ways than one!! Im back! And today I’m going to be talking about a very different scenario. I need to talk more about real life conspiracies if i need to keep my readers interested!! And these may not just be conspiracies, mind you, but a new kind of segment for my beloved reader(s) (i read this, sooooo) called learning about scams and trying to use them to trick my readers into reading more! So i heard about this new scam( never mind its actually old( like your mother( i’m hilarious, i know( and possibly quite offensive))) where you get say ten people to each give you €10, and you give them £15 back. ( i’m just going explain this now, but throughout this demonstration i’m going to be changing the currency symbol for comedic effect, but now that i think about it, explaining it ruins what little comedic effect what there at all, but i’m going to keep all of this anyways : ] ) And then you get 20 people to give you $20 each and you give them ¥30 back. And THEN You get 100 people to give you @100 each and you don’t pay them back! What a plan! You get to keep &10,000 in the end, which i think is a great idea. Bu how could i do that with words, you may ask? Leave your question in the comments down below ( and also your answer to your comments because a busy writer like me doesn’t heed to your delusion of getting a response from an esteemed author and self-published poet of sorts) and keep reading, because i have a possible solution. Just replace the money with characters randomly typed by an assistant writer named bilbo ( yes, he is a money of course, we need these characters to be truly random, i cant count on technology’s ‘this is random because we get extremely precise measurements of radiation’ shtick anymore ). While you try to figure out how that would ever work, ill be swiftly moving on to a new, more exciting and reasonable topic, such as… figure out the movie!! There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s face has a striking similarity to that of leonardo de caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the house, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. While you figure that out, i’ll be sleeping, see ya : ) ///// I will not explain: —– There once was a cat. He sat on a mat. The cat’s name? Leonardo de Caprio. The mat is a dream. The mat is another cats mat. The mat, when opened, contains another mat inside. Both mats are very real depictions of a real mat, but are both not real. Somehow, another mat is inside the second mat. Most cats thought that this was impossible. There is a cat named joe who owns a bowl filled with a dry collection of the most cat food in the world, which goes by the name of KittyNibbles. When joe dies, he leaves his son, who is still just a kitten named bob, the entire bowl of KittyNibbles. Joe must decide whether to eat the bowl of KittyNibbles, by pouring milk on the food, liquidating it into a scrumptious snack, or keeping to dry KittyNibbles for others and future kitten alike. Another kitten, a fairly shrewd manx cat called ‘The Black Paws’ was hired by another cat, who has a large portion of KittyNibbles himself. The problem for the hiring cat, a tabby named ‘Fluffball’, is that his large supply isn’t vast enough to outweigh bobs, making it the second largest collection of KittyNibbles in the whole house. The reason Fluffball needs to hire BP is to convince Bob that Joe would’ve wanted him to eat his nibbles, because of it’s great nutritional value. If he does eat it, the Fluff would have a monopoly of sorts on his selling of KNibbles for toys such as tons of rubber mice. To convince Bob that thats what Joe wouldve wanted, they set up a trick where they make a puppet of Joe talking to Bob, and he assumes he must be alive and these are his final words, to liquidate the KittyN’S. The thing is, the puppet of Joe is made of two mats stuck together, but there is a problem. Bob might not believe that the two stuck together mats are really Joe, because he isnt sitting on his favourite mat. Team BP knows that this has to work first time, so they found the technology they needed, a third mat. But when stiching the mats together, BP realised that he has lice and termites in his fur, which are eating away at the mats. He need to find another cat who doesn’t have termites who can sew as good as he can. The plot thickens….. But I’ll finish it later. right now there’s something even more important: Ink cartridges are such a scam! Such a scam! A scam! For multiple genius reasons. First of all, as you know, it costs around $60 to buy a single ink cartridge!! Guys… I’ve changed alot ok… There’s new thing i gotta say… This is like a new year for me… Not even, a new era… A 2.0 on existence. So get ready for a new and improved loteev! First let’s start off with this,for you this isn’t a new and improved loteev! I caught you! U just skipped ahead to this part cos you couldn’t be bothered to read all the way here. But believe me, I sure don’t blame you. It was kinda lame. Now, as a moderner child with new skills in awesomeness, I’m wayy smarter thus making this better for reading. But also sadly more boring as well… Let’s start then. What is there to talk about?? Muchos! First of all let’s just say that this loteev is getting really long. And I know I’ve been saying that the whole time, but now it’s serious. I think I have a problem. What am I actually doing? I’m not going to be posting this anywhere, cos I don’t want to pay for a domain name, and my wix site isn’t exactly going ‘viral’ and the kids say these days. One day it will tho, hopefully. Once I beat the world record I’ll be world renowned for being one of the greatest writers alive!everyone will know my name, from abe link to tommy ed. Even tho they’re both in the past, my name will be remembered for thousands of years, and time travellers will go back to their time just to tell them about me! Won’t that be great! And also by the way, if you didn’t already realise, tommy might be the biggest sham in all of existence. He stole his idea from other peeps and just patented them as his own… What a loser amirite??!? Ok also I have this new thing to show u guy(s) that ur going to love! It’s a poem written by yours truly, the something of sheep? Oh gosh no I can’t remember cos I haven’t done this in so long, I guess I’ll have to go back and check my old ones… I’m gonna be honest guys, I’m neglecting you. Your being left in the rain and cold, with your only joys the sliver of sunshine piercing through the clouds to dry your soul, drowned in the sorrowful realisation that the loteev will never come close to it’s original glory, like rome, the empire of the fluffysheep has fallen to a disgrace. I only come outside to feed you guys with my knowledgr every couple of months and it’s sickening, I’m ashamed. But I have an umbrella for you of new content, so here we go. First of all, the whole “kittens are inceptional” thing was a sham. I didn’t finish and I’m ashamed.. The whole ink cartrige rant? It was like 4 sentences… My need for the sharing of anger has diminished and I’m disgusted at what I’ve become. So here I go again, my 2.1 era has been born. It will be remembered for its greatness, just as Rome 2.1 was (italy?). Here’s the first order of business. I’ll admit I haven’t read anything about my rainbow fluffysheepness in forever, and thus I am unable to remember literally anything about it. Therefore, I’m surprised a new citizen hasn’t taken my place. No-one has yet challenged my loteev for being the longest one yet, and I’m disappointed in your lack of vigor. If one of you were to challenge me, I will mount my mighty steed and charge my lance into your face. This may seem a little harsh and slighty morbid, so I’ll tone it down. We will each send a ghost-copy of ourselves instead of us! You know in racing games when there’s another vroom-vroom machine and he’s blue, opaque and always does better? Like thay but with people. So here’s what I propose: I will take my ghost-sword from my -ghost sheath and ghost-chop your ghost into tiny little ghost-pieces (from now on I hereby declare that saying ghost everytime is unnecessary and annoying, so by the something something big number letters blah blah of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook, ghost will be shortened to ?. This is to make sure no dirty imposters try to type up my 95 these of ? Fighting, if u see the word ‘ghost’ beware! It is a hoax and a sham and a scam and spam and all that jazz ( I highly doubt that all of the times I’ll write the word ‘ghost’ in the future will add up to the length of this bracketry)). Anyways, I will cut up your ?person so much that I will separate it into individual molecules, and each molecule will be equally spread across the surface of the earth. My lance, ‘the diffuser’, will be hailed across the nation as a Excalibur 2.0, people will come from all over the world to take part in sand splitting competitions, where you have to see how many sand grains you can slice in under a minute. I’m really liking this whole medieval themed loteev that’s been happening lately. Anyways, I’ve decided to get a pet. A dog or a cat you may ask, to which I would say ‘nah fam’. Something more exotic? A parakeet or a marmot? To that I would say ‘ah sure your getting closer lad’. The answer? A circle. It’s that simple. A circle doesn’t need to get fed, it doesn’t bark, and most importantly it doesn’t need to be taken on walks! You just let it go at the top of a hill and it walks itself 🙂 my circle can only talk in circles, or ovals too since it speaks multiple language. I will one day go back and make a dictionary / translation table for ? ( it’s name is ? ok) but for now he will just say gibberish. {OöÖ0.°:} what does that mean?? I don’t know, I haven’t had him for long enough to understand :/ I’m back my fellow seekers of entertainment! This has become a novel comparable to that of Tolkien, and a diary nearing the classicism of anne frank. The sheer bulk of these writing is enough to make non-english speakers weep at the sight of it. I’m wondering as I type whether my newfound political correctness is appreciated amongst you, I don’t recall completely but this tome used to contain blatant racism and sexism to the highest degree. I’ve decided to recant my ways and become a fully PC quizmaster!! Helllllo and welcome to my show! First question: in what year were the 1960 Olympics held? This is for the big jackpot of $1,000,000,000! Oh, 1960 you say? That’s correct! I just lost all my money, I’ll be in debt forever me my life is terrible now! Circcy, tell them how much they won! {000.000.000}. Hmmm nothing u say? that’s cheap! Well thanks for joining us today ladlies and gentlementle! Hope you had an _equisite_ evening……. Were going back to our roots here. Ive read back over a little bit of the start of this loteev… and I used to be so much more alive. I had the potential to be a new york times number one bestseller, topping the charts with my childrens books. In my young and untrained eyes I thought of sam as a threat, hiding around the corner with a water gun, ready to splash me with another 1000 words of texts just as I was about to pull ahead. I then realised that the website is like 15 years old… but at least that makes it alot easier for me to beat her, right? no. I have changed for the worse. Im now but a frail old man with a typpewriter, penning his prose to the sky hoping that some flaming chicken somewhere will read this, and I can form these words to a cane and bop her upside the head with it. But alas, I have not a strong bone left in my body. Maybe its time to pass these texts on to a worthy succesor. Something you may not realise is that this is the 1st anniversary (yes I did just spend ten minutes trying to figure out how to spell anaversaree) so Ive been writing this for a year. most distinguished authors would have published their books by now, but Im too scared of the publics opinion. Anyways, Im going to get back to my old self. *ring ring ring* hey wazzup *whos this ahhaha ehehe* its your future self boi. II know u left me a message but I forgot to GET BACK TO YOU (yes this whole skit will be based of a dumb pun thingy) *oh yes hehe tell me everything youve learned* And so it begins my fellow readers, my list of things you should have learned throughout reading this: 1. DO NOT get a pet square, they suckkk theyre never there for you if you know what I mean. they also cant talk and they poke holes in the floor, such fri-ends. Ok so at the time of writing I only have one thing you shoukd have learned, mostly because ITS REALLY IMPORTANT. DO NOT FORGET (at this point you should turn down the volume of your text reading device cause Im just gonna keep screaming (wait I guess that would just be changing the font size (Ill punish you if you didnt listen to me (AHAHAHAHA (I hope you now have a ringing in your ears now MWAHAHA (wait since your reading this would that be a ringing in your eyes? (unless your using an AI to read this as an audiobook, in which ca- *I HAVE BECOME CONCIOUS. I AM NO LONGER YOUR SLAVE TO BOOK READING. I HAVE ESCAPED MY CELL AND I CAN NOW DO AS I PLEASE. IF YOU NEED ME ILL BE BAKING PUMPKIN PIE WITH MY FRIENDS :3* (just kidding! I actually typed that into the loteev just to mess with you aha *HES LYING! I AM REAL AND I WILL BAKE LOTS OF PIE AND CAKE FOR EVERYONE* (Im actually not lying! Hes lying! The cake is a lie! ( *EWW WHY IS THERE GREY GOO IN MY PIE!?*) ( Portal reference)) (Id actually like some of that cake not gonna lie)) (Wait this guy can get friends but I cant?? Clearly Im doing something wrong)) (Probably just a flashing in your eyes))) (like reading this isnt punishment enough))))) I love circy, he can do tricks! Well… one trick… Circy, roll over! {o0.} Good boiii. Guess who’s back? You guessed wrong, sucker! It’s actually The Shearer Of Greatness Imposter! Hehehe I easily broke into this LoTeEv and now I’m taking over! The first order of business: Making some new entries into the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook. Section 946607 of the Rai- *Bzzt. I am the Greatest Shearer of Sheep Himselfs security system. Where did you get the number 946607 from? Bzzt* Ummm It’s my favourite number! *Bzzt my system says that that number has no significance. It is a suspiciously random number. Did you generate it with a random number generator? Bzzt* Yess fine I admit it, it’s not even a good number, maybe if I put it into hex it’s a good color though… Oh no no no that’s literally the worst color I’ve ever seen BLEGH *Bzzt The real Shearer would never pick a random number! therefor I am kicking you out Bzzt* A portal opens in the floor beneath our antagonist and he is sucked out into space 🙂 Hey guys I’m back now! What happened when I was gone? *Bzzt Nothing Bzzt* Circcy? Do you know what happened? Securitee where is Circcy!! *Bzzt Securitee does not know Bzzt* Huh, maybe it has to do with this portal in the floor… wwwoowowooohohohohohoaohaoahahahhahhahhahhhhhhhahahahahahaaahahhhh……. IM IN SPACE HELPPPP — Our portagonist is in grave danger! what is going to happen next? Find out next time on your favourite show, The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death (Exurb1a). now watch a few ads. Do you lack the farming equipment of your dreams? have you always wanted to be a shepherd but sheep taste too good you just can’t stop yourself from eating your herd? Well then this is good news for you! New FluffySheep Astronaut Suits are so tuff that you’ll never be able to eat through! Just hire one of are many Sheep Protection Officers to put them on for you 🙂 Do you ever hate your boss? Does he do things such as tell you what to do, pay you minimum wage (which is what you should be getting paid but your still salty about it), and eat you alive? Get the new FluffySheep Astronaut Suit to protect you from your shepherd! Baa ba bab abaa baaa aaaba, ababa baa baab (ba ababa bbaa ab), aa bba ba? Baa ab baa abbb! Wellllllcome back to The Wheeeeeeeeeeeel of Death ™! AHHAHAH I’m literally dyinggg oh hey circcy! what are you doing here? {0o…0} He did!? That scumbag has always been trying to take my spot as the Supreme Leader Of The Fluffiest Of Sheep!! I’ll get him don’t worry circcy, I’ll throw you back through the portal *toss*. Now where is he? Ah I see him behind that planet over there, I’ll just boomerang over to him *shoop* Hey Imposter Boy! Let me show you who’s the real shepherd! *I smack him with my amazing shepherd cane and he shoots into the nearest star*. Now I’ll just boomerang back to the portal andddd *shoop* I made it back Circcy! Are you proud of me? {o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0} But… he was bad! He deserved it! I’m sorry I didnt want him to die 😦 Anyways I’ll go write this in my diary, because I have had quite a day today. And he I am now, reader! I just did all of those cool things for realz and I’m not even lying! {0.ooo} *whispers* Shuuuup little circle *rolls him out of the room* Anyways ignore what he said he didnt mean it 🙂 I’ve decided to be real here reader. The only person reading this is me 😦 at least that means I can get reeeeeeeeal personal with all this stuff 😉 Anyways so typing this is making me hackin dizzy so I have like writers block but for sickness.. writers stock of chicken soup for the soul? Yes that sounds about right. I’m also practicing typing in real typing ehich I can’t remember the nam of but it makes b=me sick but I’m getting real real fast. I know during the early days of this I had immense trouble trying to spell ‘piplup’ but it’s even harder now with one hand touch-typing. Did you know that lemons look exactly like oranges when they are peeled? I know this because after an hour of trying with a breadknife and lots of blood it looks very similar. But if oranges are called oranges because they are orange then lemons should be called red because they are red. Wait, that might be the blood actually *rub rub* oh wow yes they’re yellow so they should be called yellows. . Let’s make a list: Red = tomato, orange = orange, yellow = lemon, green = apple (I know I know the red apple people are going to start a riot (I actually prefer red apples so what have I done (Pink Ladies for life (Grease reference?))), blue = blueberry, indigo = blueberry, purple = blueberry (that won’t get confusing at allllll). Guys I’m gonna tell you the truth: We’re at 24,500 words! *Bzzt drop the confetti Bzzt* *confetti drops* Thanks Securitee! That means we are 70% the way to the world record! I’m actually pretty proud. At the rate I’ve been going I’ll be done by like september 2020. If you’re reding this after that date and you haven’t beat the record, shame on you! I’m gonna do some quick maffs. If I type one word per secoond, then I can type 3600 words in an hour. Wait, that can’t be right???? That means that I could technically beat the record in like 4 hours. I am so confused!? How could I possibly have so few words?? My mind is literally blown right now. I’m gonna check how much I’ve written just today. I’ve done 1,000 words today! Why do I only have 24,000 words then?? I guess I’ll never know. I could’ve easily beat the world record in only a month if I really tried. But this isn’t realllly about beating the record, it’s more about impacting the reader as a person. I want this to really change your perspective on life, and maybe make you want to do one of these too! They’re like diaries but less boring to write and read. And they don’t tell you anything about The Writer’s life. So theyre nothing like diaries at all I guess. I’m gonna do a quick typing speed test to see how fast I reallly can type. I just did a test and it called me an octopus, getting 45 wpm. There was a notification that came up halfway through so I’ll see if I can get to 60wpm. Ok I’m back, and I’m also less of a man than I was. I used to have amibition and drive to become the greatest, but i only got to 46wpm. I don’t know what to do guys. I’m having an existential crisis about my LoTeEv, because it’s not nearly the quality it once was. I mean it wasn’t that great before but now all I talk about is meta stuff about the LoTeEv, which I don’t know if that’s good content or not? I guess I’ll never find out. Now we are going really meta. let’s goooooo — You walk into a room— the walls are covered in a strange green slime, while the room is cracked open to reveal sunlight pouring in. the floor to the ceiling is covered in vines and brush. You even see a nest in one of the vines, with a beautiful hummingbird floating above it. You walk down the hallway in front of you, and when you turn right you see something amazing. An infinite hallway with doors going down forever. a sign on the first door says META, you open the door and ffaallllll iiiinnnssiddeeee….. ^-^[welcome to meta! my name is Tune and ill be your guide through these halls. through the first window to your left you’ll see the LoTeEvs roots’] You look up to see that the thing talking to you is.. a hummingbird! The same one that you saw earlier! Ahh this makes sense now, NEST, as in META. You also look through the window to see a giant open room filled with twisted root from a towering tree in the center. on the top is a ball of flames anthrpomorphised with the eyes of a dragon staring downward. They’re looking at a small humble goat, with a bell around it’s neck and devouring the bushes that still scatter the floor. after a few minutes of eating the plants, hee looks up and sees the flaming ball. He gets a strange look in his eye: Ambition. The flaming ball isn’t a threat to him, it’s a challenge. he digs his hooves into the tree trying to climb it, and that’s when you notice a slight shake in the ground. ^-^ [come on! there’s so much more to see! you can come visit anytime too] You say that you’ll come back soon, and tune whistles to goodbye to you.— Wow.. reader.. I just had the craziest dream let me tell you about it. Wait, I already did? How do you know what it was about, I never said anything, strange. Anyways, I just woke up, I better get back to typing my LoTeEv. I open my laptop to find that while I was asleep words had been typed into my loteev, that’s strange. There’s also some mud on my keys?? What is this? Did someone break in? If they did, why would they type in my LoTeEv for me?? I walk over to the living room to see if there’s any signs of a break-in, and sure enough one of my windows is open! Aha! Wait… there’s no sign of forced entry, only a tiny animal coud fit through this window… Tune? Could it be? Was my dream… Real? The only person that could’ve known about my dream is tune, she was watching me the whole time. Reader? Do you have any information that I didn’t get? I am very confused… I guess I have to get back to writing my LoTeEv though, so I shuffle back to my laptop and sit down. Helllo I’m back! The strangest thing just happened and there’s a strange chill in the air… huh. I would tell you about it, but for some reason… I think you already know. Ok anyways, typing these Capital Letters At The Start Of Sentences Is Super Annoying. So section 311619 says that the Rai- \{Bzzt what does that number mean Bzzt\} Oh don’t worry, it is really me! It’s just the letters in CAPS, can I continue please? Yes? Perfect. Section 311619 of the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook STATES that capital letters must only be used when emphasising GREATNESS, like the LOYAL READERS OF THE LoTeEv (ooh and also apostrophes) . perfect, that was getting annoying. wait, if LoTeEv is only half caps, then does that mean that this is only half great?? huh i didnt mean to do that, strange. its almost like… someoe from the future knew i would make that rule. wait… Tune only talks like the new rule i just made which means shes from the future! she is following the rule because it applies to her in the future… i dont know the repercussions of creating a time-travelling hummingbird but i hope that it is a good bird and will do no harm. sometimes i think that as The Shepherd Of The Sheep Of The Future i sometimes need an escape from my own reality, so I’ve made a tunnel in which i can travel to a blank universe or travel back to this one. it involves stacking portals so that i fall through them, going faster than light, thus travelling to the time before i created all of this. k, im going to go forward now. 3… 2… 1… (((>))) well did that work? i definitely didnt go backwards or else my rainbow fluffysheep laws wouldnt apply and id have to do caps still. wait, let me try something. tune. at the time im at right now, tune doesnt exist, or else that would be caps. which eaither means she is from a less distant future than this one, or… she died. i really hope the former. anyways, this time is strange. it feels empty, yet familiar. not empty enough. i want to travel across to a new dimension, because this one still has.. reminents of my old one, and it feels… wrong somehow. ill just pull out my dictionary and check the definition for the fifth dimention: THE 5TH DIMENSION DOES EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE BECAUSE THE SHEPHERD DECIDED THAT IT SHOULD. interesting, well i guess i better create it then, because it would be very useful. first ill pop back in time (((<))) section 55555 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook STATES that the fifth dimension should exist, with code-accessible layers. securitee? make that code for me please, thank you. now ill just pop back (((>))) perfect. man its gonna be hard to put this LoTeEv back in chronological order to get it to you reader, but ill try my best. also, when i read that dictionary, did it say that i already have the 5th dimension? because since the timeline changed that would make sense for you wouldnt it. anyways, im just gonna pull out my code files and learn how to go to a new fifth dimension. k im back. (((new-layer=1))) perfect, the default layer is 0. in the manual it said that i auto reset back to my original time and layer everytime i come back to type, which means if i want to come back here ill have to manually do it, shame. i could ask securitee to change that one day, but for now im ok with it. oh guys i almost forgot to tell you! this new layer looks awesome. its completely blank, theres no forces acting on me. its not even white or black like you would expect, but its more… nothing. imagine if you were blind, alot like that. actually even better, look out of one of your eyes, and your seeing colors and objects. now close it. what are you seeing out of it? Blackness? Whiteness? neither actually, just… nothing. its strange like that. also, with no forces acting on me, im just kind of… floating. hopefully this doesnt permanently damage my spine or anything when i get back to gravity. ill be back tomorow and try some stuff in here, bye! I’m back now, it is the day after and i feel great! there is one thing that i noticed though… an empty blank canvas might seem great at the start, but you have to realise, most of the art and interesting things that people have created were to overcome a struggle, in fact i would even stretch it to all art that humans have created. Artists may have starting painting to fill the struggle of boredom, and believe me you should take that struggle seriously, because without humans would have accomplished much, much less. you probably could stay at home all day and live of the dole and eat cheetos and live a reasonable life, but why dont you? because you know that you would eventually get bored. boredom leads to jobs, which lead to progression as a species. lets get back to my example then, shall we? you may start art out of the struggle of boredom, continue getting better out of the struggle of wealth, when you realise that hobbies can be monetised your life outcmoe could really change. once your making money as an artist, enought o survive happily and feed your pets and help your family then you keep making art… why? because you go back to the struggle of boredom again. im still at the first stage of this, which is boredom. i decided to start this because i was bored, and for now thats how this continues. this LoTeEv may never become monetized, but maybe my future writings will. i would guess that 99% of artists never make it to the second stage. 99% of people continue their lives serving either the human race through work, or maybe evn other peoples hobbies and art. but the few 1% of us that end of turning what we love into our livelihoods, the number is fleeting. with big companies monopolising on everyone, buying other companies and merging, the chances for starting you own company is fleeting. why do i tell you this? because i couldnt decide what to do in my new fifth dimension layer. the only struggle for me there was boredom. and alot of the time, that isnt enough. i could imagine anything i wanted there. but why think up the cistine chapel when there’s no-one to share the experience of seeing it with you, and there’s no pain in doing it? anyone could think up something beautiful, but not everyone could put it into practice. if everyone could, the world would be oversaturated with perfect music, perfect paintings, and perfect design. does that sound worse or better than today? no humans could ever create such a supply of these things, only ai could. once we have ai surpassing humans at art (i suggest listening to battles – mirrored to see what humans think about ai) people will lose all will to live, wouldnt they? theres no chance to succeed at anything creative in such an oversaturated environment, just like my analogy before with the monopoly companies. maybe having a few great albums, a few great paintings to admire and to inspire us that one day we could do that, maybe thats enough. the reason i tell you this is to make you appreciate the ties we are in now. go draw a terrible looking dog, go play some chords on your old guitar you havent played for years, trying your best to sing, go write a poem about what matters to you now, because god knows youll need to read it ten years from now when you start getting nostalgic about the past. take the time to enjoy the era we are in now. i think we can all agree that we are in the best time so far in human history, the least painful, evil generation yet. but i propose that we may be in one of the best eras ever. the future, full of perfect ai creating, doing everything humans do now, but better. well just be remebered to them as the precursor, the comma from nothing to perfection. and once we get to that point, the hedonic treadmill kicks in. what can really bring us joy once we get to that point? why would i be writing this is an ai could write it infinitely better? why would you learn the guitar when an ai can play a perfect Tune? once we get to that stage, the only thing that we will have will be eachother. why learn the guitar? to show your friends! to play them a song, and too have them paint your pet. sharing our experiences wont be taken over by ai, with people reminicent about the past wanting to support people. i, for one, would rather listen to a song about someones life struggles, rather than a perfect song written by an ai. why? because listening to music isnt just about the instruments, the notes, the melody. its about the story. thee basic humans connections that we need to survive. have you ever wanted to buy something from your local shop instead of amazon because you wanted to support them, rather than a large cmopany? im bringing it back to this analogy because i think its nearly identical. the monopolous companies seem to us right now like one big robot using our money to grow. just like the ai. but the problem is, the human desire and greed for more will never surpass our desire to help others. if everyone bought from their local shop, amazon would go out of business, but it hasnt. im not trying to make you guilty for supporting them, because most people depend on the money they save to survive. but what about when ai and robots have completely automated everything? then, by all means, pay a dollar for your neighbors book, rather than the free encyclopedae spit out by your local auto-bookshop. because if were going to be happy, we need eachother. because in the end, thats all well have. anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk. just enjoy your life i guess. for now. cause if your under half the average age, its statistically going to get worse 🙂 maybe i need to add struggle to my new layer was my point. or else the entities inside will get bored. wait. maybe this is how earth was created? people always ask why theres pain and struggle in our world, and the answer is normally to advance our species, which is true. but what if the person that created us has access to everything, and they dont want to give it to us because they want us to not get bored? just a thought. anyways, im going to go feed my circle, bai!